Author: Haru Takami PM
Everyone's favrourite firebender is back to answer your mail! but you gotta send it in for us to update!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Zuko & Haru - Chapters: 7 - Words: 12,095 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 06-24-08 - Published: 09-18-07 - id: 3791535
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Please give me some credit, this is the first time i've done something like this, and the first time i've updated here on FFN. I've never done anything avatar related outside and RP, and the only other story was an ill written pokemon story about me and my friends trip around hoenn. and as we all know, nobody gives a flying hog-monkey about hoenn anymore.
Welcome to Ask Zuko!
cheezy talk-show gingle is heard
(zuko and your's truely are sitting in 2 large bean-bags, in a dojo-ish setting with candles on randomly placed and randomly heightened candle holders, a large fire nation symbol on the ground)
Zuko: Yes, yes I, Prince Zuko, of the mighty Fire Nation, am answering your questions on national television
Haru: well, actually this is on the net, but still, you get the idea.
Zuko: who the heck are you? that earth kingdom pesant?
haru: NO! (fire erupts from the candles littered around the room) I'M from the fire nation thank you very much, and I take great pride in that. then again, I wouldn't exactly call him 'pesant' even if that is his economic status. YOU were a pesant while you were on the run from your sister, were you not?
zuko: ...I dont want to talk about it...
Haru: ok then, on with the letters!
(muttering is heard off stage)
Haru: what do you mean there arent any letters?
Haru: oh...right...first episode...
zuko: whats that got to do with it?
Haru: well, since its the first episode, we dont have any viewers yet, which means nobody has sent in any letters asking you things, meaning if we dont get someone to send us a letter soon were going to lose this gig and get booted off the air.
Zuko: I see...well, I did get this letter just before we started. (he pulls a letter out of his earth kingdom tunic) here, let me read it. (he opens it)
CAN I BEAR YOUR CHILDEREN???? ALL 17 OF THEM???
you'r wife to be,
haru: oh god...sister mail (facepalms, resulting in a red mark on my forhead in the shape of a hand)
zuko: Dear Kristen,
Err, I don't know how to tell you this, but...NO! That is a stupid question! of cource not! and besides, why 17?!?! when I marry, I will only ask my wife to bear 1 child for me, regardless of the gender. this way they dont have to end up having a psychotic younger sibling like I do. it runs in our genes.
haru: well, that was embarrasing...to say the least...
Zuko: no kidding. I actually get letters like that year round from women...and men (shudders)
(muttering is heard, a small stack of letters is dropped off by a stagehand, who waves to the camera before beign shoved away by zuko)
zuko: finnally, more mail! (opens the first, takes a look, and tosses it aside)
Haru: hmm? whats wrong?
zuko: more like your sisters, only thing differnt is the name and the number of kids...
haru: I see...(sighs) it seems that the only thing your good for in this world to them is their own personal sperm bank.
zuko: watch it, or i'll roast your other eyebrow off (glares)
haru: whoa there buddy! I'd like to keep this one, ok? (puts up hand, my other covering the left side of my face, the right covered by my bangs)
zuko: anyways, next letter.
what is your favourite type of candy?
haru: well...that was rather...anticlimactic...and come on, atleast give your NAME next time! even if its fake! we want to reply to SOMEONE.
zuko: Dear Anonymous,
I truely enjoy Flaming Fire Flakes, they're a fire nation food and are extremely spicey. Its about the eqivalent of sticking a raw jalepeno pepper into your mouth and letting it sit there on your tounge. untill you swallow that is, it can actually help fire benders learn to breathe fire, and is how I learned to do so myself.
haru: eh, I liked that one earth kingdom town's deep fried festival foods, mmm...
zuko: i've never had that before, i'll have to try some some time soon.
haru: next letter man, gotta keep on track now...
Zuko: right, right, ok. (opens it, tosses it over shoulder, doing so with the next four letters before standing and burning the pile behind him with a blast of fire, the eyebrow on the unscarred side of his face twitching) thats it, any more letters asking if you'll bear my child will NOT BE AIRED OR EVEN CONSIDERED TO DO SO!!!!!
haru: whoa...harsh...but understandable.
zuko: (takes a deep breath, fist clenched around the remaining letter) last one...(another deep breath)
haru: here, have some tea, your uncle made it, 'supposed to soothe your nerves (holds out the small cup)
zuko: thanks haru...(sighs, taking it with bolth hands- having sat down the letter -and taking a sip before setting it down and picking up the letter again, opening it) hmm? its a post card?
Greetings from Ba-Sing-Se!
Dear Prince whats-your-face,
We're having a wonderul time here in Ba-Sing-Se, and and wish you were here. Sort of. We've been 'undercover' as to not be noticed by the locals or the dai-lee, and have gotten to 'see' many exiting sites, such as a giant serpent at- the ironicly named -serpent's pass that chased us across, an angry mob that chased us over a measly platapus-bear omlette, and by the dai-lee who chased us for getting into a drunk fight with an entire tea shop in the upper ring, the Jasmine Dragon I think. we hope you're having as much fun as we are wherever you are, and hope you'll come to see us in prison soon.
haru: well that was...strange...
zuko: i swear...ah well.
Fortunately, I can say i'm having that much luck right now. If your watching this then it means i'm actually having BETTER luck because I'm not in JAIL hah! serves you right for abandoning me like you did! Good luck in jail and remember one thing: dont drop the soap.
haru: harsh...considering everyone thought you were dead when they joined zhao or whatever his name was. and it was under your uncle's command so that you could sneak into his fleet and try to capture the avatar.
zuko: whatever, I dont care. well, thats all we've got for today, so untill next time, goodbye (takes another sip of tea and sighs)
ok, now tell me what you honestly think, only HONEST CRITS. also, we REALLY need more letters! so send em in people!