Author: Amy PM
Yes! My first self-inserted fic! Lots of swearing. Yes, it's stupid. You have been warned!Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Words: 2,342 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 09-04-99 - id: 3795
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
My name is Amy.
Amy Sophia Gorbo to be exact-
"You're not supposed to give your full name!"
"You're writing an Animorphs fic and you don't know?" Marco groaned. "We're doomed."
Hey! I'm still the author and you still have to do what I say!
Amy frowned and crossed her eyes, deep in thought. Um...Because I say so! That's why.
Deal with it.
Amy smirked. And now on with the fic...
The Animorphs were all sitting around in Cassie's barn staring at each other and wondering why the hell they were there.
< Why are we here?> Tobias finally asked.
"I don't know," Jake said in confusion. "You're the one who called this meeting."
< No I didn't. Rachel did.>
"It wasn't me!" Rachel protested. "It was Marco."
"Nope, nuh uh, I don't think so," Marco said, shaking his head. "Cassie called it."
"I thought Ax called the meeting," Cassie said, looking up from the chipmunk she was preforming CPR on.
< Prince Jake called us here,> Ax said.
"Don't call me prince," Jake said. "And I'm telling you, Tobias called the meeting!"
The chipmunk (A/N Pay attention! It's the chipmunk Cassie was giving CPR to!) suddenly stood up and did the CanCan before running off in search of Chip. (A/N Rescue Rangers? Chip and Dale? Come on people! Don't you remember the cartoon?)
< That was certainly unexpected,> Tobias commented. < But anyways, if none of us called a meeting, then who did?>
They all agreed that that was a very good question and congratulated Tobias on coming up with such a good question. They even gave him a pretty shiny medal to wear around his neck so everyone would know just what a good question it was.
< Well gosh everyone...thanks!> Tobias said, wiping a tear from his eye (even though red-tailed hawks don't cry). < But we still don't know who called the meeting.>
I did. said a really cool echoey voice.
"Ellimist," Rachel hissed.
Damnit, why is it that every time a big powerful entity comes along you immediately think 'Ellimist'? I am not the Ellimist! I don't even like the guy, cheats at poker ya know. But the point is, I don't say 'Rachel' or even 'human' every time I see a small powerless mortal. Lint! It's just plain annoying!
< "Lint?"> they all said in unison.
Yes, Lint the voice growled. But that's beside the point.
"So what is the point?" Jake asked.
I don't know yet, I'm thinking.
"Great," Marco said sarcastically. "So we all just have to sit here and wait while you try to come up with a point?"
You got it, Funny-boy!
Rachel whacked the back of Marco's head. "Good going!"
"What'd I do?!" Marco yelled.
Rachel shrugged. "I don't know," she said. "I just felt like whacking the back of your head."
Marco rubbed the back of his head and glared at her.
"Well, while we're waiting, could you at least tell us who and/or what you are?" Jake asked.
Huh? Oh sure. I'm Amy.
"Amy?" Marco asked in disbelief. "Is that your name or what you are?"
"Uh..." Marco started then shook his head. "Nevermind."
You think it's stupid, don't you?
"Well it's not that," Marco said slowly. "You're just starting to sound like a fanfic writer."
"What?!" the voice shrieked, then quickly cleared its throat (assuming it had one). I mean, no I'm not!
Marco suddenly burst out laughing, much to everyone's surprise.
"What's so funny, Marco?" Rachel asked.
"It is a fic writer!" Marco gasped, having trouble breathing from laughing so hard. "And they've got writer's block!"
Hey! I do not have writer's-Aw shit!
Marco continued laughing.
Damn you and your logic, Marco!
A black hole suddenly appeared in the middle of the room and a shadowy figure slowly stepped out of it.
"What the hell is that?!" Cassie exclaimed.
The black hole disappeared and the shadowy figure suddenly became not so shadowy. The figure appeared to be a female of some sort. She had light blue skin, aquamarine hair, large pupiless eyes of the same color, bat-like wings, and a tail.
"I'm Amy," the figure said.
"I knew it!" Marco exclaimed. "It's another weird looking fanfic writer."
"Weird looking?" Amy said, frowning at him. "Please try to remember that I'm still the one writing this fic."
< I do not understand,> Ax suddenly spoke up.
"That's because I don't really understand you and therefore can't write for you very well," Amy explained. "So I'm afraid I'll have to dispose of you somehow."
< What?!> Ax said, sounding slightly paniced. < I'm really not all that hard to understand and I'm sure if you got to know me you'd have no trouble at all writing for me.>
"I have do doubt that I would," Amy agreed. "But, to tell the truth, I just don't really like you."
< Damn,> Ax swore.
A beer truck suddenly crashed through the barn and ran Ax over, immediately killing him.
< That was certainly unexpected,> Tobias commented.
"That's what you get for swearing, damnit," Amy said.
Rachel tried to figure out the logic in that, but was unable to so her head exploded.
< Oh my God!> Tobias yelled. < Rachel!>
"No!" Amy screamed. "No cliched 'mourning for your lost love' scene!"
Tobias suddenly turned into a bucket of extra-crispy fried chicken and landed in front of Amy. Amy grinned cheerfully and started eating the extra-crispy fried chicken.
"Oh my God!" Cassie shouted. "You killed Kenney, er...Tobias! You bastard!"
"Mmph muph mwith mm mmph!" Amy shouted back, her mouth full of extra-crispy fried chicken.
"You take that back!" Cassie said angrily.
"Mmuh uh," Amy told her, shaking her head. "Mmmu mmph mnu thmmu mmu."
"You bitch!" Cassie shrieked, lunging at her.
Amy snapped her fingers and Cassie was suddenly frozen in place. Amy slowly walked around Cassie with a thoughtful look on her face.
"What the hell've you done to Cassie?" Jake asked.
Amy glared at him. "You ask too many question."
A piece of duck tape suddenly appeared over Jake mouth, and let me tell you, that was one pissed off duck.
Amy giggled and went back to studying Cassie thoughtfully. "You know," she said. "I don't really like Cassie. Too much of that moralizing crap is a bad thing. I think we'd all be better off without her. Now how can I creatively dispose of her...?"
"Trap her in morph?" Marco suggested.
Jake stared at Marco in disbelief and Marco shrugged.
"I never really liked her all that much either," he said.
Amy suddenly grinned and clapped her hands together cheerfully. "I've got it!" she cried. Then she snapped her fingers and Cassie and Jake disappeared.
"What'd you do to them?" Marco asked.
"The worst possible torture..." Amy said with a wide grin on her face.
"No!" Marco gasped. "You didn't."
"You put them in a fic where they're married and have kids who have the morphing power even though it's not a inherited genetically?!" Marco said in disbelief.
"Yep," Amy said gleefully.
"That's just plain cruel," he said.
Amy nodded enthusiastically. "Isn't it though?"
"I didn't know this was a torture fic," Marco said thoughtfully.
"Neither did I," Amy said. "But I'm reading a torture fic while writing this, so I suppose it was bound to happen."
"So what are you going to do with me?"
"Weeeeeeeell..." Amy said slowly. "I'm not really sure. I'd really rather not drip hot wax on your hair. That's just plain weird."
"What?" Marco said, confused.
"That's what they're doing to you in the torture fic I'm reading," Amy explained. "Oops, now they're carving stuff on your bald head."
"That's disgusting!" Marco said, looking sick.
Amy wrinkles her nose as she continues reading. "Ugh. You don't want to know what they're doing now."
"I'm afraid to ask."
"Damn, they just killed you," Amy pouted.
"What's so bad about that?" Marco asked.
"Duh! No more good ideas!" Amy said. "Oh, wait, maybe they'll bring you back to life like they did Cassie."
"Don't ask." Amy told him. "Ew."
"What?" Marco asked.
"They're getting rid of your body with acid...No, wait. They're still undecided."
"Great," Marco groaned.
"What?" Marco asked.
"It says your body was eventually disposed of, it just doesn't say how," Amy said unhappily.
"I'm insulted," Marco said sarcastically. "They didn't even bother to say how they got rid of my body?"
"Aw shaddap," Amy sulked. "Just for that, I'm gonna read more torture fics and look for more weird and unusual ways to kill you."
Amy giggles. "That was a good one."
"What?" Marco asked, yet again.
"Crayak tortured you by making you all read a really bad fic."
"That's dispicable," Marco said.
"I know," Amy said, grinning. "Besides, I've already put Cassie and Jake in one of them."
"Which one is it?"
"Not telling," Amy said. "The writer'd probably write me into a torture fic or something else incredibly unpleasant."
"Aw come on. I won't tell anyone," Marco pleaded.
Amy shook her head. "Nope."
"Weeell..." Amy said slowly. "Okay."
She whispered something in Marco's ear and he started smirking.
"Really?" he asked.
Amy nodded, grinning.
"Oh man!" Marco laughed. "If they ever found out, they'd be so pissed!"
They both had a good laugh over that for about ten minutes before they finally stopped to wipe the tears from their eyes and catch their breaths.
"You know, Marco?" Amy said. "I think maybe I'll keep you around. You're too fun to waste torturing."
"I try," he said with an extravigant bow.
They both cracked up about that even though it wasn't all that funny and Amy decided to end the fic.
"Okay. That's it," she said, making a shooing motion. "Go on. Shoo!"
"Yeah, go away," Marco agreed. "Leave. The fic's over."
Amy suddenly got a brilliant idea. "I know how to get rid of them!
"How?" Marco asked.
Amy leaped into his arms and kissed him passionately.
"Whoa," Marco said, dazed.
"There," Amy said. "Lots of people just plain hate Marco romances. They're probably gone by now."
"What about the ones that do like, um, Marco romances?"
"Um, they're probably still sticking around," Amy frowned. "Oh forget it: The End!"
And the fic ended with a loud: