Author: Grendle1853 PM
Funny little thing Batman finds in his League file. Chapter 3 now up. Please review!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Bruce W./Batman & Diana of Themyscira/Wonder Woman - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,371 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 146 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 10-02-07 - Published: 09-29-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3808656
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Batman walked down the corridor, grumpy as usual, to the monitor womb. Once there he took a seat off to the side away from the other heroes. He began to notice something. Wonder Woman and Superman were standing together, looking at him, and...snickering. They were giggling to themselves while looking at him.
Batman stood, calmly walked to the two heroes, and asked, "Exactly what do the two of you find so amusing?"
As soon as the dark knight began his approach the pair had stopped their giggling and tried to look disinterested. They were not good actors. "What are you talking about Batman?" Superman lamely replied, his eyes scanning the throngs of younger heroes just out of listening range.
Batman let out a heavy sigh. "How you manage to keep your identity secret Kent, I will never know," he told him in a low voice. He turned to Wonder Woman, who refused to look him in the eye. "Diana?" he asks.
Wonder Woman sighs. "Its your file," she tells him. Then she turns to Superman's disappointed face, "I don't like lying. Especially not to the greatest detective on Earth."
"My file? What file?" Batman asked.
"Your League file...," she explained.
Now Batman understood. When the League was expanded, each member was given a file in the central computer. Just the basics about the Leager and their abilities, so it would be easier to organize groups for missions. Batman looked through and edited many of the files often. Whoever he didn't have a reason to check up on his own file very much...
Batman sat himself down one of the many computer consoles and brought up his file. The beginning of it seemed to be the same at least.
Expert Marshal Artist
Extensive Knowledge on...
Uninterested in this he continued to scroll down until he got to something knew. "...what?"
Can make villains wet their pants with a single glare
Has a nice ass
Knows that he is right
Knows that your wrong
Immune to the common cold
Can beat statues at staring contests
Has the ability to steal anyone's girlfriend
Can make women orgasm with a single glare
Is worshiped by cults around the world
Batman is not hung like a horse (horses are hung like Batman)
Can play guitar, base, drums, and keyboard...all at the same time!
As well as sing vocals
Terrifies the ground, so it doesn't make a sound when he walks on it
Knows when you masturbate
After his birth, the amount of asskicking world wide has shot up 500
Is feared by bad guys
Is feared by good guys
Is loved by the ladies
Is feared by clowns
Can impregnate a woman with a single glare
Hitler is alive...and Batman does horrible things to him
Is not allowed into hell (for fear of all the asskicking he would unleash)
Has fathered nations of children
Plays Lucifer in chess for the souls of all mankind
Is not allowed into heaven (for fear of the almighty being shown up)
Punches reeeeally hard!
Can kill a man with his own shoes
Only stops pleasuring women to kick more ass
Has balls the size of small galaxies (made of the very stuff of the universe itself)
Batman scrolls down through pages and pages of this until he reaches the end...
Batman's tears can cure cancer. Tragically however, Batman has never cried
Batman slowly exited out of the file, stood, and began to walk out of the monitor womb. Before he exits Wonder Woman called after him, "Batman!...is any of it true?"
Batman stopped, turned, and walked back to within a foot of her. He glared into her eyes for a few seconds, then looked down at her stomach. With that he turned and quickly walked out of the room, yelling back, "I guess we'll know in about nine months!"