The day was drawing to a close when Leslie saw John again, he and her mother darting through the smoke that seemed now to cover the entire continent. Fires raged unchecked, the destruction becoming more widespread with every passing hour. They were holed up at John’s fathers place: Jack Crichton had not been heard from since the initial skirmishes. Leslie wasn’t sure if John’s father was simply occupied with the current word affairs, or if something more dire had happened to him.

It wasn’t a topic John seemed inclined to talk about.

Leslie came out of her hiding place scant meters from John and Aeryn as they approached. John started when he saw her, although Aeryn seemed to have already known. The young girl had been acting as a sentry, although she’d failed to mention that to anyone else inside.

“Where’d you come form?” John asked in a hushed whisper. Although the streets seemed deserted, and the fighting was a ways away from them, they had all turned painstakingly cautious.

“A planet called Belair, originally. Moya more recently, though currently I’m staying in this quaint little planet on the edge of nowhere...” Leslie trailed off when John failed to show amusement, and she glanced at her mother, “We were getting worried.”

Aeryn nudged them to continue into the house, “How long before the device goes off?”

“Minutes?” Leslie speculated, “I didn’t think to stick an egg timer on it. Aeryn, how long did it take last time?”

“I don’t know... I was too busy being unconscious.”

John let him self into the house, where D’argo and Chiana sat with Rygel and Stark. The Transport Pod was conspicuously parked in the backyard... destroying a few fences and the next door neighbours dog house in the process, “Don’t you ever call her mom?” he enquired.

“When it suits my mood.” Came back Leslie’s response, as Aeryn left them both to disappear around the other side of the house.

She’d been strangely quiet since John had expressed his wish to return with them back to Moya. For the first time in a very long time, John couldn’t read exactly what was wrong with her.

He wondered what was upsetting her, the words ‘things are different now’ disturbing him the most. Did she perhaps have someone waiting for her on Moya? He wondered if he could survive, living with her again, without actually being able to have her. He couldn’t lie to himself and say that he didn’t expect anything from her when they returned to space. He had secret notions of getting her alone and reminding her exactly what she had fallen in love with the first time. But if she was with someone?

The thought made his breath catch in his throat. Being around Aeryn again was slowly killing him. All he wanted to do was to hold her. To breathe in her scent again. His body ached for her. Although the thought of living out the remainder of his life just watching her from a distance made him hurt just that little bit harder, the thought of living without even seeing her, ever again, did things to him he couldn’t focus on for too long.

He was whipped. He knew it. But he wouldn’t have it any other way... all he needed though was Aeryn back.

---

John had figured out the wormhole equations. Had found Moya’s crew a way out of this nightmare. ...Had found himself an escape from his self imposed hell.

It had struck him quite suddenly, how very much the same Earth and it inhabitants were to the rest of the galaxy. After being thrown into space and learning first hand the horrors that it held, Earth had turn into a bit of a shining beacon for him. If only he could get home, life would be perfect, because Earth wasn’t full of back stabbing, traitorous monsters with no morals and full of so much greed it consumed them.

The years following his return had shed a frightening light on how just wrong he was.

So now, being back with Aeryn aside, he wanted nothing more then to return to Space. At least up there, he knew he couldn’t trust anyone, and didn’t have to keep reminding himself. It was all too easy to forget down on the planet. And he no longer had to pretend that they could trust him.

It was only a quarter of an hour after John and Aeryn arrived back at Jack Crichton’s house that the device went off a second time, and it was fairly anticlimactic. Although they felt it, much like the first, knowing what it was and how it would effect them it didn’t feel nearly as doomsday as it had previously. And so it caught them all completely off guard when they started to hear the screams.

So high pitched, it almost passed through John’s range of hearing, resonating in his head like a pinball on speed, knocking his senses about until he wasn’t sure which way was up and who he even was. Somehow he’d ended up on the floor, his hands scratching at his head like he could reach inside and tear the sound from it.

The back of his throat was scratchy: he realised he was screaming, although through the deafening noise in his head he couldn’t hear it. It lasted for seconds, hours, lifetimes. On and on, the death cry of an entire alien race.

John couldn’t tell when it finished, his senses overloaded. He lay on the ground, waiting for his brain to crawl back into his head after the sound had pushed it out. Slowly he finally became aware of his surroundings again, although the very skin of his skull ached.

Chiana was unconscious. Well... he hoped she was unconscious. He didn’t want to dwell to much on the thought that she could be dead, but D’argo, who was currently hovering by her side, wasn’t reacting in a way that he would have if Chiana was never going to wake up.

Leslie was a mess. John stared in a sort of muted trance, watching her writhe around like a demented fish out of water, her eyes wide like saucers, a babble of nonsense pouring over her lips. Aeryn, who currently looked like death warmed up, was doing her best to clam her daughter, but the young girl was hysterical. It was long moments before Leslie calmed enough to just cry, curling up in her mothers arms like child she really was, no matter how often John kept forgetting.

He could still feel them. The alien race had left a footprint in his mind prior to their destruction, and he found him self singing the words to Henry the Eighth I am, I am, over and over in his head to quell the residual echoes. What is was though, what Leslie was feeling so deep in her soul, was the overwhelming sense of loss. Every single Molaren had made itself known before the race had been completely wiped out, their telepathic abilities making their deaths as intimate as if they’d been family members.

John wanted nothing more then to soak in a hot bath full of water. He felt dirty. He suddenly felt like a murderer.

He staggered to his feet, checking on Chiana before sitting next to Aeryn, gently stroking Leslie’s hair while she buried her hurt into Aeryn’s shoulder. Aeryn turned to him, her eyes full of something he couldn’t read, just watching him lend a calming presence to Leslie.

“John.” She murmured his name softly, and he glanced up at her, “Let’s go home.”

-----

John left Earth behind. He’d found his family, explained the situation, and after the device went off, he left in the Transport Pod without a backwards glance.

Pilot was ecstatic to see him again. John spent a long time in Pilot’s den; he swore he could almost feelthe joy radiating from Moya herself. It felt good to be back on the ship. Everything had changed; and yet everything was exactly the same. Six years was a long time. He had to keep reminding himself that they’d been missing him a lot longer then he’d been missing them.

Leslie, he found with amusement, turned more into someone resembling a twelve year old on the ship then she had on earth. She showed him her quarters, which were situated a long corridor away from Aeryns, and he spent a little while admiring all of her work. She was one talented kid.

Apprehension sat on the edge of John’s mind, wondering just how things would be between him and Aeryn. Without a conversation, he decided to take up residence in his old sleeping chamber, although before his return to Earth he hadn’t been in a habit of frequenting it. He travelled the familiar halls his mind awash with memories, and found himself standing on the terrace, standing on the deck and just staring out - literately - into space.

It has always been his favourite place, after lying next to Aeryn to watch her while she slept. So he wasn’t surprised that Aeryn knew that’s where she could find him.

She stood silently next to him for a long time, the brilliance of the view was something that never got old, although it didn’t take very long for John to be distracted by Aeryn’s presence. The last time they had stood on this deck together, he’d been behind her, his arms wrapped securely around her, his fingers tracing obscure patterns across her belly.

...The belly that had housed Leslie. He found it amazing, the concept that the tiny life in side of Aeryn that he had obsessed over and fallen so tragically in love with just by the knowledge that it was there, had turned into Leslie.

He might not have been Leslie’s biological father, but he’d had dreams of raising her as if she were. He’d wanted to teach her about Earth, and to show her the stars. He felt cheated that he’d never gotten the chance.

Already, she had turned into a miniature adult, and he’d missed out.

John glanced at Aeryn. He’d always wanted children of his own. He couldn’t imagine his life with anyone but Aeryn, and now he wondered if he would ever get the chance to raise one with her.

God, he had missed her.

Suddenly, he found himself peering into her dark brown eyes, shining almost black in the star light as she turned her head to look at him.

“Are you going to miss it?”

“Earth?” John shrugged, then shook his head, “I brought chocolate with me this time.”

“Your family?”

He considered, not taking his eyes from her, “I accepted being up here a long time ago. I got to say goodbye this time... but I don’t regret being here any more or any less then I did before I went back to Earth.” He paused, then tore his eyes from hers, “You guys are my family now.”

Aeryn didn’t answer him for a long moment, “What do you want from me John?”

He seemed to consider this, “Nothing... that you’re not willing to give.”

“Do you still love me?”

He shot confused eyes at the abrupt question.

“It’s a serious question John.” Her voice had taken on a matter-of-fact tone, “Is that why you came back here? To get back into my pants?”

John let out a small laugh of disbelief, his tongue snaking out to lick his bottom lip. He turned away from her, hearing the bitterness in her voice, and blaming six years of separation for the cause. He regretted taking time out to save his entire planet, because he might never get back what he and Aeryn had.

And he suddenly felt shamed for thinking so selfishly, “Yes, Aeryn, I still love you.” He spoke slowly, “But no. I don’t want to get back into your pants. I’m kind of thinking that ship has sailed already.” His voice trailed off, wistful, almost as if he were talking to himself.

“You died on me again, John.”

The simple sentence sent pangs of remorse across every nerve in John’s body as he recalled his earlier conversation with Leslie. He remembered what it was like when his cloned self had died on her. It had been a long time before he could convince her that loving him was more important then living in fear of loosing him. In fact, he recalled having to convince her several times during their relationship that loving him was worth all the risks. That she couldn’t live with what if’s if it meant she never found happiness..

He understood now. Understood why she didn’t want to be with him. He’d convinced her once. He doubt he had the ability to do it again. He wasn’t even sure he wanted too. He didn’t think he had the right to put her through something like that again. He loved her, but maybe she would have had a better life if he hadn’t.

“I understand.” His voice was hitched, and he could feel tears burning in the back of his eyes. God, he was going to loose Aeryn again. For good this time. His heart was squeezing painfully inside of his chest, he thought it might burst.

He wanted nothing more then for her to leave him. He didn’t want her to see what she was doing to him.

“Do you really?” she asked. She was speaking to his back, because he could not stand to face her, “Do you know what it’s like to be so in love with someone even after you know that they’re dead? I couldn’t breathe when we came to Earth, because I knew you were there and I couldn’t stand the thought you might have moved on.”

John spun around, his entire faced confused. He was barely breathing.

“I thought you wanted to stay. I thought there was someone else and I wanted to make it easy for you.” Tears were brimming on the edge of her eyes, but her voice was steady, “I knew you were happy down there once. I didn’t want to take that away from you. That’s why I pretended there was nothing John.”

“You thought...” John could barely talk over the fire of hope that had started to burn low in his chest. Surely, it couldn’t be this simple, “You thought I would choose Earth... over you?”

She nodded, and a tear slipped from her eye. John took a step forward to catch it with his thumb, his hand trembling. Aeryn’s eyes fell shut at the contact of their skin, “Oh god, Aeryn... are you serious?”

Her eyes opened still bright with unshed tears, “There’s something else.”

John’s hands fell to her arms, one on either side, his breath heavy. The news that she still wanted him was banging away in his head demanding attention. Aeryn’s presence right next to him, touching him, was effecting him so much he could hardly think, “What?”

“Leslie... she’s your daughter.”

She held her breath, awaiting his reaction, and John physically lost the ability breathe in the same second, causing an unnatural stillness to fall between them. The tension coated both of them.

When he spoke, his voice was dry and hoarse, “I’m her dad?”

Aeryn barely nodded.

“Does she know?” he was still holding her, his fingers had driven in to the soft flesh of her arm.

“I didn’t keep it a secret.”

Moments flashed into John’s head. Leslie shadowing him. Aeryn’s curiosity to his reaction when she introduced them. The hushed conversations between shipmates.

It made sense now. They’d all known.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Aeryn could feel John shaking through their contact. She was wary and on guard, trying to anticipate what his reaction would be. She thought he would be happy. But at the moment his voice was cold and hard and not like the man she knew at all, “I couldn’t. That knowledge would have kept you here against you’re will.”

Another long moment passed, then the information truly seemed to sink in. Leslie was his. He had a daughter. A beautiful, intelligent, witty daughter with the woman of his dreams.

Without warning, John ‘whooped’, grabbing Aeryn around the waist and lifting her off her feet. He twirled them, listening to the sound of Aeryn’s laughter mixed in with his own.

John settled Aeryn back on her feet, looking down at her, his face alight with more then just the stars shining down on them. He pulled her against him, wrapping his arms around her tightly, and she practically melted against his chest, fitting her body perfectly against his like she had so many cycles ago. His hands found her hair, tangling his fingers through the familiar strands, breathing in deep her scent, “I missed you.” He said hoarsely.

“I missed you.” She echoed, her arms going around his. She waited while he processed all that he’d been told, feeling his heartbeat hammering against his chest. Against her.

John realised he wasn’t even angry at her. Neither of them had ever been particularly smart when it had come to their relationship. It seemed fitting, this latest hurdle.

He pulled away from her, one hand finding her waist, the other coming to cup her face, his fingers in her hair and this thumb on her cheek, resting on the tears. He fell into her eyes, “Don’t ever think I wouldn’t want you Aeryn.” He murmured, “I love you... and I’m not going to let you go again.”

Aeryn closed her eyes, like his words were a lifeline she’d been dying to hear.

John’s fingers were gently stroking her skin, “Was there anyone else?”

She shook her head, her eyes opening to stare into his, “I love you.”

John stepped forward, closing the gap between them and capturing her lips with his own, holding her against him while he poured his soul into her. His love. His life. There was nothing he’d wanted to do for the past three years except hold Aeryn again. His fingers took on a life of their own, skimming lightly across every inch of bare flesh they could find.

He was lost for eternity in the moment, knowing that there was nothing else in the entire galaxy that could compare the woman he loved in his arms.

Aeryn broke away first, gasping for air. Her eyes were alight with promise, her grin wicked and sultry, “Six cycles John.” Her voice was husky, “That’s a lot of build up.”

His smile was disbelieving at his good fortune as he cupped both her cheeks with his hands and kissed her again. His hands started from there, then started to roam, reacquainting himself with her familiar curves, while his tongue duelled with hers. She was hungry for him, her impatient hands tugging at his shirt while he traced his fingers along the waist band of her pants.

Their kisses turned hot and short, open mouthed and full of their lust. John’s hands were under Aeryn’s top, his fingers mapping the unfamiliar of her abdomen. Her stomach had lost none of it’s firmness from childbirth, but Leslie had stretched it to a different shape just the same.

His lips left her mouth, trailing along her jaw before he worried the pulse point on her neck with this tongue. She murmured against his hair, her fingers finding the back of his neck while she bent her head back.

Nipping gently on her earlobe with his teeth, he let his hands wander further upwards, but suddenly Aeryn’s hands clamped firmly on his wrists.

He pulled away to look at her, once again wondering at her strange fetish of getting him going, only to stop him cold, “What?” he breathed. He was barely inches from her, his body still pressed up against her, only his face distance enough so he could talk to her.

“Not here.” She commanded him softly.

Johns fingers, which had dropped to her waist after his aborted attempt to find her breasts, tightened against her skin, “Stalling?” he asked, only half mocking.

Aeryn pushed her hips a little tighter against him, moving them in a slow circle, her eyes hard on his as they fluttered shut. His hands clenched tighter on her waist as he wished she would stop, and hoped that she never would at the same time, “Our daughter...” She whispered words that sent an entirely different feeling through John’s body, “...is very inquisitive.”

He grinned at her. Grinned at the thought of his daughter walking in on her parents, “Maybe you’re right.”

She nodded with a cute little grin, causing John to kiss her again. A long moment passed while John fought for control to just let her go. Her hips were doing unforgivable things against him, and he was starting to forget why they needed to go inside.

He couldn’t remember how they made it to Aeryn’s sleeping chambers. And he couldn’t figure out how they managed to avoid every one of Moya’s crew getting there. And to this day, he still can’t find that shirt. But he remembered every sweet second he spent making love to Aeryn Sun. He remembered the way their bodies fell instantly in sync with each other, like they’d been doing it all their lives.

He remembered the way his name fell off Aeryn’s lips, the way he’d almost burst with his love for her. And he remembered, long after the ship had settled in sleep, as Aeryn lay against his chest, his arm securely around her, how he’d asked her if she would marry him.

And he remembered how she said yes.

---

John stood at the threshold of Leslie’s sleeping quarters, just watching the young girl. Watching his daughter. She slept peacefully, sprawled out over the covers, her breathing soft and even. He wondered at all the things he’d missed during her childhood, and at all the things yet to come.

She stirred, and he held his breath. In sleep, she looked so much younger, without the look of a child who’s had to grow up too fast.

Leslie’s eyes blinked open and she studied him for a long moment before she spoke, “Did she tell you?”

John nodded solemnly, unsure of the reception he would receive from this young girl. She’d known all along he was her father, and she’d been inanely curious about him during their time on Earth, but he didn’t know how he’d measured up.

The young girl sat up, her long black hair sticking out at angles. He smiled at the thought. Aeryn’s hair - even Aeryn’s bed hair - was always perfect. It seemed Leslie had inherited his side of the families genes when it came to hair growth.

“Aeryn said...” she paused, then started playing with the threads of a knitted blanket she’d brought back from Earth with her, worrying the ends, “Mom said I shouldn’t get my hopes up when you found out... she said you might not wanna be my father.” Her eyes shot up, “Which is okay. You know.. I get it, ‘cause you didn’t know...”

“Hey.” He stopped her ramblings, and moved to sit down on the bed next to her. His eyes studied the touches she’d made to the room to make it hers. To get a sense of her personality. For all that she seemed self assured when they were down on Earth, her room spoke volumes of her youth. He finally turned to speak to her, “When Aeryn found out she was pregnant, it didn’t matter to me then that I might not be your dad...” he kept his eyes trained on her face, even while she was intently studying the patterns on the blanket, “I was going to take care of you. When I met you, and you told me I wasn’t your dad... that didn’t matter either.” He paused, trying to gather his thoughts, “I... I thought you were my kid anyway. I wanted you to be. I wanted to be a good dad... just because I wasn’t responsible for you being here... didn’t mean I wasn’t gonna treat you like my own.”

Leslie peeked up at him through her eyelids, caught on every word.

“I love your ma. And I made this promise that I was gonna take care of both of you, no matter what.” He smiled then, if purely in disbelief that it was all actually happening, “I know I haven’t been around... so if you want me to back off I will. But... if it’s okay with you... I asked Aeryn to marry me. D’you think that’ll be okay?”

Leslie, with a quiver of a smile on her lips, nodded her head.

“I want to be your dad as well. If you’ll let me.”

Leslie’s smile blossomed through the tears that lit up her eyes, enough of an acceptance that she didn’t need to speak. She crawled to where he sat and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her head in the crook where his shoulder met his throat. John closed his eyes, turning into her embrace and held his daughter. He breathed in the unfamiliar scent, committed it to memory, his hand stroking her long hair.

“Your gonna have to help me.” He whispered to her, “I’ve never had a kid before.”

Leslie squeezed him tighter, “I’ve never had a dad before.” She whispered back, “We can learn together.”

Fin

-----

Please be kind. And please review! From the mouth of Mathew Riley—

“To anyone who knows a writer, never underestimate the power of your encouragement.”