Author: Pikachumaniac PM
In which Zack decides that he does not quite like the idea of Aerith playing mother to three silverhaired psychopaths. Especially when said triplets view him as a rival for her affections. Zack x Aerith, Post Advent Children.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Aerith G. & Zack F. - Words: 1,180 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 7 - Published: 09-30-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3811537
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII is the creation of Squeenix.
Title: Mother's Day
Characters: Aerith, Zack, Kadaj, Yazoo, Loz
Requested by: Pinkangelsakura and sciathanfile
Prompt: A fluffy bunny
"It's dead," Zack replies.
Technically, everything here is dead. He is dead. Aerith is dead. The three silver-haired triplets they had somehow found themselves adopting are dead, although there is a lie in that statement because as much as the brats adore Aerith, they don't think of him in quite the same way. Which Zack personally has no problem with, seeing how he doesn't want to have kids anyway, but the fact that they view and treat him as competition for Aerith's affections is damn annoying when he's trying to have quiet time with her. Zack doesn't know how many times they've interrupted their alone time, but what he does know is that he has not gotten any in a very, very long time.
When he tries to complain to Aerith about this, it usually ends with her chiding him until he's forced to back off like a whipped puppy, which is bad enough as it is without getting thrown smug looks from the triplets. Honestly, he'd just like to strangle them, but the last time he tried that Yazoo went running to Aerith and he had been forced to sleep on the couch for three weeks. He had tried to protest and say that they were already dead so what was the harm, but that had just earned him an extra week on the sofa while the brats cuddled up to Aerith at night.
Needless to say, he hadn't gotten very much sleep. Not that the dead needed sleep, but it's hard getting rid of old habits, no matter how long it's been since the last time he has truly needed rest.
Anyway, that isn't the point. The point was that he's getting triumphant looks again, as if giving Aerith a dead bunny is supposed to be some sort of accomplishment.
"It's the thought that counts," Aerith replies, still smiling fondly at Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo.
"It's not even in one piece."
"It's the thought that counts," she repeats, now smiling at him. Unfortunately, it's not the same smile that the triplets were getting; no, this one promises immediate evisceration if he dares push this argument any further.
Zack, who appreciates his important man bits, takes the hint and falls into a silent sulk. The last person who threatened him with that very nearly carried out the threat, but then Sephiroth had never been quite right in the head. How was he supposed to know that braiding the great general's silver hair into pigtails was forbidden? He had been a raw recruit at the time, and more than slightly drunk when he had taken that bet. Anyway, he had barely escaped that situation intact, although his hands still had blisters from the months of cleaning he had gotten as punishment.
He's shaken out of that cheerful memory when Kadaj says, "We wanted to show you how much we appreciate you, mother. You've done so much for us, after all, and we felt it was the least we could do."
What goes unsaid is the fact that Zack has never given her anything like this. To which Zack could reply that who in their right mind would want a half-mangled bunny, but apparently Aerith is that person and she is clearly in her right mind, or at least that's the story Zack is going with if questioned because he's still trying to get back in her good graces. In fact, he's been trying for longer than he cares to remember, and at this rate, he's going to be stuck in a purgatorial hell with no sex forever unless he figures a way to off the triplets without any incriminating evidence. Although even that might not be enough, as Aerith will probably still blame him anyway, and insist he do something to bring them back to this glorious plane of non-existence again.
The very thought of breaking his back to help the brats is enough to keep him from killing them. Well, for now, anyway.
"It's still fluffy, mother," Loz adds.
"I can see that," Aerith says, not a hint of sarcasm in her voice. Zack takes another look at the poor creature in her arms, having been forced to look away the first time due to shock and disgust. He has to admit that Loz has a point—it is fluffy, but he's fairly certain that the fluff is part mold. He wisely keeps that opinion to himself though, although it's a very close call. "Thank you very much, boys. I'll cherish it."
He half-expects them to burst into cheers. Considering how they had nearly destroyed the world, they sure act awfully childish, and it's actually a very reasonable assumption to make. But instead, they just continue to smile at her, as if waiting for something.
Zack glares at them from behind Aerith, but they're so intent on staring at their 'mother' that they don't even bother to stick a tongue out at him.
"Why don't you run along for now?" Aerith says, immediately causing Zack to perk up. "Your father and I need to decide how to take care of your gift."
The emphasis is not lost on anyone, even as Zack gags and the triplets scowl mutinously. But despite their obvious displeasure, the three depart, casting him dirty looks but leaving Aerith and Zack blessedly, blessedly silver-hair free.
As soon as they are out of earshot, he immediately turns to her and pleads, "Let me put it in Spike's bed. The kid needs something to keep him on his toes, and to distract him from sulking about Sephiroth again."
"No, we're keeping it," she replies.
He grimaces, having expected that response but still not liking it, "Not for dinner, at least."
She laughs, as if he has just told some particularly spectacular joke. "Of course not! Zack Fair, I have no idea where you get these ideas!"
He chooses not to reply to that. Even though Aerith seems to be in a good mood right now, he doesn't want to push it. As disturbing as the dead fluffy bunny was, he has his priorities and priority number one is to suck up to Aerith enough to let him back in the bedroom. Sans silver-haired nuisances.
"But I guess I see your point. It's not very hygienic, is it? Let's find someplace to bury the poor thing and then have some time to ourselves, shall we?"
It takes Zack every ounce of self-control not to cheer, instead relaying his opinion of that wonderful suggestion by sweeping Aerith—dead bunny and all—into his arms and hightailing it back into their house.