Disclaimer: I do not own SpongeBob SquarePants or any SpongeBob SquarePants characters. I do not own the episode To Love a Krabby Patty

SpongeBob SexPants

Episode 17

To Fuck a Crappy Patty

LEMON and slash warning!

The following story contains graphic scenes of extreme sexual content, nudity, foul language, some blood and character deaths and some drug and alcohol use. This story is not for the faint hearted, so go away if you are under the age of 17. This story is not for the easily insulted or the easily grossed out. If you get disgusted and pissed off by this story, then that’s your problem. And if you send me a review complaining about how disgusted and pissed of your were by this story, then I will just laugh at you. Yes, I laugh at retarded shit bags who think that I actually give a shit for the sex hating 40-year-old virgins who get disgusted by my stories. If I’ve insulted or disgusted you, then I’ve done my job!

This episode is a parody of the episode: To Love a Krabby Patty

A/N: If you’ve noticed, most of my SP stories are around 7-8 pages long. Well, I’m getting tired of having to write SP stories that are the same exact length each time. So, I’ll just write what I want from now on so I don’t have to make fun of EVERY scene from an episode. So this story might be shorter than usual. And if you’ve read my 1st SP Fanfic, it was only about 3 pages. So yeah, I just wanted you to know that. Besides, I’m not sure if this was a 5 minute episode or an 11 minute episode. Also I’m running out of time to write during the week.

So, SpongeBob was in the kitchen making more crappy patties. “Hey kids, if you didn’t read that A/N above this paragraph, I’m gonna fuck your ass! Now scroll back up and fucking read it if you didn’t!” SpongeBob said.

“SpongeBob, quit flirting with the reader! Where are those twelve crappy patties the customers have been waiting for?” Squidward asked.

“Almost done,” SpongeBob said as he jizzed on all of the patties. “Well, now that the secret formula is on all the patties, I just need to add everything else,” SpongeBob said as he threw lettuce, tomatoes and all that other shit on the patties. Suddenly one of the patties caught his eye.

“Oh my, you are fucking sexy!” SpongeBob said as he stared at the patty he just made. “You’re so hot with your pickle boobs, ketchup tits, sweet smiling face that seems to say ‘fuck me now, I want a big cock up my buns’! I must have you! I think I’ll call you…Pussy!” SpongeBob said as he put the top bun on the patty.

“SpongeBob, how many times do I have to tell you? Hurry your ass up or Mr. Krabs will fuck you up!” Squidward screamed.

“Uhh…” SpongeBob then shoved the patty he loved in his pants. “Oh my Pussy, yeah suck my balls!” SpongeBob moaned. He then gave Squidward the tray with 11 patties.

“Uh…SpongeBob, there’s only 11 patties on the tray,” Squidward said until suddenly SpongeBob was gone. “Where is that little fucker?” Squidward asked.

Meanwhile, SpongeBob was fucking his patty in the closet. “Oh yeah, I know you like that bitch! Fuck yeah; you’re such a slutty hot fuck!” SpongeBob screamed. Suddenly Squidward opened the door and SpongeBob screamed like a girl.

“What are you doing in here and why are you naked with a patty?” Squidward asked.

“This is my new girlfriend, Pussy!” SpongeBob said.

“Give me that stupid sandwich so I can give it to the customer already,” Squidward said.

“No! She’s mine! Oh I get it, you’re trying to trick me! You’re pretending that you’re gonna give her to the customer so you can have her all to yourself! She’s my girlfriend and you will never fuck her!” SpongeBob screamed.

“SpongeBob, it’s a fucking greasy burger! I wouldn’t fuck that thing with your dick! Or cock, whatever the hell you want to call it,” Squidward said.

“You stay away from my Pussy, if you even dare touch my pussy with your eyes I’ll cut off your dick and make you eat it, then I’ll rip open your guts and show then to you, then I’ll throw them at your face and kick you in the balls while you die a painful death!” SpongeBob said angrily. He then walked out of the kitchen, still completely naked.

“Okay that’s it! This is the fifth time someone said that to me, although this is the first time a man said it to me. Oh screw it; I’m leaving this retarded story. I don’t even want to know what happens next,” Squidward said as he walked away.

“Hey SpongeBob, wanna play karate-the sexy way?” Sandy asked until she walked into SpongeBob’s room. SpongeBob was naked on his bed fucking the patty.

“Oh my god, SpongeBob what are you doing?” Sandy screamed.

“Oh hey Sandy, this is my girlfriend, Pussy,” SpongeBob said as got up off the bed and stood in front of Sandy completely naked.

“What the hell are you talking about? First of all, I was your girlfriend/fuckbuddy, then you were gay and now you’re going out with a patty?” Sandy asked. “God damn it, I’m leaving this retarded story. I don’t even want to know what happens next. If anyone needs me I’ll be in my trailer,” Sandy said. She then turned around and left.

“Come on Pussy; let’s go express our love together!” SpongeBob said.

SpongeBob was then in a public park fucking the patty.

Then he was in a canoe fucking his patty even though it’s impossible for him to be in a canoe in a river if he lives in the ocean.

SpongeBob then finished fucking his patty in a public restaurant. “Wow, Patty! I love you!” SpongeBob said. “Let’s get married,” SpongeBob said.

“Sir, would you please put some clothes on! There are children in here!” A waiter said to SpongeBob.

Then suddenly a waitress punched the waiter in the face. “Shut up! Please, do not put your clothes back on!” The waitress said.

“Hey Mr. Krabs, can I get married here in the Krusty Crap?” SpongeBob asked as he walked in Mr. Krabs’ office.

“Hell no! Weddings are hella expensive! They’re even more expensive than online porn! Wait a second-you are getting married?” Mr. Krabs screamed.

“Yep,” SpongeBob said.

“Wow, who’s the unlucky daughter of a bitch? I mean…uh…who is the lucky slut?” Mr. Krabs asked.

“You’ll meet her at the wedding, now can I please get married here?” SpongeBob asked.

“Fine, but I’m not paying shit!” Mr. Krabs said.

Later at the wedding…

Squidward walked into the restaurant to watch the wedding. “Hey Squidward, I’m glad to see that you’ve decided to come!” SpongeBob said.

“Well Matt forced me to be in the scene because I’m supposed to die in every story I’m in,” Squidward said.

“Why do you always have to die?” SpongeBob asked.

“Hell if I know, why not ask Matt? Besides, since you’re getting married you’re probably going to leave for a honeymoon and I decided to stay here and celebrate,” Squidward said.

“Well, go ahead and take a seat,” SpongeBob said.

Squidward then sat down at a fold-up white chair, but suddenly the bottom of the chair snapped up and it crushed Squidward and his head blasted off. Blood and guts splashed all over the floor and the chair. Squidward’s severed head then smashed into the ceiling and then it fell on top of the wedding cake.

“MMM, cake!” Patrick said as he walked towards the cake, but when he found Squidward’s head in it he said, “Uh…on second thought I’d rather not eat any cake. I’m already enough of a fat ass!”

“So Mr. SexPants, where is the bride?” The priest asked.

“Right here,” SpongeBob said as he pulled out a moldy burger.

“God damn it, I’m leaving this retarded story. I don’t even want to know what happens next. If anyone needs me I’ll be in my trailer,” The priest said as he walked away.

“SpongeBob, why are you marrying a patty?” Mr. Krabs asked as he jumped off his seat and ran towards SpongeBob.

“I love her and I don’t care what you say!” SpongeBob said.

“SpongeBob, you can’t marry a patty...” Mr. Krabs said.

“Shut the fuck up! I don’t want you to say that I can’t marry Pussy! It doesn’t matter that she’s a sandwich, I love her the way she is!” SpongeBob said.

Mr. Krabs sighed and then said, “Uh…I…uh…wasn’t going to say that. I was gonna say that um…well…marriage…is like a…marriage isn’t the answer, yeah! Don’t you see SpongeBob! If you marry her she’ll want to have kids, and then her body will turn to shit! Look at her now, she’s already moldy and gross and stuff! And then pretty soon all you’ll want to do is watch TV and drink beer like any old stereotypical father and she’ll be bitching at you for nothing! Then you’re both going to forget why you married each other and then before you know it you’ll be signing divorce papers. And once you get divorced, your problems will be solved, but then your kids will either become gothic emos and commit suicide because divorce completely ruins a kid’s life!” Mr. Krabs said.

“And?” SpongeBob asked.

“You should just dump the bitch now before it’s too late!” Mr. Krabs screamed.

“I guess your right. All my hopes and dreams will just disappear when I have kids and when I get married my life will completely suck,” SpongeBob said. “Sorry Pussy, but I’m just not ready for marriage yet. Besides, I’d rather have a gay marriage,” SpongeBob said. He then threw the patty over his shoulder.

Meanwhile, Patrick was lying on the ground naked with a boner for no apparent reason. Then suddenly the patty landed on Patrick’s dick. “Oh yeah, bring it on bitch!” Patrick screamed.