Um, yeah. Rewritten version. Rewritten from scratch, thanks. -ness. As much as I tried. And um, oh, yeah, slight parody. Plus, um, slight violence. And oh, AU.

Summary: Tobi sees a weird thing in the leader's room and he hopped off to tell Deidara. What will the Akatsuki members do? (Oneshot) (Sort of AU) Crappy summary I know

Disclaimer: Now, now, think again. If I owned Naruto, I should be enjoying a life of luxury. So, I don't.

What's that Thing in Leader's Room?

One-shot production of EbIL cHEEsE-SaMA

Tobi skipped down the hallway cheerfully. Today, the whole Akatsuki besides Pein was hosting a party in Deidara and Tobi's room! Sweet! And suddenly, our favorite orange mask-wearing Uchiha paused in front of a door which all members, including Konan, were prohibited from entering. Of course. It is Pein's room. Tobi had always pondered upon on the full moon... What the heck was in Pein's room!? I mean, it's so mysterious that nobody knows!

A human-sized shark?

Wait, there's already Kisame.

Botanical garden of horrors?

Consider Zetsu's room.

A harem of women?

Pein is gay.

Tobi wondered and wondered. He was dying to know. So much that unknowingly, his hand approached the doorknob...

"Do it!" A chibi version of devil Tobi completed with horns and a tail popped out of nowhere and ushered.

"Don't do it, Tobi! You're a good boy!" A chibi version of angel Tobi completed with a halo and white wings popped out of nowhere and insisted.

"Do it!"

"Don't do it!"

"Do it!"

"Don't do it!"

"Do it!"

"Don't do it!"

"Do it!"

"Don't do it!"

"Waah... Stop it! Tobi is a good, boy, so go away! Tobi is a good boy! Tobi will decide by himself!" Tobi wailed and shook his head, messing up his head of dark brown hair even further. The two chibi versions of Tobi also disappeared.

"Tobi is a good boy, Tobi will just take a peak..." Tobi thought out loud after a few minutes of meditating under a tree (umm... How did it get there?)

He placed his gloved hand on the shiny metallic doorknob and twisted it gently, popping his head into the room. Pein's room was fairly large compared to his own room, Tobi noted metally. The walls were black and just like any other room in the base, Pein's had a gigantic four poster queen sized bed with red satin curtains. The sheets were black silk and the pillows were stuffed with goose feathers. He looked around. There was a black closet which Tobi was sure that contained a nice number of the Akatsuki signature cloaks and maybe a few other shirts and shorts, a table where Tobi suppose is where Pein does the paper works and finally, he saw a shiny black object at the corner of the room, just below the window. The obviously well polished surface of the object reflected the sunlight and sat there in all its glories.

Tobi blinked. Now this was interesting. It was a whole new experience. He approached the O.I.B, object in black. It was black, shiny, and shaped as a rectangle. Tobi stretched out his hands and jabbed the... Thing.

Amazingly, the thing proceeded to be flipped opened and be separated into two rectangles.

The upper half was smooth and flawless, light flashed ever so slightly behind the seemingly transparent material.

The lower half was made up of many squares and rectangles, plus a slight indented area below the many polygons.

Even though the object was innocent enough and did not attempt to scratch Tobi, Tobi ran out of the room, screaming as if his hair was on fire. He heeded straight for his room, well, the room he shares with Deidara to be exact, and his eyes' virginity was robbed the moment he opened the door.

His beloved Deidara-sempai was in his underwear, and only his underwear. He was holding some poker cards, and had a dramatic devastated look on his face.

Itachi and Kakuzu were probably the most decent looking. They were wearing fishnet shirts and khaki shorts.

Hidan was practically... Naked. All he left was a piece of rag covering his sacred spot.

Kisame, let's just say he was showing off his six packs now. And dear, he was proud of it.

Zetsu was just... Zetsu.

Strip poker was evil. Tobi knew it long ago, and Tobi screamed for his holy virgin eyes.

"Quiet, Tobi, damn it!"Kakuzu yelled.

"Sorry, Kakuzu-san, Tobi will be a good boy... Tobi saw something strange in Leader-sama's room," Tobi replied innocently.

"Who's in for a vovage!?" Kisame hiccuped, his fingers wrapped around an unique wine bottle, holding it as a microphone. Hidan's eyes narrowed.

"Who the fuck let him into the wine cellar?"

Everybody shrugged.

"But fine, I need a fucking change from this anyway..." Referring to the game of Strip poker. Everyone simply nodded and threw their cards onto the floor. They were all more or less willing to stop the game, except Kakuzu.

"Man, I have a hand of Royal Flush..." He muttered. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"This IS Strip Poker yeah, no money involved, uh. Don't be obsessed with victory, yeah."

"Shut up you blond." Deidara simply smirked.

The Akatsuki members made their way to the obnoxious black door separating Pein's room from the outside word and took a deep, deep breath.

"Well, who should open the door, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Itachi should," most of the members answered in unison.

Itachi had an emotionless look. He simply approached the door and placed his pale hand on the doorknob. All the eyes watched him intensely.

Slowly, Itachi twisted the metallic appliance and...

"It's locked," Itachi concluded.

"But Tobi just went in there a few minutes ago, yeah!" Deidara exclaimed. Itachi stood back.

"This calls for my beautiful work of art, yeah!" Deidara smirked as he molded a clay figurine of a spider, fixing it on the doorknob.

"Ka."

The clay spider exploded and the doorknob was replaced with a hole. Hidan gave the door a swift kick and it swung open pathetically. Ooooh, shiny...

"There's no fucking shit in here!"

"Yes, at the corner!"

"In favor of Itachi being the lab rat, jab him in the ribs." Itachi received six jabs, one from a vine. Again, he simply went forward to the mysterious object. He fumbled with it for a moment, before turning to look at Hidan. 'Payback time for screwing my room up for your ceremony.'

"Run a few experiments of this, Hidan. It seems interesting..."

"You sure, shit head?"

"Go on."

Although hesitant, Hidan approached the object with cautions and raised his scythe, bringing it down at full force in one go and... The object shattered into a thousand fragments. Everyone's heart stopped palpitating. They are officially dead meat.

"What the fuck did you do to my laptop!?" An angry voice, way too familiar, and identified as Pein's yelled.

Everyone turned around slowly... And were greeted by an angry Pein. An angry Pein is NOT good. They knew.

"We can explain... Yeah..." Deidara smiled nervously. Itachi was smart. He raised his hand and pointed his index and middle fingers.

"Kai." Itachi disappeared. The rest of the people soon realized that it was a good idea to follow Itachi's example, and quickly did the same thing.

"Kai."

"Kai."

"Kai."

"Kai."

"Kai."

Before Pein knew, six out of the seven culprits had disappeared. And the seventh, Zetsu, had scurried out of the room by the window. It took him a split second.

"ITACHI! HIDAN! GET BACK HERE!"

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

It might be a bit different but pretty much the same. :) I finally finished rewriting this.