9 Things That May or May Not Have Happened in the Enchanted Forest. Loosely based off of Shakespeare's As You Like It. Enjoy!

Pairings: Riku/Sora, Axel/Roxas in the loosest sense.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

I.

“What do we do first?”

“Set up a tent, like Robin Hood. We have to be, you know, tough.”

“Sora, the knot won’t stay.” The stakes were planted at odd angles, and the tent looked like it was sliding from one dimension to another.

“Pull it tighter!”

“What do you think I’m doing?” Riku grunted. “You do it, I’m hungry.” He tugged on the sack slung over Sora’s shoulder that had all the essentials for the bandit life, namely:

a. one (1) pocket knife
b. sandwiches stolen from Riku’s brother’s lunch tray
c. about 10,000 jellybeans and marshmallow chicks
d. hair gel

Sora fell backwards, taking the tent’s rope and stakes with him. “Asshole.”

“Dumbath.” Riku said through a mouth of jellybeans.

“I’m not fixing that.”

“…We could always use the tent as a sleeping bag.”

“I guess Robin Hood did that too.”

Sora was, effectively, a useless bum. But he was okay with it, because Riku was just as useless as he was, and being the son of a baron meant that he could be useless and people would still have to like him.

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II.

Roxas glared at the note that had been nailed to the door. He glared at the empty room. And he glared at Axel. “They did it… again ?”

“My lunch was missing again, and Riku tried to sneak out through the kitchen door this morning.” The boy failed at stealth. “I’d say so.”

“Well, now you can have Sora’s lunch. It’s not like he’s going to need it!” Roxas sent the letter another withering glare.

“What is it, pixie sticks?”

“I know, I know. We’re working on the whole nutrition thing.”

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III.

“What’s that?”

“Oh god, don’t touch it. That stuff kills brain cells—you can’t afford that.”

“Thanks. That was a warm fuzzy.”

“I do it because I care.” Riku grabbed Sora’s arm and pulled him away from the empty hunny pot.

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IV.

Anyone who had spent more than a day in this forest would know that the clearing with the stump, the small creek, and the cluster of beech trees were Peter Pan’s territory. He had fought many, many woodland creatures and had spat on many, many trees to gain this territory. It made him what he was.

But something was not right. People were in his territory. They had crashed right through the beech cluster and were sitting in his clearing, around his stump. They were eating and pulling up grass and throwing things at each other. He could not let this happen.

“Trespassers!” Peter bounded into the clearing, his wooden sword drawn. “Thieves! Bandits!”

“Yes, we are bandits!” One of the boys grinned at him, brandishing his wooden sword in return like a secret handshake. “Hand over the booty!”

“Sora, no. That’s pirates.” The other muttered, stepping in front of Sora. “You got a problem?”

“No, but you do! You are trespassing. This is my land! I spit on every single one of these trees!” They had to know who they were dealing with.

“Was that necessary?”

“You said you were bandits, you should know the importance of territory.”

“We’ll fight you for it! HeyOW, RIKU.” Sora jumped up, and Riku pushed him right back down. “Sora, shut up! And you.” There was something…floating around the guy’s head. “You…uh…um, what is that?”

“My sword.”

“No.”

“Oh, you mean Tink? She’s my fairy.”

“A fairy?” Riku looked at the pile of sticks they had collected. “Can she light fires?”

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V.

“Riku, I’m bored. And hungry.”

“…All that’s left are Axel’s sandwiches.”

“Gross.”

“They’re probably covered in syphilis.”

“And mayonnaise…

…I’m bored.”

“Let’s go find Kairi.” Even if her jokes sucked, her striped jester suit was a thing to be admired.

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VI.

DANGER DANGER DANGER
This area is occupied
By bandits worse than Bon and Clyde
If you dare step into our lair
We will pull out all of your hair
And those who try to run away
Will find that they can’t escapé
From fearless Riku and Sora
Known from here to Bora Bora

“…Got it memor—OW!”

“Don’t even joke…I think I’m gonna throw up.”

“Well, it’s no Shakespeare, but they did hold the meter.”

“Take that thing down, it’s defiling the tree.”

“Foxy Roxy.”

“Shut up.”

“Axe to the Max…”

“Stop that!”

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VII.

Kairi loved her job. She got to wear tights that were different colors and things that sparkled. People gave her money to make fun of them. She was a I god /I among practical jokers. Higher-ups were too old and full of gas to appreciate her genius; Axel was the best victim. He retaliated, and he did it with style.

Riku and Sora, though, they just made it too easy.

“Kairi!”

“Entertain us.”

“We’re bored.”

“Didn’t you guys run away?” Again. “Couldn’t stick it out?”

“Nuh-uh!” Sora wrinkled his nose.

“You know, I heard something once…there was a girl, a duke’s daughter. She had a bodyguard who was kind and handsome, and as time went on, the two fell deeply in love.” Annnnd there, Sora had that stupid look in his eyes. What a sap.

“Well, you know, the duke was evil and ugly and he only had one eye—”

“Um. Ew.”

“He wore an eye patch. But he found out about their love, and he said he would banish the guard and send his daughter to an abbett.”

“But!” Sora said, his voice cracking in that oh so manly way it did. “But what did they do?”

“They escaped, the very night before the guard was to be banished. They ran into the forest behind the castle. ‘We’ll be safe in here.’ The guard said. ‘No one will dare follow us.’”

“Why?” Kairi looked at Riku. He looked horrified that he had actually said something. Crossing his arms, glared at Kairi from under his bangs.

“Why? Because…the woods were supposed to be haunted, by an evil demon. Indeed, they found the demon the first night. The guard jumped in front of the duke’s daughter, and slashed at the demon with his big, manly sword, but the demon just laughed and cast a spell on him. There was a large poof of smoke and…”

“…”

“…”

“AND?”

“And! The guard had been turned into a donkey!”

“…What?”

“What happened?”

“The duke’s daughter sold him to a peasant.”

Sora made many flailing motions. He was way too invested in this story. “But, their love!” Kairi shrugged indifferently.

“How could she love such an ass?”

… And there it was. Riku looked like he was going to murder her. Sora’s eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open.

Yup. Almost too easy. She grinned and stuck out her hand. “If you please.”

“You have no soul.” Riku dropped a few coins into her pocket.

“And yet, somehow, I’m okay with it!” Kairi smiled brightly, saluting the pair and bouncing off.

“…I think I hate her.”

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VIII.

“Riku, you got something on your shirt…” Riku looked down, and Sora flicked his nose. “Ha! Gotcha!”

Oh God. “Hey, Sora—” Riku grabbed his collar and pulled the boy to him.

“You’re supposed to say that I got something on my shirt.”

“I’m really bad at telling jokes.”

“No shit.”

“Shut up.” Riku tugged on Sora’s shirt and kissed him soundly.

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IX.

Being friends with Riku was so much easier than talking to girls. Girls were temperamental, and girls usually thought about things Sora said more than he had when he said them. Girls would sound all nice when they talked to him, but he would find out later he had made them cry. He had to think about girls, but he did not have to think about Riku. He had to fight Riku, follow Riku, react and absorb Riku, but he did not have to think.

“You have that stupid look again.” Riku poked the small fire with a stick.

Sora looked up, a megawatt smile splitting his face. He did not think about that either.