Rain poured down in torrents outside the tent as David observed his friend lying pale and exhausted in a camp bed. He'd been waiting for what felt like hours to see Jonathan.

“Jonathan is in pain.”

“I’ll be fine,” Jonathan said. But he gasped when he tried to shift. Blood seeped into the linen of his bandage. David pushed him gently back against the pillows. “David, stop! I don’t need help.”

David frowned.

“I’m only tired,”Jonathan explained. “I only need to be alone for awhile.” David noticed that Jonathan’s eyes were watering.

“Why is my brother crying?” he asked.

“I’m not,”Jonathan said. “And I thought I dismissed you.”

“I wish to take care of you,”David said. He really meant it. The image of Jonathan in pain frightened him, Jonathan wasn’t superhuman after all. He wanted to sit by Jonathan’s side, and bring him food and change his bandages. Maybe then Jonathan would understand that he could have anything he wanted from David. Anything.

“I won’t say it a fourth time,”Jonathan said. David left against his better judgement, but as he passed the outside of Jonathan’s tent he heard muffled weeping.

David sloshed his way across camp, vowing to buy better boots when he got home. Men looking like drowned cats huddled in the cooking tent because it was one of the few places that had any warmth. The cooks kept shooing them out. Other men were trying to do something about the latrine, which had overflowed and splashed down the hillside. David looked down at the mud around his feet suspiciously and really wished he had better boots.

The camp was not in a celebratory mood that day. There had been injuries and even casualties, the bodies needed to be buried as soon as possible. Some men had just gone straight to their tents, while others sat around in quiet groups. David wasn’t sure what else to do with himself, so he helped with the corpses.

He’d never held a dead man other than Goliath, and never anyone he’d known well. These men would never speak again, or dance, or pray or hold their children. David was going to wake up tomorrow and they weren’t going to be there.

He found himself vomiting in a patch of grass behind one of the supply tents. David wandered unsteadily to his own tent and used some of his water rations to bath and wash his mouth and face. Then he changed his clothes and curled up in the dark. The images of the men he'd killed refused to go away.

They'd won, but it hadn't been a happy victory and now he was sad, exhausted and yet restless.

"Now you're the one who's sick?" Jonathan asked. He stood framed in David's doorway, wearing his fine cloak and a cloth tied around his hair.

"My Lord should not be walking!" David said. He quickly remedied his lack of manners by jumping up and bowing.

"Don't bow to me in your own tent, "Jonathan said. "I'm healing well, but I thank you for your concern."

"But what can I do to-"

"Come walk with me, "Jonathan said. David threw his cloak and cap on and followed. They strolled away from the morose camp, to the edge of the circle of torchlight. Jonathan slipped his hand in David's casually. He limped, and when they stopped he had to support himself against a tree. He wasn't feeling better at all, David thought irritably. The rain splattered down on both of them, Jonathan pulled David under the tree.

"My friend was brave today," Jonathan said.

"Not so brave, "David mumbled and shrugged.

"You saved my life."

"But Jonathan got hurt and I did not,"David said. "And now he is walking around which is sure to make his wound open again."

"We can't win glamorous battles all the time. Sometimes we take a hit even if we win, "Jonathan said.

"Jonathan shouldn't joke about this, "David said. "We had five casualties today."

"If I didn't make jokes, I…" Jonathan looked away. "You'll get used to it."

"I can't joke about that maybe I might lose you!" David blurted out. Jonathan turned and stared at him.

"Oh, David." He pulled David into an embrace. "I do love you. I do."

"Then know me!" David groaned.

"If I did, I would be guilty of cruelty to you," Jonathan said. "I outrank you."

“Is it not equally cruel to deny me my chance to not deny you?”

“What?” Jonathan asked.

“I fumble with my words,”David muttered.

“That’s unusual for you,”Jonathan said.

“I meant that Jonathan’s hands would not be restricted if he chose to-“

“Only my hands?” Jonathan said and smiled.

“Your mouth and other parts as well,”David said. “I would feel no shame.”

“None at all?”

“A bit,”David admitted. “But I don’t care.”

“You will tomorrow,”Jonathan said.

“Please, don’t tell me what to feel,”David said. "I'm a man now and I know what I want."

"A real man wouldn't childishly press me for something I may not want to give!"

"My Lord bores me with his argument,"David said. "If he doesn't want me, he shouldn't touch me so often, or gaze over my body or ask me to do tasks alone with him. I'm not so far below you anymore. "

Jonathan's mouth dropped open.

"I didn't say I didn't want you. I said I wasn't going to do anything about it."

David flung his arms around Jonathan and pressed his face into Jonathan's shoulder. He was so desperate to plead his case that he found himself saying things he wasn't sure he meant.

"It hurts me more to not be touched than it would to be used for a night and thrown away."

"I don't want to take advantage of you,"Jonathan whispered against his ear. He was semi hard, David felt it on his hip.

"I won't tell my father, "David said. He smirked. "Or yours."

"It's not-" Jonathan brushed his lips against David's forehead. "I just wanted to make sure that you knew you could say no at any time."

"But I'm not!" David protested. He flung his arms around dramatically. "I don't need to say no. My answer has always been and always will be, yes!"

Jonathan sighed.

"Don't say that to a man, it's not a wise position to put yourself in. But there are several positions I'd love to put you in, in spite of that. Wait in my tent, I'll be there in a moment."

When he returned, David was in his bed, under the blankets. A glimpse of bare shoulders told Jonathan that David was naked. He kept himself covered though, shameless and nervously modest at the same time.

"You're not shy,"Jonathan said. "Didn't you think I might prefer to undress you myself?"

"I can't read your mind, "David said. "My Lord prefers me to play coy?"

"I like you whatever you're not wearing,"Jonathan said. He undressed , aware that David was watching him intensely. David's gaze was frank and curious, but when Jonathan approached the bed, David glanced away and flushed.

David lay in the bed and trembled, wishing that he hadn't decided to come here. He realized how big Jonathan was, in many ways. Jonathan slid between the blankets, close up and smelling like masculine sweat. Even as he caressed David's thigh he was careful to position himself to avoid putting weight on his bandaged leg.

"David is worried."

"I'm envious of Jonathan's body,"David admitted, making a helpless gesture with his hands. "I shall never be so big."

"You're not quite finished growing,"Jonathan said. "I'm not that big, I'm just tall with good shoulders, but I know exercises that will help, if you're interested. I love your body, don't be embarrassed." He stroked David's hair. "Have you seen the way men and women look at you?"

"Yes. The women anyway. I look back at them, I go with them often, but it's harder to be sure with men." Jonathan was the only man he'd ever dared to flirt with so openly.

"I need to introduce you to some more men like us,"Jonathan said. There were others! David hadn't realized how much of a separate life Jonathan led. He was older, he'd traveled, of course he'd know other men with the same interests. What did those other men know how to do?

"And I feel how Jonathan reacts to me,"David said. He smiled cautiously.

"And yet you hesitate,"Jonathan pointed out as gently as he could considering how painfully hard he was becoming. "Touch me, then. You said you wanted this. "

David wrapped his hand around Jonathan's cock and stroked. He helped Jonathan, and Jonathan helped him as they rubbed their organs together and rocked and sweated together under the blankets. Jonathan was kind, making sure to instruct David about what he wanted, and encouraging David to do the same.

"My love, you are disappointed, "Jonathan said, hugging David to his chest when they were finished. David was baffled, he couldn't think of anything better than what they'd just done, what did Jonathan mean? He rested his face against Jonathan's chest hair and tweaked his nipple. Jonathan gasped and smiled down at him.

"Not disappointed,"David replied. "Guilty. "

"I understand."

"No, Jonathan, I was- I am unclean, "David admitted. "I helped with the bodies."

"Why didn't you say anything before?" Jonathan asked. He groaned.

"I didn't want to lose my chance,"David said.

"That was unfair to me,"Jonathan said. "I'd hoped I could trust you more than that." He moved away, just out of easy reach and adopted a hurt expression. David rose onto his knees and clasped Jonathan's hand in his own.

"Oh , my Lord!" He exclaimed. "Never did I mean to offend. I couldn't wait. "

"In order to teach you some patience,"Jonathan said, " Even after you are clean again, you may not spill your seed for another week. Not by yourself, not with anyone. Even an accident will count."

"I won't disappoint my Jonathan,"David breathed.