Ok, so its been a loooong time since I've uploaded anything, and I apologize for it. School's just been crazy and such. This was an idea I'd teased around for a while, and then I heard this song, and it seem to all fall into place. Hope you enjoy, please review! Oh, and by the way, I don't own CSI: Miami. If I did, I'd be one happy girl...

Rolled over from last night's dreams
Happiness isn't from a
drink me up in your thoughts
Just like I do with you
Are you left thirsty too?

Whoa-oh oh
I am erratic
Can't break the habit
My current status
With you I'm insomniatic

My train is off the track
It seems delirious from my loss of sleep-
Deprived, I greet the day
Won't be easy to do
Are you this restless too?

Whoa-oh oh
I am erratic
Can't break the habit
My current status
With you I'm insomniatic

One by one
The days grow longer and longer
And I, in my own sweet pain grow stronger
I must admit, I must admit, I must admit
it's a good insane
I must admit, I must admit, hear me admit!

Whoa-oh oh
I am erratic
Can't break the habit
My current status
With you I'm insomniatic

The moonlight was cold that spilled into Horatio’s room, despite the heat he felt compressing his skin.

He swung his legs from his bed and let his head drop into his hands, pushing a hand through his sweat touched hair. How long had he lain there this time? Lain there with no sleep, thoughts whirring like a rusty machine inside his mind?

He glanced at the luminous red clock by his bed. 3:30 AM it read. He sighed with frustration. When he’d finally decided to leave the lab at 11: 00 PM he’d gotten home, forced himself to eat something, showered, and laid down, wanting rest for the first time in a long time. And yet, he’d lain there, tossing and turning, trying to ease himself into sleeping. And yet, he was denied.

Ever since Marisol, ever since Brazil, ever since he’d found his brother and his lost love for Yelina, he’d been deprived of sleep. It’d been a week now, and he’d slept a scant eight hours over seven days. He’d asked Eric if he’d had the same problem…

“At first I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking Marisol was going to call. But after two days or so, things calmed down. It’s still been rough, though, and I still don’t sleep through the night completely, but usually six hours. Why?”

Horatio shook his head as he remembered the way his friend had looked at him. The cobalt eyes, usually so deep, were shallow and hollow with grief and unease. Restlessness and frustration.

“Not to tell you how to run your life, H, but maybe you should see a doctor. You don’t look well, besides lack of sleep. Everybody in the lab can see it, you’ve lost weight, and you’re not as sharp as you were a few weeks ago…”

“A few weeks ago, my wife was still alive,” Horatio rasped his voice tight with suppressed anger and sadness.

“I know,” Eric said softly. “But still, maybe you should think about it.”

For days after, Horatio continued to do battle with his insomnia. It wasn’t just grief and restlessness from Marisol’s death that was keeping him awake, it was his brother, Raymond. The brother he’d tried so hard to save, so hard to protect, so hard to try to make him love the woman whom had loved him unconditionally even after the way he’d treated her. When he’d found him in Brazil, and watched him die, it left an echo inside his soul that guarded from trying to use substances to put himself to sleep. He’d rather not sleep for a year than fall into what Raymond had, no matter how safe or innocent it seemed.

And then there was Yelina. The woman he loved had come back into conflict with so soon after Marisol’s death. Horatio still wasn’t sure if he should love her. After Raymond’s supposed death, he had expressed his feelings to her, in his own, not so clear, but still plain methods. Enough to where he knew she understood. But she had never returned his feelings, at least not in any measure Horatio felt justified in pursuing. And then he’d met Marisol… and he’d become so enthralled with her, so in love, it had tamed the restless feelings he’d had for Yelina. And then, with Marisol’s death, and his finding Yelina again, it threw back his former feelings into a rough chaotic spiral.

He rubbed his eyes, rose from his bed and went to his window. He pulled back the curtain just slightly and looked up at the moon, so full and bright, so large and so close it felt like he could reach up and touch it.

The cool window pane brought relief from the heat in the room, and Horatio remained there, leaning against it, soaking in the cool glass. Even when Speedle had died, he had not been this bad. This was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. He did not dare glance over his shoulders, knowing he’d find his bed waiting for him, with no promise of relief.

For a long time, Horatio tossed around questions in his mind, wondering what had provoked Raymond to do the things he had, and why things had been set into such a hurricane like state. Marisol’s death, Raymond’s fate, his feelings for Yelina, it all seemed to come to a colossal stand off in his mind, and neither of the three would yield.

He pressed his palm against the window pane and leaned his forehead against the glass, feeling his chest rise and fall in a ragged rate to try and take in cool air. He sighed and closed his eyes. He’d fight with this until hell froze over if he had to.

His heart was too gentle a place for the reality that his mind was positive of. And he smiled ruefully at it and shook his head, opening his eyes. He could see his reflection in the window as he looked slowly up at the moon, and then back into his own eyes. What he saw in them only made him give a near sick, almost coy, smile.

Even if he moved beyond this, there would always be things: always be doubts, fears, loathing’s, passions, and depressions that would haunt him. To a degree, he’d always be insomniatic.