Because Kairi's a sap, too. An empowered sap. :)

Kinda loosely inspired by Gertrude Talks Back by Margaret Atwood. Only not half as awesome.

Um, as usual, it's for one of the prompt-tables I'm doing over at livejournal. The theme for this one is "it's alright."

—

castle keys.
(between KH and KH2)

—

I always feel like I could have played a bigger part in this story.

I could play a part right now, be more than just your faraway princess, your motivation, your distant star.

I don’t know why I had to be sent back here.

I don’t know why — when the island was reborn and I was on one side of the divide and you were close enough to touch… I don’t know why it felt so right at the time, letting go of you. We didn’t think anything of it. You had unfinished business, I guess, that was logical. And I was just plain homesick.

Home is not a place. It’s a time. A feeling. The three of us as we were.

Now I’m thinking you should have pulled me over the gap before it spread so far.

We don’t think of things like that, I guess, when everything takes on that dramatic, conclusive vibe.

I think of stories of women whose husbands go to war. You were roped into this against your will, weren’t you? Like being drafted into the army without your consent. It’s not your fault the key fell to you.

And yet you never fought against it.

I’m proud of you for what you do, yeah — but I can be selfish, too.

I can do more than stare out to sea, you know.

But it’s hard to find oppurtunities for the things people don’t expect you to do.

I liked my heart being in your heart. Even if you didn’t feel me there. I could feel you, your footsteps, your bloodlines. I wanted to cry every time you said my name or Riku’s. Maybe because you did, too — feel like crying, that is. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry. Riku, once, but never you.

I used to think it was because you had nothing to cry for.

I know the difference now.

I liked my heart being in yours because I always felt like I was doing something. Or even if my presence had no real effect, I was still a part of the story for a while, you know? I could feel the adrenaline as you did. I might have learned to fight, just a little, just through you.

I can run faster now.

In fact, I don’t think I can stand still anymore.

You have this need to keep moving, keep working, I know. I think it’s in me, too.

I didn’t like being in Traverse Town. I liked Yuffie because she never stopped grinning and made the dusty corners of that stupid town seem… humourous, I guess. I liked Aerith because she wasn’t just calm; she was calming.

I liked Leon even though he wouldn’t talk to me at all, at first. But then he taught me how to play all these card games from his world, games I’d never even heard of. I think he needed a card partner who wouldn’t lecture him on the evils of gambling — Aerith — or sneak extra kings and aces, ninja-quick, into every game — Yuffie, of course. And he made me think of Riku in that older-brother way, only Leon’s way older and smiles a lot less and we weren’t so deep-rooted as far as friendship goes. We didn’t have any remember-whens.

I liked the moogles and their workshop. I liked the people I talked to, sometimes; hearing stories about their worlds.

But I didn’t like Traverse Town.

I know you didn’t either. You liked the idea of it, sort of, sure, but I know how much you missed the sun.

I wonder if Riku misses the sun. I’m sure he does, a little. Just not like we do.

I think he might have been able to slip through the marble doors at the end of the world, if he’d really wanted to.

I don’t think that occurred to you.

I didn’t like being in Traverse Town mostly because no one ever let me do anything much. I think you must have told them all to take care of me, keep me safe, or something. They might have overdone it.

Do you know how many days I stayed in that little vacant house? They were scared to let me leave. Yuffie or Leon dropped off food from the café, probably on some sort of rotation, and Aerith had these projects that she pulled out of nowhere for me. I arranged photographs in albums. I mixed ingredients for potions. Once, this moogle caught a cold from one of the ducklings and it started sneezing out its fluffy innards; she had me monitor him. And let me just say, Curaga has nothing over the common cold.

I didn’t get to see much of Traverse Town until they all decided to go back to Hollow Bastion. They’d planned for me to go, too, at first, but I refused. I didn’t want to see anymore of my birthplace than I already had.

Yes, that’s right. Birthplace. I know, now.

I think you must have known before I did. Or maybe we both did at the same time — that slideshow, remember? In the tent? In the jungle?

Our hearts skipped that beat together.

So Yuffie and Aerith and Leon and Cid, too, even though I hardly knew him, they were ready to find their home. By then I was so starved for sunlight — you came to me in the cavern. You might have guessed I was dreaming of saltwater. I’m sure you were, too. The paintings on the wall made me think of our cave. Yours, mine, Riku’s.

When you bring my charm back to me, I’ll probably tell you to keep it.

Luck is imaginary anyway. It’s just fun to dream.

Do you see why I feel like I could have done more? Why I still do? I have almost no role. I’m practically a concept. In the tradition of war-wives, I might as well be knitting socks. Except I wouldn’t know where to send them. I write poems for you and Riku, sometimes; maybe someday I’ll send one out in a bottle. Something epic like that. My words to reach you at the edge of the world.

I miss you guys so much.

I haven’t cried at all since the last time I saw you; when I watched you fade into your namesake.

You’d cry, too, if you watched me drown. It was sort of like that. Irony.

So like I said — I haven’t cried since. For a while I might have felt like staying on our little island and waiting for you guys, nothing else. But things don’t work like that.

I’m putting most of my thoughts into school, and I try not to think about how you guys have fallen years behind.

Then again, I guess saving worlds is pretty much beyond the educational system. So I guess it’s sort of to your benefit that no one remembers y—

…

I guess I might have forgotten to mention that.

It was kind of creepy talking to your mom, Sora. She…

I don’t want to upset you.

I think it’s only temporary. I think when you’re back, they’ll all recall you all of a sudden and everything will fall into place. It’s got to be like that. It can’t just be like you were never part of this place. I think everyone living long enough on these islands becomes a part of them. You know how some people say that sort of thing. I think it’s so, so true.

But I’m scared I might forget you, too. I’m sitting here with everything vivid, so losing my memory somehow feels improbable. But I have this weird, weird feeling about it.

I can’t find any photographs of you, no traces of the lives you and Riku left behind. I used to go to our secret place every day, but just last week there was this minor tremor around the smaller islands that shook everything up a little and I can’t find the entrance at all now.

I’m… pretty sure it was natural. That sort of thing happens here every now and then, right?

So now I make a habit of coming to this island and sitting by the water for a while, every day after school. I usually bring homework or something. So, you know, if I ever forget you guys? I think this place should remind me. Even though I hope it won’t come to that. It’s just in case.

Sometimes I want to leave this place and find you guys so bad, I half-hope another storm’s going to tear this place apart. I mean, our world repaired itself once, right? So if I ended up in Traverse Town again and found a way to you and we all came back together, it’d be the same.

I used to think Riku was insane for letting the darkness into his heart. Now I’m thinking, he’s the bravest of all of us. As much as I want to leave right now, I’d never have the guts to say yes to the darkness and still be strong enough to hold on to who I am, like he did.

The darkness had him, but it couldn’t touch him.

I’m thinking, somehow, all the mistakes he made — he made them for us.

Sora — you’ve got to find him. I know you’ve known him longer than I have, but you don’t know his heart like I do. You’ve got to find him or he’ll just keep on running away. He’ll keep on blaming himself. I know he will.

And I want my words to reach you. I know they won’t, really. I just want to help you in any way I can.

But here’s the thing. Here’s what all of this has taught me.

I shouldn’t be focused on what I can’t do right now.

It’s weird and lonely living without the two of you, but it’s not like I can’t. Because I can. I can breathe, I can see, I can dream. I’m still me.

And maybe soon I’ll be with you guys. Maybe you’ll come home, together.

Or maybe I’ll meet you halfway.

Right now, right at this very moment? I have an AP bio test to cram for.

So… see you, I guess.

Someday.