Disclaimer: I don’t own the Teen Titans.

Author’s Note: And here we have the fourth and final installation of Hundert. It’s getting much harder to avoid repeating myself, as evidenced by the length of the entries and the horrendously long amount of time it took to update. Now it’s on to finishing up Anesthetized and corrupting Kryalla Orchid’s stories for my own selfish purposes (insert the standard Snidely Whiplash laugh… here).

Also: Beast Boy is my favorite character… does it show?

It’s not the bullet with your name on it, but the one addressed “To whom it may concern” that you’ve got to worry about.

-Murphy’s Laws of Combat

Four

301) Desert (1)

“It’s a giant mushroom… maybe it’s friendly! Friendly mushroom! Mushy giant friend…” Starfire snatched her green friend up by the back of his neck and flew off to the infirmary wing. “I do not claim to understand all of your earthly ways, but your behavior as of late is the very definition of ‘freaky’ and friend Robin has asked me to escort you to the Tower’s medical facilities for safekeeping, as well as for you to receive the mental assistance from Raven. I have also been informed that I may need to relocate Cyborg to a repair shop after I am finished with the task of transporting you, although I am not completely sure why his gift to you of the nip of cats would cause our friend to be in disrepair. When you are in your right mind once more, I am sure you can explain it to me though.”

302) Ride

“You are in no way, shape, or form ever allowed to engage in any activity that can be described using the phrase ‘riding Beast Boy’.” A few feet away, Beast Boy wondered why Jinx went to Raven to ask permission for a unicorn ride instead of him, and why Raven would look so positively infuriated at the request.

303) Someone

She had a way of explaining things so that they made perfect sense at the time, but absolutely none later on. He suspected the phrase “kissing him senseless” played a significant role. “So Raven, tell me again how getting your name branded on my backside was the same as your tattoo?” Oh, yeah—I remember now!

304) Priest

“Dearly beloved, we gather here today…” to join these two souls in holy matrimony… “to mourn the passing of our beloved brother…” Jinx choked back a sob at what could have been—what should have been—the correct line for the priest to be saying in front of the metal Titan.

305) Button

The stage? The common room, in which a large red button (labeled “DO NOT PRESS”) had been surreptitiously placed on the coffee table. The bet? How long it would take after discovering it for Beast Boy to press the button. The winner? Raven, although the other three contenders would later claim that “lifting Beast Boy with your powers and pressing the button with his immobile body at the appropriate time” didn’t really count.

306) Rebuilding

It was always the T-Car, never T-Car 1 or T-Car 2, no matter how many times the vehicle became destroyed. Cyborg’s baby could was never replaced, but reborn.

307) Hurt

Her hands were twitching as if they were itching to wrap themselves around his throat and squeeze the life from his scrawny little green- “I don’t try to make you hurt me, Raven. I try and make you want to hurt me—there’s a big difference, you kn-ouch!”

308) Span

It was hard, frustrating, trying, nerve-wracking, and horribly—horribly— annoying. Still, when they finally bridged the divide between them, it was definitely worth all the fuss.

309) Revision

Beast Boy was never going to change his codename—not after seeing Ro-Nightwing wade through red tape and bureaucratic hell for four months straight. If he had his way, Cyborg’s grandkids would be calling him Beast Boy. “Garfield, for the love of Azar, you’re twenty-five years old! Get a new name already!” Of course, when did he ever get his way?

310) Patients

“For the last time, gel head: it’s not Slade, it’s the flu season!” “Oh yeah, sure… the ‘flu’ managed to put four fifths of the Titans down on bed rest at the same time?!” “No Robin, that particular malady can be attributed to Beast Boy.” “What?! Hey, don’t look at me! I’m the only one here who isn’t sick—how can it be my fault?” “Friends! Please do not a-a-ah-ah-ACHOO!” The other four Titans peeled themselves from the infirmary walls as though nothing had happened. “Bless you Star,” they said in unison before returning once more to their bickering.

311) Jest

Raven blinked in surprise at Beast Boy’s strange request. “You actually want me to make fun of your jokes?” she asked, failing to keep the incredulity from her voice. “Of course,” chuckled the changeling, “your responses are half the fun!”

312) Like

I doubted myself, Star. Focused, serious, determined... as much as I hate to admit it, he and I are kind of alike. But there's one big difference between me and Slade: he doesn't have any friends. As Nightwing sat alone in his hideout, he thought back to that conversation he’d had with Starfire those twenty long years ago, and wondered what was left to separate him from his psychotic rival from his teenage years.

313) Trap

They found him dangling in the hallway outside Raven’s door, his feet firmly attached to the ceiling by the empath’s signature black magic. At first, they thought his face was red from the blood rushing to his head, but when Robin asked what had happened, the changeling just grinned and said: “Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.”

314) Satisfy

She always made sure to leave him wanting, for what if he got what he wanted from her and never came back for more? “Raven, the world isn’t going to end if you smile!” She wished she could believe him, but she knew that if she satisfied him and he didn’t return, hers would.

315) Simple

Both of them tended to make things more complicated than they needed to be, but when they did things together, everything became so simple.

316) Cook

THE CAKE IS A LIE. “Gee, I wonder who cooked my birthday cake this year,” Garfield said as he read the message on the celebratory confection. “Hey man, if I’m gonna be cookin’ with tofu, I’m gonna make damn sure I know what to avoid when it’s time to eat.”

317) Cliff

Robotman had never thought about it, but as he watched his little buddy (not so little anymore, Cliff) pal around with Cyborg, he wondered if there was something about people whose bodies were not their own that drew the changeling to them. He smiled to himself as Beast Boy’s best friend grabbed him in a headlock and started giving him a noogie, and realized that in reality it was probably the other way around.

318) Occasional

Normally, she was very against any form of cheating, but she had discovered how the boys’ video game sessions ended abruptly whenever Beast Boy won a match and figured that the occasional jerk of Cyborg’s control stick wouldn’t damn her to Hell for all eternity. She could do without the victory dance, though… as well as the facial flush and heavily suppressed grin that accompanied it.

319) Protecting

Raven narrowed her eyes dangerously at the changeling, who smiled smugly in response. Garfield’s figure readjusted itself as she removed her knee from between his legs, and their sparring match continued. When Cyborg later commented on how Beast “Boy’s” boobs were bigger than hers… well, it wasn’t pretty.

320) Hated

They all thought he simply didn’t get along with Robin, which was admittedly true, even if it was a vast understatement of his feelings towards the acrobat. No, Beast Boy hated the Boy Wonder, for he knew firsthand the pain of unrequited love, and for someone to inflict such suffering on Raven—even unknowingly—was nothing short of an atrocity of the highest order.

321) Surprise

“So you can shift into other people?” He nods, strangely unable to look me in the eyes. “How many times have you done it?” I can barely hear the ‘once’ he meekly whispers. “Who did you turn into?” If anything, the ‘you’ he replies with is quieter than his last response. A furious blush erupts on his cheeks, although I’m mystified as to why. Does he think I’d be upset for choosing me as his first humanoid transformation? I’m actually a little flattered, truth be told. Then a terrible thought strikes me, and I ask, “Garfield, what happens to your clothes-” but he’s gone before I can finish the question, and I find that I really didn’t want to know the answer anyways.

322) Arbitrary

The idea of getting killed was one with which most—if not all—superheroes were familiar, if not exactly comfortable. Even so, the expectation—the preparation—was for falling in the line of duty. It was some source of comfort that they would at least be able to see their death coming at them, to be able to confront their doom head on. That one of their own could be killed in a random accident suddenly made their own mortality all that much more tangible.

323) Convenience

Beast Boy suspected that his friends were trying to tell him something with their Christmas presents. Cyborg had handwritten a three-hundred page manuscript entitled Half Demons for Idiots, Robin had somehow procured a handsome tome that purported to be The Complete Unabridged Raven/Beast Boy Translation Dictionary, and Starfire had found some aged leather-bound book written in Latin with a title that a furiously blushing Raven translated as reading The Azarathian Girl’s User Manual.

324) Deputy

Robin came to an abrupt halt as soon as he entered the common room, his finely-honed detective skills setting off alarm bells in his skull. Maybe it was the fact that the room had somehow taken on the appearance of a black-and-white TV show. Maybe it was some short kid who sounded suspiciously like Raven mumbling about having to play some person called “Opie” Maybe it was the elderly lady in a 1950’s style apron floating cheerily through the kitchen with a steaming apple pie in her hands. Maybe it was some skinny guy dressed as a sheriff grinning from ear to ear as he forced a holoring onto his finger and called him “Barney”. Or maybe it was Beast Boy—the only colored figure in the room—walking around cheerfully whistling the tune from The Andy Griffith Show and looking like the cat that had eaten the tofu canary. Or… maybe it was all in his head. That tune was pretty catchy, though.

325) Doctors

“You know, you’d think a criminal with the word ‘Doctor’ in his name would move to a city where he didn’t faint at the sight of one of the local vigilantes.” “Beast Boy, he’s not actually a doctor. You can’t get a PhD from DeVry.” “Excuse me! I am a doctor, I did not get my PhD from DeVry, and for your information I am robbing… oh, hello Raven.” “Dude, worst doctor ever. I bet he even has neat handwriting.”

326) Dustbin

“My philosophy, Robin, is that if the whole floor is your trashcan, it’s a lot easier to make a basket with a paper ball.” “Beast Boy, that’s not a philosophy, that’s just an excuse to be lazy! Now clean your room or else I’ll put you on dishwashing duty until you turn forty!” Raven happened to be passing through the hallway as the two were fighting and overheard the changeling accuse the Boy Wonder of being a Philistine… by the time she could breathe properly again, Beast Boy’s room was all but destroyed, and the two boys were staring at her, mouths agape. Wiping tears of mirth from her eyes, she left the dumbfounded pair behind. “Do I still have to clean my room?”

327) Door

He hides it well, but the all-seeing eye of the Boy Wonder misses very little. The others notice it as well, but arrive at the wrong conclusions about its significance. Cyborg thinks he’s making sure that nobody is sneaking up on him, Starfire believes that he’s trying to see if anything interesting is happening, and Raven is convinced that he’s looking for her to cajole her into trying either his tofu or his video games. Only the leader recognizes it for what it really is, for what the changeling did naturally, Robin had been trained to do by the Dark Knight himself. No matter where he was or who he was with, Beast Boy was always looking for a way out.

328) Popular

Robin always felt a little ashamed for humanity whenever the Titans were all out together in public. He, Starfire, and even Raven (to her dismay) were immensely popular with the public, while Beast Boy and Cyborg were largely ignored in spite of the fact that the two boys were incredibly personable and could make friends with just about anybody. Strangely, it bothered him more than them; when he brought up their strange public standing several months after the team’s formation, the pair just shrugged it off, claiming that they had long ago accepted that they looked too different from “normal” people to be readily accepted by them.

329) Unusable

Raven had been cursed with her powers her entire life, but the first time she had ever felt truly frightened was when she reached out for them and found nothing there.

330) Refresh

“You know, there is something distinctly unfair about the fact that you’re the only one here that’s clean,” Cyborg muttered angrily at his friend as the team trudged through the jungle in which they had crashed. “Hey, you all got the same cup of water I did. Don’t hate me just because none of y’all could fit in it.”

331) Comment

“Alright, whose bright idea was it to distribute feedback cards to the prison inmates?” Robin’s question went unanswered (although it had really been rhetorical anyways) as the rest of his team collapsed in laughter at the comments made by Mad Mod.

332) Authority

Beast Boy leaned forward over the table, resting his elbow on its surface and angrily jabbed in the empath’s direction with his spoon. “Not only is my vision considerably better than 20/20, I’m also a heterosexual teenage male, which pretty much automatically makes me one of the world’s leading experts on the subject of feminine beauty. So if I say you’re beautiful, then goddamnit Raven, you’re beautiful!” The half-demon across the table looked as though she couldn’t decide whether to kill or kiss the changeling as he turned back to his breakfast and began digging into his Lucky Charms in earnest. After he made a comment about “magically delicious,” however, she quickly made up her mind.

333) Straw

“What’s so scary about a guy made out of hay?” Cyborg’s question was later answered as he simultaneously tried to help Robin administer the antidote to Dr. Crane’s fear toxin to a terrified Starfire, track down Beast Boy’s hiding place, and avoid being torn to shreds by a panicking Raven. “You just had to ask,” quipped the only other member of the team unaffected by the poison as he made another stab at calming the alien down long enough to give her the cure.

334) Collection

“I just think it’s a little weird to see a plush toy of yourself sitting on a store shelf,” she said as she hid the one she owned of him beneath her cloak.

335) Relocate

He wasn’t running, he was just setting out on his own… and the fact that he’d chosen the furthest major city from Gotham in the continental United States to put down his roots had nothing to do with anything.

336) Demonstrate

Gizmo couldn’t stop laughing for an hour. Seemore had been showing off his new X-Ray lens to him and Mammoth when Jinx had burst into the room yelling at Kid Wykkd about an “invasion of privacy” while waving around what looked like a sparkly drawing of a unicorn. The one-eyed villain just about passed out on the spot, and when Mammoth told the girl what the three of them had been doing, she blasted the poor boy through a wall.

337) Spectacular

The human fascination with explosions baffled Starfire. They were loud and destructive, and frequently placed the team’s safety in jeopardy. Only after she saw the fireworks at the carnival did she truly understand how an explosion could be something pleasant. Now, if she could only decipher the thing about reanimated humans…

338) Handicap

She wasn’t good at this whole social thing, and she figured that she could never catch up to people that had spent their entire lives practicing the fine art of interpersonal interactions.

339) Enlarged

“You know, I can’t help but wonder if there’s any underlying significance behind the fact that every girl on this team is taller than their boyfriend.” “Beast Boy, I can’t help but wonder why you broke into my room at three in the morning to ask me this. Now go to bed before I put you on double training for the next week.”

340) Waves

They were tired. They were sore. They were broken. But as they charged headfirst into a fresh batch of henchmen, the Titans proved that they were a long way off from being beaten.

341) Exploits

On the way back from the South American jungles, Beast Boy regaled the team with tales of his adventures with the Doom Patrol. The rest of the team listened in awe—not because the stories were fascinating in and of themselves (although they were), but because this was the first time any of them had heard anything personal about the changeling.

342) Tobacco

“You know Starfire, as unhealthy as smoking cigarettes is for you, I’m pretty sure that eating them is even worse.”

343) Concept

The very idea was ridiculous. How could a rag-tag band of four teenagers and some damn green kid think that they could take on such a job?! The Jump City mayor was completely prepared to deny the “Teen Titans” their request for the city’s permission to help enforce the law until the Chief of Police politely reminded her of the fact that these kids might simply ignore a refusal, and then the city would have a band of superpowered vigilantes to deal with in addition to the normal weirdoes. Why not try and work with them instead?

344) Excessive

“I understand that Adonis isn’t exactly your favorite person in the world, Beast Boy, but did you really have to pee on him after we beat him?” “No, I could always go skunk on him instead.” “Alright, peeing it is.”

345) Little

Nobody knew how the sodium had gotten into the kitchen, but everyone knew what had happened once Beast Boy had somehow mistaken it for table salt. “Once again,” Raven droned as she healed the burns in his mouth, “you’ve proven that old adage about the dangers posed by a little knowledge.”

346) Scream (2)

She felt as though she had been cruelly cheated out of one of the basic rights of motherhood: the right to complain about the incredibly painful process of pushing what was effectively a nine-pound tumor through a hole barely ten centimeters wide. Worse yet, her husband was both responsible and blameless; he didn’t even know she was aware of the pain of transforming that he bore without complaint, having apparently long ago forgotten that empathy wasn’t strictly limited to emotions. “Hey Rae, I’m gonna order some pizza. Tofu alright with you?” Arthropods and exoskeletons be damned, I’m going to kill that bastard when I get my hands on him!

347) Tight

Nobody understood why Starfire could never seem to remember to hold back on her strength when she was hugging someone. Even she couldn’t explain her consistent lapse in control when she was expressing her affection to her friends. It served its uses, though—the team could always count on Starfire to get Robin out of the training room, if only because his back was too sore to continue after her embrace.

348) Development

It took three years, but Cyborg finally decided to call his father and talk out his issues with the man that had made him what he was today. Afterwards, he confidently strode into his room and threw his holoring away, no longer feeling as though he was an abomination… although he fished it out of the trash when he remembered that, in addition to being an effective way to pretend he was normal, the ring was unparalleled as a way to disguise himself or his teammates for undercover missions. All the same, progress was progress.

349) Captured (3)

She had never seen anything quite so appealing before in her life, and she wasn’t about to let him get away. “Alright, grandma! If you’ll just leave me alone, I’ll try the stupid pie!” No doubt about it, that Johnny Rancid was hers.

350) Column

Cyborg was fairly certain that his days were numbered—and with small numbers, at that—as the two angry Titans stared him down, both of them holding a rolled-up supermarket tabloid in one of their hands. Cyborg’s Secret Love Triangle looked as though it would be a major hit, in the most literal of ways.

351) Facilitate

“Cyborg, I have two questions for you, and I want you to convince me that they’re unrelated. Where are Beast Boy and Raven, and what are you doing with that can of Silly String?” The following long and uncomfortable silence was all the Boy Wonder needed to know before deciding that he would probably be better off if he just went back to bed and stayed there for the next week.

352) Green

Raven knew that she had gone well beyond silly, but for a week after Beast Boy had so proudly announced that “he loved lamp” she took a special, perverse pleasure in breaking the Tower’s many light bulbs whenever the slightest opportunity presented itself.

353) Demonstrate

Raven knew that she shouldn’t be astonished that one of them would want to spend time with her, but when Starfire asked if she would teach her to meditate, the half-demon couldn’t help but be exactly that.

354) Arisen

“Is that Beast Boy, or a zombie?” “I’m not sure—better be safe and hit it with something, Raven.” Beast Boy muttered foully under his breath as he rubbed the back of his head where the skillet had “lightly” struck him. It figured that Robin and Raven would only find their senses of humor in the early morning, when his own was conspicuously absent.

355) Fairly

“We’re not playing poker with you, Beast Boy. You cheat.” “Dude, I do not! Raven and Cyborg cheat, but I don’t!” “Beast Boy, you got five royal flushes in a row the last time we let you play. That’s called cheating, and blatantly at that.” “You just want an excuse to stare at Starfire.” “Scram, Beast Boy, or else I’ll make you play chess with Raven until my brain hurts.” “You suck, you know that?” “Yes. Now go bother Cyborg.”

356) Employees

In retrospect, it didn’t make any sense to Beast Boy. Why hadn’t the Source simply used another Bob to man the front counter instead of hiring Beast Boy? Surely it would have been safer than using an obvious superhero. Then he realized that he was trying to apply logic to a creature that used cows as a power supply, and went back to trying to find a way to fund his dream of getting a moped that didn’t involve evil edible aliens.

357) Plays

Between their views on video games (awesome vs. mind-rotting), books (boring vs. enthralling), and movies (watching vs. ignoring), the two figured that they would never agree on any form of entertainment. But that was before they discovered The Reduced Shakespeare Company.

358) Hardy

They were nothing, if not survivors… at least, that’s what they thought. Then Starfire disappeared, and they discovered that there was a significant difference between “living” and “surviving”.

359) Men

“Whose bright idea was it to make the teams guys against girls?!” shouted Robin as a snowball flew overhead so quickly that it melted before it hit the ground. His only response was an angry glare from the other two males as they lifted him and threw his flailing body over to the enemy camp before they made good their own escapes from the slaughter.

360) Rotating

“Beast Boy, I don’t know how you got your neck to do that, but if you don’t stop trying to convince Starfire that you’ve been possessed I’ll show you exactly what a demonic possession really looks like.”

361) Officer

Apparently, Cyborg reflected as he watched the tow truck take the T-Car away, the appropriate answer to ‘Do you know just how fast you were going?’ was not “Would you like it in miles per hour, kilometers per hour, or feet per second?’

362) Tomorrow

As she watched Beast Boy and Cyborg play with the changeling’s tofu bacon for the alien princess’s amusement, she decided that Robin had been right; she had the whole rest of her life ahead of her… and she knew just what she planned on doing with it, and with whom.

363) Root

“BEAST BOY!” Raven roared as she stormed into the common room in search of her prey, her newly green hair still dripping water onto her cloak. Waking up from his nap on the couch, the changeling sat up and looked at the empath with a blank expression on his purple face. “G’morning Rae. I’ve gotta say, green looks good on you.” Raven blinked in surprise (and embarrassment) before calmly extending an invitation to the (formerly) green Titan to go on a hunting expedition, which he quickly accepted. “CYBORG!”

364) Function

Beast Boy always made the best of unfortunate situations—it was simply who he was. If Cyborg was going to put brown hair dye in his shampoo, the changeling figured he should get a laugh out of it too. “Calling all Titans,” Robin said into his communicator, his voice trembling slightly. “Will someone—probably Beast Boy—explain to me why there’s a freaking grizzly bear in my bed?” Beast Boy disguised his laughter as a roar, and the Boy Wonder wisely retreated back into the hallway behind him to wait for backup.

365) Reflect

Cyborg momentarily considered using images from the security footage taken during “the pie incident” (as their encounter with Mother Mae-Eye was now referred to) for the team’s Christmas Card photos, but decided upon further reflection that sending pictures of Raven in a yellow dress and pigtails to everyone they knew (not to mention Robin’s hairdo and Beast Boy’s bunny suit) was probably a little hazardous to his health… not to mention the fact that his yellow rain slicker getup wasn’t exactly prime fashion material either.

366) Wither

It is after Trigon’s defeat that Beast Boy finally accepts the truth—it’s not the hug she gave the Boy Wonder that convinces him to give up, nor is it her obvious distaste at the changeling’s embrace. Rather, it’s the fact that he catches her stealing glimpses of Robin when she thinks nobody is looking; looks that he knows that she has never thrown his way (because he was always watching). The pain decreases with distance, and he slowly begins to pull away from her, and after a year the once never-ending flood of bad jokes and forced social interaction has become a distant memory. He isn’t all that surprised when he finds out that she attributes the space he gives her now to him finally growing up, but he is saddened to find that she is probably right, even though it’s for all the wrong reasons.

367) Ensnared

It’s been a week since they beat Trigon and he knows that nothing has changed; her favorite color is blue and he’s still not funny, but she keeps throwing him these knowing glances that he doesn’t know the meaning of and he gets the feeling she’s laughing at him with her eyes—but in a nice way—but that’s silly, because Raven doesn’t do funny, and she certainly doesn’t do nice, but he can’t think of any other reason she would get that look on her face every time she looks at him as if she knew some secret that he didn’t know—she does, of course, because she’s Raven—but it still doesn’t make any sense to him, and ohmygod he was staring at her and she turned and caught him, and she’s giving him that look again, that half-smirk half-smile with the “I know what you’re thinking” eyes (which was strange, because most of the time he didn’t know what he was thinking), and why the hell was he blushing?!

368) Royal

“Beast Boy, this is ridiculous. You can’t go to the Halloween party in that costume—if you can even call it that.” The crowned frog on Raven’s bed croaked cheekily—if such a thing were possible—and the half-demon rolled her eyes in exasperation while trying to hide the smile encroaching upon her face. “Well then, I guess I’ll have to go fetch Starfire to change your mind. After all, didn’t the Frog Prince need the kiss of a princess before he could change back?” She quickly found a panicked changeling sitting where the frog had just before and almost broke out into laughter at the look on his face. “Come on, Garfield, let’s see if we can find that Peter Pan outfit you bought last week.” She left for his room, and after taking a deep breath to calm his shot nerves, he got up and followed.

369) Fool

Once Mas y Menos learned exactly how Starfire “learned” new languages, they spent an hour bickering among themselves over who would be best suited to have the honor of teaching her theirs. The fighting only stopped once the puzzled Tamaranian informed the twins that she already knew Spanish, courtesy of Robin… who spent the rest of his visit to Titans East nervously watching his back for the speedsters to carry out their revenge on him for taking away their opportunity to kiss the princess.

370) Mock

Beast Boy’s left eye twitched slightly as he looked at the carnage before him. Not ten feet from him lay the Hive Five—all beaten, bruised, and battered into unconsciousness by the fury of the half-demon a few feet to his left. “Are you alright, Raven?” he asked, cautiously sidling towards his teammate. He was almost startled when she turned to face him with a small smirk on her face. “Making fun of you is my job, Garfield, and I don’t take kindly to attempts at replacing me.” Beast Boy blinked in surprise, before deciding that any situation that provoked Raven into using a screaming midget as a bludgeon was probably one he would be better off not investigating too thoroughly.

371) Logic

The team was eating pizza on the couch (it was Friday, after all), and the boys were discussing their favorite comic book superheroes. Beast Boy surprised both of his male companions when he told them that his favorite X-Man wasn’t Nightcrawler or Wolverine (although they were both “wicked awesome”), but Rogue, of all people. Robin was confused, but Cyborg immediately understood… and once the different characters had been described to her, Raven got it as well.

372) Suppression

“No thank you, Beast Boy. I much prefer my current lucid state to whatever you have in that glass will eventually lead me to.” Beast Boy pouted, but continued to hold out the tumbler, undaunted by the refusal. “Raven, you know the rules: you aren’t allowed to argue with me using words that I don’t understand.” Sighing, she rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Fine then. No.” A grin crept onto the changeling’s face, and she instinctively knew that no good could come of it. “Again, Raven: you aren’t allowed to argue with me using words that I don’t understand.”

373) Precedence

Once Raven awakens from her healing trance, her first concern is for the wellbeing of her monochromatic friend… her second concern, however, is about whether the Titans will treat her like they did him when they find out her own secret.

374) Ingredients

Beast Boy’s second trip to Nevermore left Raven with a brand new set of headaches to deal with. “Your names are Happy, Rage, and Affection! Not Sugar, Spice, and…” She trailed off as she thought of possible reasons that Beast Boy would have dubbed Affection ‘Everything Nice’ and blushed furiously. Over in the corner, Rude and Brave high-fived.

375) Am

Beast Boy couldn’t fathom why Terra would have wanted to leave… after all, any place that could accept a green goofball, a scary sorceress, a mechanical man, an astoundingly alluring and amiable alien, and whatever the hell Robin was could get anyone to fit in… and wasn’t that what she had wanted all along?

376) Glove

It was a recreational pastime of the team’s: the never-ending quest to figure out why Beast Boy never took off his gloves. To date, the changeling’s personal favorite had been Starfire’s, who had (in all seriousness) proposed that he wore them in order to protect himself from the hazardous waste that surely must be prevalent in his room.

377) Shoot

He knew it didn’t make any sense, but Cyborg enjoyed missing with his sonic cannon… not intentionally missing, but when his aim was genuinely off… it told him that he was still human enough to mess up a task that his computerized brain should have had no trouble accomplishing.

378) Progress

“Cyborg, by all that is good and holy in this world, please tell me I didn’t just overhear Beast Boy use the word ‘mechanics.’” The two boys halted in surprise at the entrance to the common room, not having expected the half-demon to be sitting at the kitchen table eating a sandwich. The changeling immediately launched into his defense, explaining how he and his best friend were discussing an upcoming video game and how some character ominously dubbed ‘Black Guard’ might conceivable operate, and were most certainly not devising another scheme to convince Robin to ask Starfire out… yet. Having said his piece, he turned back to Cyborg and almost resumed his conversation, only for Raven to interrupt him by announcing (once again) that the world was coming to an end. “Oh,” she said, “I was, uh, thinking about trying out that... game myself.” Returning to her sandwich as though she hadn’t said anything unusual in the slightest, the empath determinedly ignored the other two people in the room… until one of them ran up to her and hugged her quite enthusiastically before running off whooping and cheering throughout the Tower. Something flashed across her face for only a fraction of a second before it returned to its usual stoic state, but nothing escaped Cyborg’s scrutinizing eye. As a knowing smirk slowly etched itself onto his face, the half-demon found herself unable to as much as face his general direction, instead opting to turn her back and offer a feeble “It was Robin’s idea” as means of an explanation before making her own hasty exit through the floor.

379) Meritorious

Beast Boy didn’t understand the big deal that the others were making about his role in the takedown of the Brotherhood of Evil… after all, he hadn’t done anything more besides making a halfway decent speech and letting the others form and execute a plan. He also didn’t understand why Robin had laughed so hard after he brought up this particular thought as an objection to the hullabaloo. What he did understand, however, is that this was the perfect time to ask for that moped again.

380) Mapping

“Did the MRI tell us anything, Cyborg?” “Yeah, it told us that Raven is apparently claustrophobic.” Robin blinked in surprise and Cyborg stepped aside so that the Boy Wonder could see what was left of the Tower’s MRI machine. “So… I guess that’s not going to be a part of her annual physical then.” “Not if you value your wallet, gel boy.”

381) Plain

“Robin, has it ever struck you as odd that all superheroes are stunningly attractive?” “Are you hitting on me, Beast Boy?” “Dude, I’m being serious… well, as serious as a guy can be while contemplating boobs. Really though, are there any… well, plain looking supers? No cleft chins, chiseled features, astounding physiques, or perky… anythings?” “… I’m going to leave before Raven walks in and slaughters us both as a matter of principle.”

382) Constant

His need for sleep had long ago been banished at the hands of his father, so when his friends… family… rested, he watched them through the Tower’s security system. He’d be damned if he let anything happen to them—not if he could help it.

383) Strike

Robin groaned and sank into his chair, seriously contemplating the murder of his green teammate. “Beast Boy actually has a pretty interesting point,” said Cyborg. “Let’s unionize.”

384) Gift

It was Christmas morning, and the common room floor was covered in shredded wrapping paper as the Titans finished exchanging presents to one another. “Beast Boy, could you assist me with retrieving one last gift for friend Raven?” Nodding in the affirmative, the changeling followed the alien into the hallway outside. The other three Titans paid their exit no heed, until a startled shout and a stifled giggle floated through the doorway. Just as they rose to investigate, however, Starfire drifted back in, her arms holding something hidden behind her back. “Here, friend Raven,” she said, a mischievous glint in her eyes as she deposited an unconscious green kitten with a dark blue bow ‘round its neck into the empath’s arms. “I recall you wishing for one of these, and I do believe I have found the last one in stock.”

385) Compose

“So Robin, why don’t you ever write romantic songs for Starfire?” The Boy Wonder didn’t need to be able to see Cyborg to know that his friend was grinning like a jackass behind him. He sorely wished his hands were free, although he wasn’t sure what he would be doing with them if they were—either covering his ears in a desperate attempt to salvage his hearing, or choking the life out of Control Freak. As he pondered his quandary, the obese villain continued with his punk rock love ballad to the confused alien princess.

386) Native

It was several weeks after the team’s formation that they discovered that Beast Boy knew Swahili… not because they heard him speak it, but because Starfire had, in an attempt to learn “the language of the animals,” planted a wet one right on his lips. Cyborg watched on in amusement as Robin chased the changeling around the Tower while yelling incoherently, while Raven carefully explained to the confused alien about some of the particular customs native to this world.

387) Vendor

“I appreciate the offer of a snack, Garfield, but I must admit that I find myself slightly reluctant to accept an apple that’s being offered to me by a snake.” She took the proffered fruit anyways, completing her role in the allusion by splitting it into two and offering the second half to Beast Boy when he shifted back. Forbidden fruit had never tasted so sweet.

388) Crushed

Raven was positively livid, and the fact that the acrobat was failing miserably in his attempts to hide his laughter did little to help. “Beast Boy is technically right, Raven. There isn’t any rule against tickling your opponent into submission during a sparring match.” Growling furiously, the empath had little choice but to accept the end of her years-long winning streak in the ring, but took solace in the fact that at least Garfield was blushing almost as hard as she was.

389) Impending

As much as she hated to admit it, surrendering herself to her father’s pawn felt like an enormous weight lifting off of her shoulders. As she climbed the stairs to become the portal, she realized the truth in Hitchcock’s famous saying: “There is no terror in a bang, only in the anticipation of it.”

390) Struck

Only Robin noticed it, but he was Robin and it was his job to notice the little things that others overlooked… like the fact that aside from when he was the Beast, the only time that Beast Boy had bitten an opponent in combat was when Malchior had attacked.

391) Propose

Raven slapped a hand over her heart and tried to calm her breathing as she looked at the kneeling changeling in front of her. “Raven, would you like to join me downstairs for movie night?” Blinking in surprise at the anticlimax, she fought the urge to smack her boyfriend; he had, after all, only dropped his commu… her eyes went wide again as the green man produced a diamond ring from within his communicator and asked if, sometime after the movie, she would spend the rest of her life with him too.

392) Bidding

Robin looked at his four subordinates in irritation—well three in irritation and one in something completely different—and posed the question that had been bothering him for the past two hours. “Does anyone want to tell me why I found Beast Boy up for auction on eBay?”

393) Harm

Beast Boy walked into the common room—“But friend Raven, I thought that, anatomically speaking, the ‘quickest way to a man’s heart’ was through the ribcage!”—and then turned around and walked right back out.

394) Encouragement

Cyborg barely suppressed a gasp at the sight of Beast Boy’s smoldering form laying prostrate in the middle of the hallway, instead running quickly to his friend’s aid. His questions concerning the changeling’s well-being were cut off by the green hero’s grinning expression. “Dude, she totally digs me.”

395) Singed

His reaction to sneezing—uncontrolled shifting—was one of the few things that everyone else on the team could agree upon as being funny. However, when he accidentally shifted into a dragon while sneezing up a storm in the sick bay, the laughter turned into confusion (“Since when could he can turn into a dragon?”), and when he sneezed again, it turned into something just shy of complete pandemonium.

396) Cloth

The odd and frequently contradictory human obsession with cloth fascinated Starfire when she first arrived on Earth. Cyborg was always unclothed, and Beast Boy was naked whenever he was in animal form, and yet she alone of the Titans was criticized for not wearing enough clothing. Her reason was as valid as theirs were—after all, she relied on absorbing solar radiation to fuel her powers! Even more puzzling, however, were the written requests from fans for pictures of herself without any clothing at all… she responded as asked, of course (even if her skills with Beast Boy’s crayons were somewhat lacking), but she couldn’t help but keep one thought constantly in the forefront of her mind: Humans are weird.

397) Shortened

Beast Boy was not pleasant company to be around at the end of September, and the other four Titans quickly learned to avoid him for the week or two his “moods” struck. It was fairly easy to do, as he usually locked himself in his room for the duration, but chance encounters in the hallway tended to be nasty things. He would become confrontational and defensive, taking offense at slights both real and imagined. The others never did figure out what was going on, although years later Raven figured that she might have an idea after she noticed that all of her children were born around the end of June.

398) Disposable

Melvin, Timmy, and Teether were paying the Tower a visit, courtesy of Cyborg, Raven, and the T-Car. Two hours into the trip back, crisis struck when the distinctive smell of uric acid wafted through the air. “He is not peeing in my car!” Cyborg, already a bit on edge at the unexplained weight his vehicle had been saddled with (“Who the—sorry, Rae—is Bobby?!”), flew into crisis mode and pulled over. He and Raven immediately launched into an argument over who would change the soiled diaper (“You don’t even have to touch it!” “I’m not putting my soul anywhere near that, and your hands are replaceable.”). Two minutes into the exchange, Raven felt a little hand tugging on her cloak and looked down to find Melvin rolling her eyes at the self-proclaimed “adults” and holding the soiled diaper in her hand.

399) Script

Robin stared at his computer screen, horror etched in every line of his masked face. This… this… this could ruin him. A voice behind him startled him out of his reverie, and he spun around to find a (barely) straight-faced Cyborg looking over his shoulder. “So BB was right—you do make out those awful opening quips up beforehand. Huh.” His metal friend turned and innocently walked away, and the Boy Wonder began making two lists—one was another collection of clever opening lines, the other a list of ways to kill Beast Boy for sending his first list of witticisms to the local police for “crimes against humor.”

400) Color

An exhausted yet ecstatic Raven reclined in her hospital bed, smiling warmly at the gurgling baby girl lying in her arms. “Look Garfield, she has your eyes,” she said quietly. Beast Boy laughed quietly at his wife’s surprise as a smaller second set of green pupils made their presence known slightly above the first two. “Looks like she has yours too, Rae.”

END

(1) Cactus juice, catnip… same damn thing, really.

(2) My dad did something similar to this when my older sister was born (he ordered an anchovy pizza). My mother’s response was apparently much the same as Raven’s, albeit vocally expressed and lacking the reference to arthropods and exoskeletons.

(3) You want a crack pairing? That is a crack pairing. Someone (who isn’t me) should write a RancidxMae-Eye story someday. I’d read it.