THE KUNOICHI'S HEART

Title: The Kunoichi's Heart

Rating: PG-15 (this chapter), R later on.

Disclaimer: The characters are NOT MINE.

Chapter: 7/?

Words : 6,355 words (OMG….this's a new record to me… I wrote 18+ pages and in single space no less….. My poor hand….xoX!)

Summary : What if Iruka was a female? Follow the Naruto story since the very beginning...

Pairing : KakaIru, SasuSaku, NaruHina (the others will ba canon-like hopefully)

A/N :

Thousand thanks for my beta, filleyice! I'm sorry for 'torturing' you with my horrible grammars, dear! –hugs- Does it make me a bad person to chuckle at your misery? xD

Sorry for the VERY late update AGAIN! –bows- Actually filleyice already send me the betaed chapter more than a week ago, but I just have time to edit and post this today! I just finished an important exam (again? xP) on Tuesday and it took me days –even weeks- to prepare for that exam alone. Studying for exams is my 'hobby' since I entered Medic college three years ago apparently. –sweardrops-

And yay! I've got 10 reviews in the previous chapter! Thank u for Khamonai, belletiger, alaine, SongoftheDarquePhoenix, Chibi usa, MischievousPuck, Gossamerisred, First Lady Lestat, and CappuccettoRosso for ur comments! –hugs- I'm sorry for making all of u wait long!

Comments & Questions from U (I'll Try to Answer Here)

- Tsunade and Jiraya - true smiles I've never heard of that 'pairing' being Irukas teachers... although Orochimaru... that one I also didn't see before blinks

There have been a few Iruka fics with him (and Anko of course) being Orochimaru's students –and those are quite good in my opinion –smiles-. The one I really like is All the Broken Pieces (u can find it in I just wanted to try something new and different, so this is the result. Personally I think I'm practically the first person who wrote Tsunade & Jiraiya as Iruka's teachers. LoL

- I really enjoy the way you write their thoughts - they are rather refreshing and reveal quite a deal of interesting information.

Yes, I found it's easier to reveal some information that way. Glad u like it! –smiles-

- Poor Iruka-chan, I hope she doesn't stress herself very much because people saying they're dating.

Me too….. xD

- I hope u give iruka cool techniques and that she's way stronger than she appear and thats she's hiding it

You can see it yourself in this chapter. Really. –winks-

- Is there going to be any Tsunade/Jiraiya action later? Please?

Do u mean action as –action- or as in –romance-? xD Personally I like Jiraiya/Tsunade pairing and I reeeallly want to write them here. For ur request, I think I can do…both ways. –grins- U have to wait though.

- I'm glad you are still active but I thought this was going to be a new chapter!

I'm sorry. I'm quite a bit perfectionist in my writing (though not in my grammar) so I often needed to edit and edit it again so it will be better & better. I'm sorry for readers in KakaIru LJ community for waiting long (I take it u're one of them?) but –at least- the story will flow better, ne?

- I like your changes but I noticed you still have some errors within those chapters. They're just grammatical errors so they're not a big deal. For someone who learned English as a second language you have done a great job with this story. There are people on this site who have English as a first language and they are terrible. They don't have your style or talent to weave an enchanting and mesmerizing story.

Oh my….. ur comment make me blush, thank you –hugs-. You don't know how thankful I am to have a beta, a nice one she is. I just hope my terrible grammar won't make her blind or something –laughs-. I don't have any experiences in writing long fics before and I just hope this fic turns well. Still, thank u. –smiles-

- It is so intriguing how you have Jiraiya as Iruka's unofficial sensei I really enjoyed their banter.

Thank u! I like Jiraiya and Iruka's banter as well! I think Jiraiya's childish behaviour really brightens this story. –smiles- Still, u'll see he can be quite serious as well in this story.

- I only know of one story in which Orochimaru is Iruka's teacher; is it really used often?

I remember there're a few fics which features Orochimaru as Iruka's sensei before – but I forget which ones, sorry. The one I really remember is All the Broken Pieces by Princess Tyler Briefs because it's quite long and really is one of the best KakaIru fics I've ever red. If I'm not mistaken, u can find them in KakaIru LJ community.

And now, enjoy the story!

Izky

Chapter 07 - The Broken Mask : 6,355 words

As Jiraiya had told her to, Iruka visited the Sannin's old apartment at midnight, together with Kotetsu and Izumo.

"Wha…! It has been years since the last time we saw you, Jiraiya-sensei!" Kotetsu grinned, patting the broad shoulder of their sensei fondly. His other teammate, Izumo, bowed slightly at the Sannin, a wide smile on his face.

"It's great to see you in Konoha again, sensei." He said.

Jiraiya simply laughed, grasping Iruka's shoulder and pulling her into his arms as the brown haired female simply smiled and let herself be tucked into her sensei's arms. She had always been Jiraiya's favorite student and vice versa, after all. "Yup! It's great to see you three brats as well! I didn't even recognize who's this polite woman when we met yesterday! Look at how much you've grown up, Iruka-chan!"

Iruka simply blushed, "Sensei!" Her teammates simply laughed out loud at her embarassed expression.

They ended up having a small dinner in the rather cramped small apartment, sharing stories and news with each other. Sake was brought, laughs were heard through the thin walls, and jokes were shared between the old team. They were simply talking about those training times when they were still gennins, remembering the past missions, and laughing about the stupid things they often did all those years ago.

There was no telling if they would get another chance to get together like now –with all of them being alive- especially for Jiraiya who was still very active on the battlefield. Despite the cheerful way the silver haired Sannin acted, his students knew better, that there was surely something serious to require him being back in Konoha. That's why they kept silent, choosing to remember the past, rather than talk of now and the future.

It wasn't until Iruka fell asleep due to drunkenness an hour later (she was always a light drinker) when, finally, Jiraiya's gaze turned a bit somber. He glanced at his other two students as an unfamiliar seriousness crept into his next words. "So….how is she?"

Izumo, the most sober of the four, glanced down at the sleeping kunoichi. Iruka's head was pillowed on the sannin's hard thigh while the rest of her body was sprawled out on the tatami. He smiled slightly at the pure content on the sleeping female's face. If there was anyone who could put that expression on their female teammate, it would be Jiraiya-sensei, the one Iruka really looked up to and loved - even after all these long years. "Nothing changes. She has been busy in the Academy and the Mission room. And with the chuunin exam this close, she has been busy preparing for it as well, sensei. She is as busy as ever."

Kotetsu grinned, "Still, there's something new, sensei. You'll be glad to hear it."

Jiraiya raised his eyebrows, smirking. "If it's about how she's 'dating' Kakashi, tell me something else that I don't know, Ko."

Izumo and Kotetsu shared a similar shock gaze, "Wait… how do you know about that, sensei?"

Jiraiya grinned, patting the sleeping female's head on his lap fondly. "I caught them walking to dinner together when I first saw her yesterday. She has good taste, huh?"

Kotetsu snorted, gulping his sake. "You're just biased because Kakashi is your student's student."

"And let's not forget he's your number one Icha-Icha fan as well…" Izumo added, raising his eyebrows.

Jiraiya simply chuckled at their accusations, "Naah...I'm honest! Kakashi may be the one to break that thick wall of hers. If there're things that he inherits from Yondaime, it's his stubbornness. He won't stop before he gets what he wants. And from what I saw, underneath the underneath, Iruka is the one he really wants now."

Although I wonder…

Kotetsu raised his eyebrows, "Are you sure about that, sensei?" Doubt showed on his slightly drunken face.

"We have been doing/saying nothing about their closeness because Ruka seems to care about him more than the other guys….but, honestly, I don't think Ruka is aware herself. She's much too polite and oblivious to notice the way Kakashi treats her." Izumo shook his head, remembering the rumors going around about Iruka and a certain silver haired jounin's date a few days ago.

And I'm sure Iruka doesn't know that she's practically THE first kunoichi to get a free dinner from the copy nin…

"Hmm…..now I'm curious. How many guys have attempted to court her since I left? Do tell me you've kill anyone who's tried to take advantage of her and her too-nice self." Jiraiya gulped his huge jar of sake. A strong possessive streak could be heard by the others there and neither student was surprised.

I know it was Iruka's own decision to do all of these things…. but I will be damned before anyone tries to hurt her in any way …

Kotetsu smirked, filling his own glass with sake. "As you said, there have been some that tried to get her attention. But when they get a bit naughty, well….lets just say me and 'Zumo already took care of them."

Sometimes those bloody medic jutsus from Tsunade-sensei can be sooooo useful. Nothing is worse for guys than erectile dysfunction… Tehehe…

"I still personally think it was a bit too much, Ko."Izumo sighed, knowing what his teammate was thinking when that feral grin appeared on Kotetsu's face.

Despite her overly polite self, Iruka was considered one of the hottest kunoichis around in Konoha and there were some chuunins and jounins (not to mention her own students) who admired her kindness (even if sometimes it was too much for them to bear), her gentle way to handle anything, her adorable blush, and of course - her smile.

Too bad for those people that the brown haired kunoichi had two over-protective teammates, who would die before letting anyone lay a finger on her.

There were, of course, rumors that some people vanished without traces after trying to get the said female sensei to go on a date - but let's not get too far into that, alright?

Jiraiya laughed out loud at their explanation, "Ooho….I don't want to know what you've done, brats. But you get approval from me allllll the way, as long as they deserved it."

Kotetsu simply threw his tongue out at Izumo, "See? Even sensei agreed!"

Izumo coughed, "Okay….back on track, please. There's something else you should know, Jiraiya-sensei."

"Hm?"

"Iruka has been….'taking care' of a certain blonde kid. The way they're acting, I'd say they were mother and son if I didn't know any better." Izumo continued, sipping his sake calmly from his cup - which was far different from the brash way his other teammate drank his own sake directly from the jug.

"Huh? Do tell more…" Iruka is always a mother hen after all… She's practically taking care of ALL the children in the Academy…. Nothing is unusual about that, heh?

"I mean….Iruka has been close with…Uzumaki Naruto, sensei." Izumo stared back knowingly at Jiraiya's surprised eyes, waiting for his sensei's reaction.

Wha… Minato's brat? How is he now…..hmm… I should see whatever the kid's doing later. For Minato's sake….

And how did Iruka meet Minato's kid?

"Since when…?" Jiraiya couldn't help but ask.

Kotetsu frowned thoughtfully, "Hmm…maybe it was ….. three-four months ago? I'm not sure… but it was right after that Mizuki-bastard -you already knew about it, I'm sure- stole the forbidden scroll. Iruka protected Naruto from being hit by a huge shuriken thrown at him, and the next day they were already getting along like mother and son. And Iruka's got a huge scar on her back from that incident as well."

If that Mizuki-bastard hadn't already gone crazy, I would kick him all the way to hell myself….

Jiraiya simply drank his sake in silence, as he stored all this new info into his brain .

"And right after that, Kakashi passed Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura as his gennin team - which was a miracle to us by the way. That's when he and Iruka began getting close. They have been practically acting like a married couple with three kids since then… That's why we don't 'warn' Kakashi of anything…We think he may be…different from the other guys." Izumo added.

Kotetsu grumbled, "Though until now we haven't seen him make any obvious moves to Iruka, besides following her around like a puppy. He takes that philosophy underneath the underneath far too seriously…"

Although it was so GLARINGLY obvious he's soooooooo taken with Ruka, huh?

Jiraiya smiled slightly, "I'm glad to know Iruka's been opening up enough to get close to anyone besides you two. But, from what I saw yesterday, it'll take a lot of effort to make Iruka open up her walls…..especially to Kakashi himself. He has his own problems after all…." He frowned at those thoughts.

Knowing his way of thinking… I think I can predict what Kakashi's thinking… Being a jounin takes a lot of risks after all…. Well…well….you don't want to take any chances, huh, Kakashi?

Still…. You choose a rather interesting kunoichi to pursue, brat…

"Well….Iruka only opens herself up to kids under twelve. Sometimes I wonder how she could keep her 'innocent' façade any longer than she does now…." Kotetsu continued, staring at the sleeping chuunin. Iruka didn't stir the whole time. She been a heavy sleeper since they were children - and with their familiar, protective chakras surrounding the sleeping kunoichi, it would take an earthquake combined with a hurricane to wake her up.

Izumo sighed, shaking his head. "I only hope she can be honest with herself….and to us, Ko."

Jiraiya stared down at the girl -no-the young woman on his lap, that he considered like his own daughter. He sighed inside.

Tsunade…Iruka…you two are far too much alike, aren't you?

When will you forgive yourselves?

A FEW DAYS LATER…..

Iruka breathed in.

The headache was coming faster and faster.

And the sight in front of and behind her wasn't helping either.

What…

The…

HELL…

Is…

This….

Ridiculous…

Thing…

"Can you explain to me…Jiraiya-sensei? What. Are. You. Teaching. To. Naruto..?" She gritted her teeth, trying to come up with any possible answer herself of why, oh WHY, Jiraiya-sensei….

WHY the hell did her damn sensei teach that….THAT AWFUL jutsu to her innocent Naruto!

Sexy no jutsu! What the HELL is that damn awful crazy jutsu anyway! And now I know Naruto has NO sense of naming ANY jutsus AT ALL….

Jiraiya stepped back carefully, sweatdropping at the sight of his female student trying to control her rage. It had been quite some years since the last time he'd seen Iruka snap…. And now it seemed like he would see it again.

I'm dead….I'm dead…..

I know I've been praying someday she will let out that infamous temper of hers… But…but…not like THIS….

"Err…Ir-ruka-chan…c-calm down…Unlike what you're thinking, I did NOT teach Naruto that j-jutsu! H-honest! He l-learned it himself!" Jiraiya stuttered, knowing far too well what would happen if he said wrong words.

And apparently he did.

Iruka's eyebrow twitched. Her patience was pushed far back into the corner of her mind as her temper took its place. "And he wouldn't invent that jutsu if…...SENSEI." The female kunoichi tried hard to suppress her temper, but it was soooo difficult when she was very much aware that Naruto was behind her, still in his-er-her full naked glory, looking guilty at her.

"Iruka-sensei! I'm sorry! I just-" Naruto, covered by some smoke that carefully hide his-her naked figure in certain places, tried to explain, but Iruka cut him off.

"Don't explain yourself, Naruto. You're responsible for three academy teachers fainting due to blood loss today. So…just shut up until I'm done with Jiraiya-sensei here. And then it WILL be YOUR turn." Iruka growled at her student, daring him to talk more.

Naruto shut up at her glare. It was very very rare to see his sensei's rage outside the class. But as rare as it was, it didn't mean that it wasn't less frightening than usual.

Jiraiya tried to walk away while the female sensei's attention drifted from him.

But no. It wasn't his day, today.

"Jiraiya-sensei. ..."

Jiraiya whimpered.

I'm dead….

"Iruka-chan! I have nothing to do with his sexy no jutsu, I swear! I WAS peeking at the hot springs when I met him!"

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say.

Iruka's ponytail twitched.

That did it, sensei.

You're DEAD.

With inhuman strength, which Jiraiya dreaded to feel and only very very few people knew, and much to Naruto's amazement, Iruka pulled the huge Sannin by his arm in a blink of eye and swung him for quite a few seconds in the air with only her right hand, and launched Jiraiya out into the empty air.

"Hyyyaaaah!"

"Waaa…! Forgive me, Iruka-chan!" The sannin cried. Literally.

Naruto's wide eyes widened even more at the inhuman strength his sensei had shown in the last few seconds.

Not satisfied seeing the huge, silver haired sannin crash into the nearby tree and break it, Iruka shouted at the top of her lungs while her hands made complicated seals that were too fast for Naruto to see. The usually suppressed chakra was coming out of her body in waves, burning Iruka with its power as the kunoichi finished the last handseal and attacked.

"Doton Yomi Numa. Earth Release: Swamp of the Underworld!"

In mere seconds, the large area surrounding the Sannin (and the broken tree) turned into a sinking swampland, making it impossible for anyone or anything in that area to move around or escape. Jiraiya cursed as his form was swallowed into the swampland until only his head appeared above the surface. He could feel his ribs crack at the pressure. Shit! She got enough chakra to perform that jutsu!

Iruka walked toward her sensei's trapped form, staring down down at him as she hissed under her breath. The usually smiling face was replaced by a cold mask of an angered kunoichi, far different from the usually sweet and gentle face she usually wore. "So….sensei? Any last wishes?"

Jiraiya gulped, staring up at those angry eyes.

I must choose my words carefully…

"Eer…. Forgive me, Iruka-chan. I just wish…"

"Hmm…?" The angry brown eyes didn't change a bit.

Smooth Jiraiya…VERY smooth… She is as bad as Tsunade. She has such a hot temper if her feathers are ruffled too much…

"…I just wish….I'd seen your sensei before, to tell her that she should be proud to have had a student like you. You've grown up to be a great kunoichi, huh?"

Apparently God still loved Jiraiya and the sannin FINALLY said the right choice of words.

Iruka's dark brown eyes widened a second, and eventually softened. The dangerous dark chakra around her body vanished as it was pulled back into its source bit by bit until it faded completely, tucked safely in its vessel.

Jiraiya-sensei… You…

Jiraiya sighed in relief when a second later the swampland was turning back into the common yard and the hermit was standing up once again.

"Ouch….I think you broke my ribs with that one throw, Iruka-chan." Jiraiya joked, wincing at the painful way his ribs moved as he stood back.

She REALLY inherited that inhuman strength from Tsunade, huh? Good job, old girl…

And I think you mastered that jutsu TOO well, even for my liking…. Owww…

"You don't have to say that, sensei. I've got nothing to be proud of as her student." Iruka said solemnly, meaning the last words the Sannin said to her. The previously angry kunoichi wasn't there anymore. Instead, there was only a silent standing kunoichi in her place, staring into nothingness ahead.

Jiraiya smiled sadly at her, patting her head and pulling the suddenly silent chuunin into his arms, "Hey….she was always proud of you, kid. I amproud of you."

"You're just trying to comfort me, sensei…" Iruka mumbled, but not resisting the hug her sensei gave her.

"Naah….I comfort women with my actions, not by saying pretty words. You realize that, don't you?" Jiraiya chuckled, lifting the now calm female into his arms with an ease considering he had just received a few broken ribs. Iruka didn't resist at all. She was used to being picked up by those big strong arms of her sensei's whenever she'd felt troubled or too tired to walk in her gennin days, and the habit had grown until now.

Iruka simply sighed, tucking herself more into her sensei's red robe. She always loved how safe it was, being tucked into those strong arms of her sensei's. "I'm sorry I took my anger out on you, sensei… I know you didn't do that purposely, but I can't hold back my temper…" Jiraiya was one of the very few people that knew about her hot temper and still cared for her….to this very day.

Jiraiya grinned, "Don't worry. I'm tougher than that. And sometimes….it's better if you let yourself go like that, you know…"

"If I do that….you-"

The sannin smiled, shaking his head slowly. He knew what his student thought too well. "No, I won't mind at all, kid…"

With that, Jiraiya, with Iruka safely tucked into his arms, walked up toward the dumbfounded Naruto, who had already turned back into his boy form. He grinned at the baffled expressions on the Gennin's face.

"You…and…Iruka-sensei…..that jutsu…damn…that's amazing…how did.." The gennin stuttered.

Jiraiya chuckled, winking in return. "Your training will begin tomorrow. Meet me at the waterfall on seven, okay?"

With that, he left with the female chuunin, in the swirl of smoke.

He didn't miss the two presences hidden behind the trees a few feet away from the still shocked Naruto.

Let's see how you'll handle this, Kakashi…

I just hope I'm not wrong about you two…

Behind the tree, two figures had happened to witness all the events that had just occurred from the beginning.

"Damn…..I didn't know she had that in her. You chose an interesting kunoichi to pursue, Kakashi." Zabuza whistled, smirking behind his bandages at his friend, scratching at his vest lightly. He wasn't used to the way this new jounin vest of his clung to his usually bare chest, nor the missing presence of his huge sword across his back. Sandaime was still forbidding him to use it at least for a few more weeks. But well, as long as Haku was happy (the boy was pretty happy with his own chuunin vest), plus with only two ANBU members (instead of ten) followed his ass all day, he wasn't going to complain….. much.

Kakashi simply raised his eyebrows, leaning against the hardness of the tree as his eyes busily tried to understand the words in his trusty Icha-icha book. No matter how confused he became, he still needed to keep his reputation as a pervert after all.

"She is strong." He simply said. His eyes were still glued on his book.

"But you didn't realize how strong she was…until now." Zabuza raised his eyebrows at the book cover. During the past week since he'd 'befriended' Kakashi, Zabuza had found it a bit ironic that the personality the silver haired jounin had was far different from that described in any of the bingo books which listed more than a few of his traits on the battle field.

Honestly…I would have never suspected that the genius copy nin, who has mastered more than a thousand jutsu, and killed so many people, is a lazy pervert…. AND smitten with a mere chuunin no less…well, she's definitely NOT a mere chunin apparently…

"Hn.."

"She can perform an A-rank jutsu so easily. And that inhuman strength…. I've never, ever, seen any female who can lift a huge man, like this sannin, Jiraiya, as if she lifts a feather…" Zabuza shook his head in disbelief.

And I wonder why she's still a chuunin… That ability of hers is worthy of a jounin - an ANBU even…

"And her closeness with Jiraiya, the sannin… Tch, you're pretty dead if you make one wrong move on her…She's got those two overprotective teammates of hers AND Jiraiya, the Sannin, to back her. If I were you, I would think carefully before pursuing her more, Hatake." Zabuza smirked, recalling his meeting with the woman's teammates a few days ago.

Izumo wasn't too fond of his rude words to Iruka and Kotetsu was a step away from punching him for his comment that they 'spoiled' the female too much. They didn't fear him being an ex-missing nin or a jounin; they simply wanted to protect their teammate. Zabuza didn't dislike them.

Kakashi sighed, closing his book. "Let's go for a drink."

I think I need a lot, A LOT, to drink to understand what the hell happened a few minutes ago….

He straightened up, glancing at the ex-missing nin. "Oh yes, nearly forgot. If you've never seen a female do that, then clearly you've never met the other Sannin, Tsunade."

Zabuza blinked, "Really?"

Kakashi simply curved his visible eye, "Come on… ."

And they left.

Leaving a baffled Naruto, who was still trying to understand what the hell had happened in that yard a few minutes earlier.

Jiraiya entered his female student's house by the window with a practiced ease considering he was carrying someone in his arms through the window. Iruka herself was silent, choosing to tuck herself into her sensei's arms trustingly. She suddenly felt tired, far too tired for that afternoon. The sudden use of her chakra, that was far more than usual (thanks to that Doton jutsu she inherited from Jiraiya himself) AND Jiraiya's comments were making her feel tired, confused and…. lost.

Why did he say that…? I wasn't even worthy of being her student back then…. I was only thinking about myself….

No, Jiraiya-sensei must be wrong….

Nothing I do could make HER proud….

Not with what happened all those years ago…

Carefully, the toad sannin put Iruka on her bed, trying to make her as comfortable as possible in order to rest.

"Well…I guess I should go now, huh? You just rest now, okay?" Jiraiya grinned softly, patting Iruka's head with a gentleness he had rarely ever shown to anyone but two women in his life, the two most important people in his life.

"Sorry about throwing you earlier, sensei…" Iruka mumbled, closing her eyes as she enjoyed the warm palm on her forehead.

Jiraiya chuckled, patting her cheek fondly. "I said don't worry about it. I'm tougher than that, you know…"

Iruka kept silent.

"I should go now." Jiraiya sighed, preparing to stand up from his crouched position beside the bed. His cracked ribs began making him twitch.

Maybe I should ask Izumo to heal it... He's the best in this matter after his sensei that I know after all…

Iruka's hand pulled at his haori, preventing him from moving.

"Stay, sensei."

Jiraiya simply raised his eyebrows.

"Stay until I'm asleep, at least."

Sighing in exasperated affection, the huge Sannin simply sat on the floor and leaned against the bedside as he crossed his legs. "Alright, alright."

There had been silence for a full minute before Iruka spoke again.

"Ne….sensei?"

"Hmm..?"

"Did you mean what you said earlier…? About her…. and yourself?"

Realization dawned in Jiraiya's eyes as they softened at the sight of the sleeping chuunin that he considered as his own daughter.

"Wewere always proud of you, Iruka-chan." He said softly.

"You're lying, sensei…."

The sannin sighed, "It is the truth. The problem is you and she were and stillare too stubborn to admit it."

That's a similarity you two share and refuse to let go of even now …

"I'm not proud of who I was, sensei. I was a troublesome girl back then. No one liked me…."

Jiraiya flicked his fingers on the chuunin's forehead. "Don't say that, child!"

Iruka grimaced at the slight pain, brushing her own hair away in frustation. "If I was not - as you insist - Everyone wouldn't have left me, sensei…. Mother….Tsunade-sensei….Father….him….and…"

Jiraiya winced when Iruka stopped her sentence. It wasn't spoken, but the words rang around both of them.

And even you, sensei….

Jiraiya brushed his own hair slightly, trying to come up with some explanations. He began his words carefully (well…as carefully as he can. He's not a Sannin for nothing, right?) as if he was talking to a child who still believed that babies came from eggs and seeds in their 'bird and bees' talk or worse, in the middle of watching his/her parents' sex video. coughs

"Everyone has problems in their life, Iruka-chan. I …had my own problems to deal with that time and I can't promise I won't do that again to you….. Your mother died because of sickness when you were a mere baby, how could she hate an adorable child like you at the time? And your father … the Kyuubi incident. Many were dead that day and no one could predict their own deaths in that sudden disaster, even a talented ANBU like him, ne? And him… well, I personally think Orochimaru would be careless of everyone in his path toward that crazy immortality goal of his, you've got nothing to do with his leaving. And last…Tsunade…. She….."

Jiraiya sighed as he imagined the blonde woman and her laugh. He often imagined her beautiful laughter, her clear shouts, her confident smile…..

When will you forgive yourself, Tsunade…?

"She has gone through so much in her life… The deaths of her parents….Nawaki….Dan…Orochimaru's betrayal….and lastly… her last talk with you." Jiraiya winced inside when he realized Iruka's brown eyes had turned empty at his last words. It was the first time in years since he (or anyone who knew about it) had touched the delicate subject between Iruka and her sensei, and Jiraiya didn't like the result on his favorite female student's face at all.

"She couldn't accept all of it….so she left. She needs time, Iruka-chan."

…Just like you, child….

"Will….she return one day, sensei…?" Iruka's voice sounded so small and afraid, so unlike the adult kunoichi she was. Even after vanishing for years, Jiraiya was still –and always would be- one of the very few people that Iruka considered as her most trusted ones. She didn't - couldn't - put on her usual rational, mature face in front of him, especially alone like this.

Jiraiya smiled sadly at the question.

"She will. Tsunade is a strong person in body and heart. She simply hasn't had enough time to realize it yet." The sannin said clearly.

I believe in you, Tsunade… even if it'll take you years…

"…"

"And….until she returns, you should think about yourself as well, child." Jiraiya continued, brushing the soft brown strands that had escaped the chuunin's customary ponytail. It had been more than a few years since he had last seen the female chuunin, but Jiraiya knew - understood - her too well, and he was aware of the chuunin's conflict with her own past. The female chuunin was too afraid to do anything else because she believed she deserved what she got now.

And she would let it build up until she broke.

"Huh…?"

Jiraiya chuckled at the confused eyes staring back at him. "You have more than a few people that care about you. Don't close yourself off from them."

"But…."

Jiraiya shook his head, not letting her continue. "I don't mean you must change right away. But…frankly….we miss the old you, you know."

Me….Kotetsu…Izumo… even Sandaime….

Iruka's eyes widened at those words. "Sensei…"

Jiraiya was aware that he was treading a new dangerous subject here as he knew that almost no one had ever dared to question the brown haired kunoichi's decision from years ago, and there was no telling how his female student would react to his words.

If I had known what she thought all that time ago…..

If I hadn't left her that time….

Damn it. Stop wondering like women, Jiraiya.

I'm damned well aware that I can't change the past, but I'll do what I can do now… to redeem it.

And so he decided to say his thoughts.

Jiraiya finally smiled, patting her head gently. "Let your real self out for once. Open up with the ones closest to you. Just let them see behind that innocent happy mask of yours, Iruka-chan…"

Iruka blinked. "But….."

Once again, Jiraiya shook his head. "Just try it, child. And you'll know people love you regardless of how you act before them. It's your heart that makes them do so." And he grinned, the same grin he gave her years ago.

Iruka stared at her sensei's face. Her old sensei's face. The years of travelling eventually affected his skin, making it paler and softer than the hard unbroken skin he'd had years ago. The grin he gave her was more somber and yet equally as heart warming as it had been years ago. The always silver hair was turning a bit whitish on the ends, letting Iruka know that her sensei wasn't as young as he was before.

And those dark eyes…

It reminds me….

Iruka's eyes softened.

Ah…now I remember….

"You know what, sensei…?"

"Hmm..?"

"Your eyes… Kakashi-sensei has an eye as dark as yours."

Jiraiya raised his eyebrow in the sudden mention of the silver haired jounin's name.

Huh…what are you talking about, Iruka-chan?

Iruka chuckled sleepily; eyes began closing of their own accord as her lips formed the words her brain couldn't remember.

"His stare…. always seems to read through the depth of my soul… just like yours does, sensei…."

And…. it makes me warm inside….

And the chuunin slept. A slight tired smile formed on her face.

Jiraiya chuckled at the sudden honest admission.

Ah…..you haven't realized it yet, have you, Iruka-chan?

At least….there's hope for you, Kakashi…

THAT NIGHT

After talking with the silver haired sannin, Iruka awoke with a renewed strength. She felt a bit more…secure and confident earlier that night. Even after his long disappearance, her sensei's words still calmed her raging feelings down, guiding her through her confused life with his wise words. Jiraiya had gone through so many things and he still kept smiling, facing the troubles before him with the knowledge he'd achieved from years of being a shinobi and believing in the future. She wouldn't be surprised if the toad sannin were choosen as the next Hokage to replace Sandaime one day.

Although I don't think people would appreciate needing to kill their own Hokage after catching him peeping at women's hotsprings….

"Ne…Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka glanced up from her academy reports, smiling at the sight of the blonde curled up so comfortably on her couch. The blonde was spending the night in her house that night. Right after she woke up from her rest (which was two hours ago), Naruto quite immediately appeared beside her bed, telling her what a cool jutsu she'd used earlier and damn! His sensei was amazing! And whoa, she just fought with a Sannin, no matter how much a pervert he was!

It was a while after dinner before Iruka could stop Naruto's mouth from babbling out how amazing she was.

Apparently she didn't succeed for too long.

"What is it, Naruto?"

"Why did you call the pervert hermit -sensei?" Naruto looked up, staring at her curiously from behind the manga he was reading at the moment.

It took a few seconds for Iruka to realize that the pervert hermit Naruto meant was Jiraiya. She chuckled. "Well…because he had been my sensei in my gennin years for quite a while, Naruto. I've never told you about it before, huh?"

Naruto's eyes brightened at the news, "Really? So how is he? Is he THAT great like he said, sensei? Does he have many cool jutsus like Kakashi-sensei? Tell me, Iruka-sensei!"

Iruka smiled lightly at the blonde's eagerness. "Honestly…Jiraiya-sensei isn't called 'the Toad Sannin' for nothing, Naruto. He has been living for years, longer than average shinobis who are generally…dead before thirty. He has so many great jutsus that maybe only a few elite jounins could master."

Naruto sat up from his earlier sprawled position, listening intently. "So…do you know any of his jutsus, sensei? Can you teach me? Pretty please..? Like the one you use in the yard this morning? It's AWESOME!"

Iruka put down her pencils, focusing on the talk as she shook her head. "I can't do that, Naruto. True, Jiraiya-sensei has taught me some of his jutsus -like that Doton jutsu, but I can't randomly teach them to you or any other kids."

And not to forget some of them are too dangerous to be used by a gennin of your age… Jiraiya-sensei would kill me if I taught any of them to you….not that I can do that in my current state….

Naruto pouted, "Ah…why not, sensei?"

Iruka sighed. "You're still too young to learn them …Moreover… I have no right at all to teach the jutsus Jiraiya-sensei taught me to you." continued the chuunin hesitantly. She was very aware -despite his friendly manner - the silver haired Sannin was very selective in choosing who would be his next successor - or in Iruka's case - who would inherit his infamous jutsus.

Jiraiya-sensei said to open up with the ones closest with me….

Is this… alright, sensei?

Naruto sighed in disappointment, "Awwww… why not? Don't you trust me, sensei?"

Iruka stared softly at the blonde, imagining the kyuubi fighting ruthlessly to break the seals inside him. The picture soon was replaced by Naruto's smile, his cheeky grin, his laugh, and his fond hugs.

"I trust you, Naruto. I only can't trust…. myself." She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. Her sensei's previous words rang clearly in her head.

"Just let them see behind that innocent happy mask of yours, Iruka-chan…"

"What! That's a strange thing to say from you, sensei! Who won't trust you! You're the nicest sensei I have!" Naruto protested, quickly throwing himself at his sensei's arms, feeling hurt at the sudden sad expression his Iruka-sensei wore at the moment. It was a strange emotion that Naruto very rarely saw in her always smiling face.

Don't be sad, please…

Iruka opened her arms, letting the blonde snuggle more into her form. She sighed, opening her eyes back up. She decided to tell him a piece of her thoughts and the real reason for her refusing to teach him. That was the least she could do.

"That's the problem, Naruto….Sometimes I'm too nice…. so damn nice that I simply accept anything from people without questioning it, that I simply can't withstand anyone close to me being hurt. I'm afraid that I can't bear watching you train that A-rank jutsu…It'll be…too hard for you….and for me as well." She tried to smile, but it became harder and harder to keep by the second. The images of a bloodied Naruto trying to get the key of mastering those A-level ninjutsus - days until weeks like she did- would be too hard for her to bear in mind. Jiraiya's previous words rang again and again in her mind.

"Let your real self out for once. Open up with the ones closest with you. Just let them see behind that innocent happy mask of yours, Iruka-chan…"

"But…you're nice to everyone. I'm sure no one will be angry if you think/say something stupid about them once a while, sensei! Hell, no one in the academy back then was angry that you punish them because they were cheating on exams! And you taught me those basic jutsus in the Academy yourself back then! What's wrong with teaching me another jutsu, sensei? I can do it, really!" Naruto argued, staring up at his sensei's lost expression. He felt something tightened inside, nearly choked at the solemn way his dear sensei stared at him.

Sensei…? Why do you look so…lost?

Iruka could feel something tightening inside her. True, she let out her temper more than necessary in front of her students. They were children. They were innocent. She didn't need to wear her nice & innocent façade before them because they didn't have any hidden intents besides the naughty yet creative pranks to their teachers. They didn't judge her. They were safe.

"Just try it, child. And you'll know people love you regardless of how you act before them. It's your heart that makes them do so."

"Naruto…you're really a nice boy… But…my problems are more complicated than what you think….It's…" she refrained from saying more at Naruto's frightened expression.

Sensei….it's hard…

It's hard….

Will Naruto …accept me… really accept…the real me?

Will he smile back at me…after seeing my broken smile?

I'm afraid…

I'm afraid, sensei…

Jiraiya-sensei…

Tsunade-sensei… I'm sorry…

Naruto immediately threw himself once more at his sensei, shouting and pleading at her. "Sensei! Please don't cry! Please just don't! I don't want to see you sad, sensei! Alright, I won't ask you to teach me that jutsu anymore! I'll do anything you ask me to do, but please….don't cry!" He begged, unaware his own tears fell as he tightened his arms around his sensei, wetting Iruka's shirt in the process. It hurt to see the usually smiling and happy sensei broke before him.

It was at that time that Naruto finally realized that Iruka wasn't an angel that could always smile, soothing his isolated childhood with her gentle and honest words, accepting his lost soul and the monster inside him with open arms.

No, Iruka was simply a woman, a human. A human that had just broken before him, and Naruto couldn't bear to witness the tears that fell slowly along her cheeks.

"Forgive me…forgive me, Naruto…. I won't cry…I won't…." She tightened her arms around the blonde boy, the one that had breached her thick walls, the one who had broken the carefully built happiness façade covering her broken soul without her realizing it until now.

But the tears kept falling.

"Just….just …please … don't leave…"

No……Iruka-sensei isn't a broken human…

She is…

…a fallen angel…

And Naruto cried with her.

Tbc…

A/N : Naruto…you're such a sweet boy…. sniffs And now we know Iruka isn't a 'happy go lucky' guy…er.. girl….er.. woman… I felt bad for her… ;;

This's a difficult chapter to write, really - especially about Jiraiya & Iruka's interaction. I haven't read/seen the two talking too seriously either in fics/manga/anime so please bear with me if they're too OOC for your liking. ;

Still, I must admit that I really admire Jiraiya. He's one of my favorite characters in manga until now. Hope u like him as I do!

- Izky

The Next Chapter – Their Confusion