The tension was a palpable thing.

Standing at attention, Sousuke looked straighter and stiffer than a flagpole. The look on his face suggested that a flag flew at half-mast.

Indeed, if anyone’s death was being saluted, it was his own. Not in a past tense, naturally. But, in the here and now, as an inevitable consequence of infuriating two strong-willed and resourceful women.

“Sir! Sgt. Major Sousuke Sagara…Urzu-7... I.D. number B-3128... reporting as ordered!”

If it was possible, Sousuke was sweating even more than the time that Commander Mardukas had showed up in Tokyo, preparing for the visit from Captain Testarossa that the older gentleman had so strongly objected too. Moreover, he was perspiring heavier than the time he had flipped said superior officer in the halls of Jindai High School, thinking him a reported stalker and pervert.

“At ease, Sagara.” Mardukas sat at his desk, hands steepled together, a worn-out and resigned look on his face. Picking up a cup of tea, he took a sip before continuing. “I know who you are.” Between the lines, one might read ‘But I wish I didn’t’. “And I am all too aware of what you are.”

“Commander?” Sousuke swallowed hard. If he was one to tremble, he’d be trembling now. The events that had followed the initial conflict between Kaname and Tessa had grown to legendary proportions, even for him.

“Beyond the fact that you are the only pilot capable of operating the ARX-9, much the way you had usurped control of both the ARX-7 and ARX-8.…” Mardukas sounded accusatory, almost as if Sousuke had gained his special status purposefully, merely to make the older man’s life a living hell. “…You remain a valuable commodity, a loyal soldier specializing in Arm Slave operations and maintenance… improvised explosives… small arms… survival training… anti-armor combat… trap setting… and camouflage.” He took another sip, eyes closed, picturing himself back on the bridge of the HMS Turbulent, Trafalgar class, S87. “You also show a needed proficiency in logistics… demolitions… breach and forced entry… covert intrusion… and hand to hand combat. It comes as no surprise that your experience as a guerrilla fighter… and mercenary soldier…has given you skills and powers of perception that many operatives lack.”

“I believe that to be true,” Sousuke replied, keeping his voice even. He looked straight ahead, avoiding Mardukas’ eyes. “No doubt that is why Lord Mallory interceded on my behalf, and General Ammitt decided against the reprisals he threatened.”

“That….” Commander Mardukas clenched his teeth, then let out a long sigh. He had almost suffered a heart attack, witnessing the way that Sousuke had spoken back to Mithril’s head of Intelligence. He cleared his throat. “As I was saying, Lieutenant Mao and Sgt. Major Weber spoke up in your defense… again….” His eyes went hard. “I won’t hold that against you.”

“Sir, thank you. Sir!” Sousuke blinked when salty sweat stung his eye. “That is very kind of you, Sir!”

“Ahhh….” Mardukas sighed again, fighting the urge to sigh again. “Before today, you also had the… ahem… friendship of the Captain.” Even though Sousuke had obviously chosen Kaname, the Commander still felt very protective of the petite Whispered submariner. “You had also won the heart of the same girl you were assigned to protect.” He could just as easily had said ‘You committed one of the greatest sins an undercover operative can commit. “All this, despite the fact that you remain a social nightmare outside of the battlefield.”

“Understood!” Sousuke unconsciously rubbed his head. There was a welt there. At the moment, he couldn’t remember if that came from Kaname or Tessa, or was accidentally self-inflicted. “It was has never been my attention to be so, Sir!”

“That does not excuse your behavior,” Mardukas said, with more heat than he intended. “I still wonder if you are a wild animal some fool brought home as a pet.” He rubbed his eyes, thinking back to past times. He fervently hoped that history wouldn’t repeat itself. “You are cognizant to the fact that Gauron was once a member of Mithril, are you not? He held a Captain’s rank, before the TDD-1 was commissioned, and prior to my departure from the Royal Navy.”

“I was aware of that, Commander.” Sousuke relaxed some. Somehow, thinking of Gauron caused him to relax. Compared to that maniac, the Commander was a walk in the park. “Lieutenant Commander Kalinin told me, not long after I joined the organization.”

“I guessed as much,” Mardukas said, running a finger around the rim of his tea cup before pushing his glasses higher on his patrician nose. “Kalinin….” He shook his head sadly. Andrei Sergeivich Kalinin, code-name Perth-1, had been a friend, or so it had seemed. It was not a warm friendship, but rather the kind that formed between two worldly professionals fighting towards the same goal. Only… now… he no longer knew if the latter was ever true. Some in Mithril were convinced that the Russian was a member of the anti-Leonard faction of Amalgam, with some surmising he might even be the mysterious ‘Mr. Gold.’ Others still insisted that he could just has easily have been a Mithril deep cover agent. “I know what he meant to you.”

“Sir.” Sousuke stiffened again. His own thoughts about the prior head of the SRT were even more jumbled than those of Mardukas. “It… I… yes, Sir!”

“But don’t make the mistake of using that as an excuse for your future behavior.” Mardukas leaned forward, his jaw set. “Do you understand me?” The boy had been through an awful lot in his life, as it was. Who could say what the effect on him might be, seeing that that the man who in many ways had been Sousuke’s foster father might be dead, and could well have been a traitor. “Don’t think… not even for one minute… that it will make me go lighter on you after this latest incident!”

“No, Sir! I don’t, Sir!” Sousuke clamped his arms tight to his side. He was never the type to make excuses for anything. He was never the sort to ask for allowances or extenuating circumstances. He simply did what he did, willing to stand by the consequences when he was done. Did that make him different? Abnormal? The answer had no meaning for him.

“Good. I’m well aware of your background,” Commander Mardukas looked like a hawk sizing up a young pullet. “As much as there is known of it.” He rubbed his chin for a moment. “But… I suppose… there could be some inaccuracies.” What he had learned, he had gotten from Kalinin, and from the Mithril psychologist who had been able to get Sousuke to speak on the subject. The former had been far more informative than the latter. “If the majority is true, it would explain why you have little understanding of both the civil and the civilized parts of life… why you lack a good feel for the things that most people enjoy as recreation and entertainment… and why you continue to misinterpret the actions of people around you.” It might prove useful to check the veracity of the boy’s records. They both had time. Sousuke was essentially confined to his quarters pending this investigation, and the Commander was on break after this meeting and one other.

“I have heard that explanation, Sir.” Sousuke made a face. “Miss Chidori had provided me with numerous other possibilities, and a list of my flaws and inadequacies.”

“I’m certain she has,” Mardukas drawled. What a pair those two were! There had been a number of people within Mithril who had pushed to have the girl join the organization. He would be just as happy if she did not. “Ahem. So. If the Lieutenant Commander… if Kalinin was correct….” He couldn’t bring himself to erase that rank in his mind. Not yet. “…He rescued you, after the 747 jetliner you were riding on crashed in the North Pacific ocean. You would have been two or three years of age. He was a Spetznaz officer at the time.”

“That is what he has told me,” Sousuke nodded his head. “No one has informed me otherwise.”

“His action was not authorized, and the records were eradicated and officially denied.” Mardukas flipped through the pages in Sousuke’s folder, which he had removed from a filing cabinet behind him. Identical records existed in Australia and at the new Merida Island base. “He was unable to find record of your parents, as no passengers by the name of ‘Sagara’ were listed on the aircraft manifesto. The name was pinned to your clothing, and could conceivably be your mother’s maiden name. I take it, you never made effort to track down information on your own?”

“No, Sir.” Sousuke blinked rapidly. Should he have? There never had been any burning desire to find out anything about the life that had been torn from him. How would the knowledge help him? There never had been place for it as a young orphan, a trainee, or a soldier. There had been times when he wondered if he had blood kin, but those brief moments of curiosity never amounted to much. Just the same, after Kaname had returned from her visit with her father and sister, she had given him reason to believe that she might take up just such a crusade in the future.

“I see,” Mardukas said, his tone of voice making it seem that he might find the boy lacking more humanity than he first surmised. He forced himself to be more open minded. The concept of walking a mile in someone else’s shoes was not foreign to him “You were inducted into the Soviet state child care system as an orphan. Not many much later, you were subjected a KGB training program for child soldiers. Is this true?”

“Yes, Sir.” Sousuke paused. “If my memories are my own, and if they are correct.”

“That is reprehensible.” The Commander couldn’t hide his outrage. “United Nations conventions state that children under the age of 15 years should not take a direct part in hostilities. Additional provisos insist that persons below the age of 18 should not be compulsorily recruited into armed forces. Doing so constitutes a war crime.”

“I was well treated,” Sousuke said. “There was food. There was shelter. I was not left alone.”

“And there were guns.” Mardukas felt ashamed, after that slipped out. Sousuke hadn’t been obsessed with weapons. He had been trained in their use at an age where he didn’t know anything different. “And… whether you understand it or not… that was not good treatment.”

“I…” Sousuke flinched. A brief snippet of memory coursed across his mind, like a deer running in front of a car before vanishing from sight. “It…” he took a deep breath and then let it out. “My life was not as harsh as those of children in other militaries. In some conflicts, children are used as porters… sexual slaves… or human shields.”

Both men knew the statistics on child soldiers. Sousuke had been forced to fight against some, earlier in his career as a mercenary. In Africa alone, up to 100,000 were believed to be involved in hostilities. In Burundi, hundreds of child soldiers serve in the Forces Nationales pour la Libération, an armed rebel Hutu group. Youths as young as 16 years old are conscripted by the opposing Burundese military. In the Central African Republic, hundreds of children serve in armed rebel groups, including the Union des Forces Démocratiques pour le Rassemblement. In Chad, they are utilized by the Chadian Military; the United Front for Democratic Change rebels; local self-defense forces known as the Tora Boro militias; and two Sudanese rebel movements operating on foreign soil: the Justice and Equality Movement and the G-19 faction of the Sudanese Liberation Army.

Those are all just the tip of the iceberg. The same sad story takes place every day in Cote d'Ivoire; Democratic Republic of Congo; Rwanda; Somalia; Sudan; Uganda; and Zimbabwe. And, Asia is by no means immune to the same madness, as evidenced by separate outrages in Afghanistan, Burma, India, Indonesia, Laos, Philippines, Nepal and Sri Lanka. Furthermore, Sousuke still carried scars thanks to child suicide bombers in the Middle East and Chechnya. Bolivia… Colombia… Cuba… Haiti… the list goes on and on.

“There is no point in arguing the subject with you, Sergeant Major Sagara.” Mardukas sounded a bit perturbed again. “Suffice it to say that in normal everyday life… in proper and civilized nations… children are taught the things they need to know in those kinds of life and those kind of nations. They are not taught to be spies… they are not used as propaganda or disposable tools… and they are not turned into fighting machines.” He relaxed his grip on his chair arms. There was no point in getting too worked up. He didn’t want to habe to take those tranquilizers again. And, he shouldn’t get angry at Sousuke because of the boy’s way of coping with his past.

“Sir.” Sousuke wasn’t ashamed of himself. He was who he was, by no real fault of his own. But, he did worry about Kaname, sometimes. She said that she loved him… and they had been through a great deal together… but would the day come when his military tendencies wore out their welcome once and for all?

“From the age of 8, you received specialized training as an assassin, and were later deployed into Helmajistan.” Mardukas ran his fingers along the typed words. “It was your mission to assassinate a local leader of the strongest resistance army. You failed. But, the man did not have you killed.”

“No,” Sousuke replied. “He did not. General Majhid chose to take me into his forces, instead. He was the one who gave me the name ’Kashim’.” He made a look of disgust. Anyone who had been on the bridge of the TDD-1 while Sousuke battled Gauron on the launch deck of the submarine could attest to Sousuke’s feelings about Kashim. “I did indeed become part of the Mujahideen.” Sousuke closed his eyes. His memories from those days were a blur. “I fought against the invading Soviet forces, using the skills that they themselves had taught me, along with new small arms and basic survival techniques I learned from the guerrilla fighters. And, when they captured an A-S, I became a skilled pilot.”

“Yes,” Mardukas said. He found it hard to believe that a child of that age could have successfully operated an RK-92 against seasoned Soviet soldiers. Mozart had been a prodigy when it came to classical music. Sousuke Sagara had been a prodigy of a much different type. “Later… by quite some coincidence…you were reunited with Kalinin when his forces captured you.”

“Affirmative,” Sousuke replied. “After he decided to defect from the Soviet armed forces, he gave me Spetznaz training, and taught me to speak Japanese and some Russian. After the fall of the invaders, we both became mercenaries. We became separated in Cambodia.”

“That correlates with what Kalinin told me,” Mardukas said. “After escaping Cambodia, you moved on to fight battles in the Middle East, gaining a reputation as a fine soldier and making numerous contacts, despite your age. Before joining Mithril, you spent five years as a soldier for hire, improving your skills, and moving further and further from a normal adolescent life.” He flipped through a couple of pages that he had recently removed from Lieutenant Kalinin’s files. This was the first time that he had read through them. “Ahhh… now that’s interesting….”

“Commander?” Sousuke rasied one eyebrow. He watched as Mardukas read a few moments longer.

“Lebanon. Both you and Sergeant Major Weber fought in that conflict.“ Mardukas had heard of the small war in question. It had been short but exceedingly brutal. “On opposite sides. It says here that the two of you left a deep impression on each other as deadly adversaries, describing each other as the best they had ever seen. That is, if Lieutenant Mao wasn’t exaggerating when she related your stories to Kalinin.”

“Sir? He was the one?” Sousuke’s eyes went wide. He had told that part of his history to Mao, but not to Weber. The same must have been true for Kurz. His admiration for Kurz’ skill as a soldier had already been high. Learning that he had been the one who came close to killing him on a number of occasions upped the ante.

“You didn’t know?” Mardukas rubbed his nose. It hadn’t been wrong telling the boy what he did, had it? He couldn’t see how. “Do you know Melissa Mao’s story? I am not at liberty to reveal personal matters, if you do not.”

“Lieutenant Mao was born to Chinese-American parents in America, brought up under strict Chinese traditions that included an supposed arranged marriage.” Sousuke had heard that tale repeatedly, usually with Melissa draped drunkenly over the arm of a chair, with more than a dozen beer cans scattered across the floor, and cigarette butts filling anywhere from one to four ashtrays. “When she realized that latter, she left home and without a moment’s hesitation, joined up with the United States Marine Corps, entering the recruitment office while still dressed in her wedding gown. After several years of service, she was eventually given a dishonorable discharge. In Hong Kong, living with her maternal relatives, she was scouted by Mithril. When her two teammates were permanently injured while on active duty, she was sent to the secret training camp in the forests of Berutarube, in order to select her new replacements. Those replacements were myself and Kurz Weber.“

He thought back to those days. He was in a mental and emotional slump at the time, and had been considered no better than mediocre. What was even further from the truth, Kurz was thought to be a poor marksman.

“Correct,” Mardukas admitted. To himself, he grumbled that the day that team had come together had been a black day indeed. “The same three that the Lieutenant Commander… in all of his wisdom… sent to Tokyo on the mission to guard Kaname Chidori.” He sighed. He had opposed that arrangement, favoring a different approach. Captain Testarossa had been the deciding vote.

“Yes, Sir.” Sousuke remembered being given that assignment. He had been horrified. That was not the kind of job he had been suited for. “No one expected things to go as far as they did, or to last as longs as they had.”

“True,” Mardukas remarked. “Just as no one expected yesterday’s disturbances… either in scope… or duration….” He spoke as if there had been three major sins, not one. “I have allowed things to get off track a bit. Needless to say, despite your difficult past and all it implies, you are still a soldier, and are expected to behave in an appropriate military manner when aboard this submarine… when you are at any Mithril facility….” His voice continued to rise. “…And whenever you wear that uniform!” He readjusted his glasses after wiping a small amount of spittle off of his lips.

“Uhhh-hh-h… Sir, yes Sir!” Sousuke had been reminded of Kurz’ saying ‘Say it… don’t spray it’ any time Melissa popped a roughly handled beer and sent and sent suds flying. He was not about to make the connection to the older man. “I will make certain to behave better in the future, Sir!” He also did not want to think about suds of any sort at that moment. There was good reason for that.

“So, it is time for the details.” Commander Mardukas flipped a switch under his desk. A Dictaphone was set in motion. “Hopefully they are as fresh in your mind as they are in the mind’s of the crew. It seems that the… occurrences… have already grown beyond mythical proortions.”

”Sir, I believe that I made an error in judgment at the start….” Sousuke swallowed hard.

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Mardukas said under his breath before saying “And that mistake was…?”

“In reading about catfights, I found myself equating women with cats.” He was surprised to see Mardukas nod his head for a moment… realize what he was doing… and then cough before sitting straighter, hands clasped together. “Cats may seem warm and adorable.” Naturally, Sousuke was growing encyclopedic. ‘Adorable’ was usually not a useful word in his lexicon. “But, deep inside, there is no denying their animal nature.”

“And?” Commander Mardukas relaxed some. It wasn’t entirely easy. While he was known to the submarine community as a genius of submarine warfare, leading to his nickname ‘Duke,’ he was far less successful with women.

“First off, given the dangerous position I found myself in, I had to make allowance for the fact that cats will pounce and scratch, bite and attack, even when they are in a playful mood.” Sousuke rubbed at a sore spot unconsciously. “A domestic cat is not truly domesticated until it has been adequately gentled and socialized. Even then….”

“Hmmm-mm-m… a word of advice, Sergeant Major….” Mardukas put his hand to his forehead. He felt a headache coming on.

“Sir?” Sousuke looked more attentive, meeting his superior officer’s gaze.

“For your sake… and for the structural integrity of Da Danaan….” He rapped on the nearest bulkhead, coming as close to making a joke with his subordinate as he could. “Do not make any mention of ‘domestication,’ either to Miss Chidori or Captain Testarossa.”

“Uhhh-hh-h….” Sousuke coughed twice. “I… it… that has already occurred.” He looked down at his feet. “As you have surmised, it did not help matters.”

“Continue….” Mardukas wondered once again whether Sousuke’s greatest enemy was Amalgam or Sousuke himself.

“I am well aware that cats are predators.” Sousuke resumed his story. “It is the basis of their nature to hunt and to kill. They lay in wait. They stalk. When the time is right, they attack with lightning speed. To creatures their own size or smaller, they are a formidable foe.”

“So… naturally… you thought of their chasing after you as a battle of sorts.” Mardukas reached into his desk drawer. He had to choose between the oversized Anacin bottle or the Pepto Bismol. Resigning himself to the inevitable, he reached for both. “While your first instinct was escape… you also felt a need to….” He didn’t bother finishing his train of thought.

“Yes, Sir. That was a product of my instinct.” Sousuke began sweating again. He could lengthen his explanation, but eventually he would have to describe his actions and their outcome. “Even cats that are socialized can become angry in certain situations. Once such an animal learns that its aggressive behavior is successful at warding off the perceived threat or irritants, the more likely it becomes that the animal will act aggressive again.” Kaname’s reaction had been well-established. That hadn’t been concerning. But, would Tessa’s recent imitation of her lead to more aggressive behavior in the future?

“There’s a flaw in your assessment,” Mardukas said. “Whether or not women are like cats is open to debate. Regardless, a cat or any creature is rewarded for acting in an aggressive manner because the threat or annoyance goes away. But, no matter what Miss Chidori does… you do not go a-way….”

Sousuke simply stared at his superior officer. He did not miss the unspoken undertone to the older man’s words: ‘No matter what Commander Richard Mardukas did, Sousuke Sagara would not go away.’

“In your case… but hopefully not with Captain Testarossa….” The deep threat in Mardukas’ voice would have been obvious to the most obtuse man on earth. “…The behavior of those around you becomes more aggressive and dangerous because their actions do not have their intended effect.” He approved of that kind of situation with Sousuke’s enemies. It went without saying that the opposite was true, regarding friends and allies.

“I see. I suppose that is logical, Sir.” Seeing the other man wave his hand, he continued. “Perhaps I should not have made such great efforts to see that their behavior did not have the effect they intended.” He cleared his throat again. “Because I realized that too much excitement and stimulation cat lead to aggression in cats. For example, there is apparently a fine line between enjoyable petting and irritating handling….” He had learned that the hard way himself, but with Kaname, not with cats. “My actions were designed to retard their energy and aggressive actions….”

“…” Mardukas had to exert every ounce of his iron will to keep from shouting ‘You’re f-cking kidding me, right?’ He merely said “It appears that your actions had the opposite effect.”

”Uhhh-hh-h… Yes, Sir….” Sousuke wondered why that always happened to him. Perhaps it was due to the fact that Kaname and others didn’t ascribe to the tenets of logic. Indeed, if they learned lessons about cats and applied them to him, they would know that pushing a furry feline beyond its limits can frustrate the animal because he isn't living up to your expectations. He should be given some considerations. He should not necessarily be expected to change to suit you. “I did however attempt to praise both of them. I believe that was good. However, I probably should not have told them that it was my intention to train them… to teach them to be gentle the way that women should be….” He didn’t tell the older man that Melissa had chimed in hearing all that, and had given him the kind of treatment usually reserved for Kurz when he stated ‘It is not a problem, Lieutenant. I do not consider you to be a woman.’

“You have a death wish, Sagara.” Commander Mardukas sighed. “I just don’t know if it’s yours… or mine….”

“Sir?” Sousuke looked over at a spot on the wall, no longer feeling comfortable meeting the other professional’s eyes. “I told them that it was normal for cats to want to play, but that overly rambunctious and senseless aggression should earn a powerful rebuke or reprimand. They did not listen. I felt compelled to stand by my words.”

“Did you happen to say ‘A reprimand from their owner’?” Mardukas correctly anticipated the answer.

“Uhhh-hh-h… it… I believe so.” Sousuke rushed to say those last words. The error of his mistake was obvious even to him. “I… it was… because it is necessary to provide cats with something pounce on or grab with its claws while it learns not to bite its….” He stopped from saying ‘owner.’ “I tried to provide pretend prey for them to attack in place of me.”

“And you tried to accomplish this… how….” Mardukas realized that he should have written everything down. It would make a fascinating case study for any number of journals. In novel form, it might even win him the Pulitzer prize.

“In a military sense, it is always wise to divide and conquer, if possible.” Sousuke felt a bit more confident, speaking about that subject. “It is also useful to turn enemies against one another.”

“Let me guess….” Mardukas sat up straighter. Being very protective of Teletha Testarossa, whose father and submarine he had saved once upon a time, he didn’t like the way the conversation was headed. “You told the Captain things that Miss Chidori said about her… and told Kaname Chidori things that your superior officer….” He put a lot of emphasis on those two words. “…Had said about her.”

“Affirmative!” Sousuke’s collar was drenched from sweat. “It was a mistake, Sir. I know that I had started off trying to stop catfights between them….” He hung his head. “If I had allowed time to reason things through to their fullest extent in the heat of combat, I would not have acted against that primary objective.”

“It was not combat….” Mardukas had wanted to shout that at the infuriating boy numerous times in the past. He doubted that his pointed instruction would ever truly sink in. “At most it was a conflict of sorts, and only by the most lax interpretation. I have always thought that Mithril should send you for some kind of obedience training.” He knew that Sousuke was not a dog, no matter how Miss Chidori might picture him at times. As difficult as it sometimes was to train a cat, it can still be done. He wasn’t sure Sgt. Major Sagara could ever be suitable trained. While euthanasia might be out of the question, a cage was not! There was a loud knock on the door. “Come in!”

Two familiar faces showed as the door opened. Neither was new to this situation, having met like this in the past regarding other issues.

“Sgt. Major Kurz Weber reporting for duty, Sir!” Kurz was jaunty and effusive, not flippant.

“I’m here, too.” Mao felt compelled to be solemn and subdued, if only because Kurz seemed so frigging jubilant. In any case, she had grown past the stage where she felt personally responsible for Sousuke’s actions. “Sir.”

“I’ve asked the two of them to join us here,” Mardukas stated. “So that they can confirm your recollections, and to provide another perspective.” He gave Kurz a gimlet eye. “I am certain they appreciate the gravity of the situation, and do not judge this to be a source of amusement.” He drummed his fingers on the desktop, stopping when he saw a glimmer of understanding in Melissa Mao’s eyes. “Sgt. Major. Lieutenant. We had gotten to the point where Mister Sagara related his attempts to turn the two young ladies against one another.”

“Hah!” Kurz pumped a fist in the air, before affecting a more restrained look. “Sousuke told Tessa that Kaname had said a Blue-Footed Booby was less clumsy than the Captain was.”

“She promptly tripped,” Melissa added. “Sousuke then told Kaname that Tessa had implied that the blue-haired girl was nothing more than a pair of boobies.” She ran a hand through her hair. “I suppose that was Sgt. Major Sagara’s choice of words, as surprising as it might seem.” She fought the urge to elbow a grinning Kurz in the gut. “I wonder where he learned that from….”

“It was….” Sousuke was interrupted.

“I hardly think it important to learn where you gained the words to accompany your poor judgment,” Mardukas said flatly.

“You’re absolutely correct, Sir!” Kurz spoke with mock severity. “Sousuke also told Kaname that Tessa had been bragging about her Spaghetti Carbonara, saying that he must be happy to eat some real food for a change, unlike the pitiful attempt at cooking that the other girl had brought over in apology, back when she first saw Tess-ssa standing there in a towel. Oh yeh!”

“Wh-… Wh-… What did you say?” Commander Mardukas’ eyes went wide, before narrowing to slits. A flinch of his hand was actually strong enough to detach the handle of his favorite tea cup. “T-… T-… T-….”

“You’re not helping,” Melissa growled, silently promising to make Kurz pay later. “Asshole.” She quickly continued, not wanting her superior officer to dwell on the sniper’s faux pa. “Sousuke then went on to f-cking tell Tessa that Kaname had said that the other girl was only bragging because she felt so needy.”

“That’s right,” Kurz said. “Just like she had been when she fell on Sousuke… knocked him to the sand… and then wriggled there on top of him, not letting him get up.” His eyes were overflowing with mirth. He turned to face Mao. “You know… back when she made that bet with you… for the A-S battle… where the loser would have to run around the base, naked….” If he was going to get a whooping, he would make certain to bring her down with him.

“Lieutenant?” Now Mardukas’ ire was focused squarely on Meliissa Mao. “This is the first that I have heard about the unauthorized use of Mithril equipment….” His knuckles turned white as he gripped the edge of the desk. “…The real risk of injury for one of the most important members of our organization….” Each word was crisp. Too crisp. “…Or the rather inappropriate reward system….” He pushed his chair back, but managed to keep from abruptly standing.

“Things would not have reached that point,” Sousuke stated. “As I was serving as referee.”

“So….” Mardukas’ voice was deceptively calm. “You were involved, too. Why am I not surprised?”

“Uhhh-hh-h…” Sousuke shivered. To him, it felt as if the temperature in the room had dropped by a dozen degrees or more. “Uhhh-hh-h….”

“What our intrepid soldier is trying to say….” Kurz started. “…I believe is ‘Uhhh-hh-h’.” He smiled at his own quip. “In any case, things went on for that vein a little while longer; but, all it did was make the two pretty ladies even more angry at Sousuke here.”

“No doubt,” Mardukas said. “What did you do next, Mister Sagara?”

“I… it was….” Souske put his hand to his mouth and coughed. He closed his eyes, and spoke as calmly as he could. “My first attempt at distracting the two cats… I mean women….”

“You were right the first time, Sousuke old buddy!” Kurz was smiling all of the way to the bank. He had grabbed a loaded camera pod off of a pilot less drone that had been laid out for repair work. He had filmed the entire brouhaha, and was going to offer copies to eager crewmen at a reasonable price.

“I believe you remember how to peel potatoes, Sergeant major?” Mardukas didn’t bother looking at Kurz. “If you wish more practice, I will wit until Seaman Ordheim is on kitchen duty.” The large hairy man he mentioned rarely showered. He did keep his hands impeccably clean, however. “Sagara….”

“Temptation,” Sousuke said. His voice came out quiet and garbled. “I… uhhh-hh-h… shaking treats in front of fighting felines often serves well. With Miss Chidori, I told her I would take her to the movie she wanted to see.”

“That went over real-l-l well!” Melissa chuckled. “She picked up a large spanner wrench and bounced it off of your head. I guess you couldn’t dodge everything she threw, even with your skills. The mechanics will be picking their tools up all night!”

“’So… you won’t take me to that kind of movie from the goodness of your heart… but you will as a trick to save your lousy loser life’.” Kurz’ imitation of Kaname was uncannily close to the original. “’You… insensitive… manipulative… jerk….’.” He laughed. “It certainly didn’t help that Tessa shouted ‘I’ll see the movie with you, Sousuke,’ or that Lieutenant Babe here suggested that loverboy could tempt the cute little Captain with a date.”

“Uhhh-hh-h….” Sousuke rubbed another sore spot. That had come courtesy of a thrown mallet, right after Tessa had yelled ‘I accept,’ even though it had been Melissa’s idea, and he never said a word.

“That was Lieutenant Mao’s idea. I see. Duly noted.” Mardukas took off his glasses, fogged them with his breath, and reached for a cleaning cloth. “Seaman Ordheim will be needing someone to help him prepare a rather large meal for visiting Council members when we reach shore.” That shook Melissa out of her insolent slouch.

“Since those methods failed….” Sousuke knew all about drawing fire for the sake of a comrade. He resumed his spiel. “…I decided to try another well-established method. Throwing blankets on warring cats will focus their attention elsewhere.”

“I think they mean wool blankets, Sousuke.” Kurz fluffed his hair. “Right, Sis?” Kurz smirked when Melissa stuck up her middle finger and tried to ignore him.

“Affirmative,” Sousuke replied. “However, there was no time to remove one of the large tarps from the VTOL aircraft. “So… well… at the time it seemed practical….”

“He used a foam blanket,” Mao said, smiling despite being pissed off. “You know, the stuff the f-cking deck crews keep around the f-cking aviation fuel.” He hand twitched. She would literally kill for a smoke.

“I take it you are referring to fire suppression foam, the type sprayed on a blaze, to prevent the flame’s contact with oxygen?” Commander Mardukas began to understand why the hangar deck had looked like the practice arena for World War III. “The high-expansion type with the malodorous corrosion inhibitors, based on the US Navy’s AFFF technology. Wonderful.“ He tasted blood. He had actually bitten his lip. He hadn’t done that since he first made cadet!

“It looked like a winter wonderland.” Kurz clapped his hands. “Big white drifts and mountains, with lots of white raining down.” He showed his pearly whites. “Kaname looked like a soft vanilla cone… jumbo size….” He could make digital prints of those pictures and put them in the holiday calendar he was planning. “And Tess-ssa looked like a cute round snowman, with only her eyes showing. The whole place looked like a big snow globe.” More photos worth their weight in gold.

“Peace on earth and good will to men,” Mardukas ground out between clenched teeth. His headache threatened to reach migraine proportions. “No doubt it boosted them men‘s spirit, giving them a bit of Christmas cheer in the middle of the summer.” He could imagine just how angry the clean-up crew must be. Especially since they had to work through the night. “How thoughtful of you, Mister Sagara.”

“That… it was not my intention….” Sousuke was so wet with sweat, it looked like he had walked through a sprinkler. “And… in my next attempt… I combined another famous method with efforts at clean-up….” Her practically pleaded with his eyes, imploring Kurz or Melissa to say something in his defense.

“The old ‘bad kitty’ bottle,” Melissa said after a yawn. “Sousuke style.” She stretched. Seeing a look of confusion in her superior officer’s eyes, she added: “Standard fire hose. Large vari-nozzle. Optimal pressure 90-150 pounds per square inch. Flow rate close to 500 gallons per minute.”

“God save me….” Mardukas hung his head. He didn’t care who might be watching him.

“I have not received training with that type of device,” Sousuke admitted. “By mistake, I had dialed in 270 pounds per square inch.” He shivered. It felt as if someone had walked over his grave. “I did not intent to have things happen the way they did.” He was still oblivious to the fact that optimal fire-fighting pressure would still have been catastrophic when used to clean people.

“Flying suds, everywhere.” Kurz gave Sousuke a playful salute. “Flying suds… flying duty rosters… flying supply carts… flying oil drums….” He unconsciously struck a run-way pose. “…Flying Whispered girls….”

“Shit. Sliding would be more accurate,” Mao quipped. “Or tumbling… like clothes in a rinse cycle….” She shrugged. The Commander didn’t see the humor in it. Too much starch in his collar and way too much starch in his character. “Everyone got a chance to see that Kaname was wearing pink panties. Were those a gift from you?” She couldn’t resist the chance to tease Sousuke. “You have excellent taste.”

“Gah….” Sousuke froze. He and Kaname were not at a stage where they frequently saw one another’s undergarments. For a moment, he recalled the beating he had received at her hands, back when he had apprehended Shinji in his role as panty-thief.

“The buttons weren’t blown off of Tessa’s uniform blouse until the next stage,” Kurz added helpfully. He made a ‘tsk tsk’ nose when Mardukas’ sudden spasm left the Commander holding a broken chair arm.

“Buttons?” The Commander’s face looked like that of a fiend from the deepest pits of hell. “S-… S-… Sagara….” He was losing his cool. He had to be calm. He had to be dignified. He had to be British.

“Sir, it was not my doing.” Sousuke stood stiffer than a ten-inch thick wood plank. “The girls ran away from the cleaning spray. They chose the incorrect place to hide from view. I am certain that the pilot was unaware.”

“Yes,” Kurz added. “Unaware of the havoc going on behind his jet. And, I suppose, unaware that two beautiful soaking wet teenage babes had run underneath that jet.”

“An AV8B,” Melissa clarified. “In the middle of a routine Lift Nozzle test. The thrust blew Kaname’s skirt clear off. It’s still hanging from the uppermost portion of one of the hangar doors.” She would never forget the sight of seasoned veterans saluting their newfound ‘flag.’ Idiots. “She ended up inside a stack of empty crates, legs sticking out and wiggling.” Her eyes sparkled.

“For a clumsy girl, I have to give the Captain credit.” Kurz was not moved by the desperate look on Sousuke face. “She held onto a support beam for all she was worth, for a good ten seconds. Long enough for each and every button to rip off.” He paused for dramatic effect. If this had been an anime, he would expect to see steam come shooting out of the Commander’s ears, or find him pawing at the floor like an enraged bull. “Then….” He spoke nonchalantly, looking at his fingernails. “…She let go, and flew into one of the open waste oil bins.”

“When the mechanics pulled her out, she looked like the pictures of those f-cking seabirds and otters,” Melissa chimed in. “The ones caught up in that goddam Exxon Valdez bullshit.”

“…” Mardukas was breathing heavy now. “Was… there… more….”

“Uhhh-hh-h.” Sousuke clicked his heals together. Aided by his two stalwart companions, he gave a detailed run-down on the remaining mishaps. Leave it to Kurz to bring up one of the more risqué ones that Sousuke left out.

“It was nearing the end… the combatants were panting… they couldn’t have much strength left….” Weber sounded like someone announcing a football game or some kind of survival television show. “Even Sousuke Sagara… trained soldier that he is… looked ready to collapse.” In fact, he was actually practicing the voice over he would add to his first ’Sexy Submarine Showdown’ DVD. “A heavy tool box… shifted by all of the amazing action… came plummeting downwards… straight for our cute and cuddly heroines.” He made a flamboyant lunge, hands hovering inches from Melissa’s bosom. “Whoosh… wham… wow… and our hero pushed the two ladies out of harms way….” He flexed his fingers, as if he were squeezing Mao’s breasts. “Just like a classic and cliché manga moment. One hand on the delectable Kaname’s breast. One on sweet little Tessa’s. The groping was purely accidental, of course….”

“I did not intend….” Sousuke looked ready to flee.

“Dickwad!” Mao lashed out with a vicious kick. Having crossed the ‘two inch’ threshold enforced by Melissa, Kurz went somersaulting across the room, crashing into a bulkhead and sliding downward, headfirst. He lay moaning in a crumpled heap, sprawled across the shattered remnants of Commander’s imported wooden trash can.

Mardukas slowly made his way to his feet. He straightened his collar again, and then moved the eyeglasses again. Reaching over to a wall rack, he took down his hat and placed it squarely on is head. He opened his mouth to say something scathing. But, before he could, the alarm on his wristwatch went off.

“They will be here, soon.” The Commander shut off the alarm with the push of a small metal button. “I suppose you can thank them for your life. This, too” He tapped the watch. “Unfortuantely… for their sake… I find myself doing the inconceivable.”

“S-Sir?” Sousuke looked at the door, as if he expected his saviors to come walking in. He didn’t know if that were a blessing, or a stay of execution. No doubt, they were still furious.

“If I were not a professional… and the two of us were not on duty….” Mardukas finished adjusting his HMS Turbulent cap just right. “I would personally geld you like an aggressive and troublesome stallion. I….” He was cut-off.

“Geld, Sir?” Sousuke looked puzzled. He knew it must be something bad; but, he didn’t know just what.

“Castrate,” Melissa added helpfully. “You know, cutting the balls off.” She looked down at Kurz. “What I should have done to Weber long ago….”

“If not that, I would strap you to one of Da Danaan’s steam catapults and launch you far off into the South China Sea….” Mardukas had a faraway look in his eyes. “…Stuff you into a torpedo tube and fire you into an active minefield. Lock you into the brig… throw away the key… and then scuttle the ship.” He sighed. “But, against my better judgment, I am going to help you. In doing so, I hope to help everyone else, too.”

Mardukas went on to describe a course of action that might settle the two irate women down. Grudgingly, against his personal preferences, he promised Sousuke that there would be only minimal punishment coming his way, should he prove successful in returning things to normal. Not long after he had dropped back into his chairs, a sharp rap sounded at the door.

“Enter,” the Commander called out.

“You wanted to see us, Commander?” Tessa looked all prim and proper again. It had taken a lot of work, removing the oil from hair and skin. She raised one eyebrow, feeling somewhat uncomfortable. The titular leader of all onboard, she still felt insignificant at times, finding it all too easy to shrink in on herself around more mature professionals.

“I don’t think I would have come… if I knew he was here….” Kaname made a cross face, seeing Sousuke. She folded her arms and tossed her moist hair. Her clean-up had been easier than Tessa’s; but, that didn’t mean it had been easy. “Hmmmpppfff!”

“I believe that Sergeant Major Sagara has something to tell you ladies.” Mardukas spoke in a conversational tone of voice. “I tend to agree with his logic. It may save us all a great deal of trouble in the future.”

“Yes. Well. I believe the Commander is correct.” Sousuke knew that he was a terrible actor. To that end… and because he wanted to be certain how everyone still felt… he would not be pretending. He would mean exactly what he said. “We had a long discussion about me… my life… and the recent episode.” He spread his legs apart and put his arms behind his back. “It may well be true that I am too disruptive to be around you both.”

“What?” Kaname’s irritation quickly vanished. A look of concern graced her attractive features.

“Mister Sagara?” Tessa looked a bit taken aback herself.

“T-….” Sousuke caught himself. “Captain… I know that I told you how important a person you are… and that I will be your friend.” He looked down at his boots. “I do not think that a friend should get someone in so much trouble, or put their life in jeopardy.”

“But….” Tessa brought her hand to her mouth.

“Kaname… you know how I feel about you….” Sousuke’s voice grew thick. “I would not be shocked if your feelings for me changed after the recent incident. Your life has been nothing but trouble since the day I showed up at Jindai High School.”

“That’s true… I guess….” Kaname shook her head. She didn’t want Sousuke to make some stupid and noble decision. “But… really… you’ve been so much more….”

“I was going to speak with you two at length,” Mardukas put in. “I have a great deal to say regarding the actions of the Sergeant Major … and about your own roles in the recent nonsense….” There was steel under the velvety surface of his voice. “But… seeing that you and he have important matters to think on… and may have very important decisions to make…. I think each of you should return to his or her cabin for some soul searching. There is no need to be rash.” He hid a smile. Neither girl had any intention to remain angry with the btroublesome boy. “If the two of you would kindly take your leave, I have a few matters to discuss with the SRT before I release Mister Sagara.”

Both girls excused themselves and headed on their separate ways. As soon as their footsteps were no longer audible, a gimpy Kurz slapped Sousuke on the back.

“Alll-ll-l-right!” Kurz grinned, and then checked to see if any of his teeth were loose. “It looks like things will return back to normal. You lucked out Sousuke. No one will be trying to rip you a new one anymore.”

“I hope you hold true to those words, Sergeant Major Weber.” Mardukas stood up and picked a few pieces of lint off of his uniform.

“Huh?” Kurz cocked his head, a baffled look on his face.

“I will require each and every inch of film you might have… any photo discs in your possession….” Mardukas drilled his gaze into that of the blonde playboy. “And any memory stick holding even the briefest footage of the recent ugliness.” His voice dropped into the sub arctic range. “That is not a request, obviously.”

“B-… B-… B-….” Kurz was speechless. His dreams! His grand and glorious plans! The way Mao’s mouth turned up at the edges was salt in his wound.

“And Lieutenant Mao….” Mardukas turned his frigid stare on the senior most member of the SRT. “Like Mister Weber, you had a duty to put an end to the foolishness. If anything, given your rank, you had an even greater responsibility. As such, I see no reason to reward such irreverent behavior.” He brought his hand down hard on the table and spoke very firmly. “There will be a strict and absolute moratorium on alcoholic beverages onboard the submarine for the next thirty days.” His smile was razor sharp. “That goes for everyone. I will let the crew know that you are the reason for this new take on Prohibition.”

“Sousss-ss-skay….” Kurz curled his fingers into claws.

“Shit!” Melissa kicked at her chair after standing abruptly. “Goddammit-to-hell!” She turned to look at Sousuke.

“Uhhh-hh-h….” Sousuke swallowed hard. Too many times he found himself in just this kind of predicament.

Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

END