A/N: This started out as a lot of different things, and it turned out…random, but I think I like it. Let’s see what you think. 

Something’s in the air tonight,

The sky’s alive at the burning light,

You can mark my words, something’s bound to break

And I found myself in a bitter fight

While I felt your hand through the darkest night,

Don’t know where you’re coming from, but you’re coming soon

He would never, ever admit it, but the truth was that he missed her.

When he saw a redhead on the ferry, in the hospital, near the ‘cute little viewfinders,’ he thought of her. When he was in bed with Meredith, he thought of her. He was walking down the hall in the hospital on his way out and saw the flash of red hair pass by him. He whipped around, prepared to launch into a greeting, but saw that it wasn’t her.

“This is crazy.” He muttered, pulling his coat tighter around him as he walked through the cold November air to his car. As he started driving, he was thinking over the past few months- it was all a colossal blur to him, really- of monotony, lifelessness and boredom that had become his relationship with Meredith. He no longer waited for her to finish her shift to go home or made dinner for the two of them. He was ignoring her, and he realized that he had done the exact same thing to Addison.

I have a condition or something, he thought, then realized something else- even when he and Addison fought, even in the jumbled end of their marriage, he still felt something for her. Now, the thought of being with Meredith was- “nothing.” he said out loud, gripping the steering wheel.

It was as if he hadn’t loved Meredith- she had meant everything to him, or so he thought- but he had thrown away an eleven year marriage for a few months of dating, and he would have slapped himself for doing so if he’d realized it at the time. He cared for Meredith, that was certain, but he wasn’t in love with her. She idolized him, worshipped him, did everything to please him, which Addison never had done. He and Addison were on the same level, could think each other’s thoughts, finish each other’s sentences. He and Meredith had never communicated well, let alone read each other’s minds, and he had the sudden and horrific realization that he’d ruined his and Addison’s life for an affair.

He wanted to protect Meredith, to shield her from whatever problems would come her way. He wanted to feel needed, wanted to prove that he could be her Knight in Shining Whatever, he’d saved her from the depths of the Ocean. But Addison had never needed that. She never needed him to be perfect and McDreamy, but he hadn’t thought that she did need. She needed her husband, needed Derek, but he had morphed into some Pod-Derek that forgot anniversaries and Christmases and valued his work more than his family. He had never thought that Addison, of all people, needed too, and that maybe she would be the only one who could save him.

His muscles moved before his head could process it, and he was making a U-turn and speeding down the expressway towards the airport.

So I packed my car and headed east

Where I felt your fire and a sweet release

There’s a fire in these hills that’s coming down

And I don’t know much but I found you here

And I cannot wait another year

Don’t know where you’re coming from, but you’re coming soon

Addison was sitting in the conference room at Oceanside Wellness, eating cake.

As much as she chided Naomi for eating 4,000 calories a day to get over her romance problems, that cake was good, and right now Addison really didn’t care.

“You’re eating. My cake.” Naomi stood in the doorway, hands on her hips.

Addison swallowed another forkful of cake. “And?”

“You’re eating my cake! The cake you told me I’m not allowed to eat!”

“This is different. You were eating the cake to get over your ex-husband. I’m eating it because I’m hungry and it’s chocolate frosting.”

“Fine.” Naomi glared, then turned to the lobby, her eyes widening, then looked back at Addison with a smirk. “And speaking of ex-husbands, yours just walked in the door.”

“What?!” Addison tried to yell, but the cake in her throat prevented that and just caused an animal-like shriek to echo in the room.

She swallowed, dropped her cake plate on the table and stood up, peering through the glass. Naomi apparently wasn’t pulling a sick, cosmic joke on her- Derek was standing at the desk, dripping, asking Dell about her whereabouts. She was prepared to run and go out the back door, but Dell pointed at her and she froze like a deer in headlights, watching Derek’s gaze land on her.

They made eye contact, their shared look speaking volumes but nothing at all, and he walked towards the room as if in slow motion. When he walked in, she said the first thing that came to mind.

“Um, do you…want some cake?” she pointed to the cake platter, a slice missing, and watched as he shook his head, still silent and still staring.

“Okay,” she said, moving slowly towards a chair, “You’re staring at me. It’s creepy, and slightly stalkerish.”

“Sorry.” He muttered, the first thing he’d said to her since he arrived, and they stood there in silence again.

She sighed, knowing she’d have to ask eventually. “Derek, what are you doing here?”

“I…” he trailed off and looked down. “I don’t really know. I was driving, and it was like this big, huge neon sign rammed into my head telling me how much of an idiot I was.”

When she didn’t respond, he continued, slowly. “It was like everything I’ve done with my life for the past year has been a lie. It’s like I’ve been watching myself go through the motions instead of actually living.”

Addison cringed at the memory of feeling the same way in New York, when she was living with Mark.

“I realized, tonight, that I threw away everything we had for…for nothing.”

She sighed. She didn’t think he’d bring up the unspeakable topic of “Derek-and-Addison,” but apparently he wanted to have this conversation.

“What about the love of your life?” she asked, barely stopping herself from glaring.

“Meredith is…I’m not in love with her. I’ve just been trying to protect her and it felt good knowing I was needed, that she thought I was perfect, but…I’m not. I’m not perfect. And neither are you.”

She didn’t know how to respond.

“I’m sorry,” he started, “for the way I treated you. I thought, somewhere in the back of my mind that you were Addison, the invincible, Addison who doesn’t feel any pain. Addison, who saves babies and performs high-risk procedures with no difficulty and makes everyone happy. I thought you were perfect, but you’re not. You and me, we are royally fucked up, and no one seems to understand that but…but us.”

“Derek, what are you saying?” she asked softly, cutting off his rant.

“I miss you, Addison, I just… miss you.”

She didn’t know whether to laugh and send him home or cry. She tried to think reasonably, tried to look at things logically, but her heart seemed to have other plans.

“I missed you too. God, did I miss you.”

Before she could even comprehend what was happening, he had gotten up, moved towards her and pulled her into his arms, breathing in the familiar scent of her hair. Her mind was screaming at her to get out, to run, but instead she melted into him, letting her limbs become loose and wrapping her arms around his neck.

Naomi, Sam, Violet, Pete and Cooper stood at the desk, watching the display through the glass window.

“That’s sweet. I have no idea what they’re saying, but that’s sweet.” Violet commented, smiling at watching the woman who had seemed perfect to her at the start suddenly become normal.

Cooper rolled his eyes. “You are such a sap.” He said, shaking his head as he walked away.

“Who is that guy, anyway?” Pete asked, attempting not to sound too interested.

“Her ex-husband.” Sam said, closing the file he’d been reading and walking off.

“I don’t like him.” Pete said, as they all knew he would, and stalked off behind Sam.

Naomi smiled. “I’m glad he’s here.”

Violet turned to her, confused. “Why?”

“Because if there’s hope for them, there’s hope for all the rest of us.”

Come on and we’ll sing, like we were free,

Push the pedal down, watch the world around fly by us

Come on and we’ll try,

One last time,

I’m off of the floor, one more time to find you,

And here we go, there’s nothing left to choose,

Here we go, there’s nothing left to lose

-Nothing Left to Lose, by Mat Kearney-