OK guys, welcome to Ali's latest hare-brained experiment. It started when I was complaining about all the missed kiss opportunities Bones has had and I bet that there was at least one in every episode. Well, I was a teensy bit wrong. You can't get a kiss out of EVERY episode without a little creativity and imagination on a couple of them... but hey, I tried my best. These are meant to be stand-alones, meaning there is no continuing story. Every chapter starts out as the show does, like they haven't kissed yet. -a moment of silence to sob-

So, here's the dealio – I will continue to inflict a first missed kiss for every episode until Mr. Hanson graciously decides to give us what we're all salivating over. Whether that should be taken as a threat/promise/blackmail is up to you. ;-)

I tried to incorporate details of the case and the attitudes B&B had during that episode. Please let me know if you like this style of writing or not and whether I'm succeeding. I've already got S1 done so I'll go ahead and put those up fairly regularly but I need to know if I should change anything for S2 or just scrap the whole thing altogether.

I didn't write the exact dialogue out because most of you probably know these by heart and I didn't want to be redundant but just in case you need a refresher... this scene's video is linked in my user profile.

Disclaimer - Would I really have had to write these if I owned Bones? Oh, and I snagged the title from a children's book I stumbled across. Yeah, yeah... stealing characters and now titles... what's next for this high-profile criminal?

“You want to spit in my hand? We're Scully and Mulder.”

The sound of the bullet ripping out of the barrel of her gun and tearing through the bright red cardboard figure that only vaguely resembled a human torso barely even registered under the dense polyfoam of the protective ear wear she had donned. She felt the stress slowly seep from her body as she pumped round after round into the figure, imagining the faces of evil that could do all the things she had to witness every day instead of the indistinctive paper victim. She liked that. She had the control here. Every shot was carefully precisioned by her hands and her hands only and no outside forces conspired against her. There were no corrupt Senators burying their dirty little secrets at the bottom of a pond, no annoying ex-boyfriends trying to get back in her pants, no Deputy Directors pulling her off of fieldwork and questioning her skills in doing her job and most definitely no arrogant FBI agents who knew exactly how to push every button in her body. Her jaw tightened at the thought. Nobody was supposed to be able to push Temperance Brennan's buttons. She was the Ice Queen and she never cracked.

She lowered her weapon, smug satisfaction crossing her face as she surveyed her success. She started to pull off the head gear and was only a little startled to hear his voice behind her. Yes, the button pusher himself. He prattled on about how she was using her defense skills as a way to cope with the fragility of life. Maybe. Or maybe she just felt like blowing off some steam by kicking some ass now and then. She smiled a little and turned the tables around on him. If he was going to try to bring up her past, he damn well better be prepared to deal with his own. She tilted her head to the side nonchalantly as she gave him a rundown on what she knew about his days of picking people off from hundreds of yards away just to become the guy who now arrested murderers. Talk about coping mechanisms.

He stepped forward and politely asked for his turn at firing rounds into poor Mr. Target. He hesitated and squinted down the range before firing. His shot landed to the right of all her shots and she laughed - a little too haughtily - as he grimaced. She asked him if he was really any good at doing what he used to do. Oh, if she only knew the truth. Would her eyes look at him the same way she looked at the Senator or any of the other perpetrators she worked so hard to put away? Would she see the broken man behind the cool front?

He turned and leveled his eyes on her. He knew a thing or two about killers and he knew that the Senator wasn't one of them. A selfish bastard? Yes. A killer? No. Wouldn't want to get those expensive Armanis dirty, would he?

So that left Oliver the stalker, eh? Was he the one who had brutally murdered and disposed of the body of his obsession? Could he have really been the one to stab Cleo Eller so many times and then wrap her in chicken wire and unceremoniously dump her lifeless body into a watery grave? She really didn't know why she was sticking up for the guy. Maybe she just wanted to be opposite of him. Opposite of his opinions and ideas and beliefs. Heaven help them if they ever agreed on anything. The earth would probably implode.

He leaned forward, his voice dropping down to a seductive whisper as he listed the reason why he thought what he did about his top suspect. Unhinged. That was the word he used. Much like how he was feeling right then as he shifted closer to her, a whiff of her perfume catching his attention. It smelled exotic and heady and he fought to keep his composure. Telling her he wanted her right then and there probably wasn't the best idea with that gun sitting within her arm's reach.

Her stomach involuntarily contracted as his breath swept across her lips and his soft voice filled her ears. She stiffened her neck and jutted out her chin defiantly. No way was he going to turn her on. Well not in any way that she would let show. She covered by condescending that it must be his famous "gut" instincts that let him read people so well then. By her empirical beliefs, she knew that he really couldn't read people's minds but as his near-black eyes bore into hers, she had to fight herself not to look away even though the fear of what he might be reading in hers was striking. A slight blush crept up her neck as she thought about the things he would have to say about the images in her mind. That mind that could be so scientific and sterile and yet so very creative about imagining all the ways he could take her. But her pride won out over her feminine embarrassment and she kept his gaze, not backing down for a second.

He shifted even more towards her as he made his speech about murders being solved by cops and not scientists. He extolled the virtues of guys like him catching people in lies every day and her eyes widened slightly as his hand reached up to place itself beside her head as she was now backed up against the wall. Her breath caught as she wondered if he was about to chastise her for lying to herself, afraid that he was reading her better than she thought possible. I do not feel anything for Seeley Booth. That lie had become a frequent visitor to her thoughts lately and now she wondered if it would be her undoing.

But no, he didn't force her to admit all the dirty little secrets she kept. Instead he gave her a back-handed compliment. Sure she was great at what she did but when it came down to it, she just didn't have what it took to put the bad guy away. Her blood boiled and her temper flared but she kept her cool. Flying off the handle now would only gain her more criticism. She pushed off from the wall to stand her ground to him. Toe to toe. Body to body. Mouths mere inches apart. Her exhale was his inhale and the intimacy of the moment had set the air crackling. Their eyes were locked in a gaze to the death, neither one willing to tear themselves away. She had never experienced anything like that before. Most men backed down in her unwavering presence. Not him though. It confused and aroused her at the same time. Someone who was finally her equal? The sex would be out of this world.

To keep her mind off of the growing desire pooling in her lower belly, she hid behind her accusations. Accusations of him being too afraid of a little political pressure to look for the crime scene. He searched her eyes, his mouth firmly set. Oh, she was good. She was damn good. She had just figured out how to manipulate Seeley Booth. He hadn't thought this typical squint had it in her. What was that Dr. Goodman had warned him about her? Something about a decidedly steep learning curve? Hell with that, it was a friggin right angle.

As he contemplated how wrong he might have been about her, she continued to drone on something about killing floors and hypothesis. He realized she had lost him a few seconds ago when his gaze briefly darted down to the line of her mouth. The stream of prodding insults continued to spew out of those perfect, full lips, the sight of which was starting to drive him crazy and make him heavy with desire. All he wanted to do was close his mouth over hers and swallow the words continuing to pour out of her. He couldn't decide if it was more out of a desire to silence her or more out of a desire to taste what had been taunting him, now just inches away. Probably about equal.

She leaned her head back against the wall and smiled superiorly at him as she finished.

"Prove it. Be a cop."

That was it. The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. He didn't realize until after his mouth had crashed down on hers that this might not be the best way to start off their partnership. But as she quickly overcame the surprise of his actions and slowly moved her head and parted her lips slightly, he realized he didn't care at that moment. The only thing that existed in his world now was the feel of her soft lips brushing against his as their heads moved exactly in tune with the other. Their eyes continued to stay locked, the desire smoldering between them. The hand that was on the wall moved to the back of her neck, bringing her, if at all possible, closer to him. His other hand went down to her waist, sliding inside her open jacket to feel the warmth of her stomach through the thin cotton shirt.

His tongue darted out against her lips and he watched her eyes finally flutter shut in defeat before he heard the sound that would be the cause of many a long night of him lying awake in bed, painfully aroused. She moaned. She moaned sensually into his mouth and he felt his body catch on fire, the blood throbbing downward faster than he could blink. His tongue prodded farther into the slight opening of her mouth and at the first contact of her tongue on his, he felt the electric charge course through his body. If spontaneous human combustion was possible, Seeley Booth was in grave danger.

Their tongues slid across each other frantically and his hand worked its way farther up her body until he was cupping her breast. He felt her sharp intake of breath and pressed her tighter against the wall. Her arms snaked around his neck and she threaded her fingers through his hair, messing up the perfect strands of neatly combed and slicked hair. The feeling of her nails scratching over his scalp made him press even deeper into her, his tongue tracing every line of her mouth.

The seconds had ticked into minutes before they both had to finally pull away, chests heaving and pulse pounding in their ears. He nervously tried to read her expression. Would she go for the Judo move that would leave him flat on his back or the gun which would end with far more dire consequences? To his surprise she did neither. In fact, she looked... relieved? As her breath evened out, she opened her eyes. He continued to watch her apprehensively. For all his talk of reading people, at that moment, he had no clue what she was going to do next.

She leaned forward, her top lip making contact with the bottom of his earlobe.

"Don't we have a killing floor to find?" she whispered huskily, her breath whispering across his neck and causing him to shudder.

She pulled back and smiled confidently before sliding out from his grasp and leaving the stall. His head turned to watch in amazement as her hips swayed, her heels clicking rhythmically across the floor. He chuckled and put his forehead against the wall where her head had just been and took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. Suddenly, he spun and grabbed the gun, shooting it twice at the target. It pierced the narrow head accurately and he grinned widely. Yeah, he still had it. Even after just being kissed senseless.

He holstered the gun and hurried after her. This was going to be the beginning of a beautiful partnership.