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These Nightmares
Chapter Two

Cassie sat back against the hard seat; her hands clenched tightly together, one foot tapping subconsciously, as moths practically swarmed around in her body. Her eyes continued to dart from the window, which showed the world speeding past to her jittery hands, as two words continued to run through her head – a mantra, she had learned to live by;

What if?

For Cassie, there were no certainties in life. Other children she’d met, they’d had certainties. They’d had a mother, who would drop them at the gate, kiss them lightly on the cheek, and stay there, until they’d walked out of sight. Those same children had told stories of their fathers, and how their night time stories had left them sleeping soundly, not cowering in fear under their bed, too scared to make a noise, in case he heard.

In case he came.

She shivered involuntarily despite the warm spring sun basking down on her through the window, as she tried to push the nightmares of her youth to the furthest reaches of her mind, into the darkness, she thought, where they would always belong.

He’d glanced sideways just in time to see her hands becoming blotched with pink and white spots, and knew instantly she was anxious – fearful – of what today held for her. For them. Watching the ground, bottom lip between her teeth, her face was unusually pale for someone so dark, and he could almost feel the nerves pulsating through her being.

She finally looked over to where he was sitting, and as he caught her eye, she smiled at him, unsure, only able to meet his gaze for a moment. His eyes darkened instantly, as he reached over and quickly unclenched her hands, taking them in his own, hoping this would calm her nerves.

‘So she doesn’t feel alone,’ He told himself.

Looking up, he caught the old bag Roberts staring at them disapprovingly through the rear view mirror. Alone in a car with only he and Cassie, she didn’t have to keep up pretences any more, pretending to actually care about them. No. Alone, she could be as nasty, and silent, as she chose. Her eyes met his own, and he matched her glare, unwilling to back down. She looked away quickly; back to the road, and Ric noticed, from that moment, for the rest of the ride, her eyes stayed there, connected with the straight line, watching the horizon.

And Cassie’s hand stayed gripped tightly in his own, as if fearing if she let go for a second, he would disappear. He knew deep down, it was the anxiety that held its sway over her though. He’d seen the lost, bewildered look many times before. Somehow, the demons in the back of her mind always came out to haunt her; to whisper evils in her mind… that she’d end up alone. Not this time though. This time, he swore, as he squeezed her hand gently, reassuringly, this time, we’d make it – together.

-

“Crap,” He swore under his breath, earning a glare from Maggie, as the car suddenly swerved from the main road, and began to bump and rumble, kicking up dust down a dirt road. Peering out the window, she watched on, amazed, enchanted, as the dry bushland turned into lush green trees right before her eyes. Overgrown as they were, she smiled to herself, imagining the fun and games she and Ric might have had, had they come here before… before their innocence was lost in the black.

Perhaps, this place… Summer Bay, and these people… Flynn and Sally, it would allow her a chance to explore a childhood she’d never seized. Her thoughts danced of running between those branches, weaving between the tall gums that looked as if they reached the sky. And finally, for the first time since the morning – and watching the sun rise perfectly into a cloudless sky – she began to feel calm.

Closing her eyes Cassie could picture her in her mind’s eye. Sally.

Cassie had had several foster mothers and had got on well enough with the majority of them but none had been exactly right; none had been perfect.

Until now.

Cassie was so sure that Sally was going to be the one. In her mind’s eye Sally looked kind of like Mrs Slater but not as fat. In her mid-forties like Mrs Taylor with soft white hair and a round, lined face. Big eyes, not small and slanted like Mrs Jessop’s but big, soft eyes that smiled and danced and looked at Cassie as if she was the most special person in the world. Her mouth was big, not thin like Mrs Hollywell’s and it was just made for smiling, a lovely smile, a loving smile, one that radiated warmth and love. Her arms were big and welcoming, always hugging, not cold like Mrs Andrews and those arms offered safety, security. Protection.

Cassie smiled contentedly.

She had no picture of him. It was best not to. Numerous foster fathers and Cassie had never warmed to any of thembest to keep your distance. At the end of the day foster father’s were men and men, however nice they seemed, couldn’t be trusted. Men had things. They did things. Horrible, terrible things. Cassie shuddered. It was best not to think of foster father’s at all.

Recalling Sally again to her mind Cassie opened her eyes to gaze again at the beautiful land that seemed to race by as the car moved. , So much space, she thought contentedly, so much freedom. And escape.

One look sideways though, and she knew instantly, her companion, her best friend, didn’t feel the same.

“It’s so… green,” He muttered under his breath, as he leant over her to gain a better view of their new home.

Cassie nodded enthusiastically, in the hopes of raising Ric’s spirits.

“But… green?” He cocked an eyebrow as the word slipped out of his mouth once more, and she couldn’t help but laugh at his facial expression.

“What?” He asked, looking up into her now bright, brown eyes.

“The way you say ‘green’,” She said quietly, not wanting to get on Maggie’s bad side after such a long trip “It’s like it’s the filthiest word you’ve ever said,”

“Not even,” He retorted, opening his mouth to use a wide array of other examples that were much worse than green, but on looking past Cassie, as the rooftop of their new home came into view, he clamped his mouth shut tightly, remembering his solemn promise not to get into any kind of trouble.

Instead, he replied.

“Well, you know me; you can take the kid out of the city, but you can’t take the city out of the kid.” What he’d said wasn’t a lie either. Having grown up in downtown Sydney, Ric knew the one thing he loved about life was the congestion, the fury, and the fast pace that city life moved at. It was the one thing he always knew would keep up with him.

Living in a smaller, more rural town, Ric knew he’d miss the sounds of cars flying past his window at three in the morning. Somehow, that had become a comfort to him.

She nodded in reply, and took her turn giving his hand a reassuring squeeze, knowing what he’d just stopped himself from doing, appreciating it more than words could say.

He watched Cassie turn to looked out the window again, and saw, in the reflection it cast, how her smile widened and the house came into view – Its large white frame, with dark crimson tiles. It was like one from the childhood movies they watched together – like a fairytale, and Ric couldn’t help the joyous feeling that overcame him as he watched Cassie’s entire body lift in excitement, like he’d seen in very few precious times during their lives together.

“This is it,” She turned to speak to him, her voice full of excitement, her eyes shining.

“This is what?” He replied, holding her hand firm as old bag Roberts pulled the car to a stop.

“Our new beginning.”

Pushing open the door, she exited the car legs first, and she began to tingle with excitement as her feet touched the ground. Ric followed her out quickly, her hand still gripped to his firmly as they basked in the warm sunlight momentarily… before Ric began to cough a little.

Cassie turned to look at him, her features full of concern, before he stopped.

“Those cigarettes will kill you one day,” She said finally, as primly as he’d expected such a comment to be.

“More like all this fresh air,” He retorted, as Maggie Roberts walked over to them stiffly.

“I’d like to remind you two…” She said, an air of superiority in her tone, and Ric resisted the urge to roll his eyes. ‘Best behaviour’ he reminded himself.

“…you are not to misbehave,” caught up with her spiel, not that it mattered, he’d heard it only a thousand times before.

“Because it simply will no longer be tolerated,” Maggie snapped at them, and caught Ric’s attention immediately. Instantly his free hand formed a fist, the anger surging through his body, as the old witch’s eyes glared down at him, but a second later he felt Cassie squeeze his hand, and he turned to look at her, and saw her eyes pleading with him to back down.

Once again, he’d let his anger rule his head, and he felt guilty that before they’d even met the Saunders he was practically throwing this opportunity out the window. Sighing, he resigned himself to his fate, and replied to Maggie “No more mishaps. I’ll be on my best behaviour, I swear,”

Maggie looked at him, unconvinced, for a second or two, before nodding her head slightly, and walking down the small porch towards the front door. Ric felt Cassie’s grip on his hand tighten as Maggie knocked loudly, and then stood back, waiting for an answer.

Cassie’s breath caught in her throat as her body began to tense up, the anxiety of meeting these people overwhelming her – and then, the door creaked open slowly and Cassie felt as if her heart had sunk to the depths of her stomach.

She was dark, not white haired, about the height of Cassie. Young, maybe late twenties or early thirties, certainly not mid-forties and there were no lines on her face. Her figure was slim, not round and though her smile was large, Cassie couldn’t help but feel it looked a little forced, not the loving, warm smile of her imaginings. Her posture reminded Cassie a little of the ballerina’s she’d seen on TV, tall and stiff, rather than warm and welcoming as she moved rather robotically towards the door.

His smile was small, but it reached his eyes, Ric thought, as he watched them sparkle as he pushed the screen door open, his wife standing back against him. His build was much less slight then hers, yet not as physically developed as Ric’s; from his years of brawls. Ric assumed that this man had obviously never been in a fight then, yet wanted to keep himself fit.

“Please,” He said finally, his voice full of warmth, “Come in.”

Cassie and Ric were ushered in quickly by Maggie, who, more than obviously, Ric thought, wanted to get rid of them as soon as possible; less of a hassle then.

It wasn’t dark; that was her first observation, as Cassie looked around the room quickly. It was light, welcoming, warm. Not overly tidy either, like other places they’d been. There were a few papers strewn over a desk, older newspapers sitting on the table, and pictures everywhere, of the Saunders. And others, too, she inspected, as she and Ric came to stand in the middle of the room awkwardly.

No alcohol, Ric noticed instantly, as he surveyed the room slowly. He sniffed, to make sure he was right, not even a hint of Vodka, or Gin, or Rum. He was a beer guy, Ric assessed, as he looked Flynn up and down. One a night, if that, perhaps while watching the news. A possible two at parties, if he was feeling particularly adventurous. Ric almost sighed in relief as he watched the man continue to smile warmly at he and Cassie, he was nothing like his father, which meant he was everything to like.

“Mr and Mrs. Saunders,” Maggie said after what felt like an eternity to Cassie, “I’d like you to meet Cassie Turner and Ric Dalby,” She finished politely, as they stood, smiling awkwardly at one another.

“It’s wonderful to have you both here,” The woman; Sally, said finally, a certain stiffness in her voice, that Cassie felt invaded her entire personality. Her eyes were green, framed with long lashes and very pretty but they weren’t smiling eyes. They weren’t eyes that danced and as she looked across the room, Cassie felt more like an intruder than someone special.

“We’re both very excited about having the two of you here,” He added, his voice a little more welcoming, but she couldn’t help but feel wary of him; he was male, after all.

“This is the first time we’ve had the opportunity to have foster children,” Sally continued, as she began to walk towards them slowly, “So you’ll have to excuse us if we seem a little, anxious, we’re so new to this and all.”

Lucky you, Cassie though to herself a little bitterly, as she remembered the numerous homes she’d been sent to for the last seven years of her life.

“We’ve just got to sort some details out with Mrs. Roberts,” Flynn said, as Ric watched him go instantly to his wife’s side. “Grown up stuff,” He joked, as Ric saw Cassie begin to glare a little, her warm fuzzy feeling now turning into nerves, hidden fears of distrust surfacing within her mind.

“Make yourselves at home,” He insisted, pointing them in the direction of the lounge, with the TV remote sitting on the coffee table. “And as soon as we finish all the documents with Mrs. Roberts, Sal and I might take you down to the beach, show you some of the sights?”

“Um, yeah, thanks Mr. Saunders,” Ric mumbled next to Cassie, who was left wordless, as he looked at them a little oddly.

“Its Flynn,” He replied finally, taking a seat at the table. “Flynn and Sally,” He added, before turning to pay attention as Roberts began to babble on.

Finding themselves now left to their own devices, Cassie shared a look with Ric before she walked towards the lounge area slowly. Having an entire lounge to themselves was considered a luxury, and actually being able to choose what they watched, a gift unlike any other, and Ric pounced at the opportunity; knowing that he’d be able to enjoy at least twenty minutes watching the weekend car races that Channel 10 devoted their Saturdays to.

Cassie, curling her lip up in distaste as soon as she heard the screeching sounds of breaks coming from the television, instead continued to walk slowly around the room, focusing solely on the pictures they seemed to have everywhere.

To Cassie, she always seemed so happy in the pictures, so real. So unlike the stiff, timid woman that had welcomed them into her home only moments before. And he, his eyes were on her in every picture. Not one did he look into the camera, no, his absolute love and devotion to this woman was clear; and Cassie wondered if he could ever have room in his heart to love someone else; to care for someone else more than her.

One picture caught her attention, as she made her way slowly down the mantle piece. Standing on the beach, their eyes interlocked, her hands holding his against his belly. Cassie picked it up without thinking, wishing to study the picture – her idea of bliss – deeper, only to jump at the sound of her voice.

“Don’t touch that,” She snapped loudly, as all eyes fell on Cassie. Numbly, she put the picture back in its place, her eyes darting towards the ground, her mind swirling with fragments of memories, long forgotten, of another woman who once, would yell at her too.

“I mean, Cassie, I’m…” Sally stuttered, as Flynn took her hand in his, but made no attempt at an apology.

Cassie looked up at them quizzically, her eyes finally meeting Sally’s, who held the gaze for a moment, before looking away and asking “Can you please just sit down?” Her voice stern, and Cassie couldn’t help but comply.

Ric looked at Cassie as she sat sullenly down next to him, and took her hand in his for a moment, before she shrugged it off, and curled herself up on the lounge. The adults chatter could be heard a little over the television, but Ric was now concentrating on neither.

He had promised Cassie he would behave here. Promised her that this would be their own. And despite the rocky start they’d just had, he knew that if he went back on his word now, then there would be no hope for them… ever. Summer Bay, the Saunders, he had to make it work. He’d fight; with his mind, not his fists; to make he and Cassie belong.

-