(A/N): So. This chapter was actually finished Saturday morning, but when I went to upload - lo and behold, my internet had crapped out on me. And then I discovered that every public library in the area bans FFnet because - wait for it - it's classified as a porn site. Oh, FFnet, I love you. So yes, my internet still has the habit of crapping out on me in the middle of whatever I happen to be doing, so I am way, way behind on messages, and I'm not always sure the replies actually get sent. So sorry about that, guys. Also, sorry for the delay, and hope you enjoy the chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't owwwwn iiiit.

Sometimes I Think I'd

Roxas hunched his shoulders as another gust of wind cut through his jacket; ducking his chin into his collar, he tried to think of anything but the things he’d let slip the night before. He didn’t know why Axel had insisted on stirring it all up again when he’d been doing such an excellent job of not thinking about it. His feet beat a steady rhythm against the cracked sidewalk as his mind circled restlessly, never fully settling on one topic before flitting ahead to another one.

Maybe he should take a bus. There really was no reason to hang around when his destination was a mere two days’ drive away. He could give Axel enough money to tide him over until he got to…wherever it was he’d been going before Roxas had dropped into his life. And then he could just…go. Green eyes lit with a sly grin flashed across his mind, and Roxas raised a hand to rub soothing circles against his suddenly throbbing temples. God, but this whole thing had been so much simpler in his head.

He traversed the two blocks with his gaze fixed firmly on his sneakers, only realizing as he stepped through the automatic doors of the supermarket that he had no idea what to buy – Namine was allergic to dander, so they’d never had a pet. Features drawing into a thoughtful frown, he grabbed a shopping cart and stalked through the aisles until he found the one he wanted.

He pushed the cart in front of him, frown deepening as he gazed at the panorama of boxes and bags spread before him. How did any animal need this many choices? He darted a quick glance around, wondering if he should ask one of the clerks for assistance, but there weren’t any employees in sight. He turned back to the rows of pet food and accessories, tearing one hand through his tangled hair in frustration. “Screw it,” he muttered, reaching out to pluck items haphazardly from the shelf and toss them in the cart’s basket. When he had everything he could think of needing – including wet and dry food – he gave the cart a push and trundled up the aisle, grabbing a few more incidentals as he passed them.

The cashier checked him out with a minimal attempt at conversation, eyeing his disheveled appearance with an expression of thin-lipped forbearance. Roxas stood slouched with his hands buried in his pockets as she worked, regarding her with dull apathy, and by the time she handed his card back and asked him to come again her mouth was a puckered line slashed across her face. Roxas shrugged a response at her and loaded the last few plastic bags into the cart, giving it a shove to get it moving and heading for the doors.

The cold bit deep as he stepped back out onto the street, and Roxas wished he’d thought to grab his gloves as he pushed the cart past the sign admonishing him to keep it in the lot. They could slap him on the wrist if they wanted – he wasn’t lugging a ten-pound bag of food back to the hotel over his shoulder.

No one ran out after him, no voices were raised in protest. Roxas ignored the looks he received as he rattled along the sidewalk, pointing the cart in the direction of the hotel.

No one was in the office when he passed it, for which Roxas was absurdly grateful. One of the cart’s wheels had jolted loose, and it jumped and rattled in its track as he pushed it toward the room, the sound loud in the comparative silence of the open-air hall. He caught a flash of yellow eyes as he passed Axel’s car, and he shot a tight smile at the kitten as he brought the cart to a halt and dug the room key out of his pocket with numb fingers. The wash of warm air as he pushed the door inward made him sigh, and he brushed his bangs out of his eyes as he let his gaze travel over the small room. Reaching out with one hand, he wrapped his fingers around the cold metal and pulled the basket a little closer before he began to unload.

Soon stacks of cans, oversized bags of food and litter, and various other accoutrements occupied every available bit of space on the counters flanking the television, and a small mountain of empty plastic bags had overtaken the foot of Roxas’s narrow bed. When the cart’s basket was empty, Roxas backed out of the room, leaving the door yawning open as he grabbed the cart and pushed it the length of the parking lot, leaving it tucked in the far corner next to the dumpster. His sneakers crunched over loose gravel as he walked back to the room, hands curled into fists deep inside his pockets.

He stepped out of the cold, closing the door and leaning back to rest against it, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. He was so tired… He ground the heel of his hand into the corner of his eye, trying to shake off his lethargy. He needed to call Sora. He should’ve called him days ago. He cracked an eye open, regarding the battered black telephone with distaste before he shoved himself away from the door and shambled over to it, sinking onto his mattress as he picked up the receiver and brought it to his ear. His hand hovered above the keys as his fingers tightened around the receiver.

He stood abruptly, returning the receiver to the cradle and turning his back on the nightstand. He could call Sora later. It wasn’t as if they were leaving today.

Wiping a hand down his face, he dragged his duffle bag from where it had disappeared under the bed and rooted through it for a warm hat and a pair of gloves. His face twisted when he pulled a white woolen cap out of the bag, but he jammed it down over his head and shoved his hands into his gloves without a word. He snagged a plastic bowl from the overflowing countertop and tore a hole in one of the bags of dry food, filling the bowl to the brim before he stomped back to the door.

He narrowed his eyes as he stepped back out into the cold, but he let the door fall closed behind him as he knelt in front of Axel’s car and extended the bowl of food. The kitten only looked at him. “C’mon,” Roxas muttered, shaking the bowl. “It’s food.” The kitten blinked at him, yawned, and promptly tucked its nose into its tail and appeared to go to sleep. Roxas’s breath hissed out between his clenched teeth as he sat back on his haunches, glaring. “God, quit being such a fucking cat.”

“What are you doing?”

Roxas started at the unexpected voice, glancing up over his shoulder with a scowl. Jim stood behind him, a full-to-bursting garbage bag slung over one shoulder and the large hood of his down jacket drawn up around his face. Roxas’s scowl deepened as he turned his head to glare at Axel’s bumper. “There’s a cat,” he mumbled grudgingly.

Jim’s brows drew together in a frown, and he lowered the garbage bag to the pavement before kneeling beside Roxas, bracing his hands against the pavement as he leaned down far enough to peer beneath the car. “Oh, that,” he said, spying the white ball of fur. “You probably won’t get it to come out with food for a while – we just fed it.”

“What?” Roxas regarded the other boy with narrowed eyes. “Why?”

Jim’s expression turned to one of irritation as he shrugged and pushed himself to his feet. “Axel said if I saw a white cat hanging around I should leave some food out for it.”

Roxas paused, something inside his chest twisting almost painfully. “Axel said that?”

“Yeah,” Jim muttered, grabbing the garbage bag and throwing it over his shoulder again. “Freak out some more, why don’t you?” Roxas ducked his head as Jim walked away from him, a small, incredulous smile playing over his lips. He glanced at the kitten again, trying to snap his gloved fingers.

“Come on, you stupid cat, c’mere.” It ignored him, and he sat back with a sigh, backing up to sit against the door to the room, the bowl of food resting next to him on the sidewalk.

Jim stepped over Roxas’s splayed legs as he trudged back toward the office. “Know anything about the shopping cart stuck back there?” he asked as he moved past him.

“Nope,” Roxas said, not even looking at him. Jim grunted, the sound clearly conveying his disbelief, but he didn’t pursue the subject. Roxas fought down the childish urge to flip the bird at the other boy’s retreating back, instead settling for tilting his head back and regarding the space beneath Axel’s car with hooded eyes.

“You know you’re not allowed to have animals in the rooms,” Jim said as he stepped over him with another bag of trash slung over his shoulder.

“We’re not in the room,” Roxas muttered, belatedly trying to find someplace more discreet to stash the bowl of food.

Jim shot him an inscrutable look as he paused, gaze swiveling between Roxas and Axel’s front tire. “Whatever,” he sighed. “Just don’t let my mom see it.”

Roxas whipped his head around to gape at Jim, but he was already moving on, shoulders hunched against the cold. Roxas glanced back at Axel’s car, a small, incredulous smile tugging at the edge of his lips. Jim didn’t say anything more as he passed over him again, and Roxas’s grin only widened as he thumped his head gently against the door. “All right,” he muttered, bracing one gloved hand against the concrete and levering himself to his feet.

He beat his hands together as he bounced on his toes, trying to get his circulation flowing freely again. Apparently attracted by the noise, the kitten sidled forward far enough to peer up at him from beneath the car’s bumper, and Roxas shook his head at it. “We’re practically in Destiny Islands,” he said. “It’s supposed to be warmer.” The kitten only blinked before its tiny pink mouth opened wide in a yawn. Roxas sighed and sank back down to a crouch, resting his elbows on his knees. “Look, cat, it’s too cold for this crap, okay? Just hold still for two seconds –” He slipped a hand out of its glove and darted forward, getting a firm hold on the scruff of the kitten’s neck. He felt it tense beneath his grip and paused, waiting for it to cry out or try to squirm out of his grasp, but it only gazed back at him, the tip of its tail twitching. “Okay,” he breathed, tugging it forward lightly. “C’mon.”

The kitten allowed itself to be pulled from beneath the car, and Roxas settled it in the crook of one elbow as he turned back toward the room. He glanced toward the office as he slid the key into the lock, but Jim had disappeared, presumably to man the counter once again. He nudged the door open with his foot and bent to retrieve the bowl of food, unfolding his arm to allow the kitten to jump to the ground. It hesitated in the threshold for a moment, head cocked as its ears swiveled to and fro, but at Roxas’s nudging it stepped forward, allowing the blond to enter behind it and shut the door.

Carefully stepping around the animal, Roxas set the bowl of food back on the counter and pulled his cap off, ruffling a hand against his hair to try and reintroduce some volume to the crushed locks. He glanced down at the cat, which had tucked its paws neatly beneath its body and was regarding the room with wide-eyed disinterest. “Well it’s better than being stuck out under a car,” he said. The kitten ignored him.

With one last useless tug at his hair, he tossed the cap on top of the mountain of empty bags at the foot of his bed and plucked at the front of his sweatshirt, expression pulling down into a scowl. He glanced at his watch – even with his late start, Axel would still be gone for hours yet. “Don’t suppose you know any card games,” he shot distractedly over his shoulder as he moved toward the bathroom. The kitten, predictably, didn’t answer.

Roxas pulled the door closed behind him and quickly stripped, shoving his soiled clothing into a more or less neat pile in the corner before he turned the hot water in the shower on full. He braced his hands against the cracked tiles as he bent his head beneath the spray, his eyes slipping closed as he let the rhythm of the water beating against his skull lull him into a near trance-like state. Only when the warmth began to leach out of the water did he reach for the soap.

When he was finished he shut the water off and stepped out, toweling himself dry and wrapping the towel around his waist before opening the door.

The kitten had somehow leveraged itself to the top of Roxas’s bed – the plastic bags were scattered along the coverlet and the floor, and the animal was kneading its claws in his cap. “Hey!” Roxas shouted, body jerking into motion as he clapped his hands sharply. “Get away from that!”

The kitten jumped at the sudden noise, back arching before it turned and bolted, its tail disappearing beneath the edge of Axel’s comforter. Groaning under his breath, Roxas stalked over to his bed and snatched the cap up, stretching it carefully between his hands. Sure enough, there were a few small snags where the kitten’s claws had worked the material loose. He balled the hat in one hand as he scrubbed the other against his forehead, marshalling for inner calm. It wasn’t the kitten’s fault – he shouldn’t have left it out.

He blew a deliberate breath out through his nose and unclenched his hand, laying the cap back on the bed and rooting through his duffle bag for a fresh change of clothes. He dressed quickly, tossing the towel back into the bathroom before he walked back over to the counter. He snagged a can of wet food and the can opener before he settled in the narrow space between his bed and Axel’s, grimacing as he tried to find a way to cross his legs comfortably.

There was no movement from beneath the bed.

Roxas latched the can opener onto the edge of the can, cranking by hand until the top came away in his hand. Settling it clean-side down on the carpet beside him, Roxas dipped his fingers into the brown mush. He twitched a foot against the thick comforter, extending his food-smeared fingers. The kitten didn’t appear. “C’mon,” he muttered, wiggling his fingers. He tried to remember if there was a proper way to cajole a cat. “Here, kitty.” If the cat heard him, it gave no sign. Roxas sighed and tilted his wrist so he could glance at his watch. The hours still stretched emptily ahead. He fixed the comforter with a hard stare, then resettled his limbs resolutely.

He could wait.

He was dozing, head lolling loosely on his neck, when he felt a sandpaper-rough tongue laving his fingers. He came back to full consciousness with a start, and the kitten shied away for a second before meowing plaintively up at him. Roxas blinked, a tentative smile tugging at his lips as he extended his fingers once again. The kitten sniffed at them, eyeing him warily for a moment before its tongue began to scrape over his skin once more.

Roxas’s smile spread as he reached up his free hand to scratch behind its ears. The kitten braced its front paws against his legs and surged up briefly into his caress, then returned its attention to the food. When it was finished with the food he’d spread across his fingers, it slipped out of his lap and stuck its face in the open can still sitting on the floor next to him.

Roxas gave its ears one last scratch before he lumbered to his feet, trying not to touch the comforter. Holding his hand out in front of him, he stepped over the kitten and took the few steps to the bathroom, rinsing the remnants of food from his fingers.

He ambled back into the main room, blotting his hands against his jeans and glancing automatically at his watch. Axel still wouldn’t be back for quite some time. He sighed and scrubbed a hand down his face, grinning in spite of himself at the sight of the kitten pushing the empty can around the floor as it tried to lick up the last of the food clinging to its sides.

Roxas left it to its task for the moment and sat on the edge of the bed, grabbing up the white cap and dropping it back into the duffle bag before he began gathering the empty plastic bags together. He stuffed them in the small garbage bin beneath the sink, then turned and slipped the empty can away from the cat, ignoring its mewl of complaint and dropping it in the bin as well.

He glanced around the small room, but other than nudging the dirty laundry into a neater pile there wasn’t anything else he could find that needed doing.

His stomach growled at him, reminding him that he hadn’t eaten yet today, and he wandered over to the fridge and pulled out a microwave dinner and bag of chips. He stood and watched the plastic tray spin in circles in the microwave, stopping the cycle before the appliance could emit its high-pitched beep. He carried the food over to the table, snagging a drink from the fridge before he settled in one of the chairs and began to eat.

The kitten edged closer to him, sitting with its tail tucked neatly around its paws as it stared up at him, nose twitching. “This is my food,” Roxas mumbled at it, shoveling another forkful into his mouth for emphasis. The kitten glanced away, feigning disinterest, but Roxas saw the way its ears swiveled back his way with every sound.

When he was finished, he gathered the trash together and dropped it into the now-full garbage bin.

He glanced at his watch. Sighed. Moved back over to the bed and sank down onto the mattress. The kitten followed him with its eyes, but didn’t move to follow him. “I should take a bus,” he told it. It only meowed at him.

Roxas was sprawled across his bed with his headphones snugged securely over his ears when Axel got back. He glanced up to find the redhead standing in the doorway, expression betraying no hint of his thoughts as his gaze swiveled between the cat, curled on the comforter next to Roxas with its nose tucked into its tail, and the mess of food, litter, and accessories obscuring the counter space. Roxas paused the music and pushed himself upright, striving to make his own face just as expressionless, dreading what the redhead might say about the cat, or about their conversation the night before.

Axel turned his head to meet his eyes, and it seemed to Roxas that they stared at one another for a very long time. Finally, Axel sighed and stepped the rest of the way into the room, shutting the door behind him. “Okay, Roxas. It’s your money. But the rules still apply.” He shrugged out of his jacket and tossed it onto his bed. “If it pees on something of mine, I get to make a nice kitty throw pillow out of it.”

A lopsided grin spread across Roxas’s face as Axel grabbed a beer from the fridge and threw himself down on his own bed, digging in his pocket for his pack of cigarettes. “Thanks,” he muttered, ducking his head when Axel glanced over at him.

Axel smirked. “Don’t thank me. You’re the one who’s gotta keep Jim from seeing it.”

Roxas shrugged. “Jim knows. Kinda. He just said not to let his mom see it.”

“Really?” Axel seemed to turn that over as he took a long swallow of beer. “Kid must be getting soft in his old age.”

“Mm.” Roxas fiddled with the cord of his headphones, watching Axel light a cigarette from the corner of his eye. This was the moment to bring up the bus, to point out the expense and the trouble he’d already put the redhead through and offer him enough money so that Roxas could leave with a clear conscience.

Axel exhaled a thin plume of smoke, lips quirking up in a tired smile when he noticed Roxas watching him. “What?” Roxas shook his head, pressing the play button on his CD player and retreating back into his music, and the moment passed.