Not to lose you

Author: junon2/ennostiel/calli attha

Pairing: Athrun Zala and Cagalli Yula Athha

Genre: romance

Disclaimer: All of characters and locations owned by creator of Gundam Seed (sorry, I don’t know his name! ;)). The plot of this story I own.

Summary: love story Hum, when you love someone it’s better if you say it, Athrun learns that with the Kira’s help. But will his love be returned? Or does he risk losing her by waiting and doing nothing?

Author’s note:

1) Athrun is 18 years old and is in last year, so be it's the 6th year in Belgium (Last year of high school- Grade 12). Athrun is the most popular guy and one of the richest students of the school. His girlfriends come in flocks. But the relationships are sex based rather than love based, so they last between 2 and 3 weeks. Despite doing what he does, he has a secret love for a particular girl.

2) Cagalli is 16 years old and is in 4th secondary in Belgium, I think 3rd in France, in fact (Grade 10), 2 classes under Athrun. Cagalli is a simple girl, of a normal family. She has a small circle of good friends rather than a large one of just plain friends. The kind of person who we don’t really notice but she isn’t a reject or loner. Like most of the other girls in school, she is in love with the school’s prince.

3) Kira and Cagalli are not in the same family. He’s still best friends with Athrun. Kira and Cagalli are of the same social class.

4) Lacus and Kira have been going out for a year.

POV Athrun and POV Cagalli

I think my French version is better, if you can understand French, read it and sorry for the faults, but English it’s not my mother tongue. Mea culpa

Thanks to Andou- Mahoro who correct me

I search a beta reader please…

For my dear best friend, Mel-chan-

Have a good read!

Chapter 1: THE START OF A NEW SCHOOL YEAR AND MEMORIES

POV Athrun

My alarm clock went off at seven in the morning. I turned over in my bed and reached out to turn it off. Who the hell invented this?! I’d thought, knowing well what today was.

I knew I had little time before I really did have to get up ‘cause today was the first of the new school year... and the last of my years of high school.

Soon enough, I took the initiative to go to the bathroom. A good long shower ought to do good... I thought as I got into the shower and turned the tap. The water rained onto my skin like a gentle massage. The droplets gathered and trickled down my body. This moment of escape I’ve always loved. It gives me time to reflect on recent events and predict the ones of the nearing days.

My classmates, I believe will fit back into their usual daily routines. Being the prince of this school is no exception because in the end, I’m still a student... still a teenager. But anyway, I can most definitely guess what a particular person will do. After finishing the majority of six years at school with him, how can I not know?

My best mate, Kira. He actually phoned me last night around midnight. He misses his dear Lacus so badly that he can’t stop whining about it. I kept stressing to him that it’s only for two tiny weeks but all I kept on hearing on the other end was deep sighs. Lacus is probably doing the same, wanting to know if Kira will always love her that is. These two lovebirds can get annoying at times but they’re special. They’re my oldest friends. They’re my only true friends.

As for the rest of my group, I’m pretty sure they’ll be trying to fit back into school life while grumbling about it all the same. They’ll be looking forward to the next holiday right from day one. Apart from that, they’ll most likely be striving to do well, gossiping about which pairing they want to be on top, and more grumbling about life miseries...

I woke up to find myself still watering down- with no soap. I quickly soap myself up while glancing at my watch just outside the shower screen. Fifteen minutes, it’s not that long.

I bet all the girls are gossiping as to who’ll be my first girlfriend for this year. So many people ask me who it’ll be this year! I can never really answer for sure. It’s become somewhat of a competition, a battle to see who gets to be in my arms first. I sometimes see them flocking to me like sheep even. It’s always like this, ‘who’ll be lucky first? Who’ll be second up?’ Same each year, I get to pick some girl to be with me. But like what Dearka says- ‘Why complain?’

I never complain! It’s just that every year I can’t get rid of the feeling that I’ll come back to school and she’ll be gone. Is she going to change school? Is she going to leave here? Leave me? Arg! I can’t get these questions out of my head! For the pass two months, for every holiday I dream about her. Damn holidays! DAMN WEEKENDS!! They separate me from her for so long.

Damn I miss her. I miss her gentle smile, her hazel eyes... god I miss her so much! I hope she doesn’t have a boyfriend yet... or any guy that could be close to her. I don’t know what I’ll do if she does. I wish she’ll be the first thing I see when I arrive at school. I wish it everyday. She is the only reason I still go to school. For her I live.

The thought of her, the frightening questions I have, urged me to leave the shower and return to my room. I quickly undress and get into the clothing that is suitable for my class – like usual, the classical black trousers, white shirt, black blazer and shoes plus my sunglasses. Lacus has always said I looked like an undertaker, but then I always just smile at the colors she dresses in – light and pastel even! Her taste in colors are interesting... special. I guess that’s why she and Kira is such a perfect match. Lacus with her unique style and Kira with his. They really are the perfect couple.

I sat down on my bed and began eating the breakfast that was prepared for me when I was taking the shower. I swear I’ll get Dearka with his red-head this year. Well... that is, if Yzak doesn’t kill him before I do. His threats are all he’s capable of, that Yzak. The thought of Yzak killing Dearka cracks me up every time. Ah, I missed them during these holidays. They amuse me too much to forget. I look forward to what’s new with them this year.

I get up and grab my schoolbag on the way out. Along with these, a new addition to its content- car keys. I managed to get my license during this break! My parents gave me a limited black Mercedes for the occasion! It’s going to attract so many more girls. But... does she... her...will she care about such possessions?

I ran down the stairs and shouted a quick ‘goodbye’ to my parents in the living room before rushing into my car. With the question still in mind, I sighed, turned the ignition and headed off. Of course I can go to school by foot, just takes 20 minutes but it’s classier to go by car.

After five minutes, I arrived at school. I opened my door without looking and to my surprise; I hit Kira in the back. Looks like he’s off with a bad start, I silently chuckle.

Kira turns around, with an annoyed face that instantly lit up when he realized it was Athrun. "Hey Athrun, how are you?" he asked with a mysteriously grin.

« Alright, » I reply without thinking to apologize, « So, what’s new? Seen Lacus yet? »

« No, I haven’t. You know her, she has too big of a closet to pick one so early in the morning. » We both chuckled at the thought of Lacus and her immense closet of dresses.

« I saw her! » Kira suddenly says to me with a mysterious look.

« Huh?! You saw Lacus yesterday? » I asked in surprise. After telling me he hasn’t seen her this morning...

« Ah no, I didn’t. She phoned me this morning but that has nothing to do with this, » he says with a big smile, « your beautiful blond princess. I passed by her this morning when coming to school. » he finished and gave me a wink.

My heart missed a beat. Then that means she’s already here! My beautiful blond princess as Kira calls her. Inside I jumped up and down like a little kid throwing a tantrum for sweets. With a little luck, my dear princess may be nearby...

In silent anticipation, we moved into the main grounds where everyone was already gathering up in their social groups. The new kids, as usual, were scattered all around. Trying to find a familiar face to join up with, while also trying to not look idiotic and clueless. It’s hectic for the new batch every time.

My eyes soon wondered to where she was. Under a tree, and with her small group of friends. Smiling. I stood mesmerized to see her beautiful face again. Unfortunately, my bewildered expression was so apparent to Kira that he gave off a loud laugh.

« Shut up! I wasn’t looking at her! » I growled at him.

« Sure you weren’t, only your beloved princess can ever force that sort of expression out of you » he teased.

I ignored the comment. But it’s true, only she can make me give off such expressions. I continued gazing at her under the broken shade of the evergreen tree. I could have just stayed forever like this but a sudden movement drew my attention back to reality. The red-head just pushed Dearka’s away again. As usual, he’s trying to chat Miriallia up. Just opposite the small circle was the quiet blond, Stellar. Her red eyes, I’ve seen, are hard to stare into. I just still don’t get what Shinn sees in his girlfriend... And there’s Amhed, trying to advance onto my princess. I will never let you little brat. Beside him was, Meyrin, Lunamaria’s younger sister, talking to Nichol my little ‘spy’.

I fix my eyes back on her. The more I see her, the more I want her. Her golden hair gentle blowing in the wind, her amber eyes bewitching like the gentle glow of a candle’s. Even with her simplistic dress code – jeans and a close fitting t-shirt- I can’t help but feel there’s more to her than that.

Amhed that bastard. He’s too close to my princess, his eyes are transfixed and devouring her. His smile, his seductive brat of a smile makes me want to just kill him. Only when Kira, placed his hand on my shoulder did I realize I had my fists clenched and teeth gritted.

« They’re a nice couple, those two! »

I instantly recognized the calming voice of my dear Lacus. Who couldn’t? With that singing voice of hers it’s hard to not recognize. I calmed myself down and turned around to see her.

« Hey Lacus... thanks, Kira. You know when I need comfort...» I say with hesitation and a slight tinge of sadness.

Lacus is one of the most beautiful girls of the school. She, like me, is also very popular. She is of exceptional standards, and many think as to why she was never my girl. I have two reasons for this: Firstly, I’ve always known Kira loves her and I will never steal my best friend’s lover; and second, we were brought up together through family ties and I’ve always seen her as a younger sister than a potential girlfriend.

« There’s nothing to stop you from trying your luck this year...» she whispered to me with a gentle smile.

« But how? » I sigh.

It’s been two years since I met her. Two long years... I haven’t tried to approach her myself and instead have used Nichol to get to know her better. He hasn’t asked anything on the matter. And is doing this as a favor to me, to a friend. This lust for her... this pain... this feeling I have, is this love? It wasn’t like this when I first saw her, back then I only just felt slightly drawn to her character. But this strong emotion I feel now whenever I see her, the moments I feel terribly sad when I don’t see her... its love. I’m in love with her, Cagalli Yula Athha.

But... I doubt she can or will ever love me, my reputation for being a womanizer... I’ve pushed her away before I even met her.

As the bell rings, I trudge along with a heavy heart towards the hall. Kira and Lacus are with me but my heart is somewhere else. It’s time for me to dream again, of my love, my one heart’s desire. There’s never been a point in the Principal’s opening speech. Let me dream; let me dream on about the life I want with my princess. Let me live in a world where she can love a man like me.

POV Cagalli

The bell rang and we began our walk towards the school hall with a heavy sigh. Now does the official school year start. But as always, it’s the principal’s opening speech.

I entered the hallway with Milli and Stellar by my side. It was already beginning to fill up. Until the principal does start his speech, we decide to continue our chat. We shared our summer holiday experiences while the guys behind us were staying quiet. No big deal, they’re always like that. As I glance around the hall looking for three empty seats together, my eyes cross a deep emerald pair of eyes. I felt my cheek burn and my lips turned from the usual smile to a grin. Underneath I felt sadness; the thought that I can never obtain the Prince tore me to shreds. But I will not break in front of him. I must be strong. Amongst the many popular girls of the school, I doubt he’ll ever notice me.

Even though Stellar and Milli keep on encouraging me to try my chances despite the odds, I can’t bring myself to be broken to what I was before. The irony of him being the one who saved me from my past, and the one who’ll throw me back into that darkness will be too much to bear. I know I can’t keep it like this, but right now, while I can still handle being torn between him and reality, I will stay strong.

He smiled back. At me or not I’m not sure, but like me, he always has a tinge of sadness in his smile. Despite that, a smile from him is more than enough to last eternity.

We find some seats, and deliberately sit in between Stellar and Milli so that Amhed cannot be beside me. When will he get enough is enough? He instead sits directly behind me along with the other guys and Meyrin. I hope he doesn’t do anything weird behind me. But my attention was taken by his dark blue hair. It stands out in any crowd. He’s with his usual set of friends, his ‘fan club’ as Milli calls it. All of the same class.

I drew another sigh, knowing that I can only dream of being with him. I know I haven’t any hope as I am not among the rich or popular. So what chance do I have with the man I dream of? I mean, he does greet me when we walk by each other but that’s only because he’s polite.

The Principal starts his speech; it’s the same welcoming line each year. There’s no point in listening so I readjust my glance at the ‘school prince’ as a girl, Flay, calls him. I admit, even if it is coming from the mouth of that bimbo girl, Athrun Zala is a prince. I think their affair’s over now... not that I have any chance even after that slut. Athrun and I met two years ago, in that secluded small area. I was crying.

Two years ago, when I was 14, my life fell down the ditches. My sense of security, everything that I had built as my support in life, collapsed all at once. The memories of the ordeal bring tears to my eyes every time no matter how much I try stopping them. Back then, it just kept flowing. But now, I can hold them back. I’m stronger now, thanks to him. Athrun was there for me. How fortunate I was then.

Two years ago, my mum just suddenly packed her belongings and left the house. My dad and I never expected this. It was a Friday I remember. It was raining. November. I’d just come home from school when I saw her in the hallway with her luggage. Dad hadn’t noticed she was going to leave and was working in his room. I just stood there staring. She never traveled without us. I asked her where she was going. Dad then came out of his room then, also curious. Mum looked into my eyes and flatly said ‘I’m leaving’ and began walking to the door. Dad was panicking then. He quickly demanded why. Mum stopped hallway through the door, and stood there. Without looking back, without giving me the slightest glace, she told us she had had a lover for three years and have had enough of us. She wanted to live with him. With that, she left. The door closed and I never saw her in the house again.

I couldn’t help but cry, for hours, for days, for weeks I cried. Took leave from school. Stayed in my house and cried it all out. That was not it, a trial started. For dad to have loved her and been faithful to her for all these years, for him it was much more than just revelation. He stood strong but, and he clang onto me. He told me I was the only family left. He said he believed I would not betray him. It all rested on me. He kept strong for me. And in turn I did the same. I grew stronger.

My friends, they were really caring. They even offered to become my parents as they did not lack the love. It was the thought that count the most, it supported me. It was a start to rebuilding my lost security. Still, school was tough. I missed weeks at first, then days because of the trials. I was the ‘thing’ at stake. My mum, at first tried to claim custody of me. That was at the advice of her attorney.

Throughout that beginning, I’d hoped, hoped so very blindly that my mother would return. If not for my dad then for me.

Soon enough, my school results fell drastically. My teachers, luckily, were all very understanding. Whether it is because I’ve always been a good student or not, they all excused me from my absences and failure to hand in work.

As the trials continued my dad’s lawyer approached me and told me that soon the issue of my custody would come up. He told me I had control over who I went with. By law, 14 is the age that a person may make their own decisions. It was hard. I felt torn between two of the same things. All I wanted was to just see them back together. I knew it was impossible, and I couldn’t make my decision so easily. I blamed mum for the situation and felt inclined to stay with my dad as otherwise, he’d be alone. But then, mum had always been there, mothering me and such that I felt the need to repay at least that. It was hard. It was crushing me.

On the morning of the 17th of February, the trials reached this matter. I still couldn’t choose, being put on the witness stand just added even more pressure on and eventually, the judge was to decide. Just when the judge was about to decide, mum’s lawyer called for a recess. I didn’t know why at the time, but now... I do. I stayed in a room the security took me to and sat down, pondering teary eyed alone in the room. The cold room. After recess concluded, I was recalled out to the stand. Everybody was already seated. Mum’s lawyer began first. He plainly stated to the court that his client did not wish to have custody of me. I was shocked; I felt tears start pouring down my face. The judge asked why. My mum hesitated for a moment, and confessed that he wants no more children to take care of, as her lover has three children all younger than me. In other words, she felt burdened to take care of her own daughter, me! I spoke out and asked her why, why she didn’t want me. She never answered, as her lawyer stepped in and said she didn’t have to. Concluding the session, she even refused visiting rights.

I have not seen her since.

When we returned home, I collapsed into tears. I’d managed to hold it all in while we were still outside, but coming home knowing that I was just a nuisance to my very own mother was too much to bear. Dad hugged me tightly, and said it was alright, that he’d take care of me and replace even her. As I heard my father choke on the last few words. I knew he too was dealt a great blow. For him, I stopped crying. I bit my lower lip and kept the tears in while we embraced each other for comfort.

In the days that followed, I didn’t go to school. Dad gave me the chance to choose whether to continue or not. I decided to go. The first day I returned back to school, I headed for the office to give a reason for my absence. My week of absence needed a full and proper explanation in writing. While recounting what’d happened a week ago, I couldn’t help but break again. The broken glass wall I’d built with fumbling hands was shattered again.

I tried to fight back the tears and continue writing but I couldn’t stop it. I ran out the hallway just as the lunch bell went. My eyes blurred as tears ran down my cheek and dripped away. I headed to a small secluded area where no one used. I knew some secret ways around the school that no one else knew and so I took whatever paths I needed to avoid others.

I hadn’t expected that anyone knew the routes, let alone him. When I turned a corner, I crashed into someone and fell to the floor.

The boy I ran into was older than me, as soon as I looked up and saw his handsome face; I withdrew my gaze back to the ground. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. I made the attempt to stand up and continue my dash, but the guy placed two firm hands on my shoulders and knelt in front of me asking if I was alright. I couldn’t answer. I stopped my tears and just looked to the side, as far away from him as possible and tried again to relieve myself of his grasp. But he kept it firm. With the sweetest voice, he asked why I was crying. He knelt there for so long, waiting for me to answer. I couldn’t muster a word out. I just closed my eyes and turned my face away from his. He tried again after a while, his voice deep and comforting. I looked back at him, and as we looked eye to eye, I subsided into another fit of tears. I just burst out with everything and fell against his chest. I cried, choking on every word, while I snuggled up against him for warmth. Gently, he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me with certainty. His protective arms freed me from what I had to face in reality. He comforted me. He cared.

When I calmed down, he asked for my name, I told him. In return he introduced himself: Athrun Zala. From then on, every time we crossed each other in the hallways, he’d ask how I was doing. He was more than just a father like figure. He cared for me, for an absolute stranger who is not of his class.

Despite the constant accusations of him being a playboy, I’d always felt there was something more to him. Only when Nichol joined the group, did I come to truly know him. He knew Athrun very well and gave me an insight of who he really was. I hadn’t realized that over the years, I grew fond of him. Now, I can’t stand it when there’s another girl close to him. It was slow, but I fell in love with him, Athrun Zala.

As a round of sarcastic applause was given to conclude the principal’s speech, I woke up from my daze finding that I was teary eyed. I rubbed away my tears just as Miriallia elbowed me. I winced at the sudden attack as she whispered to me « Your prince is looking this way »

Immediately I looked up to where he sat, as our eyes met, I shut my eyes and lowered my head. I bet my eyes were red. I held my fists tight cringing at my own cowardice.

« How can you expect him to know you love him if you keep on just looking away every time?! » Milli hissed at me.

« Yes, how many times have we said this? You don’t tell him because you think you have no chance with him. But in one word, you’re just afraid of being hurt. You’re a wimp and a coward » Stellar enforces with a stale voice.

« I know that! » I cry « I know! But it’s impossible for me! What’s so wrong about not doing something you know will hurt you in the end?! »

Everyone was already filing out the hall already.

« Cagalli, are you alright? » a familiar deep and concerning voice asked.

I looked up, and there he was. Hand out and offering to comfort me again.

He’d heard my cry.

To be continuing …

Here it is finished this time!

Tell me what you think! - I hope you’ll understand and love it!

Thanks for reading my story! -

Other paring: Kira/Lacus; Dearka/Milli (s’ils arrivent à s’entendre, Mdr); Shinn/Stella; Nichol/Meyrin ( ) Tollé/Flay (for the need of fic); Yzak/Luna ( ), what do you think of this pairing. ? Please tell me...