I don't own the Twilight universe, or any of the characters or places you recognize; I only come over to play.

For Bella's half of this, see New Moon, pages 451 to 453, Chapter 20.

She's dead.

Dead….

Click.

…

In that moment, that mind-numbing, thought rendering, heart-crushing moment, my world faded to grey and dissolved around me into meaningless nothing. In that moment…

Moment..?

No, not moment- had it been hours- days, even? Days since my sister had ripped my heart out with her dispassionate condemnation of my love, my light. Could I really let so much time to slip between my numbed fingers? Yes. That answer was obvious. I easily- no, intentionally- let things fade away, cowardly avoiding pain. Why should now be any different?

The sun was shining inches from my face. One step, that's all it would take.

I thought of nothing. Not a single impulse or whim slipped through my mind, be they my own or someone else's. This was extremely unusual for me, but I was glad for it—my mind hadn't been blank since I was changed nearly nine decades ago, and I found it oddly fitting that here, at the moment of my end, I should finally be given the peace that I had wished for when I had time yet to enjoy it.

The sun had never seemed so warm on other days, far away days of happiness when my family and I would go someplace secluded to soak up the sun's rays in secret, feeling slightly guilty- as though we were stealing something that should not be ours. But enjoying feeling the warm, even though it was not our warmth; loving the life-giving rays for all they were. Though always knowing not even the sun could not give us life again.

Bella was my sun now- she gave me something much better than life, she gave me love.

"You don't… want me?" She spoke slowly, her depthless eyes dark with confusion and fear. Fear that I would do exactly what I was about to do. She almost broke my resolve with that one look.

Almost.

"No."

…I still don't know if that sound was my heart shattering or hers…

We had long since accepted our fate. I had long since accepted who I was, and had to be- it was Bella's fate I couldn't accept.

Images began to clutter my mind's eye, preserved perfect and crystal-clear- preserved by my vampire's memory for all eternity and maybe a few days after.

Bella smiling at me when I was being unintentionally funny, Bella's eyes flashing with realization as she saw through my attempts at normality. Bella's small, warm body nestled close to my own, relaxed in dreamless sleep. Bella, reminding me that she loved me, smiling sleepily as I told her that I loved her back for the umpteenth time. Bella relearning how to walk, laughing as I teased her.

Then the images took a turn for the worse. Bella screaming in pain on the bloody floor of that wretched dance studio, Bella begging me not to leave her, while the anesthetics dragged her under, Bella's face crumpling watching me walk away from her. Deep brown eyes filling up with tears, begging me not to do what she knew what I was doing, not to say what she knew I was saying.

She died- and she thought I hated her. She killed herself, because I 'didn't love her'.

The irony was stifling.

"But I'll be with her soon." I smiled. Yes- I would see her soon, maybe. If Carlisle was right, if I even deserved heaven, I would see her there. Maybe this would be enough to atone for my sins for the pain that was tearing at my heart surely could not be anything less than spawn of the flames of hell. Maybe this was my punishment- the ultimate loss, the ultimate agony.

She died thinking I would not care.

The pain was so great I was almost numb with it. Somehow- even if it was through destruction- I had to rid myself of this agony. I could hardly stand as it washed over me again.

"Edward!"

And suddenly- as though in a dream- her voice echoed in my mind, and for the first time since Rosalie shattered my world I smiled. I knew it wasn't her mind calling out to me nearby- for one, her mind was forever forbidden from my unworthy prying, but she was… surely she couldn't think if she was… gone… Pain crippled me again. No. I fought for control of myself. No, Think only of her, think only of her voice, her scent, and her touch, think only of Bella. I allowed my mind to slip back into blissful daydreams.

Only Bella.

"Edward!"

"EDWARD!"

Her voice was getting closer- so close now, so wonderfully close. I was surprised to find I could hear her heart, as well. The thumping rang in my ears, wild, erratic. But that did not matter- nothing mattered. Not even death could take away the peace that filled me now, with her so close. With heaven so close.

But only if.

I ignored the though. Of course I would have my Bella, and if I did not, I would have nothing at all. At least the pain would be gone. For the first time in my life I did not think or worry. What would that change now, here, on the threshold of death? Nothing mattered. Nothing at all. I felt oddly free in that fact, almost light-headed, for the first time since Bella had…

No! My mind shied violently away from the mere thought of her… demise… I rearranged my focus to the sound of her lovely voice, and realized for the first time that the clock was tolling. I let myself go to the memories of her, for the first, and last time since I began this 'last march' to Italy, I let myself drown in what of Bella my memory had stored away for all these months, heedless of the pain I was inflicting on myself. My Bella-hallucination was saying something, but I was past the point of listening.

"I'm so sorry love."

I took a useless breath, and started to step out into the sun.

I had always known Felix and Demetri were waiting in the wings to end me. I had even wondered, while waiting for the sun to climb what it would feel like to be killed, probably painful, I reasoned, considering the necessity of ripping apart and burning, the victim, but I did not care, I had resigned myself to all the fires of hell- I deserved it, after all.

That did not stop my overly active mind from wondering; I had killed a limited number of humans in my life, partly because-like Jasper- I had an intimate knowledge of what they were thinking while I was killing them. This in its self was more than slightly unsettling. Now I was almost glad in an odd, perverse way that I had heard death from the inside . 'Is that what it will be like for me? No- I was not so unsuspecting.

But a small, warm, pulsating body being flung at you at a remarkably slow speed was hardly a Voultri-caliber attack. It wasn't an any caliber attack... What was goning on?

I did not open my eyes for several long moments, the small warmth smelled exactly like my angel. Afraid to shatter the illusion just in case my mind had, in fact, been cracked in the strain of the past few months- which was fine with me- I let my eyes slid open slowly.

I was not disappointed. Bella was there, in all her intoxicating complexity, in my arms once again. Almost as though I had been given a powerful dose of morphine, ease spread through me, washing away the pain. I tightened my hold on her infinitesimally. My 'if' had been mercifully granted, now I would never again let her go. My 'if' was ascertained.

"Amazing- Carlisle was right." I smiled. Oh the irony- my father was right- for any place with Bella had to be heaven, but I could never tell him. At least I got to know, if none else.

"Edward!" Her voice was horse, I wondered why, but I was still flying on the realization that I had my world back, whole and unbroken again; I could not worry about it now.

"You've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!" Move? What on earth was she talking about? Shadows? What was she squirming for? I let her words slide away, and brushed my skin against hers', reveling in the feeling that I had so longed for, and the knowledge that it was now all mine, as she continued to do some odd, almost half-hearted dance in my embrace.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing." Literally "—they're very good." I allowed myself to kiss her hair. "Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty." Was this how Romeo felt after Juliet joined him in the afterlife; Guilty at causing her death, yet selfishly happy to have her as his forever? Really I was almost lucky; I had my Bella back, and I didn't even have to pay for it in pain. It almost seemed unfair my death was so quick and painless that I literally didn't notice, Bella was mine and safe for eternity and against all odds, I wasn't in hell.

Or was I?

Was that the meaning behind Bella's strange words and squirming? Was I in Hell? Was that possible, with Bella here? Did she worry that I was angry at her, for being here with me or for killing herself? Despite the confusion clouding my mind, I felt a sudden need to lay her unidentified fears to rest; "You smell just exactly the same as always. So maybe this is hell, I don't care. I'll take it." I'd take anything, anything at all for her. She deserved to know how much she was loved- no matter how unworthy her admirer.

"I'm not dead! And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!"

Not…dead? Confusion swept through me, we weren't dead? But Alice saw… and then the boy said… all that about funerals… Rosalie's phone call… we weren't dead? "What was that?" Some of what she was saying was beginning to make horrible sense. No—No, It couldn't be-

"Were not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Voultri—"

No, no- I was to be the only threat to Bella Swan's life- none else was to touch her, look at her, smell her. She was to be mine to protect and care for. Mine. I had her back, nightmare over, right? Don't the shadows usually fade after the princess comes back?

"This is so pointless- look at Felix- always itching for a fight, I hope he dos—"

No! Oh gods no. The spell was not broken, the nightmare was still on. Horror washed through me, and my peace of mind was thoroughly broken with Felix's violent thoughts.

"Oh look at that… Cullen's human pet- delicious. Aro may give it to me as a reward if we bring him the worthless human-hugger back intact."

The Voultri.

Ok-It's getting dangerously close to one AM on my end, so I thought I'd update this and then it's off to bed with me! If you fid any mistakes, please tell me and I shall correct; I edited this while I was writing it, and that can't be good...

o. O – Clicky the button…