Author: Celandine Brandybuck PM
Hindsight is always clearer vision, as Scripps finds.Rated: Fiction T - English - Drama - D. Scripps - Words: 365 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 6 - Published: 11-16-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3894540
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
The infatuation with God that I had then took me out of the circle. Unlike Posner, I was physically mature enough to be included in all the gossip and sly innuendo, but my ostentatious piety -- it was ostentatious, I admit, quite deliberately so -- meant that nothing was expected of me. I watched and I wrote what I saw, and at the time I was thankful not to take any real part.
Looking back I rather regret that. On the other hand, Poz with his spaniel eyes was always a bit of a joke, although he never had worse than a bit of teasing for the way he mooned after Dakin. I pretended to disgust at Dakin's mooning after Irwin, too, something which no one except myself and Posner spotted; and Irwin, of course. Really, though, I envied Dakin. He already had Fiona. What did he need to go after Irwin for? Not that I was after either of them. The God thing got in the way of that. I might have done, otherwise, and when I was honest with myself I knew it.
Posner eventually got his longed-for embrace. I'm sure he would have liked rather more than that, but at least he got something. So did Dakin, for that matter. Hector's crash might have meant that he never did give Irwin access to his dick, but he'd made the offer and been accepted. At the time, sanctimoniously, I told him that perhaps it hadn't happened because it was wrong, but I didn't really believe what I was saying, even then.
I believe it still less now. As a journalist, I see the seamy underside of events and personalities far too often to hang on to such delusions. I envied Posner because he got something, if not everything. Between Dakin and Irwin, it was harder; in a way I suppose I envied them both. That neither of them looked at me made it easier at the time, but once I'd done with religion, I realised that there were truths that meant far more to me than anything from the Book of Common Prayer ever had.