Disclaimer: I do not have anything to do with Smallville.

Warning: This story discusses a topic that may not be comfortable for some readers. But I don't get a warning each time I watch Smallvile so we must learn to live with things.

AN: For skauble who practically dared me to write this.

Things We Do For Love

The few precious moments that Clark had shared with Lana in the loft were among the best moments in his life. He was certain that if he could just control his strength, he and Lana would be able to make love again. He had voiced his opinion to her but she had refused. She said their love was strong and she didn't need him to show his love for her in the sheets.

Clark had to disagree.

He knew he loved her, but he also needed to make love to her. Which is why he brought the discussion up again of breakfast.

"Lana, everything will be okay I promise. I won't hurt you."

"No, what we have is fine Clark. Why do you want to change things?"

"I just thought that…we needed to… reaffirm our love." Lana needed to walk away from him. Needed to be away from the table. Being close to Clark would only lead to more questions. Questions she couldn't answer. Answers that would make him disgusted with her.

"Because of what happened last week? I told you Clark, I will not apologize for doing what I think is right."

"I know, but I want you to know that I still love you."

"I do know that!"

"But I want to show you!" Clark moved to hold her in his arms. She struggled and stepped away from him, but he cornered back into the refrigerator. His fingers brushed against the belly of her shirt. It pushed up slightly and he expected to feel the smooth skin he had explored in the barn. But a strip of the skin was rough and rigid. He backed off slightly and looked at Lana with a question in his eyes.

Now that she could move, she quickly tried to lower her shirt before Clark saw more, but she couldn't compare to a man with super speed and x-ray vision. Before she could explain, Clark had seen the several scars that lined just out of reach where skin might have been exposed.

She hated the fact that he had to discover this so close to winter and therefore she had more opportunity for more scars.

"Who did this?" He didn't think Lex would come close to touching her without risking Clark's wrath, but he might have paid someone to hurt Lana. Only why would she not tell him?

She voiced quietly. "I did."

If he didn't have super hearing, he would have known she had spoken. "What? Why?"

"I needed them. And after I got your powers, they were gone. I needed them back." He couldn't understand. Each jagged line was a reminder of the relief she could feel almost as strongly as the moment she had made them. Like a photo album or a collection, she knew the story behind each one. Then Clark's super healing powers took effect, and suddenly almost two years of her work was gone.

"You did this to yourself? Because of Lex?" Had he been stupid to not see how much pain that bastard had caused her? Made her mar her perfect skin.

"No. Not really. I started this shortly after we broke up. When I stopped taking that drug to see my parents, I began cutting myself to feel better."

"How could hurting yourself possibly make you feel better?"

"Clark you've know what I've been through. I've lost my parents. I've never had the chance of a normal family like you. And when I cut into my skin, I forgot about that pain. Because I had something real. Something I could fix with a bandage. And when everything was done I had something to look at and think 'There is the cause of my pain.' No longer was it this invisible entity that would taught me and not let me grasp it and say you are wrong. I was in control." Each word was annunciated with a righteous feeling but also uncertainty. If she couldn't make Clark understand, he would never love her.

Clark tried to understand everything she told him. Her words had logic to them, but a sick person will use every tactic available to continue doing what they think was right. And they would never willingly admit to having a problem. He knew Lana wasn't a bad person, she just needed help. There was no shame in that, and now that he knew, he could help her. "Lana, you've got to see someone about this."

"No! No, I can handle it Clark. It's under control. Let's just drop the whole thing. It never happened." She made for the door.

"I can't do that Lana. I love you too much." He tapped her slightly on her head before she had a chance to protest further. She would wake up in a room in Belle Reve where they would be able to give her the help that Clark couldn't. She'd resist. She'd probably hate him. Maybe forever. But it was what she needed.

The End