Faust

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: Sunrise, Bandai and the rest as ever.

Notes: popped up during the process of writing the continuation of Being Athrun Zala. Supposedly in BAZ universe—after Athrun got shot, but can be read independently.

The might of a human lies not in moving but in being still.

You have heard those words somewhere, back when your father was still alive. You think you have forgotten those words. Well, you do not. Today's reality brings them back for you to remember, and remember painfully you do. You wish they are nothing but a lie.

He lies still; that is blatantly obvious for everyone to see. What the people see is a man lying in comatose, unconscious from having taken six bullets that were intended for you. What they see is a representative on account of duty visiting her guard. Even your dear brother is livid that you've only bothered to visit now, almost a week after that fateful incident.

What you see is different.

There are lines beneath his eyes, faint but still visible nevertheless if you look closer and pay enough attention. There are lines, too, on the corners of his mouth and on his forehead. There is a frown between his eyebrows that does not leave even now, a permanent token of his constant worry. Somehow, it pains you. You do not remember ever seeing him looking that old.

Old, weary and burdened.

Time flies, and he does not get any younger. And now you are counting his days for him. You have always hoped you will never have to, but you really do now. And the fact that you do hurts.

A part of you understands—or at least gives you a delusion that you do understand—why he is here. Another part struggles with understanding. You do not want to understand; you want him to wake up and smile, even with that infuriating protectiveness of his present in his eyes.

You inhale, deep, shaky, loud. He does not even stir. Right now he is fighting for his life, but he does not even know that you are here. Or maybe he has not ever known at all that you have always been there with him. You are too stubborn to show it, and he is too weighed down to realize that what you want from him is the reason why you are here.

You wish you have told him earlier.

A bitter smile grazes your lips. You know that you have done the right thing; you only do not know that it will cost him this.

Yet again, this is what you get from making a deal with the devil.

Neither of you is Mephistopheles to each other, but it does not mean you will not drag each other down with your own fall. The tie between you two is too strong, and it is not an easy one to sever. With the deal comes the pain. With the pain comes the realization that you have hurt him with your inability to make a closure. He is selfish for wanting you to be the one who puts the closure, but you cannot let him go either. But of course. You understand it all too well. That is why you are here today, waiting for him to open his eyes.

You wish he will, and only then you will embrace the courage to tell the devil that you have had enough.