I’d been strong, I’d kept my head up high and walked away. I’d held it all in for hours that seemed to drag on for lifetimes and now I am finally letting go. I didn’t want to cry in front of him, or anyone else for that matter. So I went through the rest of my day feeling rather numb, biting the inside of my cheek to hold back tears. Everyone asked me if I was alright. I lied, I said I was. But as you can see, now that I’m drowning in my own tears alone in the common room in the middle of the night, I am far from fine.

And how could I be? My best friend in the entire world betrayed me, humiliated me, insulted me, and in front of the whole school too. I’ve never felt more alone. Sev was the only person who shared both halves of my life with me. When I was at Hogwarts, he was there. When I was home, back in the Muggle world, he was right around the corner on Spinners End. He was the one who introduced me to this magical world, he told me that I was a witch. He’d changed my life.

Apparently I’ve been sobbing rather loudly because I’ve seemed to have woken someone up. I hear footsteps coming down the steps into the common room. I would run back to bed, but I just don’t have the energy to even get up right now.

“Evans?”

I turn around to see none other than James bloody Potter.

“What do you want Potter?” I snapped, but the malice in my voice is curbed by tears streaming down my cheeks. I curse my lack of ferocity as he takes a seat next to me on the couch.

“Why are you crying?” he asks, looking at me intently.

Quickly wiping my tears away, I say, “It’s bad enough when you stare at me from across the room Potter.”

“I’ll admit my obsession with you is quite unhealthy,” he replies, giving me a small smile. That same smile he always has slapped across his face, so smug and sarcastic.

“This isn’t a good time to get on my nerves,” I warn him.

“I can see. You’re not your usual happy-go-lucky self,” he teases me. I glare at him reproachfully. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

We sit in silence for a few moments, me staring at the ground, but I can feel his eyes still on me. I feel my face start to flush, and thank Merlin that the room was dark enough so that he couldn’t see.

“We can talk about something else if you like,” he suggests.

“Seriously Potter—why are you down here?” I snap, wishing that he would go away so that I could go back to wallowing in my own self pity.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he murmurs. A grin spreads across his lips as he adds, “But if I could, I’d be dreaming of you, Evans.”

I roll my eyes with disgust. “You are such a pig—a sexist, arrogant, creepy stalker pig.”

He laughs good naturedly, as if I’d told him the joke about the witch and the house elf that walk into a bar. “I’ll confess that I’m arrogant and a bit of a stalker, but I’m in no way sexist. I love women!”

I sigh heavily, squeezing my eyes shut. “I’m really not in the mood to deal with you right now Potter. Please, just please leave me alone,” I beg.

Looking at me thoughtfully, he cautiously puts his hand over mine and says, “I told you why I’m down here. Why don’t you tell me why you are.”

“I’d really rather not,” I insist half-heartedly.

A pale, ghostly head pops through the wall all of a sudden. It’s just Sir Nicholas.

“Miss Evans, someone is awaiting you outside the portrait hole…And won’t leave me the bloody hell alone so for Merlin’s sake, go talk to the boy,” he tells me grumpily before disappearing again.

“Evans! You’ve got a secret admirer that you didn’t tell me about?” James asks with mock indignation.

“If I had a galleon for every time I wanted to hex you for being such a git,” I tell him, “I’d be filthy rich.”

“And if I had a galleon for every time you did hex me, I’d be wealthier than the bloody Queen,” he retorts.

I shake my head as I walk away from him, letting my hand slip out from under his. Each step I take, I feel the knot in my stomach grow tighter and tighter because I just know who it is that’s waiting for me. And I can’t face him. Not yet.

Slowly swinging open the heavy door, I step out into the corridors, coming face to face with Sev.

“Lily,” he breathes, evidently relieved to see me. I don’t know why he is. I wouldn’t be so happy if I was the one running into a pissed off witch in a dark corridor in the middle of the night.

“Leave,” I demand coldly, “I don’t want to hear whatever you’ve got to say.”

“Please Lil, you’ve got to know it was an accident, it slipped out,” he insists, “I never meant to hurt you. You’re my best friend.”

“An accident? That’s all you’ve got to say for yourself?” I shriek. “How about I’m sorry?”

“I am, I am,” he says quickly.

“There’s no taking it back, Sev! You said it, it’s done, it’s over with,” I shout.

“But I didn’t mean to say it! I would never say that about you!”

“Why not? You call all the other Muggle borns that. That’s what we are, right? Filthy. Little. Mudbloods.”

“You know I don’t think that! That’s just the other guys talking, but I’m not like that. You know me, Lily,” he tells me, putting his hand on my shoulder. I step back immediately, pushing him away.

“I told you I didn’t like you hanging around with them. I told you they were bad, Sev. They’ve changed you. Look at you! You’re one of them, aren’t you? You’re an aspiring Death Eater, just like the rest of them!”

He looks to the ground, having nothing to say for himself. I feel sick. I know that my hands are shaking and my heart is racing and I can’t stop myself. So I keep yelling.

“None of my other friends ever understood why I hung around with you, but I always defended you! When Petunia said those things about you, I defended you! Every time Black and Potter messed around with you, I defended you! And the one time I need you to stick up for me, you turn around and stab me in the back!”

“I didn’t, I just—“

“I don’t even know who you are anymore Sev!”

“I’m still me. I’m still your best friend, like I’ve always been,” he says softly.

“No…”

“I know it was wrong,” he says fiercely, “I know it was despicable and horrible and I shouldn’t have said it. But I love you Lily, you’ve got to forgive me.”

My breath catches in my throat and all thoughts fly out of my head. I stand there staring at him for a few moments. Now my eyes are starting to sting again and I just can’t bear to let him see me cry. He’s not worth my tears, I know, but I can’t stop them. And so I run back into the Gryffindor common room, slamming the door shut behind me before letting myself break down again.

Leaning my head against the wall, I ball my hands into fists. My nails dig into my palms and the pain feels so good. I want to scream, I want to run, I want to stand outside in the rain and let it wash away everything until I can’t remember any of this day, this horrible, horrible day.

And it’s not until it’s too late that I notice James bloody Potter is still sitting on the couch, staring at me yet again. He walks over to be slowly, not smiling nor frowning. Just staring.

“I can’t sleep because my best friend isn’t my best friend anymore and I feel so alone, so exposed, like I’m standing naked in the middle of a crowd. And it scares me how much I hate him right now, and how much I hate myself and I just can’t stop these thoughts from racing in my head and I need to stop the world from turning and get off. I need to breathe,” I admit at last. After my rant, I take a few gasps of precious air.

He looks taken aback by my sudden explosion. If I were him, I’d run away. He should probably run away. But he doesn’t. He takes another step closer and says so softly that I can barely hear the words escape his lips,

“I’m sorry.”

“Well you should be,” I snapped without thinking. But then the words seem to actually make sense. I grab at the chance to blame my dreadful troubles on someone else.

“You started this all!”

“Me?” he asks incredulously.

“If you hadn’t been torturing Sev like you always do, you arrogant toe rag! If you’d just left him alone for once! He only said it because you were there, antagonizing him, humiliating him in front of the entire school! If you weren’t such an immature prat, if you’d let him be, if you hadn’t…He wouldn’t have.”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have been so cruel. I probably should go apologize to him, but that would land me in the hospital wing and we both know it. So I’ll apologize to you instead. I’m sorry Evans, I really am,” James says, his deep brown eyes gleaming with sincerity.

“What the bloody hell is wrong with you?!” I shout. “I’m being absolutely horrible to you and you still won’t leave me alone! Why don’t you hate me?”

James laughs, a dangerous move considering how volatile I was being. I could hex him into oblivion and no one would even hear him scream…

“I could never hate you Lily,” he chuckles.

“What can you possibly find to like about me?” I ask him helplessly. “I’m unreasonably stubborn, and I’m viciously sarcastic, I’ve never said a kind word to you in my life. I’m uptight and shy and…I’m certainly not your type, Potter. I mean I’m just a filthy little Mudblood. I wouldn’t even like me, if I met me.”

“No,” he says quite seriously. “No you’re just headstrong, determined, and independent. You’re coy and beautiful and bloody brilliant. And no, you’re no ‘my type’, you’re not any type. You’re a one of a kind, and there’s no other girl that’s even half as amazing as you are.”

“All these years,” I reply hoarsely, “I never knew that you actually meant all those things you said to me.”

“What’d you think, I was just messing around with you every time that I told you I loved you?” he laughs.

A blush burns at my cheeks and I look away from his eyes. I had, I thought it was all some cruel joke. How could the most popular bloke in the whole school fancy plain old me? And yet here he was, being completely open and honest, saying all the right things and being everything I needed. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that James bloody Potter could actually bring a smile to my face, let alone a warmth to my heart.

Taking a step closer to me, he wipes some left over tears from my cheek away with his thumb. He gives me a small smile, that same smile that’s always slapped across his face…But it seems different now. Maybe it’s just me.

“You take care of yourself Evans,” he says softly, “I hate to see you crying like this.”

I nod, like an obedient child. His eyes hold me in a trance, and I don’t know why I’ve never felt this before. I bit my lip, waiting. I don’t know what I am waiting for really, just for him to do something, say something.

“Goodnight,” he says, turning on his heel and heading back for the stairs to the boys dormitories.

Every piece of me aches as I watch him go. “Wait!” I call out, much to my surprise as well as his. “That’s it?” I ask.

“Erm—what do you mean?” he asks, confused.

“James,” I stop and smile, enjoying the way his name sounds coming from my mouth. “James, this is the one time that I would’ve said yes if you’d asked me out. The one time I would’ve laughed if you’d made a joke. The one time I would’ve kissed you if you asked me to. And you don’t…”

“Life’s weird like that, isn’t it?” he laughs.

“But—“

And before I can protest, he walks back to me and grabs me by the waist, pulling me into him. His lips catch mine in what must’ve been the kiss of the century. I swear my heart skipped a beat or two, I was so surprised. But it didn’t take long for me to get over my shock and to kiss back, fiercely, urgently, willingly. I run my fingers through his hair and ignore my lungs which are screaming for fresh air. My brain has short circuited and my heart has exploded within my chest. And it feels so good.

As he pulls away, he pants to catch his breath. I must’ve been panting to because his glasses were awfully fogged up. I giggle nervously, my fingers still entwined in his hair.

“Lily Evans,” he says, “Have I ever mentioned that I love you?”

“Yeah, I think I remember you bringing it up once or twice,” I laugh.

“You going to cry anymore?” he asks.

I shake my head, unable to stop smiling. “Thanks James…For not giving up on me even when I gave up on myself. And snogging the living daylights out of me, that too.”

“Glad I could help,” he says happily, “Hopefully I can help you out again sometime.”

“I’d like that…”