Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Barney Miller, or All in the Family

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Barney Miller, or All in the Family. In addition, I have not / will not make any money from this work. This is just my way of keeping these shows alive.

Barney Miller/All in the Family

Crossover.

Part VI

Embassy Demonstration.

By: Ra’Ay’Mond

CONTENT WARNING. THIS FAN FICTION MAY HAVE SOME TERMS THAT ARE DEROGATORY TOWARD PEOPLE OF VARIOUS RACES, RELIGIONS AND NATIONAL ORIGINS.

I AM ONLY DOING THIS FOR THE SAKE OF PORTRAYING THE CHARACTER OF ARCHIE BUNKER THE WAY HE WAS ON TELEVISION.

IT IS NOT MY INTENT TO ANGER ANY READERS. IF YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU MAY BE OFFENDED BY ANY SUCH TERMS, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS WORK OF FICTION.

I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO BARNEY MILLER OR ALL IN THE FAMILY. NOR WILL I MAKE ANY PROFIT FROM THIS WORK OF FICTION.

Sergeant Nick Yemana makes an exasperated sigh as he puts down his racing form and picks up the receiver of his ringing phone. He shifts his sleepy gaze toward the rear of the squad room as he says, “Hello, 12th Precinct. Sgt. Yemana speaking. How can I help you?”

Sgt. Yemana unconsciously pushes his racing form aside, and opens his eyes wide at what he is being told by the person on the other end.. After the caller stops talking, Sgt. Yemana asks her, “So one of the guys running around the open man-hole, fell in, and got stuck. And now the Fire men are trying to get him out by doing what? Oh…rubbing grease all over his body! No kidding.”

While Sgt. Yemana is talking to the caller, Captain Barney Miller comes out of his office and gives the squad room the once over before pouring himself a cup of coffee. On his way back to his office he takes a sip as he listens in on Nick’s call.

Det. Yemana laughs a little to himself as he writes down the information about this call. He then tells the caller, “Other than that, any one hurt? Any body, err...shot or stabbed? No? OK. Someone will be there shortly. Thanks for calling it in mam.”

After Sgt. Yemana hangs up the phone, Barney takes another quick sip of coffee before smiling and asking his detective, “So Nick, what’s all this about the Fire Department using grease on some guy? Is this part of their testing for new recruits?”

Sgt. Yemana returns the grin as he replies, “Naw Barney, that would make sense.

According to the caller a bus driver starts chasing a sewer worker around an open man-hole. He slips and gets caught in the open man-hole. There’s a fire house across the street from where is happening. So some fire men start greasing the big guy up, to get him out.”

Barney looks around his busy squad room to see who’s free to go out on this call with Det. Yemana, and tells Nick, “Levitts on his way up here with those bail tickets for these demonstrators, take him with you.”

As Barney turns to leave, Sgt. Yemana makes a face when he hears Levitts name and asks Barney, “OK. I’ll take him. But ah…Do I have to bring him back?”

Barney just gives Det. Yemana a tight smile and says, “Nick, be nice. He may be a little…overzealous at times. But he’s a good cop.”

When Det. Yemana hears this, he opens both hands up, toward Barney while saying, “I’m just kidding Barney. Besides, he always finds his way home.”

Right on que, patrolman Carl Levitt opens the squad room door and tells Captain Miller, “Bail tickets for the demonstrators arrested today sir!”

After Barney is given the bail tickets by Levitt, he looks over toward Det. Yemana. Sgt. Yemana then tells Barney, “See, nothing to worry about.”

Nick then tells Levitt, “You’re with me. We got a call about two guys fighting in the middle of the street. And, one of them fell into the sewer.”

When Levitt hears this, he rolls his eyes as he slowly becomes irate. He turns toward Barney while saying, “A guy falls into the sewer, and you thank of me? Why how kind of you sir.” He then looks himself up and down, and spreads his arms out from his sides. He looks as if he is presenting his body for show and says, “And how fortunate for me that I’m wearing a new uniform. I wouldn’t wan’ a foul up an old one with sewer water.

Barney tries to say something, but Levitt continues, “Sir, I had to purchase this uniform after the last one was ruined. That was when I fell into the cesspool in the station’s basement, after you ordered me to help the plumber!”

Barney takes a deep sigh as he says, “Levitt…”

He’s once again interrupted by an increasingly annoyed patrolman Levitt. This time he points towards the men’s room and says, “Sir, should I ride with Detective Yemana, or should I just use the John and flush myself down there?”

This time Barney raises his voice and says, “Patrolman Levitt! Det. Yemana has to go out on a call. And the other detectives are all busy. I know that in the past you have taken on what can easily be considered very…unglamorous assignments. However as far as I’m concerned your…willingness to go above and beyond the call of duty for your captain, fellow officers and members of the community is…a quality that…sets you far head of the other patrolmen under my command.”

Patrolman Carl Levitt is soaking all of this praise in like a dry-sponge. As his captain is praising his past work, Levitt confidently sticks his chest and chin out while knowingly nodding his head up and down. He looks as if he is the answer to a question that no one has asked. When Barney is done talking, Levitt jumps out of his trance, takes a quick step toward his captain and gently asks, “If it’s not too much trouble sir, would you mind putting what you just said about me down on my record?”

Barney, now growing getting impatient says, “Yes Levitt! When you’ve come back from this call!”

Levitt then replies, “Yes sir...The call…I’m on it sir!”

As Levitt rushes out of the squad room Barney looks at the bail tickets that Levitt handed him before his hissy fit. He is so worn out from that encounter, he shakes his head and grumbles to himself. As Det. Yemana walks over to Barney he smiles as he asks him, “Still want me to bring him back Barn?”

He then points at the top bail ticket and says, “Hay Barn, the one that says stivic is for that guy sitting with Harris and Wojo. Levitt escorted this family up here earlier so that they can take him home. I think he’s done being processed, and is ready to go.”

Barney says OK, and walks over toward the closest of the two people here to pick up Mr. Stivic. That would be Maude.

Archie, with Maude in tow walk over to Det. Harris’s desk. Archie disapprovingly shacks his head at Mike while saying, “Well, well, well meat-head. Ya’ just couldn’t be satisfied be’ing a normal, law abiding, tax paying citizen. You had to go to dust off your ACLU card, and go to some pink-ko commie demonstration, and get yourself arrested. Again!”

Archie points his finger menacingly at Mike as he then stage wishers, “You know what this will do to your poor wife? And not to mention ya’ mother in-law! You know, this just might kill her!”

As Mike swallows hard on the last bit of croissant, he is suddenly overcome with guilt. Archie is over-acting as usual. However, as much as Mike hates to admit it, Archie may have a point. His days of getting arrested were supposed to be behind him.

Even though no one got hurt, this should never have happen. And to make matters worse, Archie was in his cab when he gets loaded in to the police wagon.

Mike starts to think that instead of causing a scene here, made he should just play it humble, and quiet. He can always get-into-it later with Archie. And Gloria no doubt.

Before Mike can even open his mouth, Archie continues, “So tell me meat-head,

What was it this time? Save the Whales, or ban the bomb?” Archie then remembers that they saw Mike getting arrested at an Embassy. He then turns and asks Maude, “Wait a sec. Hey Maude, didn’t we see him in front of some commie embassy?”

Maude stops talking to Captain Miller longer enough to roll her eyes at the question and says, “Archie, you’re an idiot! Keep me out of this. And as for his getting arrested killing your wife and daughter, if they survived you, they can survive anything.”

Archie dismisses Maude’s comment with an angry wave of his hand. He then remembers what embassy it was. He snaps his fingers and says, “That’s it! It was the Chinese Embassy!” He then turns back toward Mike and says, “Is that it? Did you come out of retirement from being a political mal-key-tent to cheer for the commies to take over the world?”

After staring mesmerized at this dysfunctional extended family in action, Wojo is the first detective to say something. He looks at Archie and says, “No Mr. Bunker, you got it all wrong. From what your son in-law was just telling us, him and the other demonstrators weren’t demonstrating for the communist. They were demonstrating against them. And it was a quiet, peaceful demonstration at that. It seems the Communist Chinese invaded Tibet in 1949. And to this day their committing horrible crimes against the people of Tibet who want them to leave. And what’s worst is the fact that since Tibet is all the way up there in the mountains, they don’t have any way to let the rest of the world know what’s going on.”

Then Harris jumps in a says, “That’s right Mr. Bunker. From the information that we have, your son in-law wasn’t trying to help the…Commies as you put it, to take over the world. He was tiring to stop them from doing it.”

Once Archie hears that Mike was against the communist, all he can manage to do is turn toward Mike and say, “Is that right?”

While all of this is going on, Mike just sits there dumbfounded by these current turn of events. He thinks to himself, I get arrested. And instead of the cops hassling me, they feed me flavored coffee and Croissants. Then if that wasn’t enough, they defend me from Archie’s verbal abuse. And, they are so successful at it, Archie can only silently stare at me, with a gaze that almost gives the impression of…respect. Maybe I should get arrested more often.

ThenMikes feeling of peaceful bliss is interrupted. He thinks to himself, wait a minute, this is Archie Bunker were talking about. No matter how good things are going right now, I have to remember one thing, Archie will do or say something to SCREW IT ALL UP!

After several seconds of silently staring at his son in-law Mike, Archie walks behind Det. Harris, right next to where Mike is currently sitting. He reaches out his hand to Mike and says, “Well Mike, put her there pal! I know we’ve had more then our share of, Philly-soap-hical differences” Mike interrupts and corrects him by saying, “Philosophical”. Archie replies dismissively waiving his free hand and saying, “Same thing! Any way. What I wan’ a say is that right now, after hearing what these detectives just said you were doing out there. You know, sticking it to them commies. I’m proud to call you my son in-law!” Archie then leans in toward Mike, and hugs him.

Both Harris and Wojo can’t help form being a little choked-up by this emotional scene. Maude stops flirting With Captain Barney Miller long enough to watch this. At first she thought that Archie was taking a swing at Mike. Once she realizes what really was happening, she actually starts getting a little misty eyed.

Mike hesitantly returns Archie’s hug. He still feels shock over the sudden respect and…love that Archie is showering upon him for taking a stand against

World Communism. And he is feeling a little guilty about the negative things he was just thinking about Archie.

And that’s when it happens.

After releasing Mike from the hug, Archie pats him on his back once or twice. Archie then takes a step back and lovingly smiles as he says, “And I’ll tell you something else, maybe I was wrong all these years. Maybe your not just a big dumb Pollock!”

Every detective in that part of the room goes completely silent. Everyone but Det. Sgt. Stanley Wojciehowicz.

He takes a step toward Archie with both fists bawled, and with what can only be described as a murderous glare in his eyes. He then yells, “WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY?”

PART

TWO

COMING

UP

SOON.

A lot longer than I wanted. But I had to set up the next crossover in this story.

Any ideas as to who it’s going to be.

Come on, you don’t have to be the writer of Swanny River to figure this one out.

Anyway,

Please keep reading.

Regards,

Ra’Ay’Mond.

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