Real Love Hurts a Little

She realizes now it was a mistake. It was love, plain and simple, except she didn’t know, never knew, the difference between George-love and In-love and now she’s not exactly stuck, but she’s here and he’s here and she’s going to stay for as long as he wants her to because his marriage being over was kind of her fault, and even if she’s not in love with him – anymore? – she still loves him to pieces. She just likes it when those pieces are together and make sense and if she’s the glue that’s needed for him not to crumble then by all means, she’ll stay. Even if it hurts just a little to know that this is her fault, her big damn fault.

It was him and it was her and she really does love him, that’s never been an issue, they have never lacked on love or feelings. It’s just that she was an almost widow and he was married and maybe she was afraid? She likes her people, she likes her friends she likes it when somebody looks at her and smiles and yeah, she did dig modeling a little, but that’s not it either. He loves her, really, truly, he picked her and now she can’t unpick him even if she knows he’s not as happy as he could be, even if this is not wrong but not right either.

He needs taking care of now. Something’s broken that not even her presence can keep glued together. He’s missing some George-specific part that made him so endearing and so much like a little kid sometimes. He hurt someone, a lot and that’s not him, it wasn’t him before the them. He doesn’t like himself a lot, these days, so she has to like him enough for both of them. It’s not hard but it’s not as easy anymore because it was this, this liking him in a different way that got them into this mess in the first place. Still, she looks at him and smiles because that is easy, that comes naturally. He makes her smile and she makes him smile and maybe that enough, right? That can be enough, if not everything it’s supposed to be. They make it work, in any case.

And it’s not settling, it is not settling, because this is the real deal, there’s love, tons of, and if it isn’t a fairytale, well, that’s just how life works. Izzie is pretty positive that fairytale princesses don’t get knocked-up at 15 and grow up to kill their spouses, and as much as she’d love to ignore this little fact, princes don’t cheat on their wives and break their hearts. But it’s real and it’s theirs and she loves him, as much as she’s able to and that’s not little, really. And sometimes love is enough, maybe, hopefully.

He’s going to figure it out, someday, probably soon. That he can be happier, that is. That he could have been happier and normal and not in a relationship that’s many degrees of screwed up. She kind of fears that day because she doesn’t know what will happen to them then. Will he still be her George? Her best friend? The man who makes her smile?

One day he’ll realize that he can have more than a platonic friendship with tons of sex and then it will be over. And if part of her wants that to happen because she knows this isn’t fair to him and it isn’t fair to her either, well, that part is squished by the part of her that wants him to stay forever and ever and love her and let her love him until they are old and wrinkly and he’ll still look at her like she hangs the moon. And yet she doesn’t see fat grandchildren in their future but a lot of love and a lot of sad.

So, a true study in contradictions, she tries her best to make him happy. She doesn’t want to tie him to her, knit a web around his hard and keep him to herself, she just wants him to be happy. If being happy keeps him near, then that’s fine by her.

She’s already killed a man, she can’t afford to lose George too.

(the end)