Haseo's Sexy Skeithy Escapades

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A/N: Please don't be too mad at me if I get some things wrong. I'm not entirely sure how things work in Japan so I am just going off what I know here. Despite the title name, I don't want things to get too M rated, mostly so that Steeple333 can read it. If I do anything M rated it'll be posted at AFF under the same title name. Feel free to PM me if you have any ideas for future chapters or anything you'd like me to add into it. I rated this T for some stuff that's not overly graphic so it 'should' be okay.

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Chapter One - The Cooking Disaster

How had it come to this? Was such a thing possible? It couldn't be, right? Maybe he wasn't getting enough sleep and his mind was playing tricks on him? Or maybe it was an illusion, a nightmare, or a daydream perhaps?

Ryou glared down at the dark clad figure that was seated on the grass beside him shaking a juice box. The figure turned the juice box upside down then tipped it to its side, eyeing it suspiciously, continuously turning it as if it were a puzzle box.

Said figure certainly looked human, though the clothes were strange, as if said person were on their way to a Halloween party, and was even more out of place in an environment where everyone wore uniforms.

The strangely dressed figure eyed up the box in the manner one would do as if sizing up a strong opponent then spoke. "How... exactly... does one extract the contents of this box?"

Ryou sighed, and reflected back to how this situation had begun in the first place.

----Moments earlier----

The lunch bell rang, and after thanking the nurse for her assistance Ryou departed. Maybe that's a bit too early; let’s go back a bit more.

Ryou was in PE class, and they were engaged in a game of dodge-ball. That’s when he had heard it. A strange, yet familiar sound echoing in the air, it left as quickly as it had came, leaving behind a ringing in his ears. It was enough to distract him from the oncoming ball which smacked him right in the side of the face.

The teen watched as the sky raised itself above him, involuntary being flung backwards from the force of the blow. A painful sensation filled his head before his eyes blurred and closed. Next thing he knew, he was in the nurses office lying on a cot, a cold wet cloth on his forehead.

It was strange, normally such a hit wouldn't have made Ryou pass out. There was also the fact that he felt drained, as if the ball had sucked all the energy right out of him. The nurse advised him to be more careful and gave him a few headache pills to take before leaving.

Since Ryou's PE class was right before lunch he had decided that some fresh air would do him some good, so after grabbing his lunch he made his way outside.

Having stopped to buy a juice box from the machine on the way, Ryou finally settled his tired body down, back leaning up against the tree. He snapped off the straw from the box and was just about to insert it when a hand reached out from behind and snatched the box right out of his hand.

Ryou blinked for a moment, looking at his now empty palm. After the initial shock of those few seconds, he took a sudden stand, straw still in hand as he whirled around to face the juice stealer. But, upon seeing the person he froze. The black clad figure sat down beside him as if he had been invited and shook the rectangle box, the juice inside making a sloshing sound.

Which brings us all up to speed.

Ryou continued to stare at the strangely dressed horned figure with the same mixture of disbelief and disgust.

Said figure was now gnawing on one side of the upside down juice box in a vain attempt to get at the sweet juice inside. He paused as he saw Ryou glance down at him from his standing position and held the offending juice box up toward Ryou repeatedly as he spoke. "Ryou, tell me the secret to this!" The tone was childish and seemed rather off due to the figures dark appearance.

"Don't call me that." Ryou snapped, grabbing the box. Turning it right side up, Ryou shoved the white plastic straw through the hole at the top. Ryou put the box up to his lips to take a sip but the figure next to him stood up hastily and grabbed it back before Ryou could get a drop out.

"Hey!" Ryou shouted, shoving at the other figure rudely.

The figure sipped delightfully at the box. "It’s not so exciting once the secret has been exposed, but this drink... it is very sweet. I like it."

Ryou attempted to grab the juice box out of the others hand but it was dodged. It was as if the others body were made of water, bending and twisting itself at odd angles, angles that seemed physically impossible for a normal human to do. All the while it sipped on the straw.

"You can’t just take someone else’s drink like that! Don't you have any manners?" Ryou reached over again and managed to snatch it back but by then the box was empty.

Ryou made a disgruntled sound, crushing the empty box with his hand, then looked again to the figure, this time with shock, as the other, one that certainly shouldn't exist, was now eating his lunch. "H-hey! Put that down this instant!" But it was too late; the black clad figure had just finished eating up all of the teen’s lunch.

"Eh, don't you have anything sweeter?" The figure complained disappointedly, as if he had any right to.

"Why am I even talking to you!? You're just a dream, a product of a concussion!" Ryou screamed then stomped off.

"See you tonight." The figure called out after, waving his hand in a send off. Picking himself up off the ground he jumped up and disappeared in a red ball of light.

The day was uneventful after that, and Ryou dismissed the whole thing as an illusion, though his stomach told him otherwise, but he ignored it. He'd just fix a snack when he arrived back at home, which was where he was heading now.

"Home at last." Ryou said softly as he entered his small apartment. He was worn out and wanted nothing more than to sit and relax for a while.

"Welcome home Haseo-chan!" A voice called out happily and a moment later the voice's owner emerged.

"...!" A stupefied look was all Ryou could manage at that point, aside from loosing the grip on his school bag which tumbled to the ground.

"Tee hee. I made you dinner!" The figure said, dressed in a pink frilly apron which he didn't even know they owned. It was an unusual sight, the pink actually matched with the rest of the figures fashion, which consisted of the black spandex that seemed to be part of the figures skin than an actual outfit, however upon closer inspection Ryou noted the absence of the red half skirt, and the mid-drift, bell-sleeved vest that was usually worn.

"You... You can’t even open a juice box, how the hell can you--- No, wait." Ryou stopped, wondering why he was talking to someone who he was very sure didn't, or shouldn’t be here in the first place.

"Aaaaa…" Another voice sounded from the kitchen.

Okay, he totally didNOT hear that. It was just his imagination. Yeah. He rubbed at his eyes but the horned figure still stood in front of him smiling that childish smile of his, all the world looking very pleased with himself.

"Okay, so I didn'treally make it. Kite did, I just helped." The figure of Skeith beckoned as it disappeared back into the kitchen.

Ryou flushed slightly at the naked display of Skeith's backside, he had never seen it without the fluttery red half skirt before. Putting that thought out of his mind he also wondered if he was going insane as he removed his shoes and made his way into his small kitchen area. He couldn't believe he was actually going along with all of this.

"We found this recipe book lying around." Skeith explained and held it out for the teen to see. "It was very helpful."

Ryou didn't even have time to notice the book as he spotted the other figure who was also wearing a pink apron and stirring a pot at the stove. It greeted him with its usual zombified voice of the only vowel it knew. Ryou was part horrified and part in disbelief. He pinched himself, then shook his head, rubbed at his eyes but they still stood there as if they belonged.

"W-w-w-w---" Ryou began stuttering, unable to grasp what the hell was currently going on. He saw it, but his mind refused to believe any of it. And those frilly aprons... the whole thing looked so preposterous, as if it really was some crazy dream, and any moment now Skeith was going to molest him and he'd wake up with---- Anyways, he prayed silently to wake up from this.

"It’s a cookbook, or so it says on the front of it." Skeith pointed out helpfully. "Being here is a lot more fun than I had originally thought."

"W-what...?" Ryou finally managed to say, looking back and forth from Azure Kite to Skeith. It was way too realistic. //This is some vivid dream, what did I eat before bed?//

"I don't know what you like, and there are so many sweet sounding foods in here." Skeith explained in an excitable manner. "So, I thought I'd just start from the beginning but it looks like you don't have all the necessary items in here for them so I had to settle with one of the recipes that we did have everything for."

"N-no." Ryou shook his head.

"No?" Skeith asked curiously, not sure what Ryou meant.

"What--- how--- why are you here!?" Ryou finally managed to compose himself enough to spit out actual words, not even caring to mention Kite as he pressed a finger firmly on Skeith's chest. It was far too real for it to be anything but that, so he was just going to accept it and start demanding answers.

"Aaaaa" Kite answered in his usual dialog.

Skeith nodded as if Kite had said something profound.

"What!?" Ryou shook his head from side to side. "Answer me, how and why are you here?"

"Sit down Ryou." Skeith more or less commanded as he pushed Ryou into a chair at the table. Skeith waved his hand, binding the boy to the chair. "We went to all this effort and you should appreciate it."

"What?" Ryou said, raising an eyebrow. How dare he, of all people, try to tell him what to do, and he didn't even answer his question.

"Just enjoy the dinner we made for you." Skeith said in his deep celestial voice which held a tone of sweetness to it.

Skeith kissed the teen on the cheek before rushing back over to the stove. The two, the zombie like figure of Azure Kite and the Avatar, Skeith, putted about in the kitchen doing this and that while Ryou watched. The teen could have struggled or shuffled about in the chair, but Ryou was too exhausted to care. His stomach was also seemed to be in agreement with the two as it voiced a low rumble. So he just sat quietly and watched.

Moments later Skeith approached him. "Tell me how to make this Ryou." Skeith said as he held a box out toward the other.

"You have to boil water in a kettle. Then pour it into a tea pot, but before you pour the water into the tea pot you have to take a bag from there..." Ryou said motioning to the box. "And put it in the tea pot strainer."

"Hm." Skeith nodded, heading back into the kitchen.

Ryou called after him. "You... know how to work a tea pot and kettle, right?"

"Of course! It’s this!" Skeith waved the kettle in the peek though space that was above the counter and below the cabinet so that Ryou could see it.

"That’s surprising. Since you didn't---" Ryou began but Skeith cut him off.

"Are you bringing that up again? That box won’t make a fool of me next time!" Skeith said, raising a fist into the air and shaking it in defiance. "Just like this box won’t!" The Avatar continued as he wrestled with the plastic covering the tea box.

Ryou merely puffed out tiredly as he watched Skeith in his battle with the plastic wrap. The avatar made a few frustrated noises as he fiddled with it but finally managed to get it undone. Meanwhile Kite continued to stir the contents of the boiling pot. Kite's outfit was the same, with the exception of the sleeves being shorter and more torn then Ryou had remembered them being. He wondered if Kite knew what he was doing, he seemed... out of it, sort of like he was staring off into space but it was hard to tell with the teal hued hair hanging about heavily down into its eyes.

Kite breathed out his normal response as if in answer to Ryou's thoughts. The teen was surprised to see the AI function so... normally. He continued to watch Kite as he fetched bowls from the cabinet, set them down and ladled the contents of the pot into them. Kite seemed to function more fully in the Real World than Skeith could, which he found strangely odd. Out of the two of them, he would have figured it the other way around.

"Ta da!" Skeith announced proudly as he bought the cups and tea pot over to the table and began to set them out for the three of them while Kite sat the steaming hot bowls down.

"You made ramen soup?" Ryou asked, raising an eyebrow curiously. With all the fuss and action going on he was expecting something a bit more elaborate.

"It’s not my fault you had nothing to work with other than that." Skeith protested, watching as Kite sat cross legged in midair.

"So, I'm supposed to keep my cabinets stocked for uninvited guests who invade my life suddenly?"

"Aaaa" Kite breathily responded after he took a sip from the tea cup.

"...If I am not dreaming this, I’d like some type of---" Ryou began and noticed that Skeith hadn't sat down yet. "Why are you still standing?"

"No reason." Skeith said evenly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You don't know how to, do you?"

Skeith said nothing, only eyeing up the chair and looking unsure how to proceed. "Well, Kite isn't either."

Ryou glanced at the floating zombie like figure who seemed to be ingesting the tea at an alarming rate. He could swear that he had seen the tear pouring motion four times in the short span of time he had been conversing with his avatar. Forgetting about the strangely adaptive AI for the moment, he motioned to the chair Skeith was standing next to. "The function is the same as in The World, there's nothing to it."

Skeith continued to eye it uncertainly; he looked from Ryou, to the chair then back to Ryou again. The teen groaned, wondering if this was going to play out like having children. He hoped it wasn't going to be too much of a pain, maybe he could just ask them to leave. "Fine, just float in the air like your friend over there. I don't care right now."

Skeith put a hand on the chair and pushed it out, then sat on it, backwards, or more like kneeled on it in the opposite direction. He smiled as he glanced at Ryou. The teen smacked his forehead.

"Kidding!" Skeith joked as he seated himself properly on the chair. "I knew how. I thought it would be funny to see your reaction."

"...I don't know if I can believe that."

"You said so yourself. Chairs function the same way. It’s just all these new... creations here that stump me. Why was that box covered in plastic while that other smaller box wasn't?"

"Never mind that, I want to know what, how, or why you... both of you... are here." Ryou said as he motioned to Kite.

"I missed you?" Skeith replied, a sly smile on his face.

Ryou glared at him.

"I wanted to!"

Ryou glared daggers at him.

"Kite told me to!"

Ryou was about to get up and strangle the answer out of the other when Kite suddenly spoke up. "The soup's getting cold."

The words were perfectly spoken as if the AI knew how to talk all along. If this were an anime or a cartoon then Ryou's jaw would have dropped, falling into the soup meters below. However, it wasn't so his jaw merely opened widely, a look of shock stuck on his face.

"Soup and green tea don't mix well." Kite turned toward Skeith and replied. Skeith just shrugged, having not even tasted the soup or the tea yet.

Ryou still sat there dazed and confused as Skeith took a hold of the bowl and brought it up to his lips, knowing nothing of the thing that was an eating utensil. Besides, Kite had eaten his meal the same way so the Avatar took it as a sign that it was meant to be eaten in that manner, after all, Skeith only brought along Kite because the AI had more knowledge of the Real World than himself.

Skeith immediately regretted having dumped the substance into his mouth and quickly spat it out, spewing it all over the table. Skeith then grabbed the cup of tea and chugged it. He also regretted that and gagged and coughed after having swallowed the awfully bitter drink. "Grrraaaaaaaaa..." Skeith fell off his chair and began to clutch at his stomach as he rolled around in what seemed like pain.

"Aaaaa" Kite told him, going back into his zombie speak.

"Don't you go back into that! I just heard you speak normally!" Ryou said as he stood up abruptly, slamming his hands on the table."

"Aaa?" Kite moaned questionably.

"And what the hell is wrong with you?" Ryou asked, watching the odd display of Skeith's tantrum on the floor.

"It’s... SO BITTER! I’M DYING!!"

Ryou suddenly burst out in laughter at the statement. It was so seriously said, yet the avatar was making quiet the childish, helpless display. It made for a rather humorous scene when he had actually taken the time to realize it. In The World Skeith had always held a somewhat childish attitude, but it was also one that was full of confidence. He had never seen the avatar in such a helpless state and suddenly it was very amusing.

"Don't laugh. That’s not nice, Ryou." Skeith pouted, smacking his gums and wanting something to take the horrible bitter taste out of his mouth.

"Well, it’s own your fault for drinking it without sugar or milk." Ryou said pointedly, wondering if he should even eat the soup, given the avatars reaction.

"Aaaaa" Kite said in response, motioning toward the bowl.

"There's no fork."

"A what?" Skeith asked questionably, still sulking in his chair.

"You pick up the noodles with a fork and put it in your mouth. I guess you two don't know about that." Ryou sighed as he got up to get himself said utensil from the drawer.

"Now tell--- mmmmfph." Ryou started to say but a mouth pressed it self roughly against his and he wasn't able to finish.

"That's slightly better." Skeith said after having molested a now angry Ryou.

"Would you----" Ryou began but decided that he had enough of the two. "That’s it. I'm going to bed, and I don't want to see either of you in the morning." Ryou threatened before stomping off to his bedroom.

"I guess we should have made pancakes instead?" Kite asked as he gathered up the dishes.

"We'll do that in the morning and surprise him." Skeith replied as he licked his black tinted lips.

Kite nodded in agreement as he grabbed a damp towel to clean up with.

- TBC