Disclaimer: I don't own the hilarious games that are the Phoenix Wright series, blah blah blah

Note: This was written for the Phoenix Wright Anonymous Kink Meme on LJ (guess it's not so anonymous now, though, huh?). This was the wonderful prompt: Edgeworth finds himself horny in court and accidently yells Erection instead of the usual objection.

Reactions from Phoenix,Maya,The judge and Edgeworth. And what Phoenix does to solve Edgeworth's problem.

I generally fail at writing sex scenes, though, so that part has been omitted. Or, rather, not written at all. xD

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Freudian Slip

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Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth, Phoenix had noticed throughout this particular trial, had looked flushed and rather distracted for most of the proceedings. Phoenix had a sneaking suspicion why that might be – he'd had similar… experiences himself, and Phoenix had also, after all, been attempting to casually seduce the prosecutor across the courtroom since the trial began. Payback, he rationalized, for that one time Edgeworth had left him flustered at the bus stop and he hadn't been able to stand for thirty minutes, even to catch his bus. Plus, Phoenix found that 'Getting Edgeworth Riled Up' was an unreasonably enjoyable pastime.

Not that he wasn't a bit careful about it – he had made sure his client was completely in the clear (so clear, in fact, that even Edgeworth had trouble denying it) before attempting something so possibly trial-destroying. At the moment they were working mostly on formalities. Phoenix thought, rather smugly, that he was succeeding in his personal task with flying colors; Edgeworth seemed unable to focus properly on anything, clearly uncomfortable and quite full of adrenaline.

But then, seemingly out of nowhere, Edgeworth had gotten back on track, that familiar spark of knowledge and competitiveness in his eyes as Phoenix cross-examined a rather useless witness, his old comfortable smirk almost back in place. For a moment Phoenix thought, sadly, that he was going to have to admit defeat in his seduction… until the prosecutor spoke.

"Now, Marisa," Phoenix pressed, scanning his evidence as Maya helped to shuffle through it by his side, "you say you left Waffle Palace Junior at two thirty after witnessing the 'Stuff Your Face With Waffles' event. However, the evidence I have here clearly denotes that the waffle event did not even begin until three o'clock –"

"ERECTION!" shouted Edgeworth, and when Phoenix whipped his head up in surprise he saw that Edgeworth's smile was as smug (and unaware) as it had ever been.

For a moment Phoenix thought that, surely, Miles was just trying to get him back – he couldn't have possibly said something like that by accident, not his composed, refined Miles – but no, he was just standing there as if everything were normal. There was nothing but complete and utter silence as the courtroom took this in; Phoenix could see Maya gaping out of the corner of his eye and knew he was probably making a similar face. The witness, a petite, mousy girl in her mid-teens, had turned an interesting shade of maroon to match her prosecutor's jacket. Phoenix could practically see the wheels slowly turning inside the judge's head.

Edgeworth's confidence faltered. "What?" he questioned, looking genuinely confused and a little nervous as he glanced out at the courtroom. "What is it? I haven't even made my statement yet – "

"Prosecutor Edgeworth!" the judge exclaimed in his most authoritative voice (it figures, thought Phoenix, that he would reserve that voice for something so trivial… if shocking…), and Edgeworth snapped to attention. Several people began to giggle. "What was it that you just shouted?"

Edgeworth stammered for a moment, looking genuinely confused. "Well, of course I said –" He paused, realization slowly dawning. The entire courtroom watched as the prosecutor's face drained of all color, an expression of absolute horror settling in. Phoenix bit his tongue to keep from laughing; Maya's low snickering beside him didn't help his resolve. "W-Well," Edgeworth started quickly, face flipping from white to beet red in the span of a half second, "of - of course I meant 'objection,' I'm certain I meant to say 'objection' –"

"Sure you did," said Maya, loud enough for every single spectator to hear. Phoenix elbowed her in the side.

"Well," said the ruffled judge, straightening his robes, "since we've established what you really meant to say by that Freudian slip – "

"Objection!" Edgeworth practically screeched, slamming his palms down on the table and shooting Phoenix a glare sharper than the six chef's knives he kept above his refrigerator. "Surely it's obvious that I meant to say 'Objection!' I was just considering the evidence too deeply and it came out wrong…"

"Freudian slip!" giggled Maya, a little quieter but still entirely too loud; Phoenix tugged on the ends of her hair just hard enough to sting. He had won this contest, but he didn't need Maya rubbing it in any more than needed or he might not receive his reward.

"You probably don't even know what that means," Phoenix muttered as Maya yelped ("of course I know what it means, Nick, I'm nineteen, not nine!"), but he was sure his own insane grin was beginning to break through in his expression. Freudian slip, indeed. He was going to have to thank Edgeworth for that later.

"Your honor," Phoenix started, voice slicing through the amused murmurs of the crowd, "since Prosecutor Edgeworth doesn't seem to have anything else to say, may I continue my cross-examination?" The witness looked uncommonly relieved at those words.

"Well, Prosecutor?" asked the judge. "Do you want to finish up with your er – er, objection, or can Mr. Wright continue?"

Edgeworth looked positively mortified. "I, uh…." Phoenix had to fight once again to keep from smirking; clearly Edgeworth had forgotten his initial objection. "The defense may continue, your honor."

It was going to be a good day.

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It had been a horrible day.

Not only had Miles been "teased" all throughout the court proceedings that morning – the worst excuse for "seduction" that Miles had ever seen Wright attempt (not that the defense attorney was very adept at that particular art, anyway) but damn if it hadn't worked, after all – he'd had to suffer through the constant fear of that particular problem being found out, and then, then… his humiliating slip of the tongue…

He'd lost the case, of course. Not that he hadn't expected to; even he had been convinced of the defendant's innocence hours earlier, and he was no longer so cold-hearted as to send an obviously innocent person to their death. He had hoped, though, to at least save face, to lose gracefully. Now he was just a laughing stock.

Miles knocked his head once against the courtroom door. He'd hung back to avoid being snickered at by the spectators (and the judge, oh god), and had at least the amount of luck to brood and go home alone.

"Edgeworth?"

No, of course it couldn't be that easy.

Miles turned and fixed his best death glare on the speaker, who held his hands up in a silent offering of peace, face split into a maddeningly wide grin. For once the fool actually was walking over to laugh at him. Miles wanted to rip that cheap suit right off of his infuriating body and –

Wait, no. No, he wanted to punch Wright in the face, not rip his clothes off. Notrip his clothes off!

"You humiliated me in court," Miles hissed, almost seeing red. "How could you do that?"

Wright's grin faltered. "Aw, you know I wasn't expecting that to happen," he argued, stepping forward just a bit. "I just meant to play around a little."

Miles crossed his arms over his chest, unwavering. Whether Wright had meant it or not, it had happened, and now he was never going to live it down.

"Edgeworth," Wright continued, more sincerely, and Miles found he couldn't look away when he spoke like that. He was still rather flustered, after all. "Come on. You know I wouldn't do something like that if I really thought it would embarrass you that much. I'm pretty sure I've said way more ridiculous things in court before. People will be talking about it for a week, at most, I swear!"

A week was far too long for Miles' tastes, but he found himself relenting to the unspoken apology anyway. "So what did you wait around here for?"

"Not to laugh at you!" Phoenix exclaimed quickly, relaxing a bit now that he seemed to think he was forgiven. At Miles' dubious expression he hesitated. "Well, all right, maybe a little. But mostly…"

He trailed off, clearly trying to appear mysterious. Miles bit back a sigh. "Mostly what?"

"Well," said Wright, leaning in close, "I have been kind of leading you on all day. And you did shout 'erection' in the middle of the court proceedings. I thought it would only be right of me to help you out with that. You know, to make amends."

Miles had to blink a good three times to make sure he wasn't seeing things; Phoenix's grin, usually so blithe, was ravenous.

"Well," conceded Miles, feeling his pulse begin to race in a much more pleasant way than it had earlier that day. He offered a smirk of his own; he was not, after all, going to let Phoenix slide so easily. "I think I can be persuaded."

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Beth/Chrystaline 2007

ilu kink meme!