Okay, Link and Peach are ready to tie the knot! The only problem: the wedding plans are in knots themselves. Whatever can go wrong will go wrong!

Peach: Oh dear…

Yep. I'm so evil.

(This was originally going to be a twoshot, but… it got too long, so it's about five short chapters. Please bear with me.)

Link and Peach's Wedding

-Chapter 1-

Wedding Day Mishaps

Location: Main Hall

Ritani Avalene was hired as the Wedding Planner and she had a migrane headache form all the wedding preparations. The wedding was only three hours from now, and she had all of her plans and info on her clipboard:

Bride's Party

Bride: Peach

Maid of Honor: Samus

Junior Bridesmaids: Toadette and Beth

Flower Girl: Nana

Bridesmaids: Zelda, Krystal, Daisy, Mei Ling, Lyn

Groom's Party

Groom: Link

Best Man: Pit

Ring Bearer: Young Link

Groomsmen: Marth, Fox, Snake, Popo, Roy

x-x-x-x-x

Flowers and Favors

-120 Party Favors

-7 bouquets of bluebells (Bridesmaids and Maid of Honor)

-1 basket of white rose petals (Flower Girl)

-1 bouquet of white lilies (Bride)

-8 single white roses (Groom's Party)

x-x-x-x-x

Food

5' swan ice sculpture

5 tier chocolate cake with white buttercream frosting adorned with pink frosted roses and green frosted ivy leaves

Main Courses: Hylian pike, Ordon catfish, Fried Cucoo, Mushroom Pot Roast, Mushroom Kingdom Signature Quiche

Drinks: Apple Juice and Fruit Punch (for kids); Bud Light, Mushroom Merlot, Hylian Cabernet, Hyrulean Beer, Arbor Mist, Heineken (for adults)

Food Servers: Midna, Birdo, Veran

Bartenders: Dark Link, Yoshi, Vaati

x-x-x-x-x

Yep, those were the plans… The only problem:

"Where's the effing cake?"

"Dark Link, where's the beer?"

"My dress is the wrong size!"

"What the hell is this?"

"Why are the cucoos still alive? They're supposed to be frying!"

"Eyah! My hair!"

"Hey! Where are the slits for my wings? Oh wait... this is Roy's tuxedo…"

"Ike! You took my spatula!"

"Why is this stain on Link's tuxedo?"

"Where's the bride's bouquet?"

Nothing was going exactly as planned…

"My shoes don't fit!"

"MY DRESS IS RUINED!"

"Falco, you burnt the fish!"

"Dammit, we ran outta broccoli!"

….Alright, that's an understatement. Everything was chaos and the wedding plans were becoming a train wreck. Ritani was ready to rip out her hair as the commotion, calamity, and confusion blighted the entire mansion.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. Three veins were popping out of her temples.

Everyone stopped dead in their tracks and looked at the intimidating 3' tall woman.

"Ganondorf, Bowser, front and center."

The two villains appeared in front of her, "What do you want?" asked Ganon in a nasty tone.

Ritani put her hands on her hips and spoke in a dangerous voice: "Are you catching a tone with me?"

Everybody, including the evil duo, pulled at their collars uncomfortably.

"The next time you catch a tone with me, I'll crawl so far up your ass, we'll be chewing on the same piece of gum…"

Ganon grabbed his butt and pleaded, "No! Not my beautiful ass!"

All the others broke out laughing before Ritani yelled, "Shaddup"

Dead silence. A pin dropped and it echoed throughout the whole mansion.

"You two are supposed to be watching Star and Darkholm. Why aren't you?"

"…"

"No answer? Well, you better get your dark chocolate, spikey behinds up to that nursery right now…" she eyed Bowser, "…or your momma's gonna hear from me."

Bowser panicked instantly, "No, no, don't tell my momma! Please! I just got off punishment!"

"Cool. I'm expecting a fat paycheck, and if I mess up this wedding, I won't recieve a dime. And I don't receive a dime, someone's gonna get it, and they're gonna get it BAD…"

The Smashers screamed… then they shut themselves up when they saw the angry look on the woman's face.

"Are we clear?"

"Crystal."

"Good. Now beat it." All that was left of them were two dust clouds.

"And the rest of you!" Everyone flinched and Zelda fainted (not that anyone gave a crap at the time). "Get these preparations done and get them done right!"

"Y-Yes, ma'am…"

"Now get outta my sight!" 32 Smasher shaped dust clouds were all that was left. When Ritani turned her back, Samus and Nana snuck back out, grabbed Zelda, and darted out of sight.

One Hour Later

Location: Link's Room

Pit was helping Link with his white tuxedo.

"Nervous, Link?"

"Heh. Who wouldn't be?"

"Good point… and besides, I'm sure that—What the hell?" said the angel abruptly. He looked at the pink bowtie with disgust, opened the door, and screamed into the hallway, "WHAT RETARD SENT UP AN EFFING PINK BOWTIE? IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE BLACK!"

That very second, Popo appeared and said, "Sorry about that…" He took the pink bow and handed him a black one.

"Better…" and the angel slammed the door in his face. "Ow!" yelled the Ice Climber, "That was my toe, you stupid idiot!"

Pit walked back over to his best friend and proceeded to tie the bow around Link's neck collar. Then he stood back and admired his work, "Perfect!"

Link eyed himself in the mirror and smiled, "Like a million rupees!"

"Okay, now I need help finding my tuxedo…"

"Why not just wear your black tunic." asked the hero, laughing at his own joke.

Pit, who was only wearing a white T-shirt with dark-wash blue jeans, glared at his best friend and sarcastically said, "Wow. That was so funny I literally forgot to laugh…"

"Oh lighten up…"

Meanwhile

Location: Peach's Room

Peach and Zelda were getting themselves ready. Zelda, already dressed in her pale blue dress bridesmaid dress, was helping Peach put her corset on.

"Peach, you're already skinny…" she said, pulling at the laces, "…why the Nayru do you need this thing on?"

"Zel, I just gave birth to twins less than a month ago..." she gasped softly at the laces tightening the corset around her waist, "…I still have this baby weight to work off."

The Hylian princess giggled and said, "I'm sure you'll work all that off on the dance floor…" she tugged at the laces again, "…and in the bedroom…"

"Zelda!" Peach said in surprise.

"What? I'm just stating a fact, that's all…" She gave one last firm pull and tied them in a bow. "Okay, you're all set…" She looked at the Mushroom Princess's body; the corset really did slim her up a bit.

"How the heck are you going to breathe in that?"

"Easy… inhale, then exhale. Lather, rinse, repeat," replied Peach slyly.

"Oh no! There's huge red stain on your dress!" yelped Zelda, showing her the stained dress.

"What?" Peach grabbed the dress, "I can't go down the aisle wearing this!"

And if you think that's all, just wait. There are a lot more catastrophes to come. :)