Okay, just letting you know a few things up front. One- this should be in Murky Waters, but I have no idea where. At some point after he starts living with Sensui. There weren't any details about it in there, and I just got an "idea" a few nights ago. A note about Sensui- I think I portray him... in a rather unpleasant way to put it lightly. He is (was) insane. So.. if you've read Murky Waters, you know it's blamed on the other sides. I think Shinobu himself is much more honorable than this.

Second, this (in my opinion) is kinda demented. I don't write too graphically or violently, but this after I read it felt mind dementing. If that makes any sense at all. So be warned.

Three- I think the chapter rating probably should be somewhere between T and M here. Leaning towards M, in my opinion, but I could be wrong. Just letting you know. With that, I'll let you read. Review if you wish.

He was starting to rethink his decision to live with Sensui. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he was starting to feel uncomfortable. Sensui kept giving him odd looks and kept touching him more than necessary. But it was a place where he wouldn’t get hurt like he did with his mom, so he dealt with it.

True, dinner conversations were a little awkward. Sensui tried to be accommodating of him; he was friendly (sometimes too much), but Mitarai just felt a little shy and uncomfortable about intruding upon his life.

It was one night at dinner when his sense of being safe was destroyed.

They were eating in silence, the older male studying him closely. It was awkward.

“Mitarai, would you mind doing the dishes after dinner?” Sensui asked. “I have some things to think about.”

Mitarai nodded and stood, starting to clear his plate.

“I didn’t say right now,” Sensui said, amused.

“It’s alright; I’m done eating.”

“You hardly eat.”

Mitarai blushed as he put his dishes in the sink and turned on the water.

“I… don’t want to intrude.”

“And how is you eating intruding?”

Mitarai hesitated. “I guess it’s not, but… it’s your food.”

Sensui had an amused smile on his face as he stood from the table and came over to Mitarai, who was busy cleaning a plate.

“Don’t worry about it. You’re living here now, too. Besides…” He moved closer to Mitarai and ran a hand over his hip, making the blonde flinch and clench the plate tighter.

“You’re already malnourished from living with your mother. You need to eat.”

Mitarai nodded, trying to ignore Sensui’s hand, which was still on his hipbone.

Not again, please…

He felt Sensui’s hand move a little, caressing his hip, and though he hated to admit it, it felt good. Sensui smirked and knelt down so their faces were level with each other. Blue eyes stared at each other, one pair in fear, the other holding some kind of superiority.

Then before he could react, Sensui leaned in and kissed him roughly. He froze.

Don’t respond, don’t respond… maybe he’ll stop. He has before… maybe he’s testing me… Please stop…

Sensui pulled back, looking a little- disappointed? Surprised?

“Is something wrong?”

Mitarai stared at him incredulously. Was he serious? Did he not remember what he was just doing?

Then, as he watched, Sensui’s face changed. Not completely, but something just- shifted. The older male smirked and kissed him again. He had a feeling of dread in his stomach telling him he wasn’t getting out of it this time.

He became aware of a hand gripping his wrist tightly and he opened his eyes. Sensui pulled him down the hall to his room, and Mitarai felt his heart beat faster.

“Please, Mr. Sensui, I- I can’t-” he faltered as Sensui turned dark eyes on him.

“I want you to do this, Mitarai. It would make me happy, and…” his eyes looked amused. “I might let you like it.”

Before Mitarai could respond, Sensui was kissing him again, gently this time, and slowly took off his top. Once it was off, the older male caressed him gently and started to remove his own shirt.

“You’re so beautiful, Mitarai,” he murmured, kissing the boy’s cheek. “Just like Itsuki…”

Mitarai felt his body begin to respond to the gentle touches and he let tears come to his eyes. He didn’t want this… he didn’t want to enjoy this…

He felt his jeans being removed and felt vulnerable, much like he had as a child. He turned his head away and clenched his eyes shut, trying to will himself away. It wasn’t working.

He was lifted up and put down gently onto the bed and felt weight on top of him. He opened his eyes slowly and saw Sensui smiling at him.

“It will be alright, Mitarai. Don’t cry,” he said in a gentle voice, brushing the tears away with his thumb. “You’ll enjoy it.”

He was kissed again, slowly, but he quickly pulled away and breathed in sharply as he felt something enter him.

“Relax, and it won’t hurt,” Sensui said softly. Mitarai didn’t want to, but he was afraid of getting hurt, and did his best to relax.

Suddenly, a spark of pleasure confused him, but he felt his body respond. His eyes opened wide, and Sensui smiled at him.

“I told you I’d let you like it.” Another spark, and Mitarai’s eyes grew unfocused. He tried to ignore it, but he knew his body was betraying him. He would not succumb to this…

A few minutes of this went by, then Sensui pulled away and Mitarai heard himself almost whimper at the loss. He felt ashamed.

“Don’t worry, it’ll get better,” the older male whispered. He felt a slight pain, and then it was gone, replaced by pleasure. He wanted to make a noise so badly, but he kept his mouth shut, biting his lip fiercely. He heard a chuckle.

“You’ll never enjoy this if you don’t let yourself loose.”

Before he could fully understand that sentence, he felt pain on his neck, and let a cry slip out.

“Please…” He didn’t know what he was asking for- he was only aware of a dull pain in his neck, and intense feelings that were making it hard to think. Tears formed and trickled out of the corners of his eyes as he tried to resist. He couldn’t… but this wasn’t right! He shouldn’t be enjoying it! It was rape… wasn’t it? What if he liked it?

He felt a finger brush his tears away again and he opened his eyes slightly.

“You can’t enjoy it if you’re crying,” Sensui said softly. “Let yourself go… your body wants to, but your mind is getting in the way.”

There was silence for a moment, then Sensui smirked slightly, as if at a memory.

“It was the same with Sniper.”

Mitarai’s eyes widened in shock. He’d done this with Hagiri, too?

“He was upset, the same as you are… but he let himself go much earlier. He ended up enjoying himself. I wonder if you will…”

“Let himself go…?”

“Like this.” Mitarai felt a sudden wave of pleasure, but tried to control himself, focusing on his breathing. “If you would stop battling it, that would have been much more enjoyable for you. Just relax.”

Mitarai didn’t feel like he had much choice as talking ceased. It was almost impossible to resist it anymore… Finally, after another minute, he felt all resolve leave him and he let it happen. He let himself feel whatever happened without trying to block it. He felt ashamed when, at the end, he finished just like Sensui, and he let himself cry.

The painful times weren’t the worst. These were. The times when he was treated lovingly, shown what was possible. It was all sick and demented to him now. He couldn’t ever do it again. It would be full of these memories, reminding him that underneath it all, he was dirty and tainted, and so was love.

The next day, Hagiri noticed the mark on his neck. He thankfully didn't say anything, but his eyes held sympathy and understanding, and that was all Mitarai needed.