The Case of the Missing Neminems

by Psychotic

Summary: Esme is missing her M&M's and Alice has a vision about it... The children, curious, go home to spy Esme doing something very weird...

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"Doctor, doctor, gimme the news! I got a bad case of lovin' you! No pill's gonna cure my ills..."

Esme was jumping up and down on the furniture in the living room, randomly lifting up cushions and pillows, looking for something. She held the phone in one hand, singing into it like a microphone.

"Neminems?" she called, stopping her singing for a moment. She lifted another cushion and dropped it. Then she began singing again.

Alice grinned as the vision anded. She looked over at Edward. He had the same expression on his face. He'd obviously seen the vision.

"We need to go home," Edward stated, "now." The Cullens -- plus Bella -- stood up and left the lunch room.

As they pulled into their driveway, they spotted Esme through the front window, singing and dancing. Emmett snickered.

They snuck into the house, quietly watching as their mother jumped around on the furniture, singing.

"Doctor, doctor, gimme the news! I got a bad case of lovin' you!"

After a moment of singing, Esme froze. She slowly turned around ad spotted the children. Then she grinned sheepishly. "What are you guys doing?"

"Alice had a vision. More importantly, though, Mom... what are you doing?" Edward grinned.

Esme looked embarrassed and didn't answer. Then the phone, on speaker, said, "Kids, stop making fun of your mother and help her look for her neminems. I mean, M&M's."

Esme stared at the phone in shock. She must have accidenly hit the redial button and then the speakerphone button. "Have you been listening to me this whole time without telling me?" she asked into the phone.

"You've got a bad case of lovin' me?"

If she had been human, Esme would've blushed. "Y-Yes..." she muttered.

"And you're looking for your neminems?"

"Yes..."

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Then yes, I have been listening to you this whole time. And you have a wonderful voice, my dear."

Esme smiled. "Thank you, Carlisle."

"Now help your mother look for her neminems, kids!"

The Cullens scrambled around, searching for the missing M&M's. Bella stared around for a moment before speaking up. "Why are we looking for M&M's if you can't eat them?"

Everyone froze. Bella was right. Why were they looking for the M&M's? They all looked at Esme.

"Th-they smell good and they make good decorations!"

Emmett snicker and Jasper grinned. "They smell good?" Alice asked.

"They do!" Esme exclaimed, defending herself.

Carlisle seemed to be holding back laughter on the phone. "Esme, dear, just find your neminems and then I'll be home, alright?" Esme agreed and hung up.

"Help me look," she ordered. "I can smell them in this room, I just can't find them!"

The Cullens, trying to hold back giggles, helped Esme and they eventually found the M&M's. Once they had, Esme sat on the couch, watching TV with the M&M's bowl in her hands, occasionally sniffing at it.

It seemed that this was a day the family would not soon forget.

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A/N: I had to do it! It was irresistable! At school, I called M&M's "neminems" and my friends all went, "Esme, what did you just say?" Then we came up with idea that it would be comical if Esme actually DID call M&M's "neminems". So that's where this fanfic originated.

Esme is probably a little OOC, but I don't care. I had fun writing it anyway!

By the way, this will be a series of oneshots about Esme's weird vocabulary!

Psychotic Female of Many Names

12.01.07