NANA- Attention everyone, I have disturbing news about Aoyama. In the summer of 2000 Aoyama posed for pornographic photos, these pictures were tasteless, disgusting and in most of them he’s posing with trees. The following scenes may scare young children and be hazardous to pregnant women, so look away now.

(Shina holds up two photos)

NANA- (Points to one) As we can see in this one, Aoyama appears to be naked and humping a redwood tree, the tree later claimed that Aoyama had raped him and he was sent into therapy to help him cope with the ordeal. Later that same year the tree committed suicide after continually being haunted by nightmares of the sexual attack.

(Points to the other photo)

In this one Aoyama is clearly lying on his back naked in front of this young apple tree, who at the time was only nine years old and was later taken from Aoyama by the authorities and placed in the care of a couple of trees residing in Sherwood Forest. She is now doing well in her new home. After these reports were made sixteen other trees reported that Aoyama had sexually harassed them over the years since 1991.

SHINA- These poor trees are now all being taken care of but we need you’re help to save the many other trees that have suffered at the hands of the gay tree hugger Aoyama.

NANA- All it takes is small generous dounations to the ‘Save the abused trees’ or STAT for short, please, we need you’re help. Do not allow these mighty and beautiful trees to suffer any longer, we must put a stop to Aoyama and his evil ways as soon as possible.

SHINA- If you love these cute trees like we do, you would want to give all the money you can to save them from cruelty.

NANA- Its simple and quick to save our planet’s beloved trees, just take out all you’re money, stick it into a envelope and send it to ‘STAT INC’ at ‘twentyfour Silver Hill road Hastings'

SHINA- Please, we’re not asking for much, so please only you can say when the abuse to trees stop. Thank you.

NANA- Please note the following, money may or may not go to the imaginary STAT company and will most likely be spent on funding the ‘BUY NANA SOME BEER!’ campain. If you want to send you’re money to that stick it in a black envelope and write in blood ‘NANA IS GREAT’ and just place it in your nearest postbox and I will at sometime come and collect it.