Disclaimer – Usual

A/N – I had the great pleasure of playing the ME extension "Bring Down the Sky." I realize that it takes place "during" the game;however, "it fit so nice I decided to keep it." (For all you Princess Bride fans.) I am going to use it in my timeline. For those of you who have not played the extension, the sections that directly relate to it will be set apart using ME:SA (Mass Effect: Spoiler Alert – I know, so clever.). All you need to know is that Shepard and Kaidan have an argument about her methods during a particular mission and they gained a potential ally.

Chapter 8

Tali took a deep breath as she stared out of the window on this new ship she would now call home. She had a private room, at least for now. It would be shared with her husband. The son of the captain of her new home was the same age as Tali, and was a good match to her politically, socially, and genetically. She was pleased with the choice, though the marriage would have to wait since he was still on his pilgrimage. As was tradition, the marriage had been arranged while she was away. This was done to prevent attachments from developing with a mate that was destined to end up on another ship. The engagement could still be called off, however, if the man brought back an insufficient gift. But that rarely happened. She actually felt sympathy for the man, as she had a suspicion that he had as much pressure on him to bring back something of value as she did. After all, it would not only look bad for him to bring back something less than stellar, but it would make his family look bad in light of their son’s engagement to a child of one of the members of the Admiralty.

In the short time she had been back, she tried to discover his last known location so that she could contact him. Not only did she want to get to know him better, but she wanted him to be aware of, and approve of, her decision to leave the Migrant Fleet to help Shepard in her cause. Had he already returned from his pilgrimage, they would have been married within a day or two and she would have tried to convince him to come with her. However, not only had her time back been short, but it had been incredibly busy.

Everything that surrounded the pilgrimage was steeped in symbolism. Really, much of the traditions that the Quarians held were symbolic in one way or another, but this seemed particularly true of the pilgrimage. The Quarian left her ship of birth and embarked on the Pilgrimage. This journey was a rite of passage that proved not only that she was a responsible adult, but also that she was willing to lay aside her life for something bigger.

When the quest to find the Gift – some resource of value that would benefit Quarian society as a whole – was complete, the Quarian could return home. She then had to be accepted back into their society, only this time on a new ship. She would not set foot on her birth-ship again, unless later dealings dictated this, and as a further sign that she was now an adult and part of a new crew, her name was changed. She was no longer ‘nar’ – child of – but ‘vas’ – crew of.

But before she could give her gift and receive her new name, she had to complete the cleansing ceremony. This was more involved than the simple decontamination that occurred ever time she went through the Normandy’s airlock. Everything she had was taken and sterilized. She also went through an embarrassingly thorough cleansing ritual which involved the elder women of the new ship on which she would be living. Tali supposed this complicated ritual arose from the very real need to make sure that all who returned to the flotilla were not carrying any diseases or contaminants that could easily wipe out an entire ship.

She was then symbolically cleansed from her time away from the Migrant Fleet. Any belongings she had acquired were divvied out to those who could best use them. Her armor and guns were handed over to the military and her omni-tool was given to the chief engineer of her ship. They were not an entirely socialist economy however and, should the need arise for her to leave the flotilla, her things would be returned to her. But it was just one more way of putting aside her childhood for the greater good of the society to which she was now responsible.

After the cleansing ceremony was the presentation ceremony, at which time her gift was publicly presented and, if it wasaccepted, she was declared publicly by her new name – Tali’Zorah Vas Tulia - and a feast was held in her honor. Her father was present and, under normal circumstances, it was likely the last time she’d see him face-to-face, though she doubted that would be the case for her.

All of this took place in a dizzying two-day time period that began as soon as she stepped foot on the Tulia. She thought it was ironic that, for all her time away from the flotilla, she never once considered not returning – until she arrived. There was just so much change all at once. It wasn’t that she hadn’t expected the changes, it was simply that the reality was different from the expectation. She knew that she had nothing to complain about. Her new ship was one of the more wealthy vessels, if a bit small, but nearly everyone had private quarters. Because they were small and well-equipped, they were able to take private contracts with non-Quarian firms. They specialized in mining rare and difficult-to-gather minerals, bringing in even greater revenue than the average ship their size.

These private contracts provided more opportunity to interact with other races and see more of the universe than she might otherwise have had the opportunity to do. For this she was also glad. She did not know how other Quarians returned from their pilgrimages to the near-isolationist mentality they had before.

As she stood by the observation window, Tali heard footsteps approach. She turned to face whoever was approaching, and smiled at the sight of her father coming up next to her. "Hello Father."

"How do you like your new home?" he asked, coming to stand beside her at the window. He slid an arm around her back and kissed her head lightly before withdrawing to stand "at ease."

Tali glanced around briefly. "It’s nice. Quaint," she added, trying not to sound disapproving.

He frowned. "You don’t like it?"

"It’s just… different. I’m sure I will come to think of it as home in time."

"Hmm," he intoned. After a brief pause, he said, "I heard rumors that you had quite an adventure on your pilgrimage."

Tali laughed, somewhat nervously. Quarians were not known for being adventurers. Brave, yes. They had to be to gather resources from the varied sources they came across, not to mention the constant threat of run-ins with pirates and slavers whenever a ship was away from the flotilla. Their lives were lived very much in the here-and-now, with each day being a gift. But to go seeking encounters with dangerous species and unavoidable battles was not the Quarian way. Tali, on the other hand, had loved every second of it, perhaps due to her trust in the abilities of those around her and her somewhat naïve belief that good always triumphs. This did not mean, however, she was not pragmatic in her approach to adventure."We did have a few encounters."

"With Geth. Why, I wonder, did they finally venture beyond the Veil?" her father asked.

Tali studied her father’s face. She wondered if he really had not heard about Sovereign and the Reapers or if he was waiting for her to confirm the rumors. "The Geth were following the will of a Reaper named Sovereign. They believe the Reapers to be the pinnacle of synthetic life."

"Indeed. And this… Reaper… this Sovereign. It led the Geth out of the veil?"

"With the help of a Turian named Saren," Tali answered.

"I see," her father said, and then became silent once more.

"There are more… coming," Tali ventured after a moment. She knew she would have to tell her captain, sooner or later, of her intent to leave,and she would need the Admiralty’s permission to recruit a few engineers.

"Is that right?" he said.

Tali felt a tinge of frustration. It was sometimes difficult to tell when her father was taking her seriously and when he wasn’t.

Turning to face his daughter, the Admiral said, "And what do you intend to do about it?"

Tali’s stomach dropped in surprise and excitement. "I would like to go back. Rejoin the efforts to prevent the coming invasion or fight if we do not succeed."

"You wish to leave the Migrant Fleet? Your home? Why?"

Tali stared at her father in disbelief. Could he not understand the importance of what she wanted to help accomplish? "Because if we don’t stop the Reapers, there will be no home for us. They will destroy us all."

"Why you? If this task is so important, why should I send you. You are barely more than a child? Should I not send older, wiser, more experienced engineers to aid in this," he gestured with his hand toward the window "this… inter-species effort?"

"I…" Tali had just assumed that she would be allowed to leave once she explained what was coming. She had not considered that others would go in her stead. She thought quickly of reasons why it should be she that goes. "I have seen a Reaper. That makes me more qualified than anyone here. I brought back the information on the Geth - surely a prize that earned me some respect here. I am familiar with the team that is trying to prevent their return… And… And I was invited to head the technology side of the research," she ended confidently.

The Admiral watched his daughter as she spoke and continued to watch her once she had become silent again. He had always been hard on her. He knew that. But he was proud of who she had become and hoped his wife was proud of them both. He sighed and looked down. He had not been prepared to lose her so soon. "I suppose I really have no choice then." He saw Tali’s eyes light up, and he couldn’t help but admire that spark of life and youthful enthusiasm. "We’ll have to inform the captain."

"Thank you, Daddy," Tali said, and surprised her father with a hug. "I, um, do have to ask you something else."

"Yes?" he asked, cocking his head to the side questioningly.

"I know that we have engineers who are experts on alien technology and decryption. I would like to request that a few of them accompany me."

The Admiral stared hard at his daughter, taking a moment to think about the request. "I wish to meet with your contact to discuss a few things first. That would be Commander Shepard, yes?"

"Y-yes," Tali said, somewhat hesitantly, not sure why her father had not given her an answer. "Though she is no longer a Commander in the Alliance military."

"Come. We will speak with the captain. You can let this… Spectre know that you are ready to join her. Then you can tell me all about her."

Tali knew that the coming conversation was not idle curiosity, but information gathering. Her father was in full Admiral mode and Tali took that as a good sign. It meant her father knew of the seriousness of the situation and needed as much information as possible before approaching the Admiralty or the Conclave to request the reassignment of such important Quarians as engineers and technology experts.

ME:SA begin

Movement out of the corner of his eye caught Joker’s attention and he turned his gaze to watch the small vid display showing the communications room. Shepard, Kaidan, and Garrus had just entered it for their debriefing. Joker figured an argument was coming. Shepard had been increasingly tense since they had left Feros a few days before. He wasn’t sure if it was the orb that was now on board, or the lack of direction that was increasing her stress levels, but he knew it was bound to come to a head. Add to that a mission that hadn’t run as smoothly as it should have… Oh yeah, an argument was in the making.

The mission on Asteroid X57 fell under Alliance jurisdiction and Kaidan had chosen to take Shepard and Garrus with him, which was smart, really. They were going into an unknown situation and that was the team that worked most comfortably together. But with the discovery of Batarian involvement, things suddenly changed. Shepard seized control of the mission and that’s when things got weird.

Joker monitored communications on every mission that any shore party undertook. He needed to be able to warn them at a moment’s notice when he picked up enemy chatter, and they needed to be able to contact him in case they needed an emergency evac. It was also official protocol. He acted as a sort of objective witness to the events in case anything was called into question by the brass. Because of his familiarity with each crew member – both their official, mission-related dialogue and theirtension-relieving banter – he would have put money on how the mission was going to end. He would have lost. And it stunned him into such silence that he couldn’t even come up with a witty, end-of-mission, welcome home.

As he watched the vid-screen, his finger itched with the temptation to listen to the conversation that was taking place. He glanced around quickly before transferring the audio signal to his personal communicator.

Shepard stood leaning against the holo-comms with her arms crossed over her chest. Garrus had chosen the nearest seat on her left, though he felt more like an outsider watching what should have been a private conversation – not because it was "personal" but because it took place between two superior officers and he didn’t feel he had a right to be witness to this.

"Do you remember that conversation we had about cutting corners?" Kaidan asked. He waited for some acknowledgement that Brennan knew what he was talking about, but she simply stared at him, so he plowed on anyway. "This is exactly what I was talking about!"

"What would you have had me do, Kaidan? Let him go?" Shepard asked, her voice remarkably calm, though to Kaidan, it sounded more devoid of emotion than truly at peace.

"We would have signaled the Fleet. Joker would have gotten the trace on his ship, which would have been passed on to the rest of our ships. We would have found him."

"Let him go. To save a handful of civilians." Shepard stated what was at the heart of the issue.

"Yes," Kaidan replied. "He wouldn’t have gotten away. Even the Normandy could have tracked him down."

"You don’t know that. How often have the Batarians escaped after raids?" Shepard stared firmly into Kaidan’s eyes. "Besides, it wouldn’t have been that simple. He was not about to just walk away."

"And you don’t know that," Kaidan retorted.

Shepard smiled slightly and let out a soft chuckle. "I do," she said, in nearly a whisper.

"Well, I hope you were right because we losthalf a dozen good people back there - innocents."

Shepard sighed. "They were civilians. That speaks of neither their goodness nor theirinnocence."

"What?" Kaidan asked in disbelief. "Are you trying to justify…"

Before he could finish, Brennan held up her hand. "How many lives did we save?"

"The scales don’t work that way, remember? You’re the one who told me that."

"Fine. Look at it this way. We gained a potential ally in our fight against the Reapers. We need – and I cannot emphasize this enough – we need every species out there. That means I am going to build bridges wherever possible. What do you think would have happened if Balak got away?"

"You mean if we didn’t catch him?" Kaidan asked sharply.

Ignoring his question, Shepard continued, "The first thing he would do is find and kill Charn. We would have lost a potential ally."

"A potential ally! We don’t know that Charn will do anything to help us. You sacrificed humans to save a Batarian who might be useful?"

Shepard surprised Kaidan by asking, "Do you know why I saved the Council? Do you know why I chose to sacrifice hundreds of human lives to save three pompous aliens who fought us every step of the way?" Shepard’s voice rose slightly, filling with emotion.

"No," Kaidan said with a sigh, not sure he really wanted to know after today’s events.

"Because we need them," she said, gesturing to Garrus without looking at him. "Without the Council, there would have been a power vacuum. I’m sure that we – humans – could have stepped in to fill that space, but for how long? The other species would have chaffed under our rule, unity would have dissolved, and we would have been lost. We might as well have let Sovereign open the relay and let the other Reapers waltz in and destroy everything. So yes! I absolutely will sacrifice humans for a chance at greater numbers sothat we can all survive in the end."

Kaidan nodded and looked away. He understood the argument. He understood the concept of "the greater good." It just didn’t settle well with him to know that they could have saved lives – all of them. "The future is not set in stone. You cannot possibly know how this will affect things down the line. So you traded one ‘what if’ for another – a few lives for... what? A chance."

"It’s all we have," Brennan said solemnly. "Besides, now the Alliance has a chance to find out who’s behind this supposed ‘rebellion’."

After a moment, Kaidan, out of arguments and slightly disarmed by Brennan’s unusual bout of pessimism, sighed again and turned toward the door of the comm room. "Uh," he looked back over his shoulder. "Dismissed," he said with a wave of his hand and left.

Garrus stood and took a step closer to Brennan. He looked from the door to Brennan, who seemed lost in thought as she continued to stare at the now closed door. "If it’s any consolation, Commander, I think you made the right decision. It’s never good to start negotiating with terrorists. Plus, like you said, the information he could provide may prove invaluable."

Brennan’s eyes focused on the floor before looking up at Garrus. "Thank you, Garrus," she said kindly, and then turned her gaze back to the door.

After a brief pause, Garrus added, "In time, he’ll come to see it too."

Brennan glanced quickly at Garrus. "Oh, I hope not," she said, much to Garrus’ surprise, then she too headed toward the door, leaving Garrus to contemplate all he had seen and heard.

Things had always been so simple before Garrus joined the crew of the Normandy. There was right and there was wrong. There was black and there waswhite. Sometimes what was right was barred by bureaucracy and red tape, and that’s what had driven him to leave C-Sec in the first place. But since becoming part of the Normandy crew, his life had become filled with shades of grey. Humans seemed to live in the greys and he couldn’t always understand them. It certainly didn’t seem to make them any happier, just more… confused. And confusing. Garrus followed Shepard and Kaidan out of the comm room and headed to the garage. The Mako had taken some heavy weapons fire on the asteroid and he needed to make the necessary repairs.

ME:SA end

With the room now empty, Joker turned off the audio feed from the comm room. As he did, he noticed they’d received a message through the comm buoy. It was a Quarian signal and Joker ran it through the usual filters to make sure the signal was clean and original.

His personal comm device was now turned off, so the Normandy VI spoke to him to notify him that another signal was coming through. "Incoming message. Krogan signature."

"Ah, Wrex," Joker said to himself. "Thank you, Vi," he said to the VI, who never responded, as that was beyond her programming, but it amused him. Fiddling with a few buttons on the control panel, Joker said, "How’s my favorite hunchback?"

"How’s my favorite pain in the glass?" Wrex asked in return.

Joker smiled at the familiar line. Wrex, having once retorted that Joker was likea pane of glass due to his frail condition, had later thought it hilarious when he discovered that ‘glass’ and ‘ass’ rhymed and ‘pane’ and ‘pain’ sound the same in English. He then mixed the sayings to the delight of his twisted sense of humor. "Isn’t it about time you come up with a new line? I mean, I at least try to be original."

"Well, not all of us can sit around all day and think of witty retorts."

"Oh," Joker gasped in pain, while trying not to laugh. "You wound me."

Wrex grunted. "That’s not saying much. So, how’s the family?" Wrex asked, mocking human etiquette.

"Mom and Dad are fighting again, but I’m sure they’ll kiss and make-up soon."

"Was there violence?" Wrex asked eagerly, knowing what the answer would be.

"Pfft. Are you kidding? They both have a stick shoved so far up their…"

"I’d think very hard before you finish that statement," Kaidan’s voice came from behind Joker and made him jump.

"Jeez, Captain. Try to sneak up a little more loudly next time," Joker said.

"And miss watching you try to get your foot out of your mouth without breaking anything?" Shepard asked, a smirk making an appearance on her too serious face.

"Did… Did you just make a joke, Commander?" Joker asked in stunned confusion.

"Very funny. Did I hear Wrex’s dulcet tones?"

"Indeed you did. Wrex, Captain Alenko and Commander Shepard have arrived."

"How was Tuchanka?" Kaidan asked conversationally.

"Fun. There was a homecoming party and everything." Kaidan frowned at Wrex’s response. He could never tell by the sound of Wrex’s voice when the Krogan was joking – not that his facial expressions lent much in the way of deciphering that either.

"Where are you now?" Shepard asked in her business tone.

"Heading to the Attican Traverse."

"Good. I’ve got the name of a possible contact for you. Tread lightly. He should have a favorable response to my name."

"But he could just as easily kill me for mentioning you. I got it."

"I’ll upload it to your omni-tool," Shepard said, neither confirming nor denying his assumption.

"Got it."

"Good to hear from you," Shepard said, for the first time expressing emotion toward the Krogan. "And Wrex?"

"Yea."

"Take care." Shepard began to walk away without waiting for a response, but Joker held up his finger to indicate she should wait.

"I got a message from Tali. Do you want me to send it back to the comm room?" Joker asked.

Brennan looked up at Kaidan as if she had asked a question and was waiting for a response. He nodded, so she looked back to Joker, "No, send it to the Captain’s terminal."

"Right," Joker said with a slight drawl.

Shepard turned and left, but Kaidan leaned a little closer to Joker and the comm unit. "Be safe Wrex. And… that contact cost dearly, so use it wisely."

Wrex grunted again in response, but it was enough of an affirmative for Kaidan to walk away. He still wasn’t sure why Brennan trusted a Krogan to act as diplomat but, he told himself, he trusted her judgment and that was enough, though he had to repeat that a few more times after today’s events.

"Did I miss something?" Wrex asked after a few silent seconds.

"A mission got… complicated. I’ll tell you all about itwhen I see you next," Joker said.

"Oh, hey. Tell Shepard I re-established my contact with the Shadow Broker. He bought the info I had to sell, no questions asked."

"Will do." Joker heard an unceremonious click telling him that the signal abruptly ended. That was okay with him. He was never one for good-byes. As soon as he was finished speaking with Wrex, he heard Shepard’s voice in his ear.

"Joker, set up a connection with the Citadel – Councilman Anderson."

"Yes ma’am." Joker’s fingers danced deftly over the console, bringing up a secure connection with Anderson’s office before transferring it to Kaidan’s quarters. A few minutes later, both the Captain and Shepard approached.

"New heading, Captain?" Joker asked.

"That’s Ambassador Alenko, Joker," Shepard said with a smirk.

Joker spocked an eyebrow questioningly. "Ambassador, huh?... er, Sir."

"It’s just a formality," Kaidan sighed. "As the commanding officer on this boat, I’m acting as Ambassador to our Quarian friends on behalf of the Alliance."

"Shiny," Joker stated simply. "Does that come with a pay raise? Because I can be very tactful when I want to be."

"We want to make friends, not start a war," Shepard quipped. "Besides, your facial hair might frighten them."

"You never know. They could be covered in hair from head to toe," Joker speculated. "No pressure Captain."

"Well, this is just a first contact type scenario. I won’t be making any deals."

"Wow. So you’re an ambassador with no authority."

"Yes. Thank you for pointing that out," Kaidan said in mild frustration.

At this, Brennan laughed. She placed her hand on Kaidan’s arm and said, "Don’t worry. You’ll do fine." Turning to Joker, she said, "Call for a briefing in the communications room. I want to see our resident aliens as well as Chief Engineer Adams."

"You got it. Oh and, Commander," Joker waited for Shepard to give him her attention. “Wrex said he made contact with the Shadow Broker and sold the information.”

“Good. Thank you, Joker,” Shepard said.

Joker began keying in the communicator frequencies of each individual to be called to the meeting as Shepard walked away. "So… Did you two make up?"

Kaidan looked at Joker in surprise, but then realized he would know better than anyone else on the ship what was going on. He shrugged in response. "It’s just a difference of opinion."

"Great generals know when it’s necessary to make sacrifices," Joker stated.

"I know that. I just… wasn’t prepared for it."

"Great generals are not always great people," Joker added.

"You think Shepard’s not a good person?" Kaidan questioned.

"Oh no. I think she’s a very good person. That just makes it harder… for her."

As he turned and headed toward the conference room, Kaidan exhaled heavily, contemplating what Joker had said. He knew what he was saying was true. If nothing else, it was evidenced in how Shepard inspired such incredible loyalty and the belief that she could get everyone out of any situation virtually unscathed. He also knew that she would sacrifice herself if she thought it would help them win. In a way, that’s what she was doing. Sacrificing herself – her feelings, her clear conscience – for a chance at greater victory. Ash had been the first in what Kaidan realized would be a long line of difficult, even heartbreaking decisions for Shepard.

ME:SA begin

"If Kate’s face keeps me awake tonight so that your grandchildren are safe – so be it." That was what Brennan had told Simon Adwell when he complained that Shepard hadn’t found a way to save everyone. Kaiden knew they weren’t nameless, faceless casualties to Brennan. She had already made a personal connection with them and sacrificed them anyway. Maybe she was just stronger than he. And he knew it was selfish of him, but he was glad for it – glad it was her and not him. He knew there was a very real chance that, as a captain, he would one day have to make a call like that, but he hoped he never did. And as he walked toward the comm room, a realization hit him, making his step slow. Shepard had once again protected him. By taking control of the mission, she prevented him from having to make the call thatkilled civilians for a ‘what if’.

ME:SA end

- - - - -

A/N – I hope the Quarian section was okay. I love Tali’s character, but I found her very difficult to write. Sorry no real action in this chapter. Thank you to everyone who left a review. You’ve all been so encouraging. Thanks also to my wonderful betas – Mom, hubby, and J.A. Carlton. Love.

Mike – Thanks for your review. I’m glad that Wrex was in character. He’s such a great character; I was concerned about not getting him right. Thanks again.

Row – Thank you, also, for your very kind words and for taking the time to comment. Thank you.