Author: Hannah95 PM
Guide to 'units' of the Caribbean.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,552 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 06-15-08 - Published: 12-15-07 - id: 3947314
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It's really quite sad.
A/N: Kat here! Hope ya like it!
Chapter 1: The Will Turner Unit
Why, hello there! You are now the proud owner of The Will Turner UnitTM! Aren't you the lucky one! Inclosed are the instructions for your unit.
One Will Turner UnitTM
One set of clothing from CotBP
One instruction packet
One order form
How To Activate Your Unit:
Your unit should come in a box. Upon receiving this box, open it and you will find inside your unit. To activate, the simplest way being to splash him with water (preferably salt), the more complicated being to put an Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM in danger. Upon activation, depending on the area that you live in, your Will Turner UnitTM will probably seek a source of water. If you do not live near a lake/creek/ocean/body of water, a pool should do the trick.
Functions of Your Unit:
You Will Turner UnitTM is capable of performing many simple, every day tasks, and also several more complicated ones. These simple tasks include the ability to captain a ship, the ability to negotiate (in the pirate way, that is), and the ability to adapt to almost any climate. He is also an expert swords man, is very good at making swords, and can fight under almost any circumstances.
Emotions of Your Unit:
Your unit has a series of programmed emotions, and is also very complex. Here is a list of the emotions of you Will Turner UnitTM, and how to deal with them.
Love. Your Will Turner UnitTM is very capable of loving you and others who are kind to him. If you don't want him to love you, kill him or kill Elizabeth. He shall hate you for the rest of eternity. Or just become a Sparrabeth shipper…
Anger. Your Will Turner UnitTM is also very capable of anger at you or others that either won't believe him or won't help him. If he is angry with you, we suggest that you get as far away from him as possible. Bad things could happen…
Indifference. Your Will Turner UnitTM is capable of indifference if he happens not to love/like you and you stand in his way. Some of the people he is indifferent to end up dying…
Joy. Your Will Turner UnitTM can experience joy at times. Things that bring him joy are Elizabeth, making swords, and Elizabeth. Did we mention Elizabeth?
Hate. Your Will Turner UnitTM will sometimes experience hate. Sometimes directed at Jack Sparrow, and occasionally at Elizabeth, such as after she kissed Jack.
Sadness. Your Will Turner UnitTM will become sad if you kill Elizabeth, keep him from a body of water, or make him watch Jack and Elizabeth kiss. (And what kind of horrible person would do that?)
Lust. This emotion is normally directed at Elizabeth, or if he loves you, you.
And an assorted arrangement of other human emotions.
Your Order Form:
Your order form can be used in a wide variety of ways. Listed here are those options:
To order more clothes (DMC and AWE)
To order another sword/swords
To order another dagger
To order a ship
To order another (different) unit/modelInteracting With Your Unit
Your Will Turner UnitTM works well with several other units. These units are:
the Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM
the Jack Sparrow UnitTM (but only occasionally)
the Bootstrap Bill UnitTM
Your Will Turner UnitTM does not interact well with:
the Cutler Beckett UnitTM
the Davy Jones UnitTM
the Mercer UnitTM
the Hector Barbossa UnitTM
the Sao Feng UnitTMYou are highly encouraged to purchase any of the above models, so long as they are able to interact with the Will Turner UnitTM. However, if you hope to seduce your Will Turner UnitTM, we highly recommend not purchasing the Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM. Common Questions: Q: My Will Turner UnitTM arrived wearing full battle armor. What happened? A: You have been accidentally shipped a Paris UnitTM instead. We are terribly sorry, and if you really wish to return him, we will be happy to give a Will Turner UnitTM.
Q: My Will Turner UnitTM arrived dead. What can I do?
A: OK, first off: He's not dead. He's sleeping. Second of all, are you sure you awakened him right? If you didn't use salt water, it might not have worked.
Q: My Will Turner UnitTM has recently taken to groping my legs. What should I do?
A: Don't you like it? We can't help you. It's his nature. You should be glad he likes you that much.
Q: My Will Turner UnitTM hates me. What should I do?
A: You don't happen to be a Sparrabeth shipper, are you? He hates them…
Q: My Will Turner UnitTM loves me. What should I do?
A: Why are you complaining? He loves you, right?
Q: I do not live near a large body of water. How can I keep my Will Turner UnitTM happy?
A: Just get a pool, or put him near a bathtub. That should help.
Q: I recently bought a Davy Jones UnitTM. My Will Turner UnitTM hates him. What should I do?
A: You idiot! We told you not to buy anything that would make Will mad! We can't help you!
A/N: Done! So, tell me what you think. No flames, please. I've checked. This is OK with the guidelines since it is not a list. If you have questions for this chapter or any others, please send them. If you have a character you really want done, I'll try to do them.
Ciao! Phantom's Child. (Kat)
And now for a quote from Jack Sparrow:
"No, actually, I prefer rum. Rum is good."
Stay tuned for another unit and a fun quote!