Inspired by a strange moment at dinner. I own Akatsuki... in my own little world, at least. (sigh)

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Pein stood against the kitchen wall, crunching happily away on one of Konan's famous oatmeal raisin cookies. For the first time in the longest while he could remember, every single Akatsuki member was at the hideout. No missions had been assigned due to surveillance around the hideout.

Itachi walked in, lost in thought and muttering to himself. "So if Sasuke finds out the REAL secret behind the Mangekyo Sharingan..." he murmered, walking obliviously past Pein and flinging himself down into an armchair.

Deidara stomped in a moment later, holding five fragments of an enormous clay bird. "It was probably Tobi, un..." he snarled, stalking over to a chair near Itachi's and plopping down into it, continuing to mutter.

Footsteps echoed from down the hallway as Kisame wandered in, tapping his fingers together. "I'll find Maito Gai and chop 'im up..." Kisame plotted to himself. As he brushed past he bumped into an armchair. He looked at it in suprise, then sat down in it and continued to make evil plans.

Something small and orange peered into the kitchen, then crept in. Tobi dithered past Pein, muttering feverishly to himself. "Deidara-senpai's gonna kill Tobi..." Tobi wheezed, crawling into an armchair and trying to make himself as small as possible.

The sound of stomping feet approached, accompanied by a snarl and a mess of blue hair. Konan stormed into the kitchen, growling to herself. "My origami's soggy... all because HE put his coffee down on it..." she raged her way over to the armchair next to Tobi's, where she flopped down and kept on ranting.

Yet another person entered the crowded, noisy space. Zetsu dragged himself in. "Meeeeeeeat... meeeeeeeeat... I neeeeeeed meeeeeeeeat..." he moaned, collapsing into a chair.

"Aw, (CENSORED)!!!" someone yelled, flinging aside the kitchen door in wrath. Hidan tromped noisily into the kitchen, clutching something in his left hand. "I can't (censored)ing believe it! A (censored)ing crack already! I ALREADY need a new (censored)ing rosary!!" Hidan growled to himself, kicking a chair then flopping down into it.

Kakuzu followed shortly after, counting on his fingers. "That'll be $20..." he murmured, poking a couple of fingers. "And if I buy two more, that'll be... that'll be..." he tapped a few more fingers. Spotting an empty chair he sat down in it, then got back to his complicated finger math.

The muttering and ranting continued.

"...sharingan, then he'll be able to..."

"... finally gonna blow him up for this, un..."

"...choppo choppo, no chance against Samehada..."

"...Tobi's dead... Tobi's gonna be a dead boy...Tobi will..."

"...seems like no one appreciates good origami anymore, I swear..."

"...I neeeeeeeeed meeeeeeeeat... give meeeeeeee meeeeeeeeeeeeeat..."

"...and as if that's not (censored)ing enough, this is the third (censored)ing time..."

"...twenty, no... thirty, yes, that's it, and with a fifty nine point three discount it'll come out to..."

Pein sighed, clutching his head in his hand. "I'm listening to eight people have conversations with themselves," he sighed. Instantaneously, silence fell and everyone froze.

Hidan began to laugh loudly. "Hah hah!! Look, everyone, Leader-sama's TALKING to himself!"

As the rest of Akatsuki laughed loudly, Pein began to bang his head against the wall. One of these days, the irony was just going to kill him.