I Could Never Let You Go

I Could Never Let You Go

By: Twilight's Blade

A/N: Some changes to note before this can actually make sense. After a three year relationship after Aizen’s war, Ichigo has cheated on Rukia with Orihime, who has become snobbish to her after realizing what her powers can really do. After months of planning and putting Rukia in awkward situations to make it seem as if she didn’t care for him, Orihime’s tricks pay off in Ichigo abandoning Rukia. Although he finally admits his doubts to her about going off with Orihime, it’s too late (And no, I am not an Orihime/Rukia--hater. So If you are going to flame me, at least don't let it be about how Orihime or Rukia are portrayed here).

Dedication: Blue Brightness for her request. Though it’s more dialogue than description, I hope you enjoy it.

Song: Let This Go--Paramore

Song lyrics are italicized

:Thoughts:

It was dark. It was cold. Why she had decided to meet on top of Soukyoku Hill, of all the places in the Soul Society, in the middle of the night, he had no idea. But it was now or never. No matter what she said, he had to tell her how he felt. How sorry he was, how wrong he was, that he knew the truth. That he loved her. He stepped forward, towards the small figure he could make out on the cliff’s edge.

“Rukia.”

Maybe if my heart stops beating
It won't hurt this much

:If I disappeared, your love for her would only grow:

And never will I have to answer
Again to anyone

:The gossip, the rumors, the backstabbing…If I disappeared it would all go away.:

Her back was towards him. She was too disgusted and yet too in love to look him in the eye at the moment, too afraid she would go back on her word and leap into his arms like she wanted to. “I didn’t call you here to yell at you, to ask you why you’ve caused me so much pain. I no longer want to know why you chose her over me. I’ve gotten past the point where your words were once acceptable.”

Please don't get me wrong

Because I'll never let this go

:I’ll never forgive you for what you’ve done to me:

But I can't find the words to tell you

:I can’t describe the heartache you caused me:

I don't want to be alone

“I wanted to remind you of the time when I loved you, when I cared for you with my entire being. Five and a half long years ago, before the war, before you even knew, and maybe to your surprise, even now. But things are different. You know all of this.” Her voice quivered. She sighed. All she had left was her strength. And now she had to use it.

“Rukia, please--”

“Shut-up.” Her words stung, though strict and concise. Gathering her courage, she finally turned to face him, glaring icily through his being. It was not an expression he was familiar with, not one he even knew existed in the heart of his fiery friend. A friend he thought at one time would be his forever.

“I didn’t want this to happen--”

But now I feel like I don't know you

:You plead to me with those brown innocent eyes of yours, but I see through them, all the wrong that you’ve done:

“But you let it! Ichigo, I’m not here to argue with the facts. I’m just here to remind you of them. How I fell for you, head over heels, and you, in turn, used me, broke me, and tossed me aside for that bitch you call your ‘childhood friend.’” Her voice struck his heart much differently than the pain her eyes gave. Despite the evident rise of her tone, there was an eerie calmness, a sense of tranquility in it that Ichigo had never heard before. He shuddered.

“I don’t want you to say anything—you’ll just make excuses and merge the truth with your lies so that these past few months seem like a bad dream.” She chuckled softly.

“There was once a time…when I loved to listen to the false reality you whispered into my ears…”

One day you'll get sick of
saying that everything's alright

:It’s just like you to try and make up for your fatal mistakes…this time you’ve failed:

And by then I'm sure I'll be pretending
Just like I am tonight

:I love you… but the past can’t be erased, and I can’t live knowing that she’s with you:

Please don't get me wrong

“People make mistakes! I still love you! So much… Sure, I cheated on you, and back then, I didn’t care who I was with. I was stupid, foolish not to see what was right in front of me the entire time. Foolish to give up what we had--”

“But you did--”

“And I was wrong! I can’t pay you back, but I swear on my life that will make things better between us again.”

Because I'll never let this go

“And I swear on mine that you can’t. This is a promise you’ve made to me three times too many, Ichigo. It’s no longer valid.”

But I can't find the words to tell you
I don't want to be alone

She began to turn around, slowly, but stopped halfway and laughed. Her face remained pointed towards the ground.

“Our relationship isn’t something you can fix anymore, Ichigo.”

But now I feel like I don't know you

:I thought I’d seen it all before she came between us:

“I’m sorry. Just remember that I loved you. You were my one and only.”

Ichigo’s eyes widened as he put the pieces together. He stepped forward, a silent ‘no’ escaping his lips. Rukia took one final step towards the cliff’s edge. She turned her head slowly, tears beginning to stream down her face, and finally looked him in the eyes.

“Owari da. Sayounara, Kurosaki Ichigo.”

She fell backwards. He flash-stepped frantically to catch up, but at the edge, he could only watch her fall. He dived after her.

“RUKIA!”

Let this go, let this go

:I wanted to, I tried so hard, but…:

The air rushed through her, as if slowly diminishing her fragile body into bits of dust. The tears dried. She closed her eyes, listening silently to his panic-stricken cries as he plummeted after her.

But I'll never let this go

:I love you, so very much:

“RUKIA!” She opened her eyes once more, just to see his face one time. Just to remember the times they laughed, smiled, were engulfed in true bliss. She’d miss that, that and those innocent eyes of his.

But I can't find the words to tell you

:Just how much love was really there for you:

She was close to the ground, she could sense it. Ichigo had disappeared from view, perhaps to find another way. She almost laughed. Always was he coming to her rescue. No more. No more. She couldn’t stand it.

I don't want to be alone

:But ever since you left, that’s the only way I see myself:

Everything…Everything had to end before her soul could find peace. No more heartache. No more excuses. No more Orihime. No more Ichigo.

No more love--

No more life.

“RUKIA!”

But now I feel like I don't know you

:Because I’m suddenly nonexistent in your life:

She closed her eyes once more.

:I’m sorry:

The night played a symphony of silence. Ichigo dropped to his knees in disbelief, his chest heaving, confused, bewildered, and heartbroken.

And I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
That now I feel like I don't know you

His shinigami robes began to soak with the pool of blood beneath Rukia’s lifeless body. A single tear slid down his face. Gently, he caressed her face before leaning down to kiss her lips.

A/N: The line in Japanese means It’s over. Good bye (usually used for goodbyes over long periods of time). I hope you enjoyed it, though it may seem a bit drastic.