|Ever the Same
Author: Twifan PM
A sad and mushy cliche, but it ends happy. A last letter to Edward in Bella's hand. BxERated: Fiction T - English - Romance - Bella & Edward - Words: 2,177 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 11 - Published: 12-22-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3961460
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Hmm… as the typical cliché lover that I am, I decided to redo a very common one.
I felt like being mushy and sad. Cause really, I never get tired of these.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. The end.
Read, and if you cry, tell me in a review!
This has no sequel, and no POV. Just a simple oneshot.
It might really stink. I'm still pretty tired today, so who knows, maybe I'm just awful when I'm tired.
It's titled after a song, like all of my recent stories.
However, I had multiple songs that I liked for this chapter.
Please Remember Me (by Tim McGraw is my fourth choice.
My third choice was Here Without You (by Three Doors Down)
My second choice of a title was Best I Ever Had (by Vertical Horizon)
But this is called Ever the Same (by Rob Thomas)
I finally found my release.
After all these long years, I've found my release. In the last moments of my life, I've found my release.
But I won't tell you yet, dear Edward, not yet.
I'm going to tell you what my life was, all those years ago, because I want to be the one to tell you, not someone else.
Today is September 13th, 2089. I'm one hundred years old today, and that's exactly how old I'll stay. I don't think you'll get this today, or anytime remotely soon. I've left it in your name, though. Everything is in your name. So perhaps one day, maybe even a few centuries from now, you'll find this. I hope you do.
I learned, not too long after you left, that there was no possible way to heal my wounds. Jacob tried, but he was only a distraction, just like you said, Edward. I hope you did find your distraction. I didn't want you to feel anything from my absence, except possibly happiness. Yet, at the same time, I hope you didn't. At least not for a little while.
But I'll go on. A few years after you left, I moved. I moved to the most remote and furthest place from where you could possibly think I'd be at. My logic was simple: I didn't want you to find me.
There were multiple reasons, but the main one was this. I didn't want to complicate your existence ever again. I hid my trail very well, probably better than any vampire. I didn't want you to come back to find me, nor did I want you to feel the guilt if something were to happen to me. So while I hid my trail from you, I also hid my trail from any other vampires with evil intentions.
I also did not think I would be enough for you. I was broken. I am still broken. I wasn't sure even you could fix me, so I didn't want you to try, only to have you fail.
So now that that is cleared up, I'll go on. I never did study after high school. I moved here before I could attend college. I wouldn't want to either.
And you don't have to worry, my Edward. I never did love again. My heart is still yours, even more than it was before. It belongs to you entirely. I never tried to replace you, so I never did. And I cannot say how happy that has made me.
Why would I be happy if I was still broken? Simple. You were the only love of my life. It meant that, even though I wasn't the only love of your life, or existence, you were mine. I had the most wonderful love that can exist on this earth, so I am happy. And grateful. So grateful that you gave me that year together.
I am not resentful toward you, Edward, not in the least. I know that I wasn't enough.
That brings me to something else. Do you remember, so long ago, when you told me that you were torn in two. Between my love and my blood. So much confusion. I've finally felt the same, Edward, I finally have.
I feel confusion between two things. One, I wish that you would be happy, that you would have moved on to better things, that you would find someone to live with you forever and beyond.
I also can't help but wish that I was enough. That I would be the one you were with forever and beyond. But like you eventually chose over my blood, I chose over this. It was like my choice to leave Forks, and you, forever.
Your happiness is worth more than mine, your life is worth more than mine. Your well being is worth more than mine. I will not lie to myself. You are better off without me, so you can heal if you were wounded, so you can hold your significant other like you couldn't hold me.
Oh, I think I've just told you my release, haven't I? I finally realized that your happiness makes me happy. While you can smile, I can.
My heart is broken, but it is yours. And I can be happy, even if it is broken, because you can be happy.
I'm going to die soon. In a few moments, my spirit will leave my body.
I can't help but wonder, if all those years ago, what would have happened if you were too late. If the venom turned me. I wondered if I would have held you longer. It would have been worth the transformation, and the eternity without you. Just to have you one moment longer, it would be worth it.
I don't mind if you resent ever meeting me, if you are laughing at me right now. I couldn't even care if you hated me at the moment. One thing I do care about. I don't want you to be guilty that you left me, nor do I want you to despair. You still caring about me a tiny shred isn't worth even one frown from any of you. My life was over the moment you left me, Edward, but yours isn't.
You have a life to live, for the rest of eternity. Caring about one silly human isn't sensible. Even if I can still feel my broken heart when I die, your happiness is worth more.
So Edward, go find another to love, if you haven't already. And if you have, tell her she's lucky. Tell her to be happy, not upset about me, if she cares. If she's there, tell her to have you smile crookedly for her, if you haven't already. Dazzle her, Edward. Show her how you sparkle. If you have, do it every chance you get. I can still see you doing that. Most of my memories have faded some. I wish my memories were as strong as a vampire's, but my human brain slowly let things fade. You were the last things I remembered, and the few precious memories that remain are of you. I didn't forget that I love you. I may have been the first one to see these things, but she will be the last. Unlike humans, vampire relationships are forever. It's funny how you were the one who forgot, and I was the one who let it last forever, but perhaps we had an opposite effect on each other. I'm not complaining though, just happy that I got to keep my love for my entire life.
I'm handwriting this, even though my hand is shaking. I want this to be personal, even if you couldn't care less. Even if you never read this. I hope you do, though.
I'm sorry if my tears are staining this paper. I still remember the day you wiped my tear away, when we sat on your piano. It's one of those fond memories.
So things are drawing to a close. The summer draws to a close today. Our relationship came to a close all those years ago. And my life is coming to a close as I pen these last words.
Be happy, all of you. I do want you to remember though. I love you. If God lets me become an angel, I'll always watch over you. I won't haunt you, and I'll go if you want me too. But if you do want me to, I'll always watch over you, because I'll always love you.
Bella Marie Swa-
The tearstained paper fell in swirls onto the bed. She never finished her last letter on the paper. He looked into her face again. Her heart had stopped beating. The last few traces of her warmth were fading. She had one lone tear on her face. He brushed it away.
He had finally found her, only to arrive precious moments too late. He never saw her alive again. She never saw him again. He arrived in time to see the paper blow out of her dead hands. He arrived in time to hear her last heartbeat echo through her body.
Eighty years of searching. He had gone back for her, eighty years ago, only to find she was gone. She had hid herself well. The rest of the family filed in. He walked closer over to her side, and held her small, limp hand. He finally choked out a sob when he felt the warmth leave her skin. This, more than anything, made it final. His angel was gone.
Her letter hurt his dead heart more than anything. He wanted her to be the one he held forever. He wanted to smile, dazzle, sparkle for her again. He wanted her again.
He had been so stupid. So stupid to think her love would die. So stupid to let her die thinking he didn't love her. Why hadn't he found her in time? Why?
Her face was still beautiful, even when she was dead. Despite the wrinkles, and the white hair. Her face hadn't changed much. It was still as pale as always. No paler from her death. She still smelled the same. Her beautiful eyes were closed forever, though.
She had a small smile on her red lips. Edward found himself smiling back through his sobs.
She had said she still loved him. She never did move on, neither did he. How wrong she was. He never had another. He never would. He wanted more than anything to be with her forever.
He felt a small and delicate hand on his shoulder while he sobbed. He turned. An angel stood behind him. But it wasn't his angel.
"Patience. She is coming now." The angel smiled and pointed to a window.
An angel with dark hair and deep brown eyes descended down through the window. She was no older than he in appearance. She had pale skin that blended with her white gown, and her lips formed his name.
She glided over to the other angel, and held her hand. She smiled and nodded to the angel before looking down at him.
The other angel let go, and walked to the window before slowly fading away.
She held his pale hand in hers. Her grip was sure and steady. No longer would she shatter under his strength. She pulled him to his feet, and smiled up at him.
His jaw was open, but she just led him to his shocked family. She looked the leader in the eyes, and he nodded.
So she took him out the window, and through the falling snow. They walked on clouds until they landed in front of a familiar house. They sat upon a piano bench with eighty two years of dust collecting on it. But they didn't mind.
As he began the first note of the lullaby, they began their eternity. Together.
So, tell me what you thought!
Yes, I cried a lot while writing this. But if you don't know, I have to end things with a happy ending. It's an affliction. So I guess you know for sure on Only Hope, if you didn't already. I'm not saying the same will happen, but it will be happy like this.
By the way, for the next chapter in Only Hope, I'm not posting it until I reach three thousand words, so only a little bit more, and it's going up!
A few things.
She was in a very cold place, that was why it was snowing in September.
And she appeared seventeen, because that was the best year of her life, and the year she officially stopped living.
So review and tell me what you thought (: