The Name Game

“Dora…”

“Remus, are you my mother?”

“I certainly hope not, otherwise we’ve broken a few laws by getting married...”

“In that case, don’t call me Dora!”

“What should I call you then?”

“I’ve told you since the day I met you to call me Tonks. Dora makes me sound like some old lady with lots of cats. T-O-N-K-S. Everyone else manages to remember it, I really have no idea why you can’t!”

“Because it’s not even part of your name anymore, and if I was to call you Tonks then people would start to call each other by completely random names all the time, and the world would dissolve into complete pandemonium and chaos. Trust me, it’s better off this way.”

"Call me Lupin then.”

“I can’t call you Lupin, that would be silly. I was Lupin thirty-seven years before you were, and people know me as Lupin. I’m an only child; I don’t share things. It’s simply not practical, dear.”

“Argh.”

“No, R-E-M-U-S.”