Summary: This chapter is an homage to 'Folie A Deux', an episode of 'The X-Files' written by Vince Gilligan.

Folie A Deux: A madness shared by two.

ThanX go out to my Beta Agent Extremis who has been AMAZING throughout this whole process.

Disclaimer: "Hiding in the light".

Previously on Ouroborus:

Even through her frequent concerned glances over at her sleeping companion, she managed to finish the book. As she closed the cover, she looked out the window and almost stopped breathing when she saw the Seattle skyline. It suddenly hit her like a strike of lightning! I'm back in Seattle! I'm back in the city that holds so many devastating memories and so much pain. Why am I even back here? Where am I going to stay? This is not happening. What have I done? I can't do this, I can't be here.

She's taken out of her inner conflict when she hears the overhead speaker. "Ladies and gentlemen, we are now in Seattle, Washington. We will be arriving at Tacoma International Airport in 10 minutes. Please fasten your seat belts and prepare for landing. Thank you and have a pleasant stay."

'Folie A Deux' by Agent Addek

Addison composed herself as much as she could. She didn't want to freak out, she needed to stay calm for Derek. She had made this choice, she had come to Seattle to help. Once she was sure he had gotten a clean bill of health from his doctor, she would go back to Los Angeles. She took a deep breath and leaned over to wake Derek.

"Derek?" she pushed on his arm a little. "Derek?" He slowly opened his eyes. As soon as they focused on Addison, he smiled. "I didn't want to wake you, but we are about to land in a few minutes."

"It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't keep you company during the flight, I was more tired than I thought." he said sleepily.

"Derek, it's understandable. You've been through quite an ordeal these past few days, don't worry about it. Besides, I was able to catch up on some reading." she said with a reassuring smile.

They made their way off of the plane and went to claim their baggage. Addison had made some arrangements to be picked up by a car service and when she noticed a driver holding the Montgomery-Shepherd sign, she waved him over. They got into the car and gave the driver the address for Derek's doctor.

"Addie, you didn't have to get a car, I could have called Mark to pick us up."

"Wait, who could pick us up?" she said, taken aback.

"Mark. Oh come on Addie, you haven't been gone that long." Derek said with a chuckle.

"I didn't know that you and Mark were speaking, let alone picking each other up from airports." She said dumbfounded.

"A lot has happened since you've been gone Addie, a lot a lot a lot." Derek said with a sigh.

"Yeah, I guess there has been."

She pondered what Derek had meant but didn't want to dive into that conversation now.

"This will be easier for now. Besides, I still have to rent a car later today."

"Addie, you don't have to rent a car, you can use my truck or I can drive you."

"Well, I'll worry about it later. Actually, what I need to do is call the hotel to make a reservation."

"What? Addison no! You can stay with me."

"Are you serious? No. There is no way I'm staying in that tin can."

"Oh come on Addie, it'll be fine, just like the old days." He flinched when he saw the expression on her face.

"I don't think I want to relive those days." She said with a hint of pain.

"I'm sorry Addie, I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to say it like that. It's just that regardless of all the bad times that we might have had there, we did have some pretty great times there too."

"Yeah we did...but I can't stay there Derek, I'm sorry." She turned away and looked out her window.

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence until the car came to a stop. "I think we're here." Addison stated.

"Yup, this is the place. So you sure he knows I'm coming in to see him?" Derek questioned.

"Yes, I called him and left him a message last night." Addison replied as they stepped out of the car and walked to the entrance of the building.

Addison went up to the reception area with Derek in tow. "Hello, I'm Addison Montgomery, I set a tentative appointment with Dr. Vaselenak for Derek Shepherd. I believe he's expecting us."

"Hmm...hold on one sec. Oh yes, he's expecting you. Go ahead and take a seat, he should be with you shortly." the receptionist replied.

They began to walk towards the chairs when the receptionist called out to them. "Ms. Montgomery, Dr. Shepherd, the doctor would like to see you now, right this way please." She lead them to Dr. Vaselenak's office. Derek walked in first with Addison close behind him.

"Dr. Vaselenak, thank you so much for seeing us today. Umm... this is Dr. Addison Montgomery, she was the one that left you the message." Derek stated. The doctor shook both of their hands and signaled for them to take a seat. "It's nice to meet you Dr. Montgomery."

"Likewise. I really appreciate you seeing Derek with such short notice. Was St. Ambrose able to fax you their file on Derek?" Addison asked.

"Yes they were. Derek, I've been going over it and I agree with Dr. Anderson, everything came back negative. However, I would still like to run some exams on you myself. I still can't explain why you were unconcious for so long, and that gives me some pause for concern. I'm going to send this request to your hospital, you can take the tests there."

"What kind of tests will you be requesting?" Addison asked with concern once again.

"The same ones he has taken before, except they will be a little bit more extensive." he answered. "In the meantime Derek, I really need you to take it easy. I would really rather you not go to work at least for a week. I also hope that you are doing what I had suggested you do to help diminish the episodes. Actually, I don't understand what happened? You had been making major progress with your therapist." At this Addison raised an inquiring eyebrow. "What happened in Los Angeles that caused this? Where you able to get a hold of Dr. Pete Wilder? He could have been of great help to you." Dr. Vaselenak questioned.

Addison was a bit stunned to say the least and she looked towards Derek for any type of reaction to this. 'He was there to see Pete. Derek didn't come to LA for me, he went to see Pete, and why wouldn't Pete tell me Derek was his patient?' A million questions were running through her mind. She had to wait to speak with Derek about it in private.

Derek looked at her and smiled nervously before responding to his doctor's questions. "I had a few surprises when I got to Los Angeles, events that I couldn't have predicted that might have caused me to over exert myself, but I am so glad they happened."

"Well Derek, you really have to be careful. Like I said before, panic attacks aren't dangerous but they can be very crippling if you don't keep them under control. You have the power to control them, you've already taken steps to do that, I just don't want you to regress. Whatever it is that you need to deal with, do it."

"I will, thank you doctor."

"Okay, I'm ordering the tests from Seattle Grace and they should be expecting you tomorrow morning. If you have any more incidents or questions, please don't hesitate to call me. It was a pleasure meeting you Dr. Montgomery." Dr. Vaselenak stood and extended his hand to theirs in parting before leading them out of his office.

Derek and Addison walked back to their waiting car, neither of them speaking. Derek finally broke the uncomfortable silence.

"William, could you please take us here?" Derek said as he handed the driver directions.

"Yes sir." the driver replied.

Addison remained quiet. She was turned away from Derek, glancing out the window, but she wasn't really focusing on anything. Derek wanted to break this sudden tension between them.

"Fifteen years together Addison, you must have seen the therapist coming." Derek joked in a mock serious tone.

He watched her for any reaction, he finally saw the smile he was looking for.

"Look Addie, I know you probably have a lot of questions and I will answer them all, but I just want to make a quick stop at the trailer and drop our stuff off and then have William drive us to a place that I want to show you."

"Derek, I already told you...I don't want to stay at the trailer with you. I..."

"I know Addie, and if after our talk you still want to stay at a hotel, then we will go back and pick up our bags and we can stay at a hotel."

She had caught the "we" part but decided not to pursue it yet. "Fine. Where are we going anyways?"

"A place that I think you will really love. There isn't much there right now, but there could be." Derek said with a wistful smile.

Addison stared at him curiously. She was about to ask him a question when her phone rang. Derek gave her an inquisitive stare.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Addison, I've been trying to reach you for the past 3 hours, you never called me with Derek's flight information."

"Richard? Oh I'm so sorry, it completely slipped my mind that I had called you to pick Derek up. We're actually already in Seattle, I had a car service pick us up. I'm really truly sorry that I forgot to call and tell you."

"Wait, I thought Derek was flying alone. You're here in Seattle with Derek?" He asked a little confused.

"Yes, I couldn't let him fly alone. I didn't want to risk him having another episode, so I thought it would be best if I flew with him. I'm just here for a few days Richard."

"So, you're telling me that my favorite Neo-natal surgeon is in town for a few days? Would said surgeon be interested in working with her favorite Chief of Surgery while she's here?" he asked unabashedly.

"Richard, I won't be here that long. Besides, I'm just here to make sure that Derek is okay." she explained.

Richard was quiet for a few moments. He knew that if he stayed quiet long enough, Addison would give in. She could never really deny him anything. He gained a triumphant smile when he heard her sigh.

"Fine, I'll come in for a day or two while I'm here, but I have to be back in Los Angeles by Monday morning."

"Great! I'll have your badge, keys, and office ready in a couple of hours." he said with undeniable excitement.

"You are seriously incorrigible. Derek and I should be by the hospital early tomorrow morning. See you then." She hung up the phone and then turned to Derek. "What?" she asked with humorous exasperation.

"Nothing, it's just that...never mind, I don't want my arm to be smacked again." he said jokingly.

"Derek, spit it out." she said half-seriously.

"Well Addie, what can I say? You can never turn Richard down and it's... Owwww! You see, that's why I didn't want to say anything. I thought you came to make sure I was okay, but now I'm convinced you just came down here to smack me around a little." he said with a huge chuckle as Addison went for his arm again. Derek caught her hand and stopped her.

They both burst out laughing. He looked at her and saw that recognizable glint in her eye. God...how he had missed her beautiful greenish-blue orbs, they always had the amazing power to make him lose his breath. Addison noticed the look that Derek was giving her. He seemed so happy, she hadn't seen this side of him in so long. The car came to a stop as they arrived at the port and the moment quickly dissipated. Addison instantly pulled her hand away and quickly turned. Derek was left missing the feel of her hand in his.

"Would you like to step out onto the ferry or would you prefer to stay in the car?" William asked.

"I think I'm gonna step out William. I ahh...need some fresh air."Addison said thoughtfully. Derek noticed the change in Addison's demeanor. Before she had seemed happy and light, now it seemed like she was carrying the weight of the world. 'What could have changed?' he wondered. Then the light bulb went on in his head, the ferry! They had never had the best moments on the ferry and they were mostly his fault. Who was he kidding, all the horrible memories in Seattle were his fault. He saw William step out of the car and go around to open Addison's door. She quickly bolted from the car, almost like she was trying to get as far away from Derek as possible. As soon as he saw her walk away, he stepped out as well and swiftly followed her.

Addison didn't have to look back to know that Derek was following her, she could feel him. She walked up to the top and quickly went to the spot where she had last stood almost 2 years ago. All the memories started to flood her mind.

Flash:

Addison is standing, staring out into the ocean. She turns around and sees Derek. He finally notices her and stops smiling. She waves at him but he just walks away. She turns back to the ocean, hurt and upset by Derek's indifference.

Flash:

Derek and Addison are on the ferryboat on Thanksgiving. She had thought about it the whole previous night, how she should broach the subject, she had to ask her husband to sleep with her, she missed him, and wanted to feel him again. Rip off the stitches she said, no anesthesia.

Flash:

Addison standing on the side of the ferry, staring at her rings. The rings that were supposed to bind her and Derek for life. The rings Derek had non-chalantly told her to remove with soap. The rings that were no longer symbols of eternal love. She looked at them once more before resigning herself. She knew she had to let him go, she had to move on. She couldn't think anymore, because if she did she would lose her courage. She mustered up all her inner strength and flicked them into the ocean.

All the memories hit her like a ton of bricks! It was almost too much for her to handle. She leaned on the railing and held on a little tighter. 'What was I thinking coming back here?'

"Addie?" Derek asked hesitantly as he approached her. "Are you okay?"

She couldn't conceal her inner turmoil. "I uhhhh...it's just that.. I shouldn't be here Derek. I shouldn't be back on this ferry, in this city, with you. I should have stayed in LA." she blurted out as she looked out into the ocean. Its endless abyss somehow always managed to soothe and calm her.

"Addison, I'm sorry. I know you don't have great memories of this city. I understand you not wanting to be here, but I really appreciate that you came here to make sure I was okay." He looked at her for any reaction, all he saw was her weary expression. "Come here, let's go sit down." he reached for her hand and led her to a bench. "Do you want to go home? I completely understand if you do." he held his breath.

Addison was quiet for a few moments contemplating his question. Part of her did want to go home, part of her just wanted to crawl into the comfort of her bed, be held by Pete's strong arms, feel safe and loved, and forget about the past few days. Then there was the other part of her that was glad that this happened. Well, not the part where Derek was admitted to the hospital, but the part where she got to see him, touch him, hold him, and talk to him again. She realized she hadn't answered him and noticed the worry on his face.

"No Derek, I don't want to go home, well at least not today." Addison said with a slight smile. "I want to make sure everything checks out with you first and then I can go home. It's just that.."she audibly sighed. "I was a little overwhelmed, but I'm okay now." she said unconvincingly.

Derek noticed this but decided not to push her, he knew they needed to talk. He had to tell her the truth. He had to apologize for the part he played in the demise of their marriage, and he needed to tell her how much he has missed her and how much he still loved her.

Addison decided to break the silence that had once again engulfed them. "So, can you at least tell me about you and Mark?" she asked.

"What have you heard?" he said teasingly.

Addison laughed a good hearty laugh. "You know what I mean. Are you back to being Derek and Mark?" she said with a hint of envy.

"We're working towards it everyday. I think we both realized that we can never go back to the way we used to be, but we also can't not be in each others lives. He's my brother, ya know?"

"Yeah, I do."

Addison noticed that they were getting closer to the port, so she stood up. Derek noticed it as well and followed. The ride to the trailer was again spent in silence. Addison didn't feel like talking and Derek didn't know what to say. William drove them up through the familiar drive way, which instantly brought back painful memories for Addison. She never thought it would be this hard. How can so much time have elapsed and still hurt the same? Whatever happened to time heals all wounds? Derek interrupted her pondering.

"Addie, I'm just gonna drop off our bags and grab a few things. You don't have to come in if you don't want to." Derek reassured.

"I'll stay in the car, don't take long." she simply stated. Derek nodded in understanding and stepped out of the car. William came around to help him unload the bags and carry them in.

Derek entered his trailer and instructed William to leave the bags by the bed. He opened drawer after drawer, he couldn't remember where he had left the blue prints. He rummaged through a few more until he found them. He moved on to his next mission. Pictures, he wanted to show her that she had not been forgotten. Even though she hadn't physically been here, he thought of her often. He opened the last drawer and pulled out the wooden box where he kept his treasured photos of them. Some of their happiest moments that were captured on film...these had kept him sane the past few months. He had longingly gazed at them so much that the edges were starting to fray. He gathered a few more things and then went back out to the car.

"Derek, where are we going?" Addison said as she noticed that Derek was loaded down with various items.

"Some place I wanna show you, it's not too far from here Addie." He explained as he leaned over the seat to point out the dirt road that led to the land he bought. Addison watched him curiously but decided to wait until they arrived at wherever they were going.

The car came to a stop at the end of a clearing. Addison noticed the open space and the amazing view of the Seattle skyline. William exited the car and came around Addison's side to open her door. She stepped out and inhaled deeply. That was one major difference between Seattle and Los Angeles, the fresh crisp air.

"William, go ahead and go for a drive okay?, we need a couple of hours. Do you have a card on you so I can give you a call when we're done here?"

The driver handed Derek his card and stepped back into the car. Addison stood watching the car disappear down the road. "Derek, what's going on? Why are we here?"

"Come with me Addie." Derek instructed as he held out his hand to her. He guided her closer to the cliff drop and pulled out a blanket which he then set on the grass. He then rummaged through the picnic basket and offered her some yogurt, muffins, and orange juice. Addison gave him a curious glance. "I really didn't have a lot of edible food in my fridge, so I brought what was still good." he said sheepishly. "I figured you'd be a bit hungry."

Addison smiled at his thoughtfulness. He hadn't ceased to amaze her in the past few days. She readily accepted a yogurt from him and eased herself down onto the blanket. "So...?" she trailed off.

Where to begin, thought Derek. There was so much that he wanted to tell her but he didn't know how to start. The beginning always seemed to be the right place. He took a deep breath and gathered his courage.

"Addie, so much has happened since you've been gone, I honestly don't know where to begin. I will tell you why we're here, but I need to tell you what led me to this very moment." He looked up to gage her reaction, she nodded for him to continue. "I don't remember when we started to unravel...when I think back now I feel like it was a slow progression, but I want you to know that I never set out to push you away..." he was suddenly interrupted by Addison.

"Derek, we don't need to go there. I mean, I appreciate that you want to give this...us closure but it's okay, it's in the past."

"That's just it Addie, it's not. It never was. No matter how much I tried to convince you, me, and everyone else for that matter, the past always played a part in our present. It even plays a part in this very moment. I need to tell you how sorry I truly am for the part I played in the demise of our marriage." He paused trying to collect his thoughts. Addison had been stunned into silence, she didn't know if she wanted to hear what he had to say, but she was more afraid of not hearing it.

"A little over a year and half ago, I started having panic attacks. At first I ignored them because I thought they were only occurring because of lack of sleep. They only happened a few times so I didn't give them much attention. Then they became more frequent, to the point where I was actually afraid for my health. At the time, I didn't know what was happening to me. Dr. Vaselenak diagnosed me and told me in so many words, that I was probably suffering from them because of stress, lack of sleep, or more times than not, because of unresolved issues. The funny thing is, that when he said that, I thought it was completely bogus. I thought I had everything that I wanted. You had moved on, I was working towards some sort of relationship with Meredith, and I had even made plans to build us a house in this very spot..."

At this comment Addison flinched. "...and I had started to mend my friendship with Mark." Derek reached for the glasses, poured some juice in each, and then handed one to Addison. She reluctantly took it, still startled by his revelation. The thought of Derek and Meredith building a home together shouldn't affect her this much, but it did. She took a sip and waited for him to continue.

"After I was diagnosed, I decided to take a trip with Mark. This is where I had my epiphany, or where Mark actually knocked some sense into me." he said with a slight chuckle. "He made me realize things that I had been in denial about, things that hit me like a ton of bricks. Addison, I realized that the main reason I was having these episodes was because I kept denying what I truly felt, what I truly wanted, what I needed...all that time I only needed one thing..." He paused again, looked up and stared into her eyes. She needed to see the truth in his eyes. "I needed you Addie, I needed you."

Addison took a quick breath intake, her heart started pounding quickly. She didn't know what to say, what to do? What was he saying. "Derek ,what are you saying?" she asked hesitantly.

"Addison, what I came to understand is, that everything that I did in Seattle was because of you. I was in so much pain, I wanted to hurt you back, I needed to numb it, that's when I met Meredith. I don't deny that I care about her but I was never in love with her. I thought I was, I honestly wanted to be, I needed to be in love with her to hurt you. It didn't work though, because every time I hurt you I was hurting myself. I had to constantly remind myself that you cheated on me with my best friend, my brother, the man who stood next to me when I married the love of my life." He stopped, he noticed the tears welling up in her eyes. A lone tear fell down her face, he reached up and wiped it away with his thumb. "Addie don't cry, I don't blame you for what you did, I'm mostly to blame for that. You made a mistake, but I forgive you Addison, I forgive you."

She leaned into his hand, she couldn't speak. If she spoke the emotions that had been boiling up inside her would spill over and she didn't want to breakdown. He caressed her cheek a bit longer and then continued.

"You tried so hard to make us work again when you were here and all I did was pine away for another woman, a woman that I led you to believe I was in love with. Addison, how could I have been so cruel?! How could I have tried to intentionally hurt you over and over again?" Derek put his hand through his hair, still horrified and consumed by his past actions. "When I asked you to leave, I thought I would be able to move on and finally be happy, be with the women that I thought I loved, how wrong was I I had had the woman that I truly loved and I let her go, I had pushed her away. You were all I could think about after you left, which infuriated me to no end. I didn't want to think about you, I didn't want to miss you, and I certainly didn't want to feel that love that I had been so successful of pushing away. Luckily, my heart wasn't having any of it.!" He stood up and began pacing, Addison just watched him. "Even though you weren't here, you've never been out of my mind." He reached for the wooden box that held some of their pictures. "These kept me going after you left. Even when I was trying my hardest to deny what I felt for you, I would still pull these out and stare at them for hours. I was trying to relive those days in my mind, the days when we were at our happiest." Addison looked at the many pictures Derek had kept and a slow smile crept across her face when she saw their wedding picture. She couldn't believe that he had kept a copy as well.

"I can't believe you still have all of these. When I forgot to bring them with me to LA, I thought for sure you would have gotten rid of them." she said softly as she looked through the photos.

"I couldn't part with them Addie. Even when I thought I hated you, even when I was moving on, I just couldn't bring myself to part with them. I'm so sorry Addie, for everything. I should have let you in. I should have told you about the demons that I was trying to fight. I should have let you help me through them before everything got so out of hand. I was too stubborn, too proud, but look where that got me." a strangled laugh escaped him.

He paused for a few moments to collect his thoughts. He had to tell her about his father, all of this had started with him. "I went through a lot with my father, that is why I never liked to talk about him and why I refused to have a relationship with him. He did quite a number on us, on me especially, enough for it to be a big part in my therapy." Derek took another sip of his juice. "Yeah, I'm in therapy. After I went to see Dr. Vaselenak, he recommended that I see one, he also ahh.." He looked away from her, "...he recommended that I go to a Holistic doctor, that's how I heard about Dr. Wilder." As he finished, he risked a look over towards Addison who was just staring at him with her mouth slightly open.

"So you didn't come to LA to look for me?" the question was out of her mouth before she realized it. She blushed when she saw the slight smirk on Derek's face.

"I didn't go to LA to look for you Addie because I didn't know you were there. If I had known, I would have been there a long time ago, believe me. I had been trying to find out where you were living for several months, but no one would tell me anything, not even my mother."

Addison smiled at the mentioning of his mother. Mom had always taken her side. It's not that she didn't love her son, it's that she knew how much Addison loved him, and how hard she had tried to make it work.

"But you know what, I'm glad that they didn't tell me, because I got to work on myself before I found you. I had so much to do for myself and for you. I'm attending AA meetings." He saw her questioning face. "I had a problem Addie, a problem that I chose to ignore, but not anymore." he simply stated.

"I had to work on that and so much more so that I wouldn't become him. My father was an abusive man, he beat my mother. He never beat me or my sisters, but he might as well have because the damage was still done." He snuck a glance towards Addison again, she gave a sympathetic look. "When I got older, I swore that I would never be like him. That I would never hurt the ones that I loved, but things don't always turn out the way that you want them to." He walked back towards her and sat down again. "When I starting stressing out at work, I started having the urge to drink to help me relax. Then I began noticing a pattern, a pattern that was all too familiar to me. When my father was stressed at work, which was everyday, he would drink, which in turn turned him into an alcoholic. So when I felt I was doing the same, I began to push you away, I didn't want to risk hurting you. Stupid huh?"

Addison couldn't believe the things that Derek had been trying to deal with on his own all of this time. If only he had just allowed her to help him cope. If only she would have known, things could have turned out so differently. She couldn't control her frustration and anger any longer. The words exploded out of her. "Derek! What the hell where you thinking?! Keeping something like this from me for so long! I could have helped you! Why didn't you just let me help you?!" She stood up and started pacing. "Do you realize that everything could have been prevented?! Do you know that if you had just let me in, Mark and I would have never happened?!, nor you and Meredith!, or our divorce!! Shit Derek!, what were you thinking?! How could you not think that I would help you? How could you not trust me?! I loved you, I would have stood by you, no matter what. I would have done anything for you! Why Derek? Why?" she turned to look at him,challenging him to give her an explanation.

"Addie, I didn't want you anywhere near me! Don't you understand? At that time I was so terrified of what I might do, I didn't want to expose you to the darkness from my past. I didn't want you to be alone either, so I sent Mark in my place. I trusted him to take care of you, make you laugh, and keep you happy. I never imagined that I was setting both of you up." He got up and walked over to her.

"I know he fell in love with you Addie, he told me, and you know what? I can't blame him. You are an amazing woman Addison. You're beautiful, smart, funny, sophisticated, compassionate, you're a brilliant surgeon, and a wonderful wife. I should have never let you think that you were anything less than all those things. I stopped seeing you, all I saw was my own pain and I pushed you away." Derek couldn't hold his emotions anymore, tears were now streaming down his face, he had held back for too long. Addison didn't even think twice as she leaned forward and took him in her arms, he sobbed on her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry Addie, I'm so sorry. I pushed and pushed until you actually left and all I really needed this whole time was you. I love you so much, how could I have let you go? I've missed you so much." Addison just held on to him, her mind was reeling, her heart was beating rapidly. She found herself crying with him, crying for him, for her, for them. She hadn't expected Derek to tell her what he did, and she didn't expect the happiness that overtook her body when he said those three words she had been wanting to hear for so long.

"Derek, shh...you have to calm down Derek. Please I don't want you to have another episode. Shhhhh...shhh..." she soothingly whispered as she rubbed circles on his back. Derek just held on tighter. He didn't want to let her go, he was putting everything on the line for her this time. She led them back towards the blanket and they both eased down onto it.

"I made so many mistakes, I don't know if you can ever forgive me for all of them" he sobbed as he loosened his arms around her. "Walking away from you in New York, sleeping with Meredith, but one of the biggest mistakes was forcing myself on you that night." He said with palpable pain. Addison was caught off guard by his mention of that night so many years ago. She hadn't talked about it since that night with Mark.

"No! It wasn't like that, I told you. You may have been a bit rough when you came to me that night, but we still made love. You still loved me that night." She lifted his face up to meet her gaze. "You didn't hurt me Derek, you loved me. Even in your drunken haze, you still loved me. So don't ever think about that night again, do you hear me?"

"How could I not? I remember holding you one night and you were having nightmares about it. I scared you Addison, I was responsible for you screaming in your sleep in the middle of the night." Derek turned away from her with a look of sheer self-disgust.

"Derek, look at me." He turned back to look at her, his eyes pleading for forgiveness. "Derek, it wasn't about that. Do you want to know what caused me to have so many nightmares?" he nodded. "It was the worry of you leaving me Derek. You had been so distant for months and then everything was great and perfect again, but I always had that fear that you would leave me." Addison said with a slight tremble in her voice, he reached out to touch her face again.

"Oh Addie, what the hell did I do to us?"

"Derek, it wasn't just you, I played a part in it to, I..."

"No Addie, this started with me and ended with me. I was the one who couldn't forgive my father, I was the one who couldn't let my past go, I was the one who left you alone, I became indifferent. It was me."

"Derek, I understand that you had a lot to do with it, but you didn't dig that hole alone, and I won't let you take all the blame for it. We both did so much damage, but that's in the past now Derek, we can move on with our lives."

"That's just it Addie, I can't move on with my life without you."

"Derek, I'm with Pete, I can't..."

"Please let me finish?" he begged. She motioned for him to continue.

"Addison, I ended things with Meredith after my talk with Mark. I told her the truth, that even after everything that happened, I really chose you. It was always meant to be you, but I was just too stubborn to accept it, and this land, these blue prints..." he reached for the blue prints and unrolled them for Addie to see "...were all made with you in mind. Look at the bay windows, the big porch, the walk-in closet, the his and hers bathrooms with the big round bathtub in the middle connecting them. I designed it with us in mind, with our dreams. Five bedrooms, our master bedroom, two offices, and the children's bedrooms, one boy-one girl in that order, so he could look out for her." He took a deep breath. "Look, I know you're in a relationship with Pete, and I have no right to ask you this, but I have to. If I don't, I will regret it for the rest of my life, and I already have so many regrets when it comes to you, to us. Addison is there any way that you would be willing to give me another chance to make this right? Would you give me the opportunity to love you the way I should have been loving you all along? Please tell me it's not too late? Please tell me that you still love me as much as I love you? Please?" he begged.

Addison couldn't hold back the sob that had been threatening to come out. She put her hand over her mouth to try and stifle it but to no avail. It was all too much, he was saying all the right things, but she just couldn't believe him, she didn't want to believe it. "Derek, I can't do this, so much has happened, as much as it pains me...I don't...I don't believe you."

"You have to be willing to believe me." Derek implored.

"I wish it were that simple Derek."

"Addie, you have to believe me. Nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will. You're my one in seven billion." They looked at each other for several moments, neither breaking eye contact. He reached out and found her hand, they laced their fingers together. Both reveling in the moment. It seemed as if time itself was standing still, allowing them their solitude.

A sudden noise startled them. They turned in unison towards the road where they could hear a car approaching. Addison let go of his hand and quickly got up. Derek cursed under his breath when he noted it was their driver.

"Will you come back to the trailer with me?" Derek asked her hesitantly.

"I can't Derek, I need to think, I need some time alone. I just want to get my things from your place and find somewhere to stay."

"I'll come..."

"No Derek, I really need to be alone. I won't be able to think with you there. Please understand." she pleaded

"Okay, but promise that you'll call to let me know that you're okay. If you need anything, please call me. Okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I will." she gave him a slight smile. She was still a little stunned by all of Derek's confessions. She was practically glued to her spot. Derek took notice of this and reached for her, then led her to their waiting car.

As soon as they arrived at his trailer, he exited the car and turned to face her, silently begging her to change her mind. She turned away. He hurried into his trailer and grabbed her bags. William was waiting with the trunk open, Derek handed him the bags and let him adjust them. He walked over to Addison's window, "Addison, I just wanted to tell you that I love you with all my heart, but I understand if you can't forgive me. I understand if you don't want to give me another chance." He leaned in through the window, hesitated for a second before giving her a kiss. It was slow and sweet, he desperately wanted to savor this kiss if it was going to be their last. Addison was a bit caught off guard but slowly opened her mouth and instinctively reciprocated. They continued to kiss passionately for a few moments before she broke off the kiss. "I'll call you when I get settled." she whispered.

He stepped back and watched her go. He stood in the middle of the road and watched the car disappear into the forrest of trees. Then an overwhelming feeling came over him. It was so strong that it buckled his knees, and he barely made it back to the stairs to sit down. He felt a tremendous ache in his heart. He had finally been able to tell her everything but maybe it was too late. He let out a strangled cry and held his hand to his heart. Lightning erupted and the rain began to pour down in sheets. Derek didn't move, nothing mattered without her.

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