Iniquity

Chapter 2: Acrimoniously Acrid

“Um… Master Hand?”

Yoshi waited outside the floating monstrosity’s office.

“Master Hand!?”

The door suddenly swung open, slamming into his face.

Lucas came out of the door, picking his shiny, already clean teeth with a toothpick.

“Fine, I’ll let you live next to the TV. But next time it explodes, don’t come running to me!” the Hand screamed furiously.

“Don’t worry, pal! I stole some of your money and gave it to some technicians from Dreamland!” Lucas said, smiling.

An explosion was heard.

The boy closed the door, only to notice Yoshi, knocked unconscious.

“Oh no! Yoshi’s been hurt!” Lucas said, in utter disbelief.

Everyone gasped.

Peach ran towards Yoshi crying, knocking Lucas out of the way.

“My dear little dinosaur, DEAD!” Peach screamed, leaning over the dinosaur’s body. “I always loved him!”

“Uh… Peach, did I fail to point out that Yoshi is still alive, just knocked out?” the psychic said, standing up.

“Oh. RUN AWAY!”

Peach jumped out the nearest window, falling in to a rose bush.

“If any of you are looking for me, I’ll be at the morgue!” Lucas said, carrying the green dinosaur away.

“But he’ll surely die! Look at those gashes and wounds!” Young Link gasped, oblivious to the fact that Yoshi only had a bruise on his forehead.

“Would I ever let that happen?”

Lucas smiled at everyone, and his teeth glistened in the light.

“Oooh,” Samus and Zelda said in unison.

Everyone chuckled.

“So long, folks! Remember, tomorrow’s the funeral!”

Everyone cheered.

Lucas dragged the dinosaur away.

He paced back and forth across the garden.

“I know! I’ll go into the Smash Mansion and kill Lucas, save Yoshi, and conquer everything!” Ness said, in triumph of his plan. “And I’ll have to do it silently, with stealth.”

He looked through a window, and saw Yoshi being dragged away by Lucas.

“AAAAAGH!” Ness screamed. “YOSHI’S BEING DRAGGED AWAY BY LUCAS!”

Lucas walked to the window.

“So, Ness, you have decided to return!” Lucas smirked.

“Why yes, I have! I’m here to take back my rightful position!” Ness exclaimed, banging his fist on the window sill.

Lucas chuckled. “Ness, face it! You suck! No one likes you. They all love me!”

“Oh no they don’t!”

“But they do.”

“No they don’t.”

“They do.”

“Prove it!”

Samus walked by.

“Hey, you know how much I hate Ness and how much I love you?”

Lucas handed Samus a sum of money.

“NOOO!” Ness screamed. “But let Yoshi go! What did he ever do to you?”

“He’s interfering with my plans!”

“What plans?”

“Uh…”

Lucas ran as fast as he could, dragging the green omnivore behind him.

“Now to get inside!”

Ness laughed evilly.

The psychic slowly sneaked southward so he could carry his conquering convolution.

“I shall enter my room! No one will ever suspect me to go there! AHAHAHA!”

Ness, using his psychic ability, floated up towards his room and climbed through the coincidentally open window.

“Ness? Is that you?”

The boy turned to suddenly see Nana.

“Nana?”

“Oh, Ness, I’ve been missing you so much! I pleaded them to let you go but… I’m so glad you’re here!”

Nana kissed Ness.

“You… you just kissed me!” Ness said, dumbstruck.

“All girls would kill for a guy like you!”

Ness’ friend, Popo, fell out of the nearest closet with a knife in his back.

“Ah… um… er…”

“What’s wrong?”

“Heck, you just killed Popo! My friend!”

“Only because he got in the way!”

“But, but… Nana, I have to tell you something. I can’t stay with you. Until I get my place back at the Mansion. You see, Lucas is trying to ruin our lives here! I can’t let that happen. I… I…”

“Don’t worry, I understand. Ness, I love you.”

“Um… right!”

Minuscule fractions of a second passed, when someone spoke.

“But… Nana! I thought that you liked me!”

The two turned to see Young Link.

“NUUUEZ!” Ness screamed. He zapped Young Link with his psychic energy.

“You just killed Young Link!” Nana screamed, hyper-ventilating.

“Why did you even kiss me in the first place? That was so… random, and uncalled for.”

“True!” Nana said, in a matter-of-fact voice.

She stabbed Ness. In the heart.

“Thank goodness it was all a dream!”

It wasn’t.

Ness looked around and saw Yoshi, reading a book.

“Hey there Yoshi!” Ness said.

“Hey there Ness!”

“Let’s go kill Lucas!”

“Ness?” Yoshi said, gulping. “I signed a contract to only be able to kill one person a day. It’s for my stress and anger management!”

“What!?”

Ness was about to shoot his magical PK Fire at Yoshi, when some Koopas came in, with a tray filled with lots of doctor-like stuff. Like defibrillators.

“What are those for?” Ness asked.

“Slowly killing you!” one of the Koopas replied.

“I can’t let you do that! He’s my friend!” Yoshi said.

“It needs to be done. Apparently, he has been getting in the way of Master Hand.”

Yoshi grabbed a mallet and whacked a Koopa into Zelda’s face.

“Yoshi! It needs to be done! I did nothing!” one of the Koopas screamed.

Yoshi’s tongue shot into the Koopa, and swallowed it.

“Go Yoshi!”

Suddenly, a Hammer Bros. SWAT team came in through the roof.

“Stop right there, dinosaur!” one of them said.

Yoshi grabbed a nearby katana and stabbed one of the Koopas, and then threw another into the SWAT team.
The SWAT team started to throw bananas at Yoshi, which he sliced. Menacingly.

Ness suddenly electrocuted everyone in the room except the green omnivore.

“Phew! That was close!” he said.

“Yeah! We almost blew our cover as people trying to kill Lucas!” Ness said, unnecessarily loudly.

“Ness?”

“Those suckers will never find out!” he exclaimed, even louder than the last time.

“Ness?”

“What?”

“Try not to be so loud.”

“Okay.”

An angry mob formed outside the room.