Selected Journal Entries, Azmaria Hendric, 1931 to 1941

Saturday, February 14, 1931

Dear Chrono and Rosette,

I've been wondering what Joshua's doctor might make of the way I always begin these journal entries. I always address them to one or the both of you, as if I were really writing a letter, as if I might recieve one from you in return.

When I write in this journal, I tell you both all that has gone on in my life, you are both the first to hear of my adventures and my transgressions, my successes and mistakes. (Truthfully, I make my confessions to you more readily than to the priest--you're certainly more forgiving than the stern Father Michael--and I say that remembering the times Rosette rapped me on the head for some foolishness on my part!)

I hope you can forgive me for what I must tell you now.

I know that I promised Rosette at her funeral that I would look after Joshua. I promised you both that I would be his friend, and that I would visit him. I promised all of these things, yet I never visited him until very recently. I kept telling myself I would go and see him, but I was afraid of what I would see. All I knew about Joshua was what Mary, Clare, and Anna had told me, what you and Chrono told me, and that horrible, terrifying battle between him and Chrono. I cannot say that I was afraid of him, but I could not bring myself to go see him.

It was Sister Kate who finally ordered me to go see Joshua. She told me I needed to face what had happened, and that the best place to start was by going to see Joshua. I tried to argue with her, but Sister Kate was determined, and I eventually relented. Truthfully, I didn't know what to expect. The reports from Mary and Clare were that Joshua was...slow. Slow and very childish. Unworldly.

The Joshua I met was nothing like that. I'm not sure how I can describe him to you, not in a way that makes any sense. Thoughtful should go with quiet and reserved, but Joshua is cheerful and exuberent. Gentle should go with unworldly, but Joshua is forthright and surprisingly assertive. He has moments when he'll lose a train of thought, or he'll call someone by the wrong name, but he always corrects himself.

I don't know how much he remembers (Ewan says nothing, but I have my doubts) but he did recognize me, after a fashion--he had seen me in the infirmary while he had been recuperating from the battle. He has so many questions, but he seems reluctant to ask them when Ewan is in the room. There seems to be some strain between them, though I don't know what might have been the cause.

I promise to do better, as always,

Love,

Azmaria

April, Wednesday 12, 1933

Dear Chrono,

Joshua finally let me see the first episode of the story he and his friend Fred have been working on. I wasn't quite sure what to expect. He's been very shy about showing people his work since overhearing Clare being "soppy and condescending" (his own words--and I agree with him!) about it.

It was startling and sad of course, to see your face in his drawings and strangely dissonant because the story wasn't about you, not really. There are events in the story that are definitely memories, but the rest of the story is entirely Joshua's. I cried, reading those first eight pages, because it was almost exactly the same story you and Rosette told me, about how you three first met.

Joshua said something about how that wasn't exactly the effect he was going for, and I sort of laughed. "I'm sorry Joshua," I said to him. "It--it just reminded me of a story a friend of mine once told me."

His face fell. "You mean I might have heard this story from somewhere else?" He asked, sounding very disappointed. "Did I know this person before I was sick? I must have, if I heard the story, do you think I could meet him or her? I don't want to steal their story from them."

I wanted to tell him everything, right then. I couldn't, because Ewan and Kate didn't want to "upset" him with even a watered down version of the truth. "My friend died a few years ago. I don't think he'd mind if your story was based off of his," I said quietly. "I think he'd feel proud that you wanted to use it."

"Did I know him?" Joshua repeated.

I didn't know what else to say. I nodded. "Yes. You knew him." And because I knew he wouldn't let me get away with not giving a name, I said, "his name was Chrono."

Joshua asked questions about Chrono, about his name, where he was from, how I knew him. I gave as little information as I could, hiding behind the grief I felt while talking about you. I really did want to tell him everything. Some day soon I will, and damn the consequences. It isn't fair to your memory or to Joshua to keep him in the dark.

I promise to do better, as always,

Love,

Azmaria

September, Monday 10, 1934

Dear Chrono and Rosette,

The relationship between Ewan and Joshua is growing more and more strained, and I have no idea of what to do about it, or if I should do anything.

Azmaria

May, Tuesday 4, 1936

Ewan has disappeared.

November, Friday 28, 1941

Dear Chrono and Rosette,

You will never believe what Joshua has done. Or maybe you will, because he has created a new "super-hero." Her name is "Nightingale" and she heals people by singing. On the rare occasions when she fights she uses tranquilizer darts and "an Ancient South American Martial Art." (It's capoeira, which I had seen while in Brazil, and told him about.) He says that he based her off of me, and I really don't know whether to be flattered or embarrassed.

He presented me with a copy of Virtue, where she makes her first appearance, healing a police man shot during a robbery. She looks nothing like me, having black hair and green eyes. If she looks like anyone, I would say she looks like Raizel, his wife.

Joshua has done so well for himself, I know you'd both be very proud of him. Joshua's comic book company has three titles now, including the original magazine they started with, which is still running The Astral Line. Raizel and Joshua have a son now, an adorable little boy named Benjamin. I wish you could both be here to see him.

I promise to do better, as always,

Love,

Azmaria

AN: Capoeira is a form of martial arts fought or performed to music. It developed in Brazil and has strong African influences. It was mostly illegal or at least discouraged in its origin country until the forties or fifties, and didn't start spreading to the US until the nineties or so. No, I have no idea of what Az was doing watching a semi-illegal sport.

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