July 22, 1978

She yawned and rolled over, facing him. Across the room, Elwood looked up from his paper, as she purred his name. It made him uncomfortable to hear it, but he curled his lips up slightly in a smile, anyway. Even though he wore dark glasses in a dimly lit room, he still tried not to make too much eye contact. He looked down at the pad of paper again.

The name of the hotel on top of the paper would be the perfect touch, he thought.

“Elwood?” she asked, concerned by his disinterest.

“What the hell is her name?” he thought. He wasn’t even sure if she ever told him. He knew he never asked. Damn. It must have been on her badge, on her uniform. He smiled again, awkwardly, and waved to her.

She was a pretty good substitute, he figured. About the same height, weight, and age. The hair was a bit different - at least as far as he could tell from the photos she had been sending. It was probably about the right color, but the style was all wrong. But it was more than that, of course.

He wondered if she liked music. Did she play any instrument at all? From her voice, maybe she could sing. He wondered whether or not she could. He wondered if she knew Latin. He wondered what the hell her name was.

“Is everything ok, Elwood?” She sat up and pulled the sheets up to cover her naked body, feigning modesty. She looked at him, sympathetically. He had been silent most of the night, and she was still trying to figure out whether that was just his style, or if there was something else behind it.

“Yeeah-up.”

Years ago he learned that a small smile or a bashful wave worked wonders for him when it came to the ladies. Jake was upfront, and yet still as smooth as silk. But Elwood was just too awkward for that. He tried it, but he just never got it right. And Jake was always amazed, though, that even in his clumsy way, Elwood’s pitiful attempts to act like a real Ladies Man always made him even more endearing with the ladies.

Elwood was a bit shy and introverted. Or perhaps it was that he was calm and collected. Either way, it seemed to work to his advantage. There were times when it attracted all girls who were just as shy and introverted as he appeared to be. Then, by the time either one got up the nerve to say the first word, one of them had moved on.

But then there were the times when some chick just threw herself at him.

“I’m glad we did this,” she said, after watching him scribble a few carefully thought out words.

“Me too.” He didn’t seem to be all that interested, as he continued thinking about the words to write. As an afterthought, he simply asked “Are you ok?”

She replied with a sweet smile and a nod. “Are you ok?”

Elwood just shrugged, then retracted that with a smile, and a few words about the night being wonderful. He raised his eyebrows, and like a little kid, made a goofy grin and rocked his head side to side, trying to be convincing about just how happy he was. She smiled, but he wasn’t sure why. It may have just been his failed efforts of persuasion. He waved, then blew her an equally goofy kiss. She laughed. Satisfied, he looked at his paper again.

“What are you writing?” She knew the answer, but asked anyway, in a sympathetic voice. “You’re writing her, aren’t you?”

“Nope.” She didn’t need to know. He pursed his lips, drew his eyebrows together, and shook his head, as if it were a silly question.

“Who then?”

“It’s to my brother.”

“You write letters to your brother?” she asked incredulously. He nodded. “You don’t seem the type.”

He looked at her again. A few minutes ago, she vaguely reminded him of someone he once cared for. Now, he was looking at a complete stranger.

“He’s in the joint. Letters keep him going. I’m all he’s got.” He shrugged, then looked down at the pad of paper again.

Finally, he asked her another question.

“You gonna need a ride home, babe?” The nickname was generic, and the words held no real meaning or evidence for real concern, except for how to he'd make his exit quick and painless.

Frustrated, she sighed deeply and pulled the sheets down, bearing her naked torso. She ran her hands down her naked body, but he wasn’t even paying attention. She tried another tactic.

“Don’t tell me you want to go home already,” she whispered, coyly. She rolled over again, this time to lay on her stomach, with her back exposed. Calculated and calm, she smiled and looked back over her shoulder at him. “Don’t you want some more?”

At the airport, he was starving for a woman. Not merely hungry for a woman. He had been starving. But now he had lost all taste for it. He could probably go another round or two, but it almost felt redundant. He did what had to be done.

“Why don’t you take a shower, babe.”

She rolled over quickly and sat up, again pulling the sheets up.

“Elwood? Didn’t you like it?” she asked, with a genuinely hurt look. “Don’t you like... me?”

Elwood put down the little pad of paper, realizing he was being a little too obvious, and walked over to the bed.

“Well, sure! Sure, sweetheart! You’re...you’re amazing...!” He sat on the edge of the mattress, reaching out to touch her bare shoulder. He smiled, reassuring her as he caressed her arm, followed by a soft hand brush across her cheek. “But I gotta get to work soon. It’s getting really late.”

She found his hand and held it in her own, pulling it up and pressing it against her cheek as she closed her eyes and smiled.

“Elwood, no. It’s early.” She let the sheets slide off her body as she reached over to touch his chin. She pulled him in closely, and brushed his lips with her own.

It was supposed to be a night full of passionate love making. No shyness, and no awkward fumbling. He had no generic pet names planned out, in case he forgot her name. In fact, there was nothing that Josephine told him that he didn’t remember. He’d read and reread all the letters she wrote to him, in all anticipation of that one night.

It was supposed to be the first night of a new beginning.

Instead it wound up being a night that opened in heartbreak, then ended in a vengeful fuck with some complete stranger.

He tried to be kind and gentle, but he couldn’t. Instead, he was urgent, and at times, even a bit rough. Certainly, it was passionate, even if there was passion for all the wrong reasons. He did throw her down on the bed, as he had imagined he’d do with Josephine, but this time it was different. This time he just needed to be in control. In control of something. Of anything. He was a bit surprised at himself. It was uncharacteristic of him, really. But she seemed to like it anyway.

Still he felt a bit guilty. He wondered if the Penguin knew where he was, and what he had just done. Maybe she was behind the door, waiting quietly for her moment to strike.

No. It was not the night of love he had imagined. Instead, it was a night ended by the ultimate sympathy fuck.

-

Getting stood up was worthy a sympathy fuck, if he remembered Jake’s Sympathy Fuck Meter correctly. Getting stood up at the airport? That was worth a really good fuck. Getting stood up at the airport by a women who’d rather stay in some god forsaken country without plumbing, rather than come meet you? Now, that was a new one for the list.

Getting stood up by the only woman he thought he ever really loved? That made this the Crown Jewels of Sympathy Fucks. And tonight, Elwood was the King.

“You idiot! Never pass up the opportunity for a free roll!” Jake once told Elwood, way back in the summer of 1968. Jake was always Elwood’s primary source of advice on women, sex, and getting away with the things he shouldn’t be doing in the first place. Elwood was usually a really good student in Jake’s class - Life 101. But when it came to women, they usually had some different views.

“Even if she’s a dog?”

“That’s what you got paper bags for,” Jake replied, without missing a beat. He made a motion of putting it over someone’s head. Elwood smirked at the thought.

“Or bend her over. Back of the head? They all look the same.”

Leave it to Jake to make the situation better, somehow. He’d just blown his first real shot at being with a girl. Cute thing, too. Still, somehow, he didn’t want to take advantage of the situation.

“Man! She was all over you, Elwood!”

“It didn’t seem... right. You know?”

“No!” Jake snapped back, annoyed. “I don’t know! Just don’t do it again, man. If she’s into you, go for it. Who cares why she offers it up. If she offers it, take it.”

A young Elwood frowned with mild disapproval, then looked out and scanned the sunset and the smoggy Chicago skyline. Jake lit up a cigarette, secure that they would not be seen here on the roof of St. Helen’s Orphanage.

“I’d feel bad. Like the Penguin was waiting outside the door. With that ruler. You know?”

“Fucking Catholic guilt. Get over it, Elwood.”

Elwood shrugged, then sighed at the realization that maybe Jake was right.

“Just take it. And if you feel guilty, just remember to politely say thank you.”

“Yeah. The Penguin would like that...” The two teenage boys laughed, and Jake slapped Elwood on the shoulder in approval. He took another drag, and joined Elwood in his survey of the skyline.

“And don’t forget the power of the sympathy fuck.”

“What?”

“Yeah, man!” Jake said, as if he was divulging the secrets of his trade to his young apprentice.

“Yeah! The sympathy fuck. Those are great. If she feels sorry for you, her legs open automatically. I think they’ve got some kind of remote control in there, or something..”

“Stop shitting me.”

“No! Seriously! She thinks you’re a nice guy who just got screwed by someone? She’s all over that. Your best friend fuck you over? That’s at least second base.”

Elwoods lip curled up into a subtle smile. He didn’t want to break Jake’s rhythm.

“You just got stood up? That’s a sympathy fuck. But if you got stood up by some chick who’s fucking your best friend...? Well, brother, now that is an automatic sympathy fuck. With a blow job thrown in, too. And what’s best, she knows you’re torn up, And it’s gonna take some time to get over it, whatever it is. So she won’t expect you to stick around or call.”

Elwood laughed out loud, shaking his head. His brother amazed him sometimes.

“It’s always about sex with you, ain’t it?”

“What else is there?”

“Cars,” Elwood suggested, eyebrows raised, looking at his brother over the rim of his sunglasses.

“You and your fucking cars.”

“Ok, then. There’s always music...”

Jake was silent. The young apprentice was wise beyond his years. Jake nodded, then smiled back at his brother. Elwood took out his harmonica and made a good attempt to play a few rifts of James Cotton’s Honest I Do. Now the whole neighborhood, even the Penguin, probably knew they were up there. They all might even know what the boys were talking about. But right then, it didn’t matter.

Jake joined in. His voice had just finished the change, and he knew how that improved his singing.

“Don't you know that I love you
Honest I do
I'll never please
No one but you “

Finally, after another rift, Jake missed his cue. He was done singing, so he spoke again, in a serious tone this time.

“You’re gonna need to get over a lot of things if you’re gonna make it in this world, El.”

Elwood thought about it, even though he didn’t want to. He knew what Jake was leading up to. Jake reached over and put his arm around Elwood’s shoulder.

“Listen, man. They’re gonna send me away, before you...”

“Shut up. Don’t say that...”

“Would you just listen to me for a minute. I gotta give you as much advice as I can, before I go.”

“I’ll go with you.” Elwood said, as if the answer was obvious.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Why not?”

“They’d call it kidnapping or something. They’d kick my ass in jail in a second. You want that?”

“No,” Elwood said, sadly.

“Listen, I’m gonna hit 18 before you, right? So you’re gonna have to figure things out on your own for a while. But you just ride it out, and I’ll be out there waiting for you. Don’t worry. I’ll get everything started. But until then, you’re gonna have to take care of yourself for a while.”

Elwood looked down at his shoes.

“Don’t worry. Curtis is here. You’ll be fine. Just gotta stop worrying about other people, you know. Just think of yourself.”

“Can’t help it, you know.”

“Yeah. I know.” Jake understood what Elwood was talking about. Although Elwood was worried about being left at the orphanage alone, but he was even more worried that Jake would need someone to look after him, out there in the real world.

Elwood decided it was time to change the subject, before the lump in his throat made it impossible for him to talk.

“Uh, you think...uh next time...?” He was unsure how to phrase it, but Jake understood, completely.

“Yeah. Don’t hesitate. If she offers, go to it.”

“Sleep with her...”

“No. Don’t sleep.”

Elwood chuckled again.

“Don’t worry about it, man. Just make it work for you,” Jake once told him. “Chicks love that stuff, anyway.”

“What stuff?”

“All that shy guy shit.”

“Right,” Elwood replied skeptically. Jake shrugged, lighting up a new cigarette.

“Yeah. Makes you look sensitive.”

“No kidding? Then why don’t you do it that way.”

“I don’t have to.”

Elwood shoved his older brother with his shoulder, the way that boys often do. It was a way of saying thanks for everything. It was a way to say he loved him. It was a way to say that that deep down, beneath the concerned big brother persona he liked to show, Elwood thought that Jake really was a big prick in a pair of dark sunglasses.

-

Shaking himself from out of his deep memory, Elwood looked at his new lady friend, feeling her skin underneath his. Those rooftop conversations were a long time ago, but even today, Jake was right. Think of yourself. Do what you need to do to survive. And right now, all he needed was to forget about that whole terrible day at the airport, and what she did to him.

“You’re on your own, Elwood,” he thought to himself. But this time he couldn’t just steal a car and go looking for his brother. So instead, Elwood just smiled at the woman who was sharing his hotel room.

Her eyes were sad, asking him what he was really thinking about. But she didn’t need to know that either.

“You want some more?” Elwood asked, pretending to be genuinely interested. She smiled, nodded her head and wiggled up to him.

“What do you think?”she replied, as he pulled her up closer to him, and as she pulled the remaining sheets off herself. He took that as an offer.

So, to forget about Jo, and to honor his brother, he’d comply one more time.

Anything else would be impolite.

-

July 22, 1978

Dear Jo,

I waited at O’Hare forever. If you didn’t want to show up, you should have just told me. Who’s not being honest, now? What the fuck happened?

I guess that god forsaken shit hole you're in is better than me. Sorry you had to learn what a scum bag I really am.

I stole a car for you, just to buy you that fucking ticket. I probably would have done anything for you. And I'd wind up in the joint, probably. But who needs that shit, for some chick who can’t even be honest and show up. So thanks for saving me all that shit.

And I gotta thank you for not turning up. While I was waiting, I met this sweet little thing behind the ticket counter. We’re running off together to California. So don’t bother writing.

Have a great life,

Elwood

-

“Are you still writing to your brother?” she asked, amazed, as she emerged from the bathroom with a towel around her body, and another tied in a turban on top of her head.

“Sure,” he replied, while slumped into the old chair by the lamp.

“What could you possibly say?”

“Telling him about you...” Elwood shrugged and smiled. It seemed harmless enough.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Elwood sat up straight and pretended to read from his paper script.

"Dear Jake. While I was waiting for that bitch, I met a pretty little thing behind the ticket counter. She was...” He was at a loss for words, but he couldn’t delay too long. He said the first thing that came to his mind. “She was like a lighthouse in the storm.”

It was a cheesy line, but she didn’t seem like the type who was hard to impress with words. He looked up at her, and hoped she wouldn’t read too much into it. To his complete and utter dismay, she sat down on the bed, dumbfounded. She smiled back at him.

“That’s beautiful! Do you really mean that?”

“Sure...”

“Do you always write like this?”

“I guess I’m a bit of a poet.” Elwood said, a shy smile growing across his face.

“I guess so. A musician would have to be. What else?” she asked, anxious to hear more.

“Um, yeah. Ok. She’s funny and smart, and really pretty, and I can tell her everything. I’ve only known her a few hours, but she’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Come on... you didn’t write that!” She got up and headed for him, grabbing for the pad with one hand, while holding up her towel in the other. He pulled the pad of paper up and out of her reach, up the air. She grabbed for it, almost climbing on his lap to reach it. That sent him laughing.

“No,” he confessed. “No. I didn’t say that. But I did say you were real pretty.”

She backed off, and sat down on the bed again. Her laugh and smile slowly faded.

“No. Of course you wouldn’t say that. No one ever does.”

Elwood looked at her, a bit confused. “What do you mean?”

“You know, you didn’t have to do all this. You know.” Her voice had changed. She knew he wasn’t writing to Jake. And Elwood knew that, too.

“I know I wasn’t what you expected for tonight. But thanks anyway. Maybe it’s better than both of us being alone.”

Elwood looked at her, a bit in shock. She was cute enough, but he realized that no one wrote songs or poetry about the girl who worked at the airline ticket counter. And probably no one would, ever again.

“What do you mean? It was great! I had a great time...”

She looked down at the floor. Her cheerful face had all of a sudden turned very sad, as if she knew that no one would ever write songs or poetry about her either.

After a moment, he ripped the used papers off the top of the pad, stuffing them clumsily into his pocket. Then he took up his pen again, and started to scribble some words down.

“Hold on... I got it...” he said, looking back and forth at her in between lines. It wasn’t great, but it was something.

Finally, he put his pen down and reached over to his jacket, and pulled a harmonica out of the pocket. He played a few notes, as generic as the names he had called her earlier.

“I met her tonight, while waiting on you, Just as sweet as anything, too"

“Don’t.”

"She made it all better, made me feel right, Without her I’d never have lived through the night"

“Elwood...”

"She needs better than me, the both of you do. But at least I know that her heart is true"

“Please. Stop it.” Her voice cracked, as she started to hold back the tears.

He put the harmonica down, and looked at her across the room. He hoped the song would make her smile. If it was Jake, she’d be in hysterics by now, he imagined. But he was just awkward. And she wasn’t laughing.

She tried to fight back a few tears, and rubbed her eyes. He never realized that maybe she felt the same way he did. He never thought that he could actually be the one giving her a sympathy fuck.

Finally, he got up, sat down next to her, and hugged her. He pulled the towel off her head, and kissed her wet hair. He was a bit frightened for the first time. What had he done?

“Babe... what is your name?” he asked, words muffled in her hair. It was better this way, since there was fear and guilt in his eyes.

She froze in his arms, realizing that he honestly didn’t know. Instead of crying, or pushing him away, she hugged him back, tightly. Instead of an answer, she sobbed in his arms. Finally, she suggested the unthinkable.

“For the rest of the night, why don’t you just call me Josephine."

He was frozen, but he managed to gently push her away, so that he could actually look into her eyes.

"Really..." she added, choking up. "I don’t mind.”

Elwood slowly took off his glasses, to make sure she could really see his face when he said the next few words. It was finally a moment of perfect clarity.

“No. You should mind," he said. "You should. You’re much, much better than that.”

-

-END PART I-

-

Story continues under the title

"FALSE WITNESS"