Title: Wordplay

Disclaimer: Not mine, don’t sue.

Summary: Sam/Dean Wincest. Companion piece to Somersault. Seven drabbles in which Sam defines the world around him. Oneshot. Complete.

Feedback: Is love.

A/N: Another Somersault oneshot, and a Sammy POV on top of that! Glee. I have shameless love for this ‘verse.

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Panic

Sometimes Dean panics. Panic is when Dean’s eyes go all wet and he bends over because he can’t find his breath. It’s when he says: I’m okay, Sammy, and waves me away. If I hug him he makes these noises like a train and pushes me off. Hugs make me better. Panic is when hugs don’t make you better and you get sorry after and say: Sorry, Sammy. Here, come here. Then I can hug Dean all over, once he finds more breath from holding his knees. When Dean panics it means my chest hurts and he thinks about me.

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Sharp

When Dean panics it’s always for me. I try to be good so he won’t be sad anymore, but sometimes I forget and he finds me doing bad things. No, Sammy, no, that’s bad. Don’t touch that. One day he finds me when I’m trying to figure out what this thing in his bag is. He runs up and snatches it and tells me it’s sharp. Don’t touch sharp things, Dean says. How’d I know it’s sharp? I don’t ask, because he looks like he’s having panic. I hold onto his leg and say: Forgive me? Dean breathes and nods.

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Problem

Missouri is nice. She makes cookies with me when I get sad for Dean, even though it’s ‘hard work’. I am always ‘hard work’. I am ‘a problem’ sometimes, but only Dad says I am and that makes Dean get mad. When Dean gets mad I want to scream. Sometimes the scream comes out and Dean sits down with me and says: I’m not mad at you, Sammy. I love you. I say: I know I know but he doesn’t hear me because all the angry in his head means he can’t. Missouri says sometimes Dean is a real hothead.

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Hunting

Hunting is where Dean goes away and even if I cry he won’t take me. He goes with Dad, when Dad doesn’t go on his own. Hunting is scary. I feel scared all the time when Dean is gone and he is scared, too, I can feel it. I don’t know whose scared feeling is whose and it hurts. I shake. Hunting means Dad and Dean go out and come back drinking beer. I’m not allowed to have beer, so I don’t ask after the first few times. I try hard not to forget, even though its hard work, too.

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Drunk

Sometimes Dad drinks beer so much he goes to sleep on the couch and he has dreams about Mom. I know ’cause he feels happy and Mom was beautiful like Dean and Dean makes me happy. When I dream about Dean I get happy and warm all over. Dean only drinks one or two beers and then he stops because he says he has ‘a little problem’. ‘A little problem’ is different from me being a problem. It is when Dean gets ‘drunk’, which means you smell funny and maybe cry. Dean has only had ‘a little problem’ once before.

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Jerks

People say things. Dean says they are jerks. He says other stuff, too, but when I say those he tells me to watch my mouth. Jerk people are the ones who shout things at me when I haven’t said anything to them. I don’t know why. Dean puts his arm around me, tells me not to listen. It makes me so sad when people yell at me for no reason. Dean says: Don’t let it get to you, Sammy. That’s my boy. But I can’t not hear. When I cry Dean says: They’re not worth it. What does that mean?

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Smart

Everyone, even Dad, says I’m smart. I think that means I know things, like lots of things, but I don’t always. I know I love Dean and I know all these words, lots of words, but sometimes I still don’t know how to say things. Dean says I’m learning. Don’t worry, Sammy, you’ll get there. Where is there? Why am I not there now? I don’t understand Dean’s sadness and scared feelings. I feel. I want to know. Dean strokes my hair, kisses my cheek and says to me: You’re so quick, so smart. One day, Sammy, you’ll know everything.

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End

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