A/N: OMgosh, yes, I have updated. It took a while, but hopefully its a decent chapter. Next chapter won't take as long...hopefully. Enjoy.

Oh I had a lot to say

Was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same
Cause everything inside

It never comes out right
and when I see you cry

It makes me want to die

“I’m Sorry.” Buckcherry

Matsumoto was surprisingly easy to find. Well, perhaps he shouldn’t have expected it to be difficult. Matsumoto was a creature of habit, thus she was where she could commonly be found in the bar called Shinji’s. Now, he was problem. For some reason, he couldn’t directly confront her at that moment. Usually he had no problem storming into the bar and dragging a drunken Matsumoto out kicking and screaming. Things were different now, however. He felt he no longer had that right after the things he had done to her. With all in that mind, he grew increasingly uncomfortable. He wasn’t ready. His palms were sweating and his mouth felt extremely dry. He wanted to laugh at his pathetic nerves. He could battle an espada but not talk to his fukutaicho.

For a long time he stood outside the bar, occasionally pacing back and forth in front of the entrance. At times he gained his resolve and made movement to enter the establishment, only to lose it just as quickly and back away. He cursed his own cowardice. Finally, he sighed miserably in defeat. He couldn’t do it. He would just talk to her tomorrow in the office. Perhaps it was for the better anyhow.

Fate, however, seemed to have other plans for as soon as he took a step to shunpo back to his quarters, a busty blonde came stumbling out the door laughing loudly in a way Hitsugaya hadn’t heard in a long while. His actions were instantly halted. She seemed to fail to notice him at first, glancing around as though looking for something…or someone. There was a spike of jealously that welled inside him at the thought. When her eyes did rest on his form, the traces of smile instantly vanished from her lips. Hitsugaya couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed. She visibly tensed and stood more erect.

“Hitsugaya-taicho, is there a problem with the division?”

“No,” he quickly assured her.

“Oh, so what is it?” she inquired, brows drawing into a light frown.

He didn’t immediately reply, so they fell into silence. Hitsugaya resisted the urge to shift around in his nervousness. He came as though ready for battle after his talk with Ukitake, but now that Matsumoto was standing before him all words flew from his mind. Some genius he was. Matsumoto looked as though she was becoming impatient with him. He almost could have laughed at the irony of it. All those times he lost his own patience with her.

“Spar,” the words were rushed out of his mouth and even he was surprised.

Matsumoto apparently shared the feeling as she was looking at his with a perplexed expression.

“Spar? You want to spar?

Hitsugaya was able to gracefully recover his composure with a new idea that formed within his mind.

“Yes.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Matsumoto-fukutaicho, your taicho is commanding you to have a sparring match with him. Should you choose to refuse there could be dire consequences for disobeying an order.”

Matsumoto gaped at him and he could practically see her thoughts above her head. How dare he pull rank out on her? It was the only thing that came to mind, however, and at the moment he was desperate enough to try anything. Taking a step back from her, he put on his sternest expression to project just how serious he was.

“I’ll see you there.”

When he was certain he had gotten his point across, he shunpoed away to their usual training spot leaving Matsumoto looking quite irked and glaring daggers at where he was standing before.

While waiting for his fukutaicho, he began to remove his taicho’s haori. Folding it into a neat square, he gently placed it on a large flat rock. Perhaps if he were to get his adrenaline pumping he would have more courage. Confessions were difficult. Fighting was like an extension of him. He felt her before he saw her. That always seemed to be the case with Matsumoto. She caused the hairs on the back of his neck to stand up in anticipation. Turning around, his eyes fell upon Matsumoto sashaying towards him with a less than pleased look. He hated that that look was for him. He wasn’t used to all of these negative expressions Matsumoto was bestowing upon him now.

“Let’s hurry, Hitsugaya-taicho. I have a date,” she quipped.

Like the cat of her zanpakuto, Matsumoto was one to hold a grudge. Briefly he felt a flash of jealously and wondered who she had a date with. However, he quickly calmed himself. It wouldn’t do him any good if he allowed his temper to get out of hand.

“This won’t take long,” he responded, unsheathing Hyourinmaru.

Matsumoto pulled out Haineko and raised it prepared for battle. Her eyes glittered in anticipation and Hitsugaya couldn’t help but think she was beautiful readying herself for battle. His own eyes flashed and without another word, he lunged towards her. Their swords collided with a clang, singing in the air. Matsumoto twisted out of the lock, crouching low to sweep her sword towards his feet. Hitsugaya jumped on her sword’s blade before flipping back a few feet away. A smirk graced both their features as they took in their worthy opponents. Hitsugaya shunpoed behind Matsumoto bringing his sword down towards her back only to have it blocked as Matsumoto placed her sword behind her to counter his attack. She turned in a graceful manner facing him, pushing him off her sword and swiping at his midsection. They continued like this. Sweat collecting at the tops of their foreheads and breathe coming out in quick pants revealing their hard efforts.

Hitsugaya realized he was wrong before. Matsumoto looked much more beautiful in the throes of battle. Her hair was wild and curled around her face while her cheeks were flushed. How could he have never noticed before? Sure, he knew Matsumoto was attractive but she was much more than that. She was breathtakingly beautiful. So much so that he was caught off guard. Distracted by her, he failed to see her sword thrust towards him until the last moment. He barely managed to pull his sword up to block her blow but couldn’t stop himself from falling to the ground by the force.

Their arms shook in the stress of their collided weapons. He was barely able to withstand the pressure of Matsumoto’s sword using one hand whilst she used two. The steel of her eyes struck the glacier of his. Suddenly he inhaled sharply. Pushing more strength into his sword, he swiped Matsumoto’s zanpakuto away from his face and out of her hands, releasing his own sword as well. They both fell to the ground beside the couple but it went unnoticed as Hitsugaya’s arms wrapped around Matsumoto’s waist causing her to fall from her kneeling position on to his body. His heart was ramming wildly in his chest and it wasn’t from the sparring. Matsumoto’s breath hitched, the fear in her eyes was evident.

“Rangiku…” he murmured her name tenderly, “I’m sorry.”

Their faces were only inches away from each other now. Hitsugaya had never felt as powerful as he did right now with this woman in his arms. He noted with extreme satisfaction that her cheeks were brushed with a pale shade of pink. It was nice seeing it on her face for once and not the other way around. Her quick breaths were warm on his lips and his male pride swell that he could make a woman such as Matsumoto react to him in such a way. Feeling more confident than before, he took a leap and leaned up further closing the gap between their faces.

Gently he brushed his lips against hers. His lids fluttered close over his eyes as he pressed more firmly savoring every precious moment her soft lips provided. Matsumoto’s hands came up to rest on each side of his face and she pushed herself further into him. The electricity between them was enough to cause a lighting storm. He wrapped his arm around her waist tighter as though he was afraid to let go, the other hand traveling up to tangle its fingers into the cascading river that was her hair. He had little experience with kissing, this time being only his third, but he was confident enough he was able to convey forth all emotion he was feeling. At least he was hoping he was able to and Matsumoto could feel it. He broke off their connection to trail hot kisses down her face to her throat where he gently suckled eliciting a moan from Matsumoto’s lips. She ground her pelvis into his own making the effect she had on his body all the more evident.

“Toshirou…Toshi-“she was cut off by another moan.

Hitsugaya released his attention from her neck, briefly noting the red mark he had left, before moving back up to her lips and taking them once more.

Then the beloved moments were snatched away from him along with the warm body that was on top of him. Instantly his lids slid open once more to find the source that had stolen the pleasure from him. Matsumoto was on her feet with Haineko in her hand. He could see her knuckles begin to turn white from the pressure of which she held her zanpakuto. Her other hand was to her lips, obstructing them from view. She looked almost afraid of him and for the life of him he couldn’t understand why. It alarmed him greatly. Quickly, he too took to his feet. The sensual air that had previously covered them now left them alone to the cold of reality resulting in an awkward situation.

Hitsugaya ran a hand through hair, his mind still jumbled from the moment that had occurred mere seconds ago. His mind may have not known what to say, but his tongue began to produce the words with relative ease.

“Rangiku, I want tell you that I-“

“No.”

“What? You don’t even know-“

“Toshi- Hitsugaya-taicho. I know what you’re going to say but I-I’m with Renji now and he doesn’t deserve to be hurt. You had your chance.”

When Hitsugaya heard of a heart being broken, he thought the idea of ridiculous. How could a heart break? One would cease living and the heart wasn’t capable of just breaking into a million pieces. Now he understood that it was possible. He could hear his own heart shattering in his ears like ice smashing against a hard surface. There was an overwhelming sharp pain in his chest and he could swear his lungs weren’t working properly. Matsumoto was looking at him regretfully, unaware that so much more was going on behind his slightly shocked expression. How could she look so distressed when it was she who had brought this upon them? He refused to believe that she no longer held any feeling towards him. Renji or not, he knew that he was not the only one feeling whatever had happened between them. Hitsugaya took a step towards her.

“Ran-“

A hell butterfly interrupted his words. It fluttered innocently above them having no knowledge of what it had just interrupted. Its wings carried it over towards the distraught 10th division taicho who, in response, automatically lifted his hand for the butterfly to land on.

“Attention Hitsugaya-taicho. There is an urgent taicho meeting that requires you presence. Repeat. Attention Hitsugaya-taicho. There is an urgent taicho meeting that requires your presence.”

The voice trailed off and the hell butterfly removed itself from Hitsugaya’s hand leaving taicho and fukutaicho alone once again. Hitsugaya said nothing after receiving the message. In a quick array of moves, he managed to replace his white taicho haori back onto his form as well as Hyourinmaru on his back. Matsumoto stood waiting, seemingly unable to decide whether she should take her leave or not. They stood in discomforted silence for a moment. Finally he cleared his throat in a professional manner before he addressed her.

“You’re dismissed, Matsumoto-fukutaicho.”

He didn’t immediately shunpo away, appearing to be waiting for her to say something, anything, to disillusion the words that he had heard earlier. The words he was hoping for never came and, unable to draw time out anymore, he shunpoed to the taicho’s meeting leaving a trembling Matsumoto alone holding herself,

As the rest of soul society went about the day like ordinary, there were a chosen few whose usual daily activities had been put on hold. Behind large wooden doors into a sizeable room there stood two rows of men and women headed by an older man sitting in a great chair. These were some of the most powerful shinigami in all of soul society. A stiff Hitsugaya stood between the new 9th division taicho, Hisagi Shuuhei, and the 11th division taicho, Zaraki Kenpachi. There had been little change in the group of taichos after the war with Aizen. The most significant changes were the replacements taichos of the 3rd, 5th, and 9th division. Hisagi, despite not having yet accomplished bankai, qualified for taicho of the 9th division when he killed Tousen with the help of Komamura. The 3rd and 5th division taicho seats were offered to Yoruichi and Urahara respectively but both turned it down. Standing between Unohana and Soifon was Madarame Ikkaku, the 3rd division taicho. After it was discovered that Ikkaku had accomplished bankai, he was quickly promoted despite his protests. He was goaded into accepting it by Zaraki. Now the 3rd and 11th division was frequently in competition. Beside Byakuya stood Abarai Renji, no longer Byakuya’s fukutaicho but on equal footing with his former taicho as the 5th division taicho.

Hitsugaya redirected his gaze from Renji to Yamamoto in attempt to curb the anger rising in his chest towards the red head. Matsumoto’s words still rung in his ears so loudly that he had to force himself to listen as Yamamoto spoke.

“Our 12th division resources have informed me that suspicious activity has been going on in an area in Japan. Upon further investigation, it seems that we’ve missed an espada during our war with Aizen. It is not one he created, but could pose as a possible threat all the same. As skillful as you all are, I feel I should be able to send one of you to take care of it before it becomes a problem. Are there any volunteers for this mission?”

A few, Ikkaku, Zaraki, Renji, and himself, stepped forward with intention of taking the mission. They did not expect the shorter man with snow hair to step forward as well. Hitsugaya was eager to have something to do to rid his mind of his current predicament with his fukutaicho. A battle could be the release he needed. Clearing his throat, he bowed slightly in respect towards the 1st division taicho and leader of the Gotei 13.

“With all due respect sir, I have dealt with the espada the most and believe I’ am most capable accomplishing this mission quickly and effectively.”

Zaraki and Ikkaku instantly opened their mouths to protest Hitsugaya’s bold statement. They were silenced by Yamamoto’s open-eyed gaze but were not above glowering at the 10th division taicho. Hitsugaya didn’t falter under the intense looks he was receiving, but was relieved when Yamamoto closed his eyes once more. The 1st division taicho cleared his throat and lightly tapped his cane.

“Very well, have a seated member of the fourth division accompany you. You are all dismissed.”

Hitsugaya nodded in understanding. While he wanted to deal with his issues with Matsumoto, he had his duties as a taicho that needed to be attended too and those came first. The meeting ended and they were dismissed. Hitsugaya briskly exited the meeting room ignoring the dark looks Zaraki and Ikkaku were sending him. He intended to return to his office for a moment when a voice caused him to pause in his steps.

“Hitsugaya-taicho, can I speak with you?”

Hitsugaya subconsciously tensed. Stiffly, he slightly turned to take in the form of Renji. He couldn’t help the light crease in his brow. What did Matsumoto see in him? It was a silly question really. Renji was tall, and he had heard on more than one occasion some of his subordinates exclaiming how handsome and cool Renji was. Admittedly, Renji was also a kind person. Someone Hitsugaya knew would never intentionally hurt Matsumoto. Perhaps that was the reason why he was so angry at Renji. It was like he was everything Hitsugaya wasn’t. With those thoughts in mind, his mood further declined and he involuntarily caused a drop in temperature.

“What is it?”

Renji looked immensely uncomfortable under the cool glare of teal eyes. He laughed nervously and raised his hand to scratch the back of his head.

“There’s not a problem with me involved with Rangiku, is there?”

The taller man must have had a death wish. Granted, he didn’t know that he was having the negative effect on the 10th division taicho but still he should have been able to sense it, right? It seemed that Renji didn’t connect Hitsugaya’s foul mood with because he too wanted to be with Matsumoto, but rather he believed it was work related. There was no other explanation why he was standing before him asking permission to be with his fukutaicho. Hitsugaya bit the inside of his cheek in an attempt to curb his anger. Through gritted teeth he responded.

“Just don’t distract her from her work…”

He didn’t give Renji a chance to reply before he briskly turned and shunpoed away from the area. He didn’t know what he would do if he stood there a moment longer looking at Renji and imagining him with Matsumoto. The thought made him queasy to his stomach, something he had never before had to deal with. He arrived to his office quickly and was much relieved when it was empty, not that he should have expected Matsumoto to be there anyhow.

He summoned a hell butterfly and sent a quick note to the fourth division before he carried himself over to his large desk and sat heavily into his chair. His slumped form was nothing like stiff position he usually held when he sat at his desk. His hand rose and he ran his fingers through his hair with a low sigh. He didn’t know who he was anymore. The confused, anxious, and aggravated person was someone who he did not recognize. Even when he held feelings for Hinamori, he had never acted in such a manner. Now he was completely miserable and he couldn’t help but be a little angry as the thought that it was Matsumoto’s fault that he was like this. That wasn’t fair though, it was his own fault after all for being such a fool.

“Hitsugaya-taicho.”

The voice resounded throughout the room but he barely glanced up at the source. A hell butterfly fluttered above his head lazily with a response from the fourth division. Unohana’s voice cast temporary warmth over the room as she spoke.

“I understand your request. I will send my 4th seat, Yamada Hanataro, with you. Please be kind to him and take care.”

As soon as the voice faded away, a soft knock sounded from his door. Straightening his form, Hitsugaya cleared his throat before calling out to person on the other side of the door.

“Enter.”

Slowly, the door slid open revealing Hanatarou. His body bent over low in respect but one could feel the nervousness radiating off his body. His medical pack was beginning to slide over his head at the position he was in but he refused to look up yet.

“H-Hanatarou Yamada h-here to assistant you Hitsugaya-t-taicho…”

“You can stand erect Hanatarou-san.”

Hanatarou rose slightly, but still kept an awkward posture that made Hitsugaya wonder if it was healthy. He was no medical expert, so he chose not to address it. His sharp eyes raked over Hanataro, making the other visibly uncomfortable. Hitsugaya had to admit he was a bit skeptical but if Hanataro was 4th under Unohana than he had to have a great level of skill. Finally he diverted his gaze, earning a soft sigh of relief from the 4th division member.

“Has Unohana informed you of the mission we have ahead of us, Hanataro-san?”

“Yes, Hitsugaya-t-taicho.”

“Good. We leave immediately then.”

The great tree’s leaves swayed back and forth as the wind ran through its branches like hand through hair. The tree was upon a large hill high enough to oversee much of the Seireitei. This is where a familiar buxom blonde sat. Her legs pulled to her chest and her chin resting on her arms, Matsumoto’s eyes appeared to be taking in the scenery but was in fact focused on nothing. Submerged in deep thought, her mind kept replaying the events that occurred earlier that day. She hadn’t meant for it to happen or for it to go as far as it did.

Along with the immense guilt that weighed heavily on her shoulders, there was also the lingering tingling of her lips that reminded her how good it felt to kiss her captain. That only increased her guilt. She hadn’t been lying when she told Hitsugaya that she was with Renji. That too wasn’t planned, their relationship gradually evolved from the friendship they had. It had just begun and here she was rolling around in the training grounds with her Captain…the captain she still had feelings for. Why did he have to do that? Why did it take him so long? Now it was too late. She couldn’t hurt Renji and what would she look like jumping from guy to guy. It would actually put some truth in those rumors about her.

“Rangiku!”

Matsumoto was brought back to reality with the call of her name. She turned her head towards the voice to see Renji making his way up the hill waving at her with a grin. She couldn’t help but smile in response and lifted her hand to wave back. Renji fell besides her, leaning against the tree with his legs spread out across the grass.

“Renji, what are you doing here?”

“I could ask the same of you! Took me a while to find you, but I just got out of a Captain’s meeting.”

“I was just…thinking,” Matsumoto replied, diverting her eyes from the red-head.

Renji didn’t seem to notice but pressed on.

“About?”

“This cute new outfit I was in the market today. It so rare that we get anything nice, all the variety is in the other world!”

The lie rolled off her tongue easily. She couldn’t say what she was really thinking about. She didn’t even know how to start. Renji rolled his eyes, not understanding a woman’s fascination with clothing.

“I don’t even understand how you can fit any of their clothes.”

That probably wasn’t the best thing to say, even if he didn’t understand a woman’s obsession with clothes.

“Are you saying I’m fat!?”

Renji leaned away from Matsumoto, fear evident on his face at her livid expression at his implication. He attempted to correct himself, raising his hands in front of him in defense.

“No! I just meant you’re rather-“he made a motion on his chest as if shaping breast “- and the tops seem like they’d be small…”

Matsumoto opened her mouth to say something else but the words died on her lips as a hell butterfly fluttered towards her. She raised her hand, allowing it to land on her finger.

“Matsumoto-fukutaicho. From this day you are in charge of the 10th division until your captain, Hitsugaya-taicho, accomplishes the mission assigned to him. That is all.”

Matsumoto’s brows knitted together in a frown as the hell butterfly fluttered off to deliver another message. Once more she turned towards Renji.

“What mission?”

“He didn’t tell you? He has to go exterminate an espada. That’s what the Captain’s meeting was about.”

“What!? And he went alone?”

“Yeah, Yamamoto was sure he could handle it on his own.”

“But why didn’t he tell me? I could have gone along, what is something happens?”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine, Rangiku,” Renji interjected, beginning to appear a bit uncomfortable at Matsumoto’s open display of concern for Hitsugaya. “He’s not a kid.”

Matsumoto paused, noticing the hint of jealousy in Renji’s tone. Again guilt settled itself on her shoulders. Matsumoto swallowed her other words of concern. She laid her hand gently on Renji’s leg and gave him a smile.

“You’re right. I’m sorry Renji.”

However, even as she said these words she couldn’t help the worry from manifesting.