Disclaimer: I still don’t own Final Fantasy. If I did, I would have added Vincent as a mandatory character. And you could have an option to have him be the Galian Beast…. The whole game.

Author Note: Oh my… I got me a review. Not so little bits of me are still rolling on my mental floor in happiness. And I keep watching the hits just stack up. Not bad for the backwater of the backwater of notoriety. Now, let something be known. I have a quasi-beta/first reader. He is my sounding board to check if the logistics of what I have written actually works. The way I do it is by copy and pasting paragraphs into an MSN chat window. Needless to say, this method kinda takes awhile and makes my beta and I a bit irked (that’s if my sarcasm doesn’t reduce us to uselessness). Also, I write this primarily on my hour lunch break every Tuesday and Thursday. It may take awhile for me to update chapters. Add in the fact that my beta and I can’t stop laughing at the things I do to poor Vincent… and we’re looking at about a week per chapter update interval.

zerouzumaki34- Thank you. You earn a cookie and a stack of nice waffles for being my first reviewer. I would totally tell you something cool in Spanish, but I didn’t take that in high school. That idea to express thanks just went riiiiight out the window. So, I’ll stick to the old author stand-by…. hands over a Gaia plushy You are the first recipient of a plushy from me. Congratulations.

My side is still hurting from the laughing I did while planning this. Enjoy.

L-d-L-sama

Raising Gaia

Chapter 1:

Famous Last Words

And so Gaia rose from the heart of the Planet, setting free the Calamity as she graced the Planet with her presence. Ever proud and ever necessary for her rebirth, Gaia disconnected herself from the flow of the Lifestream, determined to make her own way on the Planet. In her folly, Gaia crosses paths with a savage and enraged carnivorous monster. Defenseless and fearing for her immortal body, the Planet’s Heart fled, ungracefully falling from the sky as she made her klutzy retreat. Gaia finally landed at the feet of her nightmare bearer, saved by his timely intervention and a quick shot from the ever faithful Death Penalty. Embarrassed on her behalf, Vincent gave the naked woman his cloak, introducing himself out of sheer politeness. Gaia did not understand at first, and the former Turk was forced to resort to basic charades to make himself known. The naked stranger could not manage to say his name, instead christening him ‘Vinnie’ with her alien tongue. Still polite, even in her primeval misunderstanding of the situation, Gaia bade Vincent hello, saying simply ‘I am Gaia’ in that most ancient of dialects.

To Vincent’s credit, he did not hesitate in categorizing the woman before him as ‘completely helpless and in desperate need of a bodyguard’. Turk instincts sprang to the front of his actions, and for the first time in years Vincent Valentine willingly slipped into the role of the guardian. Unclawed hand reaching out, the ageless man beckoned towards the immortal childlike woman. Gaia was unhesitant as she placed her hand in his, a cheerful smile lighting up her face as Vincent restrained his urge to flinch away from her. A tilt of his head and a tug of her hand were all the warning the former Turk gave Gaia before he started off. His metal tipped boots made surprisingly little sound as Vincent moved, startling the woman. In her shock, Gaia missed a step and went plunging forward. Without saying a word, Vincent caught her gently with his clawed arm, frowning a bit deeper as he scratched the gold tinted skin.

Gaia gave a little mewl of unrest, clutching frantically at the arm Vincent had caught her with. Her other foot slipped as she tried to use it to get her balance back, leaving Gaia hanging on a clawed arm as she braced herself with is other. The brilliant escape she had just finished mere moments ago began to finally take its toll, and Gaia could only hold herself upright for a mere breath. Vincent simply released her, letting the woman fall flat on her rump. Sighing to himself, he went through swift mental calculations. There was no conceivable way that his charge could make it to Nibelheim on her own. Also, it would soon be too dark for a normal person to travel. ‘Gaia’ was clad in a cloak, fatigued, and completely useless. Vincent was more than capable of carrying the slight woman, and still would be able to function with his usual deadly efficiency. Thus, the former Turk and twice over savior of the Planet lowered himself to a knee, back towards his charge and arms reaching towards her. He braced himself, and looked over his shoulder. Gaia had at this point begun to cry softly, pure water spilling from her eyes as she lamented over her sorry state. The rustle of cloth had caused her to look at her temporary bodyguard with liquid Lifestream eyes, head tilting slightly in confusion.

“Get on.” The gruff command was accompanied by a slight ‘come hither’ motion, for Vincent had not forgotten that she could not speak or comprehend his language. What he was not prepared for, however, was to have one hundred and ten pounds of near naked woman leap onto his back and cling to him like an attention starved chocobo after greens. As a result, Vincent staggered a bit as he stood up. Forming a sort of seat with his arms, he made sure to keep as much cloak around Gaia as he could. Ignoring the rest of her condition, he gripped her tightly before setting off in his usual method. Let the reader be forewarned, Vincent Valentine’s chief and most expedient method of transportation is not, in fact, walking. He prefers instead to trust in the modifications Hojo had made to him, and as such has adopted a most unusual pace. Vincent Valentine is what modern man has most affectionately termed as ‘addicted to speeding.’ Thus, he prefers to travel in a method most curiously comparable to a jackrabbit with extraordinary jumping abilities that had somehow managed to ingest twice its body weight in pure unadulterated caffeine.

As such, Vincent leaned forward slightly, pausing briefly to make a few fine adjustments in his grip on Gaia, before setting off. Gaia didn’t even manage to draw a breath before he began, and she tightened her arms around his neck in pure reflex. Stung by the wind pressure that Vincent’s actions were making and highly dizzy by the turns he was making in the air, Gaia pressed her face into the back of his neck and shoulders. Not caring enough to slow down, and somewhat irritated by his current ability to retreat to the infinite dimension contained in his cloak to speed up even further, Vincent simply ignored his charge’s distress and let her go, freeing up his arms. Gaia’s panic had caused her to wrap herself around Vincent like a second skin, or perhaps a particularly annoying type of parasite. Thus, the former Turk was not, in fact, endangering the life of the Planet by releasing her. If anything, the death grip Gaia had on him was more likely to kill him than he was to kill her.

The fiends apparently decided the two looked too disturbing to bother, more like a fellow monstrosity that had run afoul of a cave dwelling flan. The analogy wasn’t far from the truth, and the mismatched pair were able to travel down Mount Nibel with surprising ease. Vincent needed no breaks and, in his own morbid and dreary way, seemed to enjoy his jackrabbit progress. Gaia, on a constant adrenaline high, was more than capable of maintaining her death grip for quite some time. However, the inevitable crash from her high would most likely leave her out for quite a few days, but Vincent knew exactly how hard and for how long he could push his passenger, courtesy of all those delightful days of being a Turk. Vincent and Gaia made it all the way to the base of Mount Nibel in the space of a few hours, their strange appearance and Vincent’s glare having politely dissuaded any attacks on their persons.

Vincent resettled his arms under Gaia, forming a seat for her once more. Feeling her grip loosen and hearing her breath return to a deep and normal pace, he shifted the now sleeping woman in a more comfortable position as he walked into Nibelheim. Ignoring the stares he was receiving, Vincent headed back to his own home, if one could call the creepy mansion that. The former Turk had taken one look at the woman and partially figured out her plight. First, she was naked in the middle of one of the most avoided mountain ranges on the Planet. Second, the only injuries she had were from her eventful roll down the mountain. Third, her overall appearance suggested that she had been well cared for before she ended up in the mountains. Fourth, she didn’t speak a word of the common language, and had the mental acceptance of a child. In short, Vincent Valentine was dealing with a mentally handicapped and abandoned child.

How much trouble could Gaia be?

-------------- Shinra Mansion -----------------

Vincent resisted the urge to return to his coffin to avoid the hassles the stray he had managed to pick up was causing him. He had managed to make it through the front door, wrap Gaia with his cloak, and settle her on the only functional coach in the mansion. And then he had looked around. Two laborious hours later, Vincent Valentine was up to his elbows in grime, scrubbing away at the grungy floor. He had rolled up his sleeves and tied his hair up into a ponytail with his ever present headband, choosing quite wisely to put his most beloved gauntlet away. For lack of any general knowledge on how exactly he was going to make the mansion look decent, Vincent had decided to simply clean it all. Now, Vincent Valentine is what many people have rightfully dubbed as ‘diligent’, and in this diligence he tended to work in the excessive. In short, Vincent somehow managed to make the Shinra Mansion look like someone lived there in a normal fashion.

Gaia, on the other hand, was having the greatest dreams of her immortal life. Half of them were full of visions of flans reenacting the mating rituals of gold chocobos, while the other half managed to be shot through with unnamable people beating the ever living stuffing out of Jenova’s spawn. All in all, Gaia was having a grand old time while she was incapacitated on Vincent’s couch. She only managed to roll onto the floor twice, both times carefully placed back by sudsy arms that she swore to herself belonged to some sort of maid. Gaia slept for three days, and for nearly every single moment of those three days, Vincent Valentine cleaned, repaired, and did maintenance on every aspect of the Shinra Mansion. Local shopkeepers began to expect Vincent to show up and enigmatically ask for nails, cleaner, or some such household item. But this peace was not to last.

On the third day, after Vincent had declared the mansion to be acceptable for the childlike creature on his couch, Gaia woke up with a strangled cry that loosely translated into common tongue as ‘chocobo flans.’ Vincent, having finally dried out and resumed his normal appearance, was off in town running a few errands. So Gaia was left in the treacherous mansion all on her own. Confused and highly fascinated by the mansion’s quaintness, she managed to unravel herself from the mass of cloak that Vincent had left her in, via her antiquated method of falling off the couch and wriggling a bit until she could stand. Uncaring as to her general appearance, the woman padded around on bare feet as she examined her surroundings. Thanks to Vincent’s overzealous cleaning methods, the floor was quite safe for her to walk on, and not a single fiend popped up to attack her.

Thoroughly delighted with the freedom she now had, Gaia took a few moments to enjoy herself. She spun in a circle, arms held wide as her hair and new cloak swirled around her in a bronzed scarlet whirlwind. She was turning, spinning in an orbit not unlike the one her shell took every day. This was her dance, well rehearsed in its ageless simplicity and never-ending complexity. Laughing near hysterically in her mad glee, Gaia finally came to a stop after she had become quite dizzy and sprawled on the dark and dead-smelling floor with suddenly lead weighted limbs. That dance was not hers to dance anymore, and Gaia folded into herself and wept as Lifestream eyes stared at that which was still not sky.

An hour later, Vincent found her in the same place, sleeping face turned up at the same cracked and peeling patch of ceiling, long dried salt crusting in little trails on her delicate cheeks. He bundled her up in his cloak, placing her back on the couch. The former Turk looked down at the woman (who somehow managed to inspire him to think she was a child), a professional scowl marring his face. It would simply not be wise for her to stay with him in the Shinra Mansion in such a state. So, Vincent shook Gaia awake with his gloved hand and dropped a large bag on her stomach with his other. “Put those on.”

And so began a kind of torture that made Vincent beg the mad and frothing inhabitants of his head for euthanasia.

-----One hour later------

“Those… do not go there.” Vincent looked down at the stray he had somehow managed to adopt over the past three days. Finally tired of the girl’s appearance, he had scrounged up a few things from the store. And this was what he got. After hours of telling her the words of what he was handing her, somehow the pair had dissolved to this level of intelligence.

“Pantsu.” Vincent sighed, resisting the urge to smack his head with his hand. “No. Not there.” The girl had, for some inexplicable reason, decided that the pair of practical women’s underwear belonged on top of her head. She smiled sweetly up at Vincent, ever so proud of herself. Vincent sighed, silently thanking the Planet that no one was here to see this particular penance he had somehow brought upon himself.

Then his PHS rang. On sheer reflex, Valentine answered it, deftly flicking it open with a clawed finger. “Talk.” Holding the phone to his ear with his shoulder, he was forced to strip the panties from Gaia’s head, talking while attempting to get the girl to wear the clothing properly. “VINNIE! We’re coming for a visit! ‘Cause ya know we love your vampy self so much and we missed you-“ Vincent stilled, leaving Gaia to her own devices as he listened to the ninja rant for a moment before her PHS was taken from her.

“Valentine. We’ve got a problem.”

Vincent raised an eyebrow, picking up the suppressed panic in the not-quite SOLDIER’s voice. “Strife. What happened?” Gaia finally figured out how to put on the bit of white underwear, tugging at Vincent’s hair until he looked at her. “Kud ed!”

“We’ll explain once we get there. Valentine, is someone there?”

Vincent gave a small smile, patting Gaia on the head in pure reflex. “I’ll explain when you get here.” Not up to the task of explaining the concept of a bra to the childish woman, he simply lifted her arms and began tightly wrapping a rather large quantity of medical tape around her, a trick one of his fellow Turks had taught him. Gaia reached up a hand and pointed at the mobile phone Vincent was holding, head tilting in curiosity. Vincent merely pointed to it, having grown quite used to his new role as a language teacher. “PHS.”

“PHS?” Gaia blinked, catching the strange fabric that was thrown accurately at her face. Lifestream eyes crinkled in amusement as she attempted not to laugh at Vincent’s near frantic attempts to clothe her. Humoring him, she pulled the cloak off and threw it on the coach before attempting to pull on the new bits with her limited knowledge.

“That had better be some good explanation.”

“It will suffice.” Enhanced hearing picking up the din of the Shera’s engines, Vincent flipped the PHS shut and turned his attention back to Gaia. Realizing that it would be a highly disadvantageous move to leave the girl clothed in nothing but medical tape, panties, and his cloak, Vincent dropped the PHS into his pocket and turned back to face Gaia. In her own intelligence, the Planet had managed to dress herself backwards and inside out. Frowning, the former Turk had a slight moment of panic. Quickly estimating the amount of time necessary for the Shera to land and for the members of AVALANCHE to show up at the door, Vincent made a swift decision. He pulled the simple blue tank-top off of Gaia, flipping it around properly before pulling it back down. The black yoga pants took about four minutes to explain, and Vincent ended up having to use charades to explain that the blue patterns went on the outside and in the front. Eventually satisfied with her appearance, Vincent let the girl go do whatever she wanted to.

As Gaia refastened the cloak around herself, the front door to Shinra Mansion opened, and Gaia was left staring at a large and slightly peeved black man…. Whose metal arm was pointed directly at her.

End Author Notes: Ah… that was fun to write. Now why did that take so long? I have no idea. I’ll explain it when I myself understand it. Here’s some nice translations of what Gaia says.

Pantsu – Japanese for panties. If you’re an anime watcher, you get the humor of this. If not… eh…

Kud ed! – ‘Got it!’ in Al Bhed. Told you I’m lazy like that.

Chapter Preview:

For the umpteenth time in his miserable life, Vincent Valentine was having to restrain the urge to pull out his gun and pull the trigger on himself. Faced with a splitting migraine and an eye twitch that he swore to himself was going to become permanent, the shining metal at his hip was looking better and better compared to the onslaught of AVALANCHE.

Cid blew a cloud of smoke at the gunner, leaning on Venus Gospel. “If ye got a damned way outta this vamp, you had better be taking me too. If not, shut up and drink yer damn tea.”

Drop me a review. I crave them like I do sunlight and sugar. Flame me and I will be right snarky of Form

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