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Normal Life
Author: Anyssia
Website: Homepage Link
16/01/2008
Gen/Slash – Xander –
Base Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns them all. But he can share, no :)

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Pathetic much?

Yep, surely. After sometimes, one would think that there would be a limit at how much stereotype one could suffer.

Well, see Xander? Then welcome Suffer Man. Or Cliché Man – even if Suffer Man could be true as well in the "Slayer's personal punching bag" way – but Cliché Man? So of the true.

No really, he really got this one down to the tiniest detail: watch the beers – empty or full, no discrimination – and the porn movies. Lesbian porn movies, of course! And the tissues scattered around the couch. But he wouldn't admit the lube, hidden between the cushions. Anya must have forgotten to take it when she moved out to "experiment with other males specimens and make sure she got that blow job thing totally right". Or maybe Spike.

But Xander wasn't thinking what Spike had done while watching TV on Xander's couch in his parent's basement. – Wanker left a week ago, probably back to his crypt – No mister, he was reviewing the clichéness of his life. See him? Yeah, so totally reviewing, and not thing about Spike and lube.

So, Cliché. Well, when you got the beer, the porn and the tissues, you pretty much got the guy right down to the core. Of course, there were also the dishes. Duh, he couldn't have that one more right: three weeks of dishes scattered around every available surface in the closet size kitchen: check!

Except that the Cliché became far less Cliché and far more Freaky when you happened to stumbled upon the shinny new gay porn that was currently taking residence around the DVD player.

Xander replayed the scene in his mind a few hundred times to find out where he might have found those DVDs, but his brain was still stuck in Freaky land. And the DVD player now displayed a thirty something counter clock in flashy greenish light, and there was absolutely no way that he had been watching kinky gay porn for the last thirty minutes.

There was obviously demonic force at work, because there was no way Xander would have put a gay porn DVD in the DVD player, and there was no way he would be supporting a boner that hadn't been this hard since Anya left while watching kinky gay porn.

Now, the demonic idea wasn't that crazy, what with his whole "demon-magnet" record. Probably some kind of gay bloodsucker trying to lure his victims by rendering them lust crazy with bad porn.

Even if it wasn't that bad.

Mind, in any case, that blond haired guy in the show kind of seemed to like it well enough, what with those noises and grunts and sighs.

Not that Xander was interested. And he probably should call Buffy and warn her about that new sadistic demon.

That last thought all but killed his erection. Degusted, Xander viciously pushed the "off" button of the remote, and barely avoid to throw it right at the telly.

As if the Slayer would be concerned by a demon hunting gay losers. And Xander was perfectly aware that he was making-up one hell of a crazy story. As if he needed more demon hunting nights. All he gained from that was less sleep, more bruises and less chances to keep his crappy job of the week.

Not that he spent that much times these days on patrol. Buffy the Slayer and Willow the Witch weren't that keen to let the frail human risk his life to play the bait.

In fact, he hasn't been around the Magic Box for a few days already. He had called the guys to tell them that his new job – carpenter. And it looked like he might be good at it. Maybe. – was quite tiring.

Which was true. Xander had had almost a full week of completely ordinary life: get up, try to find some clothes er... clean, gulp a bowl of some kind of cereals, and head out to work. Come back in the evening and rinse off the sawdust and sweat in a good hot shower, then drink beer and watch porn. And go to sleep.

Really very normal life. No friends calling at eight in the evening with a new Apocalypse, no gruesome murder from the new nasty in town, no Slayer inviting him and Will to a trip in the cemetery followed by one to the Bronze.

Very quiet.

Very lonely too.

And pathetic: not forgetting the pitiful part where the Xander man got to spend long evening with his old friend his right hand and the remote control in the left one.

Which kind of explained why he was "home" at Saturday night with kinky gay porn playing on screen. Or not.

Shouldn't be playing on screen. When had he kink the DVD player back on and got back to watch a muscular black bugger a blond white man within an inch of his life?

Xander though about it some more, and glowered at his erection which had come back from the dead approximately in the "normal life" part of his mental speech.

He gulped a mouthful of the lukewarm beer lying between two cushions and hesitated about two seconds. Then he sprang to his feet, set the beer safely on the coffee table – two bricks and half a door. Half because the basement wasn't large enough for the entire door – and stripped quickly, throwing his clothes in a pile behind the couch.

Xander went to switch off the lamp and moved back to the couch, settling comfortably in, his legs spread wide, and the faint glow of the television outlining his erection.

He dug a few seconds around to find the lube, put the sound back to normal, and began to fist leisurely his cock, while watching with curiosity and arousal two strangers fuck on TV.

Normal life wasn't that bad after all.

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Anyone wants to beta?