Chapter 8 – enjoy ;0)

Note: This is the final chapter of this story, to be continued in my ‘companion piece’ version of the Season 3 finale … “Saving my soul tonight”. I seriously contemplated just carrying on from here, but the format is slightly different, jumping back into the past to explain the prophecy, the hunters plan, and eventually to the final showdown and how Dean will hurt Sam (grins evilly) - but all those loose ends will be tied up there, I promise ;0)

Thanks as always for the fantabulously awesome reviews, they're always appreciated! ;0)

Warning: Mild Language

Sammy’s POV

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Fear. It’s like a blanket around my soul. It has such a tight hold on me I can hardly breathe. I have no idea how long I’ve been here, in this dark place, but the only person on my mind is Dean … god I need him. I need him to get me out of here, wherever here is. I reach out but there’s nothing, just empty black space and the endless terror that lurks in those dark recesses. I’m too scared to move, I can’t see anything. I call out, hoping to hear something, anything, but deep down I know I’m alone. Can feel it. Please Dean, find me … please. I can’t even chuckle at how silly I sound, I’ve never been so terrified in all my life. I’m alone and Dean’s not with me … this is what hell must be like.

I need to get a grip, need to find a way out of this black pit of despair, but another fear rears it’s ugly head, if Dean’s not here, where is he? I remember a fire … and as the thought enters my mind, fire suddenly surround me, licking at my feet. I almost scramble away until I realize that it's not hot, there’s no heat as I wave my hand cautiously over the orange flames. In my subconscious I know this is just a dream, it’s not real … so I take a steadying breath … the fire quickly dies down. That’s better. There was a fire, Dean was hurt … oh shit … he was dying … a reaper? Panic grips me again and the flames flare up. A reaper was after Dean, I need to get out of here, warn someone, I need to wake up … but I can’t. I watch as the flames dance around me, but it’s the dark figure that comes out of those flames that nearly scares the shit out of me.

“Sammy Winchester.”

The person in front of me is tall, with a long leather coat … he looks like one of those old gunslingers from back in the days of the Wild West.

“Who are you?”

I already know he’s not human, probably a demon, but what the hell does he want with me … am I dead?

“You and your brother are so alike ...”

He chuckles, it’s not a pleasant sound.

“Where’s Dean, what have you done with him? If you’ve hurt him, I’m gonna …”

“You’re going to what Sam? Kill me? Too late for that kiddo! You Winchesters are all the same, so arrogant, thinking you can just kill the likes of me, well let me tell you something kid, many have tried, but I’m still here ... they’re not. I’m not stupid, I have my eye on the prize and I don’t make mistakes!”

His eyes suddenly change into blazing red orbs.

“But I didn’t come here to argue, I just came to give you a warning.”

“What the hell are you talking about, what prize and why are you trying to help me?”

He laughs.

“I’m not trying to help you boy … I just want you to accept … even come to terms with the fact that your brother is going to die, one way or another. Don’t look at me like that, you know deep down that what I’m saying is true. Just wanted to get it through your thick skull, Dean is going to hell … for you … dying in your place. Let him go … it’s what he agreed to, what he’d do again in a blink of an eye … stop trying to save him. Nothings going to save him Sam … nothing … unless …”

My heart is hammering in my chest.

“Unless what?”

He looks me over assessingly … a grin pulling at the corner of his mouth. It’s the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.

“Unless you interfere … but you wouldn’t do that to your brother would you? I mean that would just kill him. He can’t live without you, that would be the worst kind of betrayal you could lay on him … but you Sam, you’re strong, you can live without Dean, carry on with the good fight. Your faith and beliefs will get you through … you still believe in angels don’t you?”

He’s mocking me … I try to take a step forward but a sudden case of vertigo has me swaying … the flames encircling me are bright, but they’re not giving off any light or heat, so I can’t see the floor or ceiling … it’s like those flames are floating in space, trapped in the darkness like me.

“Dean’s not going to die … I’m going to find a way to save him … and I’ll kill every last one you sons of bitches in the process!”

He chuckles again, shaking his head sadly.

“Boy, I do like your spunk … can see why old yella eyes thought you were so special … but I have it on good authority that there’s nothing you can do … unless you take the place that was rightfully yours … but that ain’t going to happen, is it now?”

He’s right … deep down I know … even planned … if I can’t find a way to save Dean, I could never let him take my place. I bend my head, I can’t look this creature in the eye, my voice just barely above a whisper …

“So how do I prevent it, how do I save Dean?”

“I don’t need to tell you Sammy … you already know.”

His laughter follows him as he slowly disappears back into the darkness. But as he disappears so does the memory of our encounter … I’m just left with a heavy burden … fear … and the feeling that there’s something I need to do …

I’m losing my way in the darkness again when I suddenly feel a strange warmth, it starts off small, radiating from my chest, slowly growing, surrounding me like a light … and I can hear Bobby’s voice … it sounds so far away, but I follow the sound until I have the strength to open my weary eyes.

“Sam?”

I look into Bobby’s concerned face, he’s leaning over me, trying to see if I’m awake.

“Bob…by?”

“Yeah kiddo, shit you boys are making me grey … how ya feeling?”

“Tired.”

He chuckles, gently squeezing my shoulder.

“You have a visitor …”

I want to tell him that I really am not up to seeing Mrs. Harris again as I tentatively turn my head, but instead I blink a few times … Dean is lying next to me, so close I can reach over and touch him and tears instantly blur my vision.

I look back at Bobby, scared that I’m hallucinating, but he just nod’s his head.

“Being a detective with friends in high places can be very beneficial.”

He snorts at my confused expression as I turn to look at Dean again. Shit, he looks worse than I imagined. He’s battling to breathe, straining to inhale as air noisily passes in and out of his lungs. He’s breathing way too fast. My happiness at seeing him is instantly replaced with fear … god please don’t let me lose him.

I try to shift, but my body aches in places that shouldn’t be sore. Bobby immediately puts a hand on my chest.

“Sam, don’t try to move, don’t want you to tear your stitches open again … just take it easy for a second while I go call the doc.”

The no-nonsense look in his eyes has me lying still until Doctor Miller has finished her check up, she looks down at me with a pleased expression on her face.

“You’re doing just fine Sam … your stitches aren’t bleeding, there’s no infection, you should be up and about in a few weeks.”

A few weeks? Shit, I don’t have a few weeks. I look at Bobby, he can see the desperation in my eyes, but he gives me that look. The one that says we’ll be out of here before then. I visibly relax.

Doctor Miller pulls Bobby aside, and I strain to hear what they’re saying … if it has something to do with Dean, I want to know.

“Detective, I don’t know how to tell you this, but it seems that a few of our patients have been robbed. We have a security team investigating as we speak … but it looks like they took some of Sam’s personal possessions as well.”

Bobby looks over at me worriedly, he knows I heard. I can’t believe this. SHIT! The wallets, cell phones, fake insurance cards, those can all be replaced … but Dean’s amulet and my watch … those things have serious sentimental value … Shit! Shit! Shit! … Dean is going to be so pissed.

I look over at him again … the oxygen mask and cloth over his eyes are obscuring his face but I can still see a fine sheen of perspiration all over his body. He has a fever. I’m losing him, I can sense it … feels almost as if I’ve just walked into a battle and my opponent is death … while the prize is Dean’s life. But I’m not going to let him go … I refuse to let him die.

I try moving again, turning carefully, lying gingerly on my good side. I reach over, moving slowly until I’m comfortable enough to hold Dean’s wrist firmly in my hand. There’s very little space between our beds as my hand rests on Dean’s mattress. I can feel his heartbeat thrumming unevenly under my fingertips but I need to have that connection between us. I want him to know that I’m here.

“Dean? Hey. Doc tells me … you doing just great.”

I’m lying but I need him to believe that he’s going to be okay.

“Need you to wake up bro. You’re really worrying the shit out of me and Bobby.”

Nothing ... so I resort to bribery.

“If you wake up I’ll sneak in the biggest burger and fries that you can manage … with a side order of onion rings … I won’t even bitch. Besides the food here really sucks, it comes in a packet which they feed directly into your vein, it’s doing nothing for my appetite …”

His face is so still I have to keep checking the rapid rise and fall of his chest to make sure he’s still alive.

“… please Dean.”

I’ve been living with the constant fear that he’s going die … that it’s inevitable, but I don’t want to live in a world without Dean. Ruby said she had a way to possibly get him out of the crossroads deal, but I’m beginning to wander if it wasn’t all just BS.

I can’t reason with Dean either, he just brushes off his fears under a load of smart ass remarks, like his life isn’t worth a damn, and it’s killing me … just as surely as it killed him to see me die in his arms. Even though he tries to hide it, I see it in his eyes daily, it still haunts him. He couldn’t let me go, so how does he expect me to do the same?

“Please Dean … please don’t die.”

Bobby comes over to stand next to me again. I’m so tired, but I just can’t sleep, and Bobby knows it.

“He’s going to be okay Sam … just keep believing that.”

He leaves to get some supplies, but not before he promises me that he’ll follow up on the investigation. I know he’s angry … he becomes like a mother bear with her cubs when it comes to Dean and I. I can only smile as he gently brushes my bangs out of my eyes. He also says that he wants to cleanse our room with a powerful Tibetan incantation, he’s been feeling uneasy, like something evil is watching us, I feel the same way.

I’m rubbing soothing circles on Dean’s wrist. I know it seems stupid but I just can’t let go, it’s like I’m his lifeline and I’m too scared to break our contact. When I do sleep, it’s with my hand on his wrist. I lie awake watching him breathe with my hand on his wrist, rubbing my thumb gently over his erratic pulse. Just that constant motion is calming my own frayed nerves. At some level Dean must be feeling it too, because his breathing seems less strained.

Heat still radiates off him as I watch the nurse sponge him down. His lips are moving, but no sound is coming out. I don’t need to read them to make out what he keeps repeating in his delirium. He’s calling my name over and over again and it brings more tears to my eyes. My strong big brother is still in protector mode, still always looking out for me and worrying. God I love him, I’ve never told him out loud, but he knows … he has to. How am I supposed to live the rest of my life without him? Just the thought leaves me with a cold and aching emptiness. I can’t even begin to imagine what my life will be like without him. He’s more than my brother, he’s my best friend.

“… Sam … my …”

It’s so soft, that I barely hear it but my heart starts racing. I automatically squeeze his wrist again, still held firmly in my hand.

“I’m here Dean, I’m here … just wake up …”

His breathing quickens and I immediately begin to worry … he’s frowning like he's in pain. I look around, but we're alone, nobody's close at hand to help me.

“Dean?”

His breath suddenly hitches as he starts shaking … oh god he’s dying … it’s happening … I try yell for a nurse but suddenly I’m pinned down … can’t move, can’t breathe ... can’t make a sound. I forcefully turn my head to look at Dean with wide eyed horror … god … he’s also pinned down, I can see him battling to inhale against the invisible force holding us. Whatever it is, it’s killing him, it’s killing me.

A dark form flickers out of the corner of my eye … it’s standing between us … it takes the hazy shape of a man, wearing what looks like a long coat. Both his arms are outstretched … one hand on my chest, the other on Deans. Pushing us down. Dean is wheezing, back arching slightly as blood runs down his chin. I try to fight, need to help Dean but my body feels like it’s on fire. Shit, we’re going to die, whatever this thing is it’s going to kill us and I can’t do anything. The instruments next to our beds start beeping in alarm, the neon light overhead flickering … I’m just about to lose consciousness when I hear a strangely familiar voice …

“Today’s your lucky day boys!”

There’s an intense searing pain … I think I black out for a moment … but when I open my eyes again, I’m surrounded by medical staff. I immediately look over at Dean, he’s also surrounded by medical staff. I push myself up …

“DEAN?”

Hands are holding me … I push at them again …

“DEAN? Is he okay? Is he even alive?”

“Sammy?”

I fall back in shock … my body trembling.

“Dean?”

The nurse blocking my view finally moves out the way and I look into my brothers green eyes. Tears immediately start running down my cheeks … I can’t believe what I’m seeing … please, please tell me this is real.

“Sammy … you okay?”

I can see the concern in his face. He’s still pale, his eye’s red rimmed but no longer puffy, the bluish tint has left his lips and his breathing … on his own … no rattling, no coughing, no blood … hell he’s even talking? I stare at him in shock. How is this possible … he was … dying?

“Sammy?”

“Dean … I can’t believe it … what just happened?”

He doesn’t get a chance to answer as he gets wheeled out, they’re taking him down to radiology, they want to run tests. Bobby is suddenly rushing into the room, he looks at me in mirrored shock.

“Sam, what the hell is going on? I just saw the doc … she says Dean woke up and they’re running some tests … apparently he’s just made a miraculous recovery?”

“Bobby … I don’t know … I just don’t know … the last thing I remember was you going out to fetch supplies … everything else is a blank.”

He moves over to me, a frown plastered on his face.

“Something wrong Sam … I just know it … this ain’t natural … whatever just happened has something to do with some seriously powerful evil. I could feel it ... shit! the flickering lights, knew it reminded me of something…"

He gives me a stern look.

"...boy, just tell me you didn’t do anything stupid!”

I know what he’s thinking, but I shake my head. Bobby huffs in relief.

“Shit, this is bad … I mean it’s good that Dean’s alive and well ... but how in hell are we going to explain this?”

“A faith healer?”

Bobby chuckles.

“Smart ass! Just give me a couple of hours, I’ll think of something.”

I don’t know how this happened, or why … but I just can't muster up the will to care … all that matters is that Dean’s alive … I grin.

An hour later they wheel him back in. Dean wasn’t the only one subjected to tests. I’ve been poked and prodded non stop for the last hour. Apparently I’m just as miraculous as Dean. The tear in my spleen has almost completely healed. The doc says at this rate I’ll be up and about in a few days. But Dean’s results have everyone baffled. His lungs show no sign of pneumonia, the burn on his back is healing quicker than normal and there is no damage to his eyes. The optologists says that he’ll be sensitive to light for a while, but he’ll make a full recovery.

Bobby did some research, and apparently every now and then a medical mystery pops up. People who had cancer one day, are suddenly cancer free the next. He says that there are a few isolated cases where doctors just cannot explain medically or otherwise how a patient has suddenly become healthy after being deathly sick. He’s trying to sell this idea to Doctor Miller … she doesn’t seem convinced, but she also can't explain it … so now it has officially become a medical miracle. Doctors and pre-med students have been flocking in and out to see the wonder of Dean and Sam Wayne, while Bobby’s been making plans to get us out of the hospital and into a hotel for the rest of our recovery, before we start attracting any more attention to ourselves.

Dean gets back to his usual self, flirting with the nurses, bitching about the food and even signing a few autographs for some med students. I chuckle … just happy to have him back. He’s eating his second plate of green jello with custard, but I can see the tiredness in his eyes.

“Dean, I think you should get some rest … you look like crap.”

“Right back at ya bro … have you seen yourself in the mirror lately? Your hair looks like one of Tina Turner’s wigs.”

I snort.

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

I watch him slurp the last of the jello straight out of the bowl, wrinkling my nose in disgust. I have to tell him, but I don’t know how, maybe I should just blurt it out. He tiredly slides down to lay back on his pillow, turning slightly to look at me.

“What?”

“Dean … I’ve got some bad new …we were robbed. The hospital security are investigating, but apparently a few people have lost their possessions after being brought into ICU. They say they’ll compensate us … but Dean … it’s your amulet, and my watch.”

“Shit Sammy …”

The flash of sadness in his eyes nearly breaks my heart.

“… have they got any leads?”

“Not yet, but I promise you, we’ll find the sonnavabitch who did this … Bobby’s already investigating this one dude, an orderly, he seems to have disappeared since the investigation started …”

I can see the disappointment in Dean’s face, he loves that amulet … never takes it off he can help it … said it was the best gift he’d ever received, and I know it was mostly because it came from me. I feel the same way about my watch … but I’m determined to find it, I won’t let some asshole take what little we have, take those memories …

We sit in silence for a while, and finally Dean whispers the question I’ve been dreading.

“Sammy, do you have any idea what the hell just happened dude? I mean how did I make a full recovery? According to the doc I was at deaths door.”

He looks over at me, I can see the wariness in his eyes. He’s scared. He thinks I had something to do with it.

“Dean … I promise you … I don’t know … I can’t remember anything. Only that Bobby and I both felt a presence. At first I thought it was a reaper … but why would a reaper give back your life, instead of taking it? Bobby has a few theories, but non of them make any sense. He's pretty convinced it was some kind of demon but if it was something evil, then you and I would be dead right now.”

He nods his head tiredly.

“It strange ya know … I feel great, even though I’m tired as hell … but at the same time I can feel that this is bad … this is so bad Sammy … and there’s going to be consequences, I just know it!”

I reach out again to squeeze his wrist.

He doesn’t pull away, just looks at me in silent despair.

“We’ll find out Dean. Together, we’ll find out what happened and why … and we’ll fix this … I promise!”

“Yeah.”

He sighs tiredly and I watch as his heavy eyelids finally close as he falls asleep. He’s still so exhausted, even though he's just about healed, the ordeal drained him. I’ll let him rest for a couple of hours, then Bobby will take us to the nearest motel where we can regroup and give Dean a couple of extra days to regain his strength. Need to get as many miles away from this place as we can, until Sam and Dean Wayne become a distant memory.

We’ve been given another reprieve, by some unexplainable miracle. I have my brother back, but for how long? And how much more of this crap do we have to take? I can’t live like this but I’ll still endure it, if only to give me one more day with Dean. I’ve finally realized something … I’m going to have to make the difference. I know deep down that neither Bela, Ruby, not even Bobby or Ellen can help … I have to do this … have to convince Dean that he needs to fight, stay alive, I won’t accept anything less. My resolve is suddenly firmer than it’s ever been, strong in the knowledge that Dean’s survival depends solely on me. I’ve been wasting my time with demons and research, prayers and beliefs, it’s got me nowhere … and all this time Dean’s clock has been ticking away. I could kick myself.

I watch his even breaths for a while as he sinks further into sleep. My own eyes are starting to feel heavy.

There’s a darkness surrounding me … fear … I’ve never been so scared in all my life. I don’t know why I suddenly feel like this, but I’m not scared for myself …

I replay all the arguments we’ve had over the last few months. They’re usually about the same thing. Dean said that if I messed with the deal, in any way, I’d just drop down dead. He took it upon himself to be my savior … I didn’t want that, and I can’t accept it … but I know something now … I’ve known it for a while … and it changes everything …

There is no hope … just a life that’s not worth living, a life filled with death and fear. I should be more like Dean … he had the world figured out the day he joined dad on his first hunt. No good can survive … just different levels of evil. Some people kill, others steal, they all just take things they have no right to take. Besides, how can there be any good left, if a man can give up his soul, his life, his hopes and dreams … selflessly … how can there be any good if he's punished by death and hellfire?

I do know something now that changes everything … I shouldn’t be here, wasn’t meant to be here. Like Dean said, "what’s dead should stay dead". I was dead for the better part of a day ... not on life support and no chance of resuscitation … just dead. He would tear me a new one if he could read my mind, and I feel guilty as hell for even thinking it, breaking a promise, breaking his heart … but messing with the natural course of things has only led to death and destruction. I can change things though, change things back to the way they were supposed to be … I won’t let Dean die. I love him too much to resign him to that fate. It will come at a price, one condition, but on my terms … it’s me they’re after, I’m the ‘chosen one’ … the yellow eyed demon’s pet project … and I’ll hand myself over on a silver platter. That day is only a few weeks away and I'll make the most of our time left together. And when it does come, I’ll just ask for one thing in return when I take my brothers place, damning my soul … just one thing … that Dean looses all memory of me. It’s the only way to save him from himself and the soul destroying pain he will feel.

I watch him sleeping until my own eyes finally close in exhaustion. I'm sorry Dean.

My big brother was right, he was always right. I have to face facts, there aren’t any angels, and they won’t save us and neither will prayers... but so help me, I’ll save Dean.

Fin ;0)

To be continued in my version of the Season 3 finale … “Saving my soul tonight”