|The pieces fall off one by one
Author: sadclown18 PM
Who is Lexi Newman and what secrets are hidden behind her sweet sad smile? PLEASE READ AND RESPOND! Please! I know the summary sucks but I think you'll like it. Original cast plus newbies. Adding new chapters!Rated: Fiction T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 19 - Words: 86,322 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 04-06-10 - Published: 01-17-08 - id: 4018061
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I do not own Higher Ground only Lexi and Trent and their families.
A/N: Only a few more chapters left of this story. I hope you guys have enjoyed so far and I hope everyone continues to read and respond. On with the show!
P.S. I decided to make it a week later instead of a few days.
"The Morp is in a few days, so everyone's been getting ready for that," Trent laughed before taking a bite of his food. He looked up at Lexi wondering why she had barely said two words since he came in, "Lex?"
Lexi sat Indian style on her bed, barely aware of the wheezing and beeping the machines around her were making.
"Earth to Carrot-cake," Trent joked waving a hand in front of her face hoping to snap her out of the daze she had fallen into.
"What's shakin?" Lexi asked playfully though her throat was still slightly sore and her mind was somewhat cloudy.
"It's dinner time," Trent said unrolling her silverware for her.
"I'm not really hungry," She said pulling her fragile hair back into a ponytail.
"If you don't eat than I have to leave, Peter's orders," Trent frowned as he placed her silverware on the tray he had brought in five minutes earlier.
"Where is the warden?" Lexi joked letting an angry chuckle escape through her lips.
"He wanted to talk to the Doctor," Trent said softly hating how irritable Lexi had been lately, "Come on you need to eat."
"I will just give me a few more minutes, I feel like I never get to see you," Lexi pouted her mood changing again.
"Lex I've been here for at least an hour everyday for the past week," Trent huffed remembering how she had tried to get out of dinner the night before, "Please?"
Lexi looked over at Trent and forced herself to see past her own exhaustion, "What's wrong Sweet-potato?" Lexi asked noticing the large circles underneath Trent's sad hazel eyes, "You look so tired."
"I'm fine," He said without thinking, his mind replaying the day she had collapsed over and over again, "It's you I'm worried about."
"Not you too," Lexi said clearly frustrated, "Everyone needs to just calm down I feel great!"
"Stop it," Trent said coolly refusing to look over at the skeletal girl. Lexi stared at her hands wishing she had enough courage to just give him and Peter what they wanted.
After what felt like an eternity Trent finally broke the silence that had fallen between them.
"Why didn't I see it?" He asked, his voice full of pain.
Lexi sat for a moment still looking at her hands wishing that she could crawl out of her skin, "Because I didn't want you to."
"I should have seen," He said looking over at her unable to keep his tears in check.
"I wouldn't let you," She said honestly looking over at him, wishing she could somehow stop not only her pain but his as well.
"Lex I'm scared," Trent, whispered glad that Peter wasn't there to seem him crying, "What if you die?"
"I'm not gonna die," Lexi said with shaky confidence, "I've gained five pounds," She smiled weakly as her stomach churned at the thought of her weight gain.
"They've had to tube feed you twice and give you that food in an IV thing more than a few times," Trent said as calmly as he could, "Why aren't you gaining?"
Lexi looked down again giving away her shame and guilt.
Trent waited until he was sure she wasn't going to answer, "I need you to eat."
"I'm not hungry," Lexi said firmly pushing the tray table away.
"Stop lying Lex!" Trent shouted unable to keep his frustration in any longer, "I've heard them all and I'm tired, all they've done is gotten us here, with you in the hospital and me holding on to my sanity and sobriety for dear life!"
"I can't just eat," Lexi said trying not to cry as she realized how much she was hurting not only herself but Trent as well, "It's not that simple."
"It's a start, the doctors said that if you start eating than you can come home," Trent said in a softer tone taking her hand in his, instantly noticing how cold it was.
"Doctors lie," Lexi said with bitterness clear in her voice.
"Why would they do that?" Trent asked confusion clear on his face.
"Because they don't want me to stay in control," Lexi said matter of factly, still refusing to look over at Trent who was now trying desperately to keep his emotions in check.
"Who told you that?" He asked in as calm a voice as he could muster sure that he already knew the answer. He sat and waited for a moment rubbing small circles on the back of her tiny freezing hand before asking again, "Who told you that?"
"Cora," Lexi whispered braving jut a small glance at a now fuming Trent.
"Cora is dead Lex!" Trent yelled louder than he meant to causing Lexi to slightly shrink back from him.
"I know," She said her voice filled with tears as she listened to Trent try and steady his breathing.
"This killed her Lexi," Trent lowered his voice, before adding more firmly, "I don't want this to kill you."
"I know," She said in a tired voice unsure of what else to say.
"This killed her Lex," He said again each word filled with pain.
"You think I don't know that?!" Lexi shouted causing the monitors to go a little haywire as her heartbeat picked up, "Do you think I'm fucking stupid?"
"No but I think what you're doing to yourself is," Trent said wondering if he wasn't the only one with a mood disorder.
"Of course you do," She accused trying to fight away the tiredness and disgust she had been trying to hide from him since day one, "You think you know."
"Look at yourself Lex and then tell me you're not killing yourself," He said finally pulling his hand out of hers, angry with not only himself but Cora and Lexi as well.
"What am I supposed to say Trent? What do you want from me?" She asked looking over at him, her eyes filled with sadness and her words filled with anger.
"I want you to eat," Trent said trying not to blow up on her again. He took a deep breath before looking down at his hands and then back at the deathly thin girl next to him, "Why won't you eat?"
"Because I'm disgusting," Lexi said barely above a whisper, "I'm so nasty, I'm this awful, fat, piece of shit who…" She paused trying to wipe the tears that began falling from her large emerald eyes.
"Who what?" Trent asked hoping they might get passed the lies, "Come on Lex don't shut me out."
They both sat for a minute before Trent spoke again his eyes finding hers. The look in them was a mixture of fear and regret and he had only seen it in her when she thought he might hate her, "I won't leave, whatever it is, I promise."
"I have to stay in control… I have to," She pleaded not wanting him to see her shame.
"Why?" He asked gently not wanting to push her farther than she could handle at the moment, "Why do you have to?"
"Because it's the only time," Lexi paused and painfully swallowed the air not sure if she could tell him what she desperately been trying to say for years through food.
"It's the only time I feel clean," She said wiping away the newly formed tears she hadn't even been aware had started falling.
"Is this about him?" He asked emphasizing the him part of the question.
Lexi looked away and nodded afraid if she spoke he wouldn't be able to hear her through her tears.
Trent sat for a moment before coming around to Lexi's free side and getting on the bed with her and pulling her into a hug.
"Don't," She cried as soon as his arms wrapped around her, "I'm so dirty."
"No," Trent started pulling her tighter as she cried.
"I am, the things I've done… The things he made me do," She cried harder thinking back on her life, "I just want to disappear, I want him to go, I don't want him to be able to find me."
"He's in jail Carrot-cake," Trent soothed rubbing her arm as he held her close, "He can't touch you anymore… Greg can't hurt you."
"But he does," She said through her sobs, "I can feel him all the time, on me, inside me, telling me I'm fat and stupid."
"Lex he will never hurt you again," Trent promised remembering all the times his mom had hurt him and how CPS had promised they were going to help him.
"All I wanted to do was make them happy, but she couldn't love me," Lexi choked out burying herself deeper in Trent's vice like grip.
"She does," He said knowing that Lexi had to be talking about her bitch of a mother, "Just not very well."
Lexi made a sound that Trent could only describe as a half sob half laugh.
"If I don't eat and if I focus on just school or just food than it's almost like I can't feel him, like I'm not so dirty," Lexi said softly through her tears feeling more and more tired.
"You are not dirty! I hate that he made you feel that way," Trent paused for a moment before starting again, "Lexi I need you to trust Peter and the doctors," He said leaning backwards and pulling Lexi until the were both lying down, "You are so beautiful… I just need you to eat."
"I'm scared, Trent," She whispered, "I… I don't want to die, but…"
"But what?" Trent asked as he pushed a piece of her carrot hair out of her face.
"But I don't think I can stop," She cried as she fiddled with his fingers.
"You have to let Peter help," Trent said pulling on her chin so that she had to look at him.
"What if I'm too broken?" She asked feeling both tired and ashamed.
"You're not," Trent smiled a sad smiled as he traced the scar on her cheek, hoping somehow he could help her to see how beautiful she truly was, "I love you Lex."
"I wish I could love me as much as I love you," She said honestly wondering where she'd be at that very moment if she hadn't had Trent and Horizon to keep her going.
"It takes time," Peter said from the door causing Trent and Lexi to jump.
"How much did you here?" Lexi asked too tired to be horribly embarrassed.
"A lot," Peter smiled as the two sat up Trent's arms still wrapped tightly around Lexi's thin shaking frame.
Peter took a seat by the bed and just watched as Lexi got up the nerve to say something.
"I," She started before the tears started again making her head hurt even more, "I don't know what to do."
"I know Lex," Peter said looking over at how broken both of them looked.
Lexi looked down for a moment before squeezing Trent's hand, "I think I might need help," She spat out as quickly as possible afraid that if she thought about it for too long she might not have the courage to say it.
"I can't fix this Lex," Peter said in his fatherly voice as he reached for one of her hands, "But I can help. I talked to your Doctor and he's recommended a treatment facility especially for eating disorders."
"Please don't send me away," Lexi panicked at the thought of having to be away from her home, "I'm sorry Peter… I'll be better."
"Lex this isn't a punishment, this is the only way we can get you help," Peter said making sure Lexi was looking him in the eyes.
"How long?" Lexi asked still terrified he might be trying to get rid of her.
"It depends on how hard you work at getting better," Peter smiled hoping to reassure both of the obviously nervous teens in front of him, "And as soon as you get out you'll come straight back to Horizon."
"Carrot-cake, I need you to get better," Trent said quickly wiping the newly forming tears away from his eyes, "I know it's selfish but I need that and if this place can help than I think you should go."
Lexi sat for a long while just thinking weighing everything that happened before Horizon against everything that had led up to her being in the hospital.
"You think it's best?" She asked softly trying to figure out when she had stopped.
"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't think it could help," Peter said reassuringly.
"When do I leave?" Lexi asked in a tired voice sure that this had to be better than dying.
Trent couldn't help but grin as he kissed Lexi on the forehead not caring that Peter was there, "You'll go?"
Lexi simply nodded before getting the courage to look up at Trent, "I don't want to let him win."
"I'm really proud of you Lex," Peter smiled largely.
"When do I leave?" Lexi asked again.
"I'll go ask the Doctor," Peter said hurrying out of the room before Lexi could change her mind.
"I'm so proud of you," Trent smiled before placing a soft kiss on her cheek.
"I just don't want to be Cora, I don't want to die," She said honestly before yawning, "Can we lay back down?"
Trent nodded as he helped Lexi lay back down on the bed.
"I love you," Trent whispered as Lexi's fought to keep her eyes open.
"I love you too," Lexi yawned before letting sleep take her.
Trent watched as Lexi slept comforted by the beeping and wheezing of the machines that promised that the love of his life was still alive.
Peter returned after awhile to find both teens asleep on the small bed and couldn't help but admire the strength and hope that each clung to, that despise the pain both were in they had left room in their broken hearts for love.