Author: Mysterious Penname PM
“The day Light-kun doesn’t have the need to speak over one hundred thousand words is the day I will eat quietly!” This is a series of drabbles about...well, L and Light annoying each other. Crack, OOCLight, COMPLETERated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Parody - L & Light Y. - Chapters: 64 - Words: 97,988 - Reviews: 2,789 - Favs: 669 - Follows: 243 - Updated: 06-07-08 - Published: 01-19-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4021285
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I disclaim.
A/N: I've read a lot of fics about how much L annoys Light when they're chained together, but not many about L getting annoyed. I figured Light blabbing all the time would piss L off, so here you go.
Light's a bit ditzy in this, but it's for the story's purposes. Work with me.
This takes place when they're handcuffed together and Light's all doe-eyed and adorable instead of a psycho bastard.
L stared at the computer in front of him, eyes wide and glazed and thumb nestled between his lips. He kept his gaze firmly on the screen, worried that… that noise would start up again if he looked away. He couldn't be distracted form his work, not now. Not when they almost had a lead.
But then he realized something truly horrifying: he would have to look over at Light if he wanted the brunette to pass him his cake! And L certainly wanted his cake, there was no doubt about that. But was it worth the pain L would be forced to endure?
Slowly, and with a resigned sigh, L looked over at Light. "Light-kun, may I have my cake?"
Light looked over, his large caramel eyes shining over at L. "Sure," he said, passing L the treat.
L snatched it from Light's grasp and turned back to the computer, but it was too late; it had started.
"I still don't know why you eat so much sugar. You're complexion is all messed up because of it, and I don't want to know how many cavities you have in that mouth of yours! You should eat some vegetables, or have some protein in your diet! Honestly, I don't know how you can stand cramming junk into your body all day long! I have a healthy diet. As you can see, all of the food groups are represented with the proper servings every day…"
L's problem was that Light liked to talk. A lot. And every time L would glance at him after a prolonged period of silence, the teen would take it as an invitation to chat with L like they were old chums, or nag L like they were an old married couple. Chatting and nagging were two things that L did not feel comfortable with, and therefore he became annoyed when Light talked.
But he didn't want to anger Light, or hurt him, so L kept his feelings to himself.
"…And maybe of you could get even an hour of sleep at night, you wouldn't have those massive bags under your eyes!"
"Light-kun!"I have to stop him!
Light blinked, a bit peeved at being interrupted. "Yes?"
"Will Light-kun please read the file I just sent to him?" L asked, hastily sending a random file to his companion. "It is of utmost importance to the case."
Light huffed and turned back to his computer, opening the file and skimming it. "Ryuuzaki."
"This is a file on how to bake a cake."
"…That is correct."
"This is of importance to the case?"
"Light-kun needs to read the file and examine it carefully," L replied, shoving a gummy into his mouth. He knew it didn't make any sense, but he would do anything at this point to sit in silence for a time period longer then five minutes.
He got his wish. For the next seven minutes, there was complete silence in the room. He reveled in it until Light decided to talk about something new.
"You know, that outfit Misa had on yesterday really was hideous. It looked like a bunch of spiders were trying to devour her! And she told me that my outfit was ugly! Psh! I had everything perfectly coordinated, don't you think? My belt matched my shoes, and…"
At this point, L tuned out and tried to concentrate on his computer, but Light's voice was like thunder next to him.
L nodded and found that he was gripping his keyboard very tightly, his knuckles turning white from the pressure. Then he devised a plan! If he could get Light to eat, then his mouth would be full, and with the teen's impeccable manners, he would never talk with food in his mouth!
I'm not the world's top three detectives for nothing!
"Would Light-kun like something to eat? I could call Watari up, and Light-kun could have whatever he wants," L offered, keeping his tone low to prevent showing his excitement.
"Hmm." Light narrowed his eyes, like he always did when he was thinking deeply about something. "No thanks."
"Nothing at all?!" L exclaimed, looking very intense, and Light scooted back a bit.
"Ryuuzaki, is there a reason you want me to eat? Have I lost weight?" Light looked down at himself, smoothing his shirt down to scrutinize his stomach. "I think I've gained all my weight back since my confinement, don't you? I mean, I've always been a bit on the thin side, but never skinny. Maybe I could eat more, but I don't really like to stuff my face like you do. And I certainly don't want to gain weight! It all packs on around my stomach. When I was eleven.."
Dear God, I just made it worse! He's gone off on another tangent!
Eventually, that rant stopped and L got to treat himself to a few more minutes of silence. Grinning a little, L grabbed another gummy and happily chewed on it, eyes lighting up at the sugar hitting his taste buds. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Light turn his head toward him and he steeled himself for another tirade.
"Ah, Ryuuzaki…I've been meaning to talk to you about something…"
"What is it?" What more could he possibly find to talk about?
"It's just…when you eat, Ryuuzaki. Those gummies make such a loud 'smack' noise and it's very distracting. If you could be a little quieter, I'd appreciate it," Light said, smiling brightly and turning back to his work.
L paused mid-chew and slowly turned his head to face Light, eyes bugging out and fists clenching. He gnashed his teeth together and let out a little growl.
Light looked back over at L. "L…I didn't mean to offend you…I just need silence to work effectively, is all," he said tentatively.
"Light-kun…needs…silence?" L ground out.
"Does Light-kun have any idea how much he talks?! Day in and day out, he's always nagging me or bitching about some inane thing, and he tells me to be quiet?!" L snapped. "The day Light-kun doesn't have the need to speak over one hundred thousand words is the day I will eat quietly!"
L whirled around back to his computer, and Light turned back to his.
"I don't talk a lot, do I? If I talked a lot, I think I'd notice. Like this one time, back when I was nine…"
L banged his head against his desk.