Dr. Burns…the Fifth and Final entry Finally….

“Oh that is a beauty.” D.J. had to admit it. “Are you sure you can pull it off though?”

Gracie rolled her eyes. “Remember who you’re talking to here.”

Jake nodded along. “And besides, the two of us with a little help from you is a combination that never fails.”

“Never say never.”

“Oh my God, stop being such a Daniel Downer. It’s irritating beyond the much.” Gracie grumbled.

Suddenly footsteps coming down the hall alerted all three kids to impending doom. Jacob grabbed Gracie by her arm and practically threw here out the window, but seeing as he was trying to get out at the same time, they got stuck. The two ended up hitting each other like cats until a knock at the door scared them back to reality and in two quick leaps they were out the window just as Daniel came in the door.

“Were you talking to somebody?” He asked as he came in with a curious push of his glasses up his nose.

“No.” D.J. shook his head a little more than he should have to be convincing. Daniel just raised his chin, looked around and slowly backed out of the room.

“It would be a lot easier if we didn’t have to hack out of the school computer system to hack into the other one.” Gracie grumbled.

“If it’s too hard, I can do it.” Jake offered.

Gracie glared back.

“Are you two arguing already?” D.J. inquired from behind them. Both twins jumped and turned on him.

“What part of ‘watch the door’ did you not understand?” Jake barked in a harsh whisper. The three had tucked themselves away in one of the computer labs in the back of the school library. The task at hand would have been much easier if the twins had not lost their computer privileges at home. When offering his own P.C. for help, D.J. was reminded that he didn’t have a secure enough connection for what they were going to do, or in other words, he’d get them caught.

“Geez. Sorry.” D.J. mock apologized. “Wouldn’t it be easier just to route out through a separate connection by hacking into the main administration system?”

Grace’s chin dropped as she looked back with wide eyes. Her catatonically sardonic stare never left him as Jake chuckled and reached over her to the keyboard, quickly accessing their way out.

“Score one for the Jackson team.” D.J. bragged on his way back to his lookout post.

Over his shoulder, the boy could hear arguing over which steps to take. The twins had tried to explain why this was a good idea, this two wave attack against Dr. Burns, but he still wasn’t exactly sure what good the beginning steps were going to be.

“Why can’t you just hit delete?”

“Because it doesn’t delete it.”

“Then why does it say 'delete'?”

“To confuse idiots like you perhaps?”

“I don’t care if you are a girl, I will deck you.”

“Oh bring it on…”

“GUYS!” D.J. was always having to break them up. He felt like the middle child, the mediator, the tug toy between two often ferocious…Chihuahuas.

“She started it.”

“Just do it!” D.J. growled from out of sight. A triumphant grin was beginning to spread on Jake’s face as he watched his sister work. But it was soon squashed when he heard an all too familiar voice in its younger form.

“Do what?” Impossible.

“Dr. Burns! What are you doing down here…in the library…right this minute…” D.J. was faltering all too quickly. Gracie’s fingers were moving across the keys at record speed as she quickly inquired of her brother. “You did take down the security camera feed on this floor didn’t you?”

Jake looked sheepish. “Woops.”

Dr. Burns walked in just in time to see the twin sister smack the back of the twin brother’s head.

“I’m afraid that’s going to be detention, Ms. O’Neill.”

“What for, Dr. Burns?” She smiled with sweet false intentions at the man and then a look of death at D.J. who was mouthing an apology over his shoulder.

“For hitting. I don’t care if you are blood related.”

“But Dr. Burns, I was just paying him back.”

“For what may I ask?”

“He kicked me in the face.”

“Oh for goodness sake…that doesn’t count.” Jake argued.

“Mom saw you do it!”

Dr. Burns looked aghast. “Your mother saw you kick your sister in the face?”

“On an ultrasound! You were hogging the rather limited space of her uterus!” Jake protested. Someone obviously held a grudge.

Dr. Burns moved in closer to see what was going on at the computer. He seemed smugly satisfied about something, and had the three kids not been up to something rather devious, they may have realized it was not about catching them up to something, but rather a precursor to what was coming. “What are you two doing back here, and with a lookout no less?”

The twins began to shake in their sneakers. Burns moved in closer to the desktop station where Gracie had not quite exited her master plan. Without much else to go on, she uttered out. “Jake, don’t push me!”

“Wha…” Jake was befuddled when out of nowhere he was shoved against the desk area. Out of instinct, he quickly shoved her back, and the girl landed against the P.C., knocking the power cord lose just before Dr. Burns could take one click and find the formerly encrypted and no longer secure records they had been tampering with.

“That’s it. Both of you have detention. And you know what? Mr. Jackson, you can join them.”

“For what?!” D.J. screeched.

“Guilty by association.” And with that, Dr. Burns walked off rather proud of himself.

“Did you guys get it done?” D.J. asked when he was sure Dr. Burns was gone.

He received two devious smiles in return.

“Why do I have to fix the television?” Jack asked for the third time.

“Because you were the one who left the cameras working so that he knew we were in there.”

“Still worked didn’t it?”

Gracie shrugged. “We’ll know tomorrow.” She replied before flipping through a magazine. Her brother meanwhile reconnected the cable system that was supposed to be out of order so they could not use it while their parents were gone, an ongoing source of grounding.

“Okay. We have liftoff.” Jake crawled out from the entertainment center and plopped on the couch. “Still find it hard to believe they left us without supervision.”

“All the supervision they had is with them. I told you, this plan is perfect. Them leaving tonight means the meeting is still on tomorrow…which means…Dr. Burns is going to suffer…insert evil laughter…here.”

“Mwu Ha Ha.” Jake offered.

About an hour into the movie, a strange noise from upstairs made Jake pause it. “Did you hear that?” With a concerned glance, Gracie nodded in agreement. She too had heard the sound.

“Why don’t you go check it out?” Jake suggested.

Gracie cocked her head to the side. “You said you heard it first. You check it out.”

Jake shook his head. “Go get my bat.” Gracie shook her head as she quietly maneuvered her way to the entrance hall where her brother unceremoniously dumped his sports equipment. She took a detour through the kitchen and met him at the bottom of the stairs.

“Here.” She whispered, handing him the bat. In her other hand she readied a meat cleaver.

Jake’s eyes grew wide. “That’s it. No more horror movies for you.”

She stuck her tongue out but the arguing was cut short when their attention was drawn to the sound once more. Further inspection upstairs however, proved nothing was there. That didn’t stop them from continuing the movie with the sound off and a steady ear, and occasional eye towards the stairs.

The late hour called quite literally on the phone. Sam told them to go ahead to bed, reminding them that they had class in the morning, and that she and Jack would probably be some time more, that preparations were taking a while longer than they had thought for the meeting the following day.

A light bickering over whether or not they had been caught ended with the conclusion that they would be in trouble by now if that were the case, and both twins headed to their beds. They were asleep for no more than an hour, though into the early A.M.s, when they both were awakened by a sound. Jake met Gracie as she came out her door with a bit of a shock at his presence.

Their twin connection that no one understood helped them maneuver without ever speaking a word in the direction of the sound which was now coming from downstairs. Nicky had his bat, and his sister had picked up a hockey stick on the way.

The downstairs floor was dark, save for the light off the street. But there was a definite rumaging and a ragged and deep heaving breathing sound coming from the very room where they had been previously watching television. Holding onto her hockey stick, and with a nod from Jake, Gracie reached out and turned the light on. To their horror, they were not alone. In the middle of the room, staring right at them, was something they should not have seen. In fact, no one should have ever seen something like this anywhere but a bad science fiction movie.

They both screamed, dropped their weapons, and flew up the stairwell with a werewolf right on their tails. Beating it up the stairs, they ran into their parent’s room, locked the door, and flew under the bed.

A blood curdling howl could be heard from the hallway as the animal searched them out. Jake held his hand over Gracie’s mouth as her teeth began to sink in. Her breathing was too loud though and he realized that his own was probably enough for them to be noticed. Then they heard the sniffing at the door. The beast had been at least seven feet tall, closer to eight. It’s muscles ripped under it’s thin grey skin and light layer of fur. The yellowed teeth were several inches each. Had either needed to pee…they would have done so by now.

The beast took one more, very long, very satisfied sniff under the door and cut it’s breath short. It had found them. Both twins were trembling. The phone began to ring, and its sudden piercing of the air sent both of their heads into the bed frame. The beast howled at the door with a sound that surely would carry for miles.

Then, as they were on the verge of tears, the door began to tremble. It was actually trying to use the door, slowly turning the locked knob. Their breathing quickened. The door jiggled, and then, the door that should have been locked clicked and opened.

There in the door way, the twins could see two feet, clothed in tennis shoes. Both looked at each other quietly. There was no way that the thing they saw was wearing tennis shoes. Having been looking towards each other, neither saw the animal’s face appear, staring at them from under the dust ruffle at the foot of the bed. The two screamed and belted out on opposite sides.

The were met with laughter which left them both stunned as they had jumped on top of the bed to jump away from the werewolf beast. There he was, Dr. Burns, laughing at them in their own house as they stood on their parents’ bed that they had just seconds ago been hiding under. They looked down to see the werewolf, paused in a crouch. Suddenly a rainbow effect washed over it, and it winked out of existence. Dr. burns grinned an evil grin and waved a control in front of them in one hand, and pushed the button of another control in the other. The device let out a hideous howl.

“What the hell is the matter with you!?” The two screamed in unison. Their wide eyes made Dr. Burns laugh once more as he turned and walked away.

When they had collected themselves, they followed him downstairs. What they found there was even more of a shock. Jack and Sam were standing with equally satisfied grins on their faces.

“Let this be a lesson to both of you.” Dr. Burns warned before stepping back into line and letting Jack and Sam get one more good look at the frazzled faces before them. “Don’t mess with the big boys.” And with that he left.

Jack and Sam giggled before being berated by protests of their involvement with the hologram from hell. When the phone rang again, they found out that D.J. had been trying to warn them that a giant predator alien had tried to eat his brains only an hour before.

The next day, in A.P. physics, the back row held three weary faces with bloodshot eyes and disheveled hair. It was obvious that none of them had slept the night before. But what was also obvious, was that for some reason they had opted not to miss class despite this fact. Some would later argue that they were in fact the first ones in their seats, and the least surprised with the events that followed.

Dr. Burns was a few minutes past the bell when they heard him arguing his way down the hall with one of the administration over being late for a speeding ticket that he should not have gotten. The second voice left as the three in the back were all looking at their watches intently.

Gracie O’Neill closed her eyes with pleasure and grinned. She didn’t get a chance to open them though because her brother’s hand quickly shot over them mere milliseconds after the door opened, but she was allowed to see soon enough.

The class was in an uproar. And in the middle of it, flushed red with embarrassment, was an obviously shirtless, and by the reaction of the rest of the class, pantless Dr. Burns hiding behind the front desk, desperately trying to put on a lab coat. “Class…dismissed!” He fumbled with the words as he fumbled with the ties of the too small child sized lab garment. “OUT!!!!” He hollered, and the class quickly left the room, save for three students who took their time gathering their belongs and slowly walking by the desk, each with a single phrase to leave with him after Jake dropped off a note.

“Woof…”

“Woof…”

“Live long and prosper…”

The note read..."Let the games begin."

Sam was staring down at the Saturday School notices in her hands. “Explain to me one more time how you managed to pull this one off?”

“Okay…first of all, he wasn’t supposed to be totally naked…secondly we knew about you guys having that meeting onboard the new flagship with those important alien folks since you run the facility and since Dad, and then Vala were on SG-1 all those years…” Jake started.

Gracie picked up. “So we hacked into the system, via some rather easy to reach homeworld security sites I might add, and manipulated the locator that was left in Dad’s clone…a.k.a. Dr. Burns, so that when you all were beamed aboard this morning, he would be temporarily beamed as well. But it had to be at the same time you guys were beamed because those systems are not accessible, we’ve tried be…never mind.”

Jake took over. “He was beamed just long enough to leave something behind, which was one of the other modifications we had to make. The transport was to maneuver him less than a few feet away from where he was so that he wouldn’t notice he had been beamed out. However, only organic forms were to be returned.”

“Organic?” Sam squinted at the two of them.

“Well…yeah, like cotton…look mom, the guy wears poly-blend. That’s not natural…but something like say…cotton boxers like Dad wears would be.”

“Guess we figured they were still a lot alike.” Jake interjected.

“Dr. Burns is not like your father in his…underwear preference?” Sam giggled.

“Oh…he likes organic…”

“Don’t tell me…”

“Yep.” Gracie nodded.

Jake leaned back with his hands behind his head. “Commando.”

-----The End ----

A/N: Yay! Two stories finished in the same week! My one and only comedy piece, however it may not be THAT funny I know lol. It was still fun to write. As I’ve said on my profile, I’m retiring from fanfic writing for a while, but I’m trying to finish all of my stories if I can before I start back to school in mid-August. So look for regular updates, or at least completions of the stories I have not finished yet. Thanks for reading!!!!!!!! Please review, and if you have the time, please take my survey poll on my profile.

THANKS FOR READING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!